[feels a bit icky making a baseball-related reference]
Damn, I like this 7:10 (eastern) starting time. Sometimes my extraordinarily strict post-work beer, scotch, cider, wine and martini regimen catches up to me and the world starts spinning and the games (yes, the games) lose their focus and I have to find out the score the following morning. This way I’m guaranteed to be coherent all the way into the third quarter of the first tilt. Enough about me-TO THE GAMES!
Steelers/Redacted’s-I feel as though Pittsburgh without the services of rb Bell and wr’s Bryant and Wheaton is a team playing with one arm tied behind their back but it won’t make much difference in the end. I think it has a lot to do with not being able to judge the prospects of Washington objectively because Dan Snyder has come to be the embodiment of a number of shitbags I deal with in my work setting. [takes a deep breath] Everyone is yakking about the Norman/Brown showdown but doesn’t the former play just one half of the field? I’m sure Brown will get moved around a bit and they will cross paths but I think it’s cb Breeland (with help from Hall?) that does the heavy lifting. It’ll be a tiny bit interesting to see who among Coates, Heyward-Bey and Rogers gets the majority of catches. Cousins’ pursuit of a long-term deal would benefit from a home win here.
Rams/Niners-As hc Kelly prepares for the game Jim Tomsula (“we hardly knew ya”) prepares for the coming hobopocalypse. A wasteland of discarded bindles and can-openers awaits mankind-he’ll be the first to tell you! STAY AWAY FROM THE SWITCHYARDS, PEOPLE! The game? Gurley runs roughshod on the Niners and qb’s Keenum(what?) and Gabbert(who?) try their damnedest to keep their combined giveaways below 7. Fantasy-wise, if Hyde goes for 35+ I may just squeak out a not-earned victory.
There she be. Now…LET’S WATCH THE SHIT OUT OF THIS!
I can’t tell if I actually like Jay Cutler or if it’s just my inner contrarian liking him so I can separate myself from the meatballs.
Mmmm…meatballs…
http://foodnetwork.sndimg.com/content/dam/images/food/fullset/2009/2/23/1/LR0202-4_Excellent-Meatballs_s4x3.jpg
It’s been awhile since I heard that Phantom Planet song.
I think I’m the only person in the world that likes GEICO commercials. Not the lizard, I mean Ice-T at a lemonade stand.
nah the Water-T commercial is good, I like it
No, the Ice-T one is amusing.
http://i.onionstatic.com/avclub/5541/72/16×9/960.jpg
LMFAO
Dayum DeAngelo
Ice-T is one hard-ass motherfucker when it comes to selling lemonade.
RG3 would have sold his body for the 1 extra yard, get injured, and still not get the 1st down.
He’d have gotten the 1st down, shattered every bone in his spine, and fumbled.
Should’ve punted. Send in the fourth-string and get this abortion over with already.
Luckily our next opponent, a fellow mediocre NFCLeast team, is much more our speed. Unlike a team that can win things.
No. I need the Steelers to put up some more insurance points via DeAngelo Williams so I don’t lose by a single tenth of a point.
fantasy is irrelevant, but you’re in luck
…and so begins Steelers Week.
http://gifrific.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/Jack-Donaghy-Pouring-Alcohol-Loop-30-Rock.gif
How was that not unnecessary roughness on the receiver? He is wrapped up by three Steelers, the play is being whistled dead repeatedly, and he is already out of bounds, and he gets thrown down.
“The only good [*Redacted] s fans are sad [*Redacted] s fans.”
Gen. Phil Sheridan, possibly
Can Cousins kick? Because the Stillers would never be expecting that here.
Does Shazier not have eyebrows?
Doesn’t look like it.
He’s got that disorder where he can’t grow hair.
Alopecia.
I have a similar but opposite problem.
Gentlemen.
Liar
Undead Groundhog.
yo
Damn you!
Da fuq just happened?
– NFL Officials
YOU LIKE THAT! Washington!
C’mon Desean – 10 yards to my 100 yard bonus! Make my night worthwhile!
WELP
You know what I want to say right now. Right?
I mean, so badly.
But I won’t. Probably.
WEIRD
MAYBE
I think for the next [*Redacted] s game that I have to half ignore for my own sanity I’ll feature green Chartreuse.
Next Monday night is my shitty team that we can half ignore! Weee!!
DeAngelo Williams….
Hair still looks like strawberry gummi worms.
Mad props for being able to pull that shit off.
Once upon a time, long, long ago, the NFC East was a dominant division and there were SEVEN types of Pimms.
I like the new NFC East that is terrible, still gets every game on TV and embarrass themselves
A Henry Pym:
Sadly, only No. 1 remains.
