Don’t know why I bother to teach French to you guys but, oh well.
Pats/Cards-Both Brady and Gronk are out of this one so we’ll only hear about them 40% of the time. Yay! Cards hc Arians is 11-2 against the AFC. If the Pats win the division championship, guess who I’m cheering for? (perhaps I’m getting a wee bit ahead of myself) Arizona’s O looks like world-beaters. Rb’s Johnson and Johnson are above average and so is the wr trio of Fitz, Brown and Floyd. The D is solid and cb Peterson can take out your #1 receiver. The Pats start the season 0-1? Let the showerfreud* begin!
*some German word I may have misspelled
Pat Tillman didnt die for this! Nor for Bush Jr and for that cunt Cheney.
Pat Tillman didnt die for this! Nor for Bush Jr and for that cunt Cheney.
Pat Tillman died because he was stupid.
Pat Tillman didnt die for this! Nor for Bush Jr and for that cunt Cheney.
feejay doster
How much Patriots cum can Collinwworth swallow?
Al of it!
Pat Patriot is a sexy beast, to be fair.
Oh give me a home where Garapollo roam and the sky’s not cloudy all day …
Who is going to bring me gummi bears to go with this scotch?
Had I not just started watching Archer, in 2016, at the age of 40, that reference would have gone right over my head
milcolm matchell
http://www-tc.pbs.org/food/wp-content/blogs.dir/2/files/2015/01/PBS-GBBS-Luis-Two-Mixer-Text.gif
That’s not how you bake God….I have a really good recipe
Is there wine and crackers?
and cheese!
Sold!
Cookie recipe
People I love: my children, my best friend, my wife, you guys.
Be good and love each other
yes, I am drunk
me too
gonna sleep in my garage tonight
http://img.wonkette.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/shocked-shocked-gif.gif
http://funnyasduck.net/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/funny-dog-licking-cat-love-you-animated-gif-pics.gif
That’s not a haiku, silly!
But you can’t return an email foar shit.
I’ll just have to have all teh hookers to meself apparently.
Patriots are going 4-0 without Brady aren’t they?
Yes, though on the plus side it’s a good non-sequitur argument if you’re talking to a Trump supporter.
You need to not talk . Ever.
“And now we go to political correspondent Chris Berman”
“Welcome to Political Priiiiiime Tiiiime! Tonight, Donald Trump and his hairline go back, back, back, back….. Hillary’s rumblin’, bumblin’, stumblin’ to the finish line… and nobody circles the wagons like the Buffalo Gary Johnson!”
I guess Gary Johnson is like the Bills, in that he can’t win the big one, he can’t decide how far right to go, and he is high as fuck.
And most of his supporters will be found dead at Superfund sites after next Thursday.
You forget about Jill Stein.
That makes sense, actually.
“Antivax, vax, vax, vax… GONE!”
The Cards know this week’s for real, right?
Sean Payton with the thousand yard stare… Jesus…
I had no idea Sean Payton looked so much like a presidential assassin
gimme jaroppalo
Kristen Bell is fugly cunt. It’s her beady eyes and willing to fuck Dax to makes her gross.
I will kill you where you stand.
But yeah, fucking Dax is a mark in column B fo’ sho’.
Spur conveys my sentiments precisely. She’s an uggo.
Is it any wonder why I hate you so much?
But… But… But… I’m fucking adorable!
You overestimate that factor regularly. Just saying.
http://www.bytheway.tv/wp-content/uploads/2008/04/041908_kristinbelltalent.jpg
Bless your pea-pickin’ heart.
Easy on the gratuitous use of most ladies’ least favorite word.
Also, you’re fucking wrong.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j4Zd-jIFioA
I feel like the entire movie was building up towards that amazing line. And invading Iraq, but mostly calling him a cunt.
I would be ashamed to let Janine Garaffalo get that far downfield without laying a hand on her.
Pretty sure I’d let a sweaty, hairy Garrofalo run across a field unabated.
I have such a crush on her I am embarrassed to mention it
I need like 3 pick sixes from the Pats D to stay competitive. I feel like Carson Palmer can get me there.
Nah, it ain’t January yet
Minnesota D put up 21 points today. It’s like the defense is a QB!
http://i.imgur.com/Pyv41UH.gif
This is such good pizza. It’s the best NY style pizza I’ve found in Chicago. I don’t hate cracker crust, but I like to have options for my thin crust pizza needs.
Considering Sharkbait and I are the only Pats fans in the house and I am too drunk to stand let alone form coherent thoughts, my only contribution to the second-half commentary will be spoonerizing various things I hear in the broadcast
Happy opening Sunday! Also, I appreciate that we actually have not horrible Pats fans on here.
They’re the only two on the planet, as far as I’ve seen
Is it true, that if Trump becomes President, Goodell will join his cabinet as the director of the Ministry of Evil?
/dick joke
Actually, Department of *ahem* Justice
http://66.media.tumblr.com/399355549f817efda5e55ce788ee169a/tumblr_nz5tjldKvu1ro2eneo1_r3_500.gif
I took the miles. I’m saving up for a kickass trip next year. I’ll have enough Thankyou Points to fly Singapore Air suites class one direction, then I’ll fly back through Taipei and Bangkok and Fukuoka on EVA business class, Thai air with a free hour long massage in the first class lounge, and ANA first class. I will be pampered as all hell.
