Your “Okay, NOW the Browns Are On The Clock!” Thursday Evening Open Thread

It’s seven days until the Draft.

NFL News:

• Season schedules are scheduled for release at 8:00PM ET today.
  • Chargers – Broncos is rumoured to be the late-Monday Night game.
• On the QB unemployment line:
  • TIME has named Colin Kaepernick one of its 100 Influential People of 2017, despite him being interesting in 2016.
    • his blurb was written by Jim Harbaugh, because Chip Kelly probably found out Kaep’s not Hawaiian, and Jim Tomsula was late because the 8:37 from Topeka was delayed.
  • Ryan Fitzpatrick is excited for his “next opportunity”, wherever that is.
    • Jay Cutler is still on vacation.
  • future member Kirk Cousins wants to be wanted. He also doesn’t want to be franchise tagged anymore.
• On the active QB front, Eli Manning’s denying fraud allegations in a case over memorabilia.
  • an email in question shows Eli asking the Giants’ equipment manager for “two helmets that can pass as game used.”
    • the plaintiffs allege it means the gear wasn’t game-worn
    • Eli contends he was asking for game-day equipment that looked worn.
• Sean Payton provided a victim-impact statement at the sentencing hearing for Cardell Hayes, the guy who shot former Saint Will Smith last year in a road-rage incident.
  • Payton talked about how Smith was going to join his staff in 2016, and about his rare qualities as a human being.
  • Hayes faces 60 years in jail for manslaughter & weapons charges.
• Bills offensive tackle Cyrus Kouandjio might have discovered bath salts, or an undiagnosed menatl condition may have surfaced.

Canada 150:

On this day we remember to smoke weed for Hitler, other things also happened.

April 20, 1989 – much to the chagrin of its strippers and waiters, Canada printed its last $1 bills.

We have the loonie now. Don’t toss them at the dancers.

April 20, 1968 – Pierre Elliott Trudeau succeeds Lester B. Pearson as the 15th Prime Minister of Canada.

Pierre replaced the resigning Lester Pearson as both Liberal leader and Prime Minister, who seemed happier than a pig in shit to be leaving.

Two months later, Pierre would ride a wave of “Trudeaumania” to a majority government, something that had eluded the milquetoast Pearson his entire tenure.

Trudeau would be Prime Minister, with only minor interruption, from 1968-84. During the course of his tenure, he withstood the FLQ, patriated the Constitution & created the Charter of Rights, and also managed to fuck both Barbra Streisand and Kim Cattrall.

This one, not the coug’d out version your girlfriend or mother knows.

Tonight’s sports:

• NFL: regular-season schedule release – 8:00PM | NFL Network / the internet
• NHL:
  • Rangers at Canadiens – 7:00PM | USA / CBC                            (Series tied 2-2)
  • CBJ at Penguins – 7:00PM | NHL Network / Sportsnet               (Penguins lead 3-1)
  • Blackhawks at Predators – 8:00PM | NBCSN / Sportsnet360     (Nashville leads 3-0)
  • Sharks at Oilers – 10:30PM | NBCSN / Sportsnet                      (Series tied 2-2)
• NBA:
  • Cavaliers at Pacers – 7:00PM | TNT
  • Raptors at Bucks – 8:00PM | TSN
  • Spurs at Grizzlies – 9:30PM | TNT

GO-GO NFL SCHEDULE!