Remember when they were cute and not rage inducing?
http://media4.popsugar-assets.com/files/thumbor/e26Wkt4MrWPe9vWd738B8NyAtWI/fit-in/1024×1024/filters:format_auto-!!-:strip_icc-!!-/2013/06/12/870/n/1922398/97fcde023c2474c5_tumblr_m64l5noIks1rvbafdo1_500/i/Ultimate-Defense.gif
There was never a time that the Olsons weren’t rage-inducing. Nothing about ‘Full Puke’ was anything but rage-inducing.
No.
…and there goes the fantasy game that I came into tonight with a 23 point lead.
FUCK!
Todd Gurley is my only hope to beat make it snow.
/drinks
On to Dallas. This game is over. Thanks [*Redacted] s for making waking up for work tomorrow that much shittier.
When I first read this, I thought you had said “wake up for tomorrow on the shitter” which would make for a pretty awful day in its own right.
I’m far too sober for that. Unfortunately.
Hi Everybody!
Go disgusting piss ants Steelers!
I feel so gross typing that.
I haven’t seen [*Redacted] s give up like that since Chief Joseph got cut off before the Canadian border.
WTF Indigenous Persons?!
Someone didn’t totally think out the names of these appetizers before publishing…
http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2013/11/29/article-2515510-19B7045700000578-106_964x684.jpg
I had a Celery Dream last night
Dirty talk!
Whenever I try to make Surprise Pancakes with a girl I end up with fewer Shrimp Thrills and more Brazil Cheesebites. And one time a Double-decker Glory in the toilet.
DeAngelo Williams > you
DEDOWN WOO
Jumbotron is seizure inducing.
Textbook personal foul for taunting there, not called. Glad to see the refs just being terrible for calls on either team now.
Fuck the Redacteds
don’t worry, we can do that ourselves
remember when josh norman would make our defense good? lol, GCD remembers
Breaking news: Fuck David Price
No idea who that is, but sure! Fuck that guy!
He pitchballs in the basingball.
Aha! That explains my utter, deplorable ignorance.
Pitcher for the Red Sox…used to be in TB. I begged Baltimore GM to sign him as a free agent. But NOOOOOO. Fucking over my O’s tonight.
“YES, THAT IS WHAT I AM TRYING TO FIND OUT, FUCK DAVID PRICE.”
– Aaron Rodgers, making a query over a bad cellphone connection.
“Just how old is he?”
-J. Sandusky
Easy there Gruden; the last guy to say “don’t take your eyes off the [*Redacted] was George Custer, and I think we all know how that worked out.”
If you’re on Twitter and aren’t following this guy, you ought to: https://twitter.com/onlxn
Bitchin’ cat in his banner photo.
Because of that guy, I know referred to Chris Christie as “Hole” on first reference in all situations.
That dude is my solace in an ever more terrible election season. His show, Superstore, is good too.
GENIUS
http://www.shutterbean.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/pimscuppopsicles-011.jpg
You’re blowing my mind right now.
I really think the [*Redacted] s should start communicating with smoke signals, the way their ancestors did.
Careful, that’s how so many Steelers got suspended
Nicely played Dok. Seriously. Very well done.
Would never work. The signals would get lost in the smoke from this dumpster fire.
Comrades Davis and Thompson are valorously advancing the cause of the Chairman! The capitalist-wrecker fascist steelworkers will not succeed!
Can I apply to be an NFL special teams coach? The qualifications can’t be that stringent based off of the quality of play from this week.
I honestly thought Vernon Davis retired/no one would hire him. Nice catch there and nice TD from whoever on the next play.
Pip pip cheerio!
http://files.shandymedia.com/styles/page/s3/images/photos/thesavory/p18lof1m4911q3f8v1prlvm011q84.png
You’ve inspired me to make one now.
They’re really tasty. I might try to do Pimms slushies this weekend.
Pimm’s liqueur itself is by far the worst part of a Pimm’s Cup.
http://royal-meeting.flywheelsites.com/http://brooklynsupper.net/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/pimms-cup.jpg
That’s too fancy for me. I’m not a fancy boy.
Delay of game on an extra point?
Did Vernon Davis just put on a dark red jersey and go, “eh, good enough”?
Tackling motherfuckers! Can you do it?
http://vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/adventuretimewithfinnandjake/images/8/8c/Nope.gif
Plenty of time for Stiller defense to gack this up.
See?
Damn, that was a nice run.
9-24 is next Saturday. It’s a coded message! What’s going down next Saturday?!
I am going to see Swedish punk band Millencollin, does that help?
Hmm…maybe, maybe….I’ll think on it
I’m jealous
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5_Ta0oXRtxo
I start my new job next week, so I might be homeless on the street begging for food?
whoa Whoa WHOA! CAN’T SLEEP BERMAN WILL EAT ME!
THIS GUY WILLIAM GAY I CALL HIM RANDALL GAY BECAUSE I DON’T KNOW HIS NAME
Imnotta?