Your “Seventh Heaven – Game Seven!” Wednesday Evening Open Thread

But not in the bad-touchy Dad-from-7th-Heaven kind of way.

NFL News:

  • The NFL has named Alberto Riveron the new Head of Officiating.
    • Technically the senior vice president of officiating, he fills the role vacated by former officiating head Dean Blandino.
      • Riveron, the NFL’s first Hispanic referee, was elevated to referee in 2008.
    • In addition, they split the remaining responsibilities into two other jobs
      • Russell Yurk, an NFL replay veteran of seven years and a former NCAA and high school referee, has been named the vice president of replay and administration.
      • Wayne Mackie, an NFL official with a decade of experience, was brought on as the vice president of officiating evaluation and development — a department in charge of week to week grading of referees as well as managing the league’s developmental pipeline for officials.
  • Broadway Joe wants the Jets to go full-Hackenberg.
  • The Colts are going to retire Peyton’s jersey at their October 8 game versus the Niners.
    • They will also put him in their “Ring of Honor” and unveil a statue.
      • he will be the first Colt in the Indianapolis era to have his number retired.
    • Given how lifelike Peyton himself is, they should have no problem reproducing his image.
No word on if it’ll spout gravy or Percocet, however.
  • Pouring salt on an open wound is Disney CEO Bob Iger, who called the ESPN layoffs “not that significant”, when viewed as 100 employees out of an 8000 person workforce.
    • An important factor in the “restructuring” is that ESPN has lost more than 10 million subscribers since 2013, something noted in their financial reports.
      • Reading the Disney “Second Quarter and Six-Month Earnings” report, it notes that:

Cable Networks revenues for the quarter increased 3% to $4.1 billion and operating income decreased 3% to $1.8 billion. The decrease in operating income was due to a decrease at ESPN, partially offset by increases at the Disney Channels and Freeform…The decrease at ESPN was due to higher programming costs, partially offset by affiliate and advertising revenue growth. [snip] Affiliate revenue growth was due to contractual rate increases, partially offset by a decline in subscribers.

Finally, your long reads of the day are a 1-2 punch of sadness from the MMQB, detailing the slides into dementia of Nick Buoniconti & Jim Kiick, and the effects of these illnesses on their families.


To brighten your day, here’s some Baltimore Ravens at a fundraiser for the Baltimore Animal Rescue and Care Shelter (BARCS) called “Pawject Runway”.


Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL: both are Game 7
    • Penguins at Capitals – 7:30PM | NBCSN / CBC
    • Oilers at Ducks – 10:30PM | NBCSN / Sportsnet
  • NBA:
    • Game 5: Wizards at Celtics – 8:00PM | TNT / TSN
    • Game 5: Jazz at Warriors – 10:30PM | TNT
  • MLB:
    • Cardinals at Marlins – 7:00PM | ESPN / TSN2
    • Cleveland at Blue Jays – 7:00PM | Sportsnet1

What will make Gary Bettman the saddest? THAT’S WHAT I WANT!

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Gratliff

Oh, the derp is a-flowin’

King Hippo

Malkin being a Putin fanboi means I shall pull FOAR Scotchy’s Sens, methinks

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Malkin the hockey player or Malkin the conservative commentator?

King Hippo

that would be a great first date topic – DFO should set teh 2 Malkins up!!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Note to self: when something happens during football season where it would be appropriate, make a Gruden joke about “wardrobe malfunction” and “Narnia”.

...

More like CRAP-itals, amirite?

King Hippo

u rite

Wakezilla

Well, the Caps are shitting the bed as anticipated. They might as well blow up the team as they’re never going to won

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yep, this seems like a good time to get to that getting baked and going out and sitting on the beach thing I mentioned earlier. Getting an earlier start.

Have fun.

Congrats WCS, time to sweep the Sens.

Senor Weaselo

THIS TWBS I CALL HIM DOCTOR HORRIBLE ENDING THE SONG “SLIPPING” BECAUSE THAAAT’S NOT A… GOOD SOUND…
/Not my best

herodotus450

Done. FInished. Over. Fin.
The only bright spot is that the Pens might be too thin on D to actually win the cup.
/Heh, “thin on D”

King Hippo

I guarantee the Caps get one back almost immediately, then start hitting posts

herodotus450

Yeah. This game is reminding me a lot of the good ol days of Dwayne Roloson and JS Giguere

King Hippo

oh, and tWBS gon’ drank

theeWeeBabySeamus

A little bit, mebbe.

Gratliff

The Regular Season Champs

theeWeeBabySeamus

Well, that’s not ideal.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I am late to turning on this game 7 and I still am not sure who to root for. I think I am Team BarricadeTheDoorsAndSetTheBuildingOnFire

theeWeeBabySeamus

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scotchnaut

https://www.nytimes.com/2017/05/10/sports/chris-berman-wife-katherine-killed.html?_r=0

/just some very bad news for a guy that’s taken a lot of heat over the years

JustStopDude

In lieu of flowers, ESPN is sending a pink slip to Chris.

scotchnaut

“Brrrrrrrr”

/that’s cold

Brick Meathook

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Gratliff

This is setting up for an amazing backbreaking derp. Looking forward to the agony.

Gratliff

Thank you, Brayden Holtby

King Hippo

a’ight, Ice Stillers. You was here 4 nights ago…can you defend FOAR 20 stinkin’ minutes, just fer shits and giggles??

theeWeeBabySeamus

This game is unreal. I think I’m about to get kicked out for yelling and disturbing my neighbors. Some of those chances….smgdh.

Gratliff

They’re reaching Flyers-level of unlikely non-goals.

