Your “Don’t Do What Donny Don’t Does” Tuesday Evening Open Thread

(Banner pic via)

NFL News:

  • Reports of dissension within the Giants ranks. Eli called out Odell Beckham in the post-game presser, and ODJ is saying the refs are holding him to a different standard, based on the personal foul calls.

 “I just have to understand if I sneeze the wrong way, it will be a flag,” he said. “It will be a fine. If I tie my shoes the wrong way, it might be a fine or a flag. It is what it is. You have to understand that. As tough as it is to understand that for a 23-year-old who has been blessed with a lot that God has given to me — an amazing amount of ability and amazing amount of everything — it seems like it’s all working against you. (ESPN)

  • WON'T SOMEBODY BEAT THE WHIZ?!
    NOBODY BEATS THE WHIZ!

    Rumblings out of San Diego have Mike McCoy as the potential first fire-e of the NFL season. The only thing holding the Spanos family back, outside of their general incompetence, is that the immediate replacement from within is Ken Whisenhunt.

    • FYI: the Chargers have lost 15 of their last 20 games.
  • The Cowboys are now down La’el Collins as well, following news he is going on IR due to toe surgery. No update on Dez.
  • Bruce Arians is hopeful Carson Palmer will be able to play Thursday night versus the 49ers. Not helping matters is that Chris Johnson and Tyvon Branch have been placed on IR.
    • I think he’d be more worried if NaVorro Bowman was still eligible, but he broke again.
  • Antonio Cromartie has been released by the Colts. First paternity results from Marion County Public Health should be reported in May.
  • Ornithologists rejoice – A.J. Hawk has been signed by the Falcons. Hopefully, his first game is called by Ian Eagle.

Finally, Cam Newton is being sued for damage done to a Beverly Hills rental property he used during the 2016 off-season. According to TMZ Sports, the lawsuit calls for the reigning NFL MVP to pay $270,324.47 plus legal fees for damage ($90,324.47) and lost rent ($180,000).

My favourite part of the TMZ report is the pseudo-racial language they imply, saying things like “Cam responded by telling the housekeeper to quit diming him out”. It’s not TIME blackening O.J.’s mugshot, but it’s on the road to it.

The home is owned by a guy named Jared Pobre, who is married to former WWE performer Stacy Keibler. So I think you know where I’m going with this info.


GODDAMMIT!!!
GODDAMMIT!!!

It’s a topic that divides sports fans: Which sports month is the best month? The question is once again at the forefront because today marks the start of the baseball playoffs with the Wildcard play-in game. Honestly, my money has always been on October, because of what you get:

  • start of NHL season (October 12)
  • the second quarter of the NFL season
  • baseball playoffs
  • start of NBA season (October 25)

It’s mostly due to the amount of hope involved. I’d put April second, because of hockey & basketball playoffs & the start of baseball, and January third, due to the NFL playoffs and college bowls, plus the NHL Outdoor games.

Which look like fun.

 

February & March are at the bottom, redeemed only by the Super Bowl (February) and March Madness.

DISCUSS!


If you want to give the trivia centre of your brain a challenge, it’s Jeopardy Contestant Testing Week. There’s three test dates & times:

 

  • Tuesday, October 4 – 8:00 ET
  • Wednesday, October 5 – 9:00 ET / 8:00 CT
  • Thursday, October 6 – 11:00 ET / 8:00 PT

Sign up here. Take the test with millions. Feel the shame of ignorance alone.


Tonight’s sports:

  • MLB Playoff: Orioles at Blue Jays – 8:00 PM | TBS/Sportsnet
  • Preseason:
    • NHL:
      • Sabres vs. Hurricanes – 7:00 PM | NBCSN
    • NBA:
      • Knicks at Rockets – 8:00 PM | ESPN
      • Clippers at Warriors – 10:30 PM | ESPN
  • WWE SmackDown – 8:00 PM | USA/Sportsnet360

For your alternative viewing ‘pleasure’, there’s the Vice-Presidential debate from Longwood University in Farmville, Virginia. That possibly-informative-but-probably-unwatchable event runs from 9:00 – 10:30 ET.

