Your Monday Night Football Double-Header Open Thread

[feels a bit icky making a baseball-related reference]

Damn, I like this 7:10 (eastern) starting time. Sometimes my extraordinarily strict post-work beer, scotch, cider, wine and martini regimen catches up to me and the world starts spinning and the games (yes, the games) lose their focus and I have to find out the score the following morning. This way I’m guaranteed to be coherent all the way into the third quarter of the first tilt. Enough about me-TO THE GAMES!

Steelers/Redacted’s-I feel as though Pittsburgh without the services of rb Bell and wr’s Bryant and Wheaton is a team playing with one arm tied behind their back but it won’t make much difference in the end. I think it has a lot to do with not being able to judge the prospects of Washington objectively because Dan Snyder has come to be the embodiment of a number of shitbags I deal with in my work setting. [takes a deep breath] Everyone is yakking about the Norman/Brown showdown but doesn’t the former play just one half of the field? I’m sure Brown will get moved around a bit and they will cross paths but I think it’s cb Breeland (with help from Hall?) that does the heavy lifting. It’ll be a tiny bit interesting to see who among Coates, Heyward-Bey and Rogers gets the majority of catches. Cousins’ pursuit of a long-term deal would benefit from a home win here.

Rams/Niners-As hc Kelly prepares for the game Jim Tomsula (“we hardly knew ya”) prepares for the coming hobopocalypse. A wasteland of discarded bindles and can-openers awaits mankind-he’ll be the first to tell you! STAY AWAY FROM THE SWITCHYARDS, PEOPLE! The game? Gurley runs roughshod on the Niners and qb’s Keenum(what?) and Gabbert(who?) try their damnedest to keep their combined giveaways below 7. Fantasy-wise, if Hyde goes for 35+ I may just squeak out a not-earned victory.

There she be. Now…LET’S WATCH THE SHIT OUT OF THIS!

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I can’t tell if I actually like Jay Cutler or if it’s just my inner contrarian liking him so I can separate myself from the meatballs.

Spur

It’s been awhile since I heard that Phantom Planet song.

Kungjitsu

I think I’m the only person in the world that likes GEICO commercials. Not the lizard, I mean Ice-T at a lemonade stand.

Glorious Chairman Dan

nah the Water-T commercial is good, I like it

Sharkbait

No, the Ice-T one is amusing.

theeWeeBabySeamus

LMFAO

Sep

Dayum DeAngelo

Horatio Cornblower

Ice-T is one hard-ass motherfucker when it comes to selling lemonade.

Spur

RG3 would have sold his body for the 1 extra yard, get injured, and still not get the 1st down.

Kungjitsu

He’d have gotten the 1st down, shattered every bone in his spine, and fumbled.

Glorious Chairman Dan

Should’ve punted. Send in the fourth-string and get this abortion over with already.

Luckily our next opponent, a fellow mediocre NFCLeast team, is much more our speed. Unlike a team that can win things.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

No. I need the Steelers to put up some more insurance points via DeAngelo Williams so I don’t lose by a single tenth of a point.

Glorious Chairman Dan

fantasy is irrelevant, but you’re in luck

JustStopDude

How was that not unnecessary roughness on the receiver? He is wrapped up by three Steelers, the play is being whistled dead repeatedly, and he is already out of bounds, and he gets thrown down.

Horatio Cornblower

“The only good [*Redacted] s fans are sad [*Redacted] s fans.”
Gen. Phil Sheridan, possibly

theeWeeBabySeamus

Can Cousins kick? Because the Stillers would never be expecting that here.

Spur

Does Shazier not have eyebrows?

Sill Bimmons

Doesn’t look like it.

WCS

He’s got that disorder where he can’t grow hair.

Sill Bimmons

Alopecia.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I have a similar but opposite problem.

makeitsnowondem

Gentlemen.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Liar

Sill Bimmons

Undead Groundhog.

Spur

yo

Old School Zero

Damn you!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Da fuq just happened?
– NFL Officials

Spur

YOU LIKE THAT! Washington!

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

C’mon Desean – 10 yards to my 100 yard bonus! Make my night worthwhile!

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

WELP

theeWeeBabySeamus

You know what I want to say right now. Right?
I mean, so badly.
But I won’t. Probably.

Sill Bimmons

WEIRD

WCS

MAYBE

Doktor Zymm

I think for the next [*Redacted] s game that I have to half ignore for my own sanity I’ll feature green Chartreuse.

...

Next Monday night is my shitty team that we can half ignore! Weee!!

theeWeeBabySeamus

DeAngelo Williams….
Hair still looks like strawberry gummi worms.
Mad props for being able to pull that shit off.

Doktor Zymm

Once upon a time, long, long ago, the NFC East was a dominant division and there were SEVEN types of Pimms.
comment image

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I like the new NFC East that is terrible, still gets every game on TV and embarrass themselves

Beastmode Ate My Baby

A Henry Pym:

comment image

Sill Bimmons

Sadly, only No. 1 remains.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Remember when they were cute and not rage inducing?
http://media4.popsugar-assets.com/files/thumbor/e26Wkt4MrWPe9vWd738B8NyAtWI/fit-in/1024×1024/filters:format_auto-!!-:strip_icc-!!-/2013/06/12/870/n/1922398/97fcde023c2474c5_tumblr_m64l5noIks1rvbafdo1_500/i/Ultimate-Defense.gif

Horatio Cornblower

There was never a time that the Olsons weren’t rage-inducing. Nothing about ‘Full Puke’ was anything but rage-inducing.