The hustle is strong with this one.
Fukuoka
No, fuck you.
/checks map
Never mind.
http://chicago.barstoolsports.com/files/2013/05/JuliaLouisDr_J__McCart_13917580_480x480.jpg
MILF in the purest sense.
Matt Lauer can suck it
The only thing that would’ve made that Goodell interview **better** is if he were interviewed by both Lauer and Meredith Vieira at the same time.
Matt Lauer interviewing Goodell. Yeah. That’ll be GREAAAAAAAAAAAT journalism and not embarrassing at all.
http://static.wixstatic.com/media/5352e4_ac83e81a06d54c0881f628e68d02bf6e.gif
You fucker
http://media.galaxant.com/000/106/429/8.gif
She seems nice. But her grip is going to put rounds all over the target.
Cam would hate this interview if he could remember it.
probably prefer them white lady boobs above ,, amirite??
Lauer, realizing he works for nbc, decides to go Brian Williams but without lying.
Lauer interviews Goodell…seriously.
well, we know he can silently blink through bullshit – PERFECT
This. Interview. Is. Fascinating.
Oh! It’s a bunch of extra miles or a $125 flight voucher! Also my pizza just got here!
Everything’s coming up Zymm!
That’s actually the exact phrase I was thinking. HOW DO YOU FIT IN MY BRAIN?!
Something like this!
http://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/t_original/19e044yem88ftgif.gif
Isn’t Horatio more likely to fit inside there?
God, Right Above it gets me so hype
Fuck HBO. Watch You’re the Worst on FX. Oh no, wait…it’s TVMA so you can’t.
http://www.reactiongifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/tee-hee.gif
So is Ballers. There’s even titties in it!
Also, Pornhub is a bit more than TVMA
I’m telling your mom. Also, is your mom hot perchance?
She used to be like 250 and now she’s like 220. So a lot of fat and loose skin
Hey! What’s that supposed to mean! (also comment on 9/11 at 9:11, nice)
Watching Ballers instead of the halftime show right now. You should too! It’s on HBO
In her bloodstream or the condoms she swallowed?
Yes
I bet you Miley Cyrus has enough cocaine in her system to kill two Chris Farley’s
Chris Farley had enough alcohol in his system to kill at least to kill medium size asian families
Dammit. Reply ended up in the wrong place.
“In her bloodstream or the condoms she swallowed?”
Goddammit.
both
Lady Sif is hot but hates fanboys So fuck her “we” made you cunt.
Why is Eddie Lacy working out? He should be eating chicken wings so he can bulk up a bit
Hm…apparently United is going to give me some sort of free gift to make up for cancelling my flight. I bet it’s a keychain.
Luggage tag?
If you’re lucky!
A voucher for free pretzels.
I dunno if I’ve ever been this drunk on opening weekend ever.
(Side note: I am still in the garage.)
Hillary Clinton has pneumonia
Sure…that’s what she wants us to think…
Damn, I was hoping it was something she couldn’t recover from.
T Wills sucks and fuck Bill Simmons!
“Coach Arians, what do you need to do in the second half?”
“Honestly, Michele, I told these motherfuckers before the game to be more like Spinoza and less like Sartre! I’ll be happy if these assholes are worthy of Heidegger after this half!
More Ethics, less Being and Time!”
Maybe someday Cris can achieve his dream of being made airtight by Brady and Manningbot.
Wait that hasn’t already happened?
Not really Brady’s thing.
The Honeybadger looks tired. Poor honeybadger.
Wombats are the new honeybadgers, but no one is nicknamed wombat yet.
http://images.performgroup.com/di/library/sporting_news/d0/59/wambach-abby121615-getty-ftrjpg_1ui6kzizmo47n18bqj6n6er23l.jpg?t=-1413119255
It wasn’t a good joke anyways. Glad it failed.
Then what are the new wombats? May I nominate ninja panda?
seems legit
I have learned from this thread that “BSDM Hamsters” would make a fine FF team name, especially if in a league with Richard Gere.
I hope you noticed how I let that go without comment.
smgdh
Oh, what was the derp level on the giant cow game? Is the NFC East still gawdaful?
Very high, very bad
Oh, the ending.
oh, you missed it. on last play, Terrence Williams had a clear path to run out of bounds and give Bailey a shot at a 61-yard FG to win. And he cut it inside to get 1 more yard and the clock ran out.
Yes, but there is one game left to decide the derp-victor.
Bad touch from a 69?
/tries to make joke, drinks instead
I was assured that David Johnson would have 20 fantasy points by now
on the plus side, I should have lovely waivers priority
Holding #69… nice.
http://i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/450/154/820.jpeg
does ANYONE at the pro level get called for tripping but these dickasses?
Not since Mark Schlereth retired
The guy with the nickname “Stink” because he would piss himself during the game to gain what he thought to be an advantage in teh trenches…