JustStopDude

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Unsurprised

Isn’t that basically the beginning of Traffic?

King Hippo

There is NO WAY Flower will shut someone out on Game 7. Even the bumblefuck Caps.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Gratliff

Tears potential increases!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
theeWeeBabySeamus

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
WCS

Someone’s getting an email tomorrow.

herodotus450

Dammit Ziggy!

Gratliff
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
WCS

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
theeWeeBabySeamus

Caps Fan #1: Well, that could have been worse.
Caps Fan #2: Still can be…give it time.

litre_cola

You found a bar where teh hockey is on?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Nah, watching from the room.
Gonna get baked and go tool around the bdwalk, post game.

litre_cola

That is excellent work. Is recreational legal in Cali now?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Ummmmmm….sort of…?
We’ll call it “legal enough”.

Gratliff

That’s some top notch PPin’ there, Yinzers.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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litre_cola

We aren’t here to make fun of pugs Moose…. They are heroes.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Shogun Marcus

That’s my wife’s avatar here! you gots splaining to do moose. So does the missus.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Redshirt

http:// forums.xkcd.com/ download/file.php?id=19928

Not NSFW, sadly. Just a big picture.

Gratliff

NSFW xkcd isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Senor Weaselo

The lefty loop does it again.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Horatio Cornblower

The Mets are on Line 2 for this guy.

Gratliff

I definitely hate Pens more, but I definitely want more gifs of devastated fanbases.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Don T

Scorn is #1 in the grave dancing hit parade.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Redshirt

Me: “Mother’s Day is Sunday. I’ll pay for the gift if you pick it out.”
Selfish Deadbeat Brother: (( Begins five minute rant where he shouldn’t have to borrow money from his brother, his life is difficult ever since he was fired from his job he liked six months ago, how its everyone’s fault except his, how his life isn’t fair, never one thanking me for paying for the gift, or wondering what mom would like ))
(rings)
Mom: “How’s your day?”
Me: “When they strap me to the chair, please let them know the murder was just.”

blaxabbath

Wait….Redshirt’s a guy???

Gratliff

I am here for Metro division tears.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Redshirt

So The Rock is thinking about running for President in 2020. That’s kind of like Lt. Murdoch taking command from Captain Smith for incompetence after 23:40 on April 15, 1912.

King Hippo

just nuke us already, China. Waiting FOAR Greater Footy ain’t even worth it no mo’

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Unsurprised

China doesn’t have enough nukes to finish the job. They’d just half-ass it like everything else made in China.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The Rock is an idiot; things would improve.

*It will be too late.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Unsurprised

I would totally support this move.

Senor Weaselo

Go Meteor and then go Eulers, I guess. e^pi*i and all.

Don T

Wow man. That’s like… Trascendental and shit.

litre_cola

Early this afternoon I recieved a text in a group chat from my FF league. Apparently one of the lads Nick went to have some alone time in the bathroom of his place and fired up the ole porn machine on his phone. He forgot that his bluetooth was still on in the kitchen where he wife was feeding their 3 year old son. Well apparently he is in to “the casting couch” genre which takes a while for sexy time. Hos wife listened right along to the interview and couldnt figure out what was coming over the speakers until the performing part of the interview.

This made my day. The other lads have been coming up with FF team names for him all afternoon but most are weak.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Blueballs > Bluetooth ?
Or maybe the other way around?

King Hippo

ah, sometimes those are worth it only b/c Gina Devine is involved

/or so that’s what I hear ,, smh

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

What is your projection in geologic time that this particular wife will hold it against him?

litre_cola

I know her, she is cool, she will just make fun of him for as Don T just explained 10 0000 years. He really shouldn’t have told us, but eventually after enough Gin and Tonics she would have.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

100,000 years seems about right.
Giving him shit about it; cool.
Being resentful and passive/ aggressive; welp, we’ve seen that before too.

Wakezilla

Sounds like they have a new born. Wife will let him have it for a little bit, but ultimately doesn’t care because it’s one less thing she has to do.

Redshirt

I might be able to top that: During a school trip to DC, the teacher grabbed some of her parents’ video tapes to for the kids to watch during the trip. Unbeknownst to her, they were from her parents’ personal collection, if you catch my drift.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

So, videotapes of her MOTHER catching some drift.

Redshirt

No.

Best Case: Parent’s porn.
Worst Case: Parent’s sex tape.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That is what I was saying; FIXED.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I fixed it; maybe the “joke” makes sense now….. maybe not.

Shogun Marcus

Janay Rice regrets she didn’t allow herself to be abused instead of the shelter animals. James Harrison fined 50k for lack of heads-up treat provision.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’m feeling very confident.
No…really….
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King Hippo

anybody else really looking forward to f/x’s “Snowfall” this summer?

ballsofsteelandfury

So, apparently Chris Berman’s wife died in a car accident today.

I’m a dick, but I’m not that much of a dick that I’ll make fun of that.

King Hippo

My brain went there, and tried to formulate a joke for like, 10 whole minutes this morning.

/daily reminder that I am the worstest

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Dr. Pepper.

King Hippo

it’s the sweet one??

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Don’t you remember the joke?

Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?
His wife died.

King Hippo

LOVE IT!!

/new to me

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Damn; that was THE 6th grade joke.

My older cousin told me that joke when I was young; took me a year to figure it out…..

Shogun Marcus

Be glad you don’t live in my head. I’ve made plenty.
/not a role model

King Hippo

back back back back GONE!!!!

Redshirt

Jesus: “Rest now, my Child. Your husband’s jokes are over.”
Mrs. Berman: “Thank God.”
God: “You’re welcome!”