Doktor Zymm

No.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

…and there goes the fantasy game that I came into tonight with a 23 point lead.

FUCK!

Old School Zero

Todd Gurley is my only hope to beat make it snow.

/drinks

Glorious Chairman Dan

On to Dallas. This game is over. Thanks [*Redacted] s for making waking up for work tomorrow that much shittier.

...

When I first read this, I thought you had said “wake up for tomorrow on the shitter” which would make for a pretty awful day in its own right.

Glorious Chairman Dan

I’m far too sober for that. Unfortunately.

Spur

Hi Everybody!

Go disgusting piss ants Steelers!

I feel so gross typing that.

Horatio Cornblower

I haven’t seen [*Redacted] s give up like that since Chief Joseph got cut off before the Canadian border.

Redshirt

WTF Indigenous Persons?!

Doktor Zymm

Someone didn’t totally think out the names of these appetizers before publishing…
http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2013/11/29/article-2515510-19B7045700000578-106_964x684.jpg

herodotus450

I had a Celery Dream last night

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Dirty talk!

herodotus450

Whenever I try to make Surprise Pancakes with a girl I end up with fewer Shrimp Thrills and more Brazil Cheesebites. And one time a Double-decker Glory in the toilet.

WCS

DeAngelo Williams > you

Sill Bimmons

DEDOWN WOO

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Jumbotron is seizure inducing.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Textbook personal foul for taunting there, not called. Glad to see the refs just being terrible for calls on either team now.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Fuck the Redacteds

Glorious Chairman Dan

don’t worry, we can do that ourselves

Glorious Chairman Dan

remember when josh norman would make our defense good? lol, GCD remembers

theeWeeBabySeamus

Breaking news: Fuck David Price

Beastmode Ate My Baby

No idea who that is, but sure! Fuck that guy!

Sill Bimmons

He pitchballs in the basingball.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Aha! That explains my utter, deplorable ignorance.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Pitcher for the Red Sox…used to be in TB. I begged Baltimore GM to sign him as a free agent. But NOOOOOO. Fucking over my O’s tonight.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“YES, THAT IS WHAT I AM TRYING TO FIND OUT, FUCK DAVID PRICE.”

– Aaron Rodgers, making a query over a bad cellphone connection.

LemonJello

“Just how old is he?”

-J. Sandusky

Horatio Cornblower

Easy there Gruden; the last guy to say “don’t take your eyes off the [*Redacted] was George Custer, and I think we all know how that worked out.”

Sill Bimmons

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If you’re on Twitter and aren’t following this guy, you ought to: https://twitter.com/onlxn

Sill Bimmons

Bitchin’ cat in his banner photo.

...

Because of that guy, I know referred to Chris Christie as “Hole” on first reference in all situations.

makeitsnowondem

That dude is my solace in an ever more terrible election season. His show, Superstore, is good too.

Sharkbait

You’re blowing my mind right now.

Horatio Cornblower

I really think the [*Redacted] s should start communicating with smoke signals, the way their ancestors did.

Doktor Zymm

Careful, that’s how so many Steelers got suspended

theeWeeBabySeamus

Nicely played Dok. Seriously. Very well done.

Sharkbait

Would never work. The signals would get lost in the smoke from this dumpster fire.

Glorious Chairman Dan

Comrades Davis and Thompson are valorously advancing the cause of the Chairman! The capitalist-wrecker fascist steelworkers will not succeed!

Can I apply to be an NFL special teams coach? The qualifications can’t be that stringent based off of the quality of play from this week.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I honestly thought Vernon Davis retired/no one would hire him. Nice catch there and nice TD from whoever on the next play.

Sharkbait

You’ve inspired me to make one now.

Doktor Zymm

They’re really tasty. I might try to do Pimms slushies this weekend.

Sill Bimmons

Pimm’s liqueur itself is by far the worst part of a Pimm’s Cup.

http://royal-meeting.flywheelsites.com/http://brooklynsupper.net/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/pimms-cup.jpg

...

That’s too fancy for me. I’m not a fancy boy.

Sharkbait

Delay of game on an extra point?

herodotus450

Did Vernon Davis just put on a dark red jersey and go, “eh, good enough”?

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Tackling motherfuckers! Can you do it?

Sill Bimmons

Plenty of time for Stiller defense to gack this up.

See?

Doktor Zymm

Damn, that was a nice run.

Doktor Zymm

9-24 is next Saturday. It’s a coded message! What’s going down next Saturday?!

litre_cola

I am going to see Swedish punk band Millencollin, does that help?

Doktor Zymm

Hmm…maybe, maybe….I’ll think on it

Sep

I’m jealous

...
Redshirt

I start my new job next week, so I might be homeless on the street begging for food?

Sep

whoa Whoa WHOA! CAN’T SLEEP BERMAN WILL EAT ME!

Sill Bimmons

THIS GUY WILLIAM GAY I CALL HIM RANDALL GAY BECAUSE I DON’T KNOW HIS NAME

herodotus450

Imnotta?

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