Conversely, you could watch Kristen Bell on “Conan”.

I THINK I KNOW THE AUDIENCE!

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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theeWeeBabySeamus

This game is gonna go extras. I just know it. My liver can’t take this.

Redshirt

Time to bring in a pint of ice cream to close out this game.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m turning this debate off. It’s just too irritating. Summer’s command to Rick here is basically the same command I’m giving to myself: Rikki, go home and drink.

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Redshirt

Yeah, what shitty fanbase throws things at players on the field?

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m genuinely curious about how out-of-hand things are to get in the Mexico game.

theeWeeBabySeamus

At least that can was empty.

Senor Weaselo

Harf that no choco taco.

Redshirt

Well it was the 4th qtr, and we were down 15-0.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Goddamn Kaine whiffed on that foundation question. Just bring up the paintings and the Tebow helmet, stupid!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Real fucking classy Toronto. Real fucking classy.
Any of you fuckers ever give Baltimore any shit again after that, you can suck my balls.

Senor Weaselo

Someone threw a thing onto the field while they were going for a fly ball!

Redshirt

If Republicans was smart:

– Trump didn’t pay taxes but there is a loophole that allows him not to pay taxes. Who created this loophole and who is allowing the loophole to remain? (Dems: “You did! We’re getting rid of it!”) Why did it take you at least two decades to fix it? Was it because you needed the votes?
– Trump didn’t pay taxes, but he’s not a career politician. He’s a businessman, and he shouldn’t be punished for making a good business choice. (Dems: “He didn’t pay his fair share!”) We’re a Democracy, not a Socialist country despite your current plans. He shouldn’t feel compelled to pay more than the current tax laws demand.
– (Dems: “He lost a billion dollars and he can fix the economy?!”) He was a businessman in 1995. Who was president in 1995 that created the economic culture where businessmen like Trump can lose that amount of money and cost people the jobs?

If…

Dear God, I just defended Trump. I can feel my skin oranging! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Redshirt

Somehow I got 12 questions right on the Jeopardy Practice Test. Longest 15 minutes of my life.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The last 15 minutes of this debate have been the longest 15 minutes of my life.

Shogun Marcus

Harvey Birdman is a far superior viewing option right now.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That is true 93.4% of the time IMO.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

KAINE: Trump dodges taxes!

PENCE: He’s a great businessman!

ELAINE QWIJIBO: Gentlemen, the question was about Syria.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Duchess

Damn this VP debate is begging for a TV Funhouse animation.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Odds are any undecided voters already turned it off.

Duchess

I will say that barb about Trump not paying taxes during 9/11 should sting.

theeWeeBabySeamus

These Argonauts have quite the following.
Oh sorry….wrong sport.

litre_cola

Trying to book a night in a hotel the night of a rugby game in Auckland is infuriating.

Sill Bimmons

Check in the little towns in the suburbs near the ends of the railway lines.

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You’ll save headaches and cash and only add another 10 minutes to your journey.

litre_cola

Thanks Sill

Sill Bimmons

No problem.

I had trouble booking a room in downtown Auckland when the All Blacks were on tour.

Redshirt

Just tuned into VP Debate. GOP VP seems rational and collected. I’m surprised he’s Trump’s VP.

But I’m getting a weaselly Cruz-esque vibe from the Dem VP.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I feel bad for the moderator. I mean, she’s tryin’. They should have given her the power to cut their microphones.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Or a large mallet

LemonJello

Or a cattle prod

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Rational?

Redshirt

Well…compared to Trump.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Oh, I see…. well South African diamond mine bar it is.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Suck it, Josh Donaldson. Go sit your ass down.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I watching the debate, but it sucks.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Burning question–

Will they even bother to edit this?

http://www.vox.com/2016/10/4/13168384/mike-pence-won-debate

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That is fucking hilarious.

Duchess

Pence: Well it is ok for Trump to say all those things about people because they aren’t white, but how dare Clinton call KKK members deplorable?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

He’s also good with talkin’ that way about yur homasexerals too.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Senor Weaselo

Hotline Bling has tied it at 2.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I hate sports.
That is all.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
theeWeeBabySeamus

Pictured: Orioles try to hold a goddamned lead.

Col. Duke LaCross

The Mega Powers Exploding was one of the seminal moments of my childhood.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Nice

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“Why is he standing in front of his monitors panic banging on his keyboard?”

-Coworkers walking by when Moose flipped of the “safe search.”

Duchess

Pence looks like he is made out of silly putty

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The stuff I read indicated he was at most 76.2% silly putty.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Evening. Anybody else watching the VP debate or am I alone as peak nerd?

Duchess

im with ya

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Scrolled down, saw a few others. Trying to hold back my rage toward Mike Pence

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

QUIT YOUR BRAGGING!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Oh, sorry, you meant in & out of watch the “debate.”

King Hippo

I did order a $15 transistor radio and a 2nd flashlight off Amazon today, and made vague plans to get extra batteries, snacks, and a lighter at Target tomorrow. This constitutes my Hurricane planning. I am going to be uber pissed off if I lose my power/cable, though. FUCK that noise, it footbaw season!!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Come to the lake and hang.
We gotz a generator and shiznet. Plus, your hurricane plan sounds like a bad Zombie apocalypse plan.

I promise to not eat you.

Senor Weaselo

Is it bad I read that as 2nd fleshlight?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Only two?

Gratliff

A SINGLE PAYER PROGRAM IS NOT “BUILDING ON OBAMACARE” /foams at the mouth

Spur
theeWeeBabySeamus

I’m going to spare all of you fine people my own mental/emotional machinations during tonight’s Jay’s/O’s one game playoff abortion.

You’re welcome.

Senor Weaselo

So who’s watching the debate? What does Joe Flacco think?

Brocky

knowledgeable, multi-faceted civil servants.

With all due respect, there is no way that phase applies to mike pence.

Seriously, fuck that guy

Gratliff

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Spur

Who should i be rooting for maple syrup or oysters?

...

The Rangers and Blue Jays hate each other so if you like the idea of Jose Bautista getting punched again, you’re pro-maple syrup.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Fuck Joey Bats….with a bat, actually.

Senor Weaselo

Which do you hate less, Seven Nation Army or Drake?

Spur

Folks

Senor Weaselo

Have I mentioned fuck Jose Bautista? Because fuck Jose Bautista.

scotchnaut

There is a shit-ton of guys sporting beards in ads these days. Is the trend that freaking prevalent?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I don’t know, but I do know that my wife and I separately came up with the term “hipster heaven” to describe the place we had dinner on Saturday evening and that was *before* we saw a table of twelve or so where at least four of the guys had big bush hipster beards.

Spur

Aaron Rodgers started this beard trend

Sill Bimmons

I’m not sure I can do this.

Baseball is hard to watch when it’s not the Bucs.

scotchnaut

The first 5 words of your second comment was all you needed to say.

King Hippo

the upside of the lack of Most Glorious el beisbol Cardinals post-season…is that I don’t have to watch ANY MOAR el beisbol at all!!

/should have picked a shittier team on my late night clock radio childhood insomniac listenings ,, smgdh

King Hippo

I’d say January. The good part of the NFL playoffs, conference play starts in college hoops, but there is still the JV NFL playoffs.

November is also really good with the JV NFL league championships and what I consider usually the most important weeks of the NFL regular season. Plus college hoops Thanksgiving tourneys in strange fucking locations.

Any month without the NFL is automatically disqualified because DUH.

JustStopDude

Dear god giving training just fucking kicks my ass. My back is already garbage, so standing for 8 hours talking is just perfect for it. Add in I fucking somehow forgot to put my lift in my shoe (one of the side effects of my spina bifida is I got like 2 inches of height difference between my fucking legs). I feel like I was in a car wreck.

The guy I am training is from Quebec…via China at the age of 30. I got to give him credit, his actual English is very good, its just the accent is the most confusing thing in the world. I’m used to dealing with Chinese accents (half my coworkers are from China). I am used to dealing with French accents. I am not used to dealing with a Chinese/Quebecois accent…its a nightmare. At one point, we both just started using bad French to get concepts across because we were both struggling with each other’s English.

The application is WAY cooler than I thought. I was told it was for a conveyor belt job. Turns out its for a job in China this Quebec company is doing to run a train crash simulator.

Its literally a drive for a motor that will fling train cars into a wall for testing.

Senor Weaselo

“Wait, why do you need to simulate crashes? We’ll do it for you!” -NJ Transit

Gratliff

Fuck it. Jeopardy time.

Senor Weaselo

What is the Commentist Party telling you to go kick some ass?

Senor Weaselo

Go meteor! The event it hits is unimportant.

scotchnaut

[logs in to Facebook]

“Jesus Christ-what a goddamn shit show!”

[logs out of Facebook]

[thinks of a particularly pithy comment]

[logs back in to Facebook]

...

I’m fortunate and I don’t have any political whackos amongst my Facebook friends, but all the content I ever see are baby pictures, stupid memes shared by someone who shared it from someone else who shared it from some radio station, and ads. The people I actually want to keep track of don’t actually post much. I should really just log off for good.

litre_cola

BUT WHAT DID YOUR FRIENDS HAVE TO EAT TODAY????

Shogun Marcus

AND DID THEY RUN?!?!

Spanky Datass

AND AFTER EATING AND RUNNING WHAT WAS THE CONSISTENCY OF THEIR POOP!

/has some twisted friends

Kungjitsu

Hey guys! So… I’m never going to have sex again.

My daughter was taking a violin lesson in the living room, and she’s getting pretty good so I was able mentally push the sound into the background while I was in the kitchen deciding which flavor of La Croix I wanted (I’m fancy, I settled on coconut). Also, her lessons sound just like her practice. I say all of that to say that I forgot her violin teacher was here, and I dialed up an Elf/Booger level burp and embarrassed the ever living shit out of my wife.

Totally worth it.

Sill Bimmons

These are what your children can expect in their Halloween pumpkin instead of candy from that lunatic fundie family down the street:

http://www.peacock-panache.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/dino-dollar-aig.png

http://www.peacock-panache.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/noah-dollar-aig.png

litre_cola

Still better than apples with razor blades IMO.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Disagree.

Senor Weaselo
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

GOD DAMN IT JESUS FUCKING H. RENOLDO GOD DAMN CHRIST THESE PEOPLE!!!

Sill Bimmons

The Toronto Maple Leafs: The Cleveland Browns of the NHL

herodotus450

I always envisioned the Leafs to be more like the Cowboys. As for the Browns, I want to say the Blue Jackets but that’s just ganging up on Ohio. Maybe Winnipeg.

litre_cola

You watch your mouth about the Peg…… although sadly, you are so correct.

herodotus450

The city loves their team so much that they let them leave town and win a championship in the new city. (I hope I’m rigth that Winnipeg went to Dallas and not Phoenix)

litre_cola

They went to Phoenix. It gutted me as a spry 20 year old. I havent lived there for 18 years or so, that city is batshit crazy about their team. It is sad that it is such a hole in the winter that no free agents of any worth will go there.

Senor Weaselo

I’d say Hartford, but they didn’t even get their team back.

Sill Bimmons

They could have been more clear about this.

litre_cola

You sir, are correct. October takes it. Especially when the days get shorter, colder and more dreary you have things on the television.

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