NFL News:
- Jay Cutler wasted no time putting his scent all over the Hard Rock Stadium litter box by purchasing the #6 from previous owner Brandon Doughty.
- Terms weren’t disclosed, but amongst teammates I’m guessing Doughty won’t be paying for meal upgrades above the per diem on the road this season.
- The NFL has hired 24 full-time game officials for the 2017 season. The chosen will be selected from the current crop of 124 total officials.
- A theory comes in that because of the looming Vegas move and legalization of sports gaming means having full-time employees can offset the complaint that part-timers are affecting game (and thus betting) outcomes.
- Roger Goodell has now officially put on record that he wants a shorter pre-season.
- He accepts that changes would have to come through collective bargaining.
- No doubt he’s observed the CFL’s 18-2 game season structure, and lusts to charge regular-season prices for otherwise garbage games.
Attention to all of you living in the western Canada Costco distribution area:
Game Preview: Texans vs. Panthers
- No Cam Newton. But yes to Christian McCaffrey.
- Probably no J.J. Watt. No word on delicate flower Jadeveon Clowney.
- The Texans’ depth chart at QB is
- Tom Savage
- Brandon Weeden
- DeShaun Watson
So, I wouldn’t expect to see Watson tonight, unless Weeden is a whole new form of horrible.
(Ron Howard voice: “Brandon Weeden discovered a whole new level of horrible”.)
They’ll start Savage & let him go for a quarter at least. Same for Carolina, with Derek Anderson starting and then both Joe Webb & Garrett Gilbert getting game time so Riverboat Ron can see who his #3 will be this season.
I wonder which Texan is going to see if McCaffrey runs routes with his head down?
It might be passably watchable for the first half, but by the 4th quarter you’ll be seeing guys who’ll be starting in Hamilton by October 1 out on the field. I expect energetic late-evening comments about quality of play.
Hat tips to the Battle Red Blog & Cat Scratch Reader for confirming what I already knew.
Tonight’s sports:
- Football:
- Texans at Panthers – 7:30PM | NFL Network
- Beisbol:
- MLB:
- Red Sox at Rays – 7:00PM | ESPN / TSN2
- Yankees at Blue Jays – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
- Little League Baseball:
- Southwest Regional final – 7:00PM | ESPN2
- MLB:
Finally, a shout-out to commentist , whom I met at Nat Bailey last night. Delightful to meet him; hates Australians almost as much as me. He was confused by the “spilled” free beers he was receiving. To steal his line – WEIRDEST TINDER DATE EVAR!
Just got home and checking in. Did I miss any Doopy magic?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J0ArZU2AfMs
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OoASZyihalc
“Don’t want to be an American Idiot!”
I feel like we just had this conversation.
I’m starting to really not like you.
😉
As an aside, does it make me an “old” to mouse over emoticons to read what they mean?
Since I’m older than you (I think) I’m probably not the best one to ask.
Also…yes.
Did Odds ever make a blip in America? They were a fun band to watch live.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K1gExaMUeng
They used to play my UBC fraternity parties all the time. Great guys.
Yeah, they’re pretty funny.
How was the tips today?
Pretty good – $90 for a smoky Wednesday night.
Fished an old zippo out of my drawer, put in some lighter fluid, and it works fine. 15 mins later and it won’t start as if it’s empty again. I refill it, it won’t light, and after like a dozen strikes the whole fucker is up in flames. What the hell am I doing wrong here?
Your flint is used up. Replace and try again.
Oh the flint! I never even thought those wore out.
Hey , food recommendations:
Restaurants exclusive to Vancouver:
Blue Water Cafe, Yaletown, Seafood, Upscale Style
Cioppino’s Mediterranean Grill on Hamilton street
Lupo Restaurant & Vinoteca Italian on Hamilton
Le Crocodile French on Burrand
If you love Indian, Tasty Indian Bistro in Surrey is a must. Best Indian food outside of India.
Also in Surrey and right on the train line: Central City Pub: They brew Red Racer beer, which is delicious.
Fish and Chips: Crab Shack in North Van, Trolls in Horseshoe Bay
Oooh, that sounds good. I think Fish n Chips instead of pizza sounds good.
He told me he’s hitting Blue Water tonight or tomorrow.
How we doing tonight, boys?
The good: Mrs. Wakezilla and Baby Wakezillaette were just dropped off and are on their way to Calgary.
The Bad: Pretty much sums up that I’m in a losing battle about moving to Calgary
The good: I can live like a savage for a week
The Bad: I work every day in the morning, so no sleeping in.
The good: I’m minutes away from getting drunk and eating pizza
The bad: Im starving because it took forever to get home from the Abbotsford airport because there was a fire near the highway, so highway 1 was closed. Lame.
OK Mr. Savage Bachelor boy….you doing the ‘Phins preview or what?
LOL, sorry….or something more gentle and welcoming.
Yeah I confirmed that already, didn’t I? I’m scheduled for 8/30, right?
Yep, that’s the date. Internal conversation…we weren’t certain anyone had given you the date. You and Covalent Blonde (Niners) are set for the 30th.
Whew, now I can go have a beer. I was worried.
LOL
Yeah, apologizes if I didn’t formally confirm. My brain has been a sieve this year. Not that my preview matters. I think the Phins entered “Miami has a team?” category years ago.
No worries. I just dropped the ball and thought no one else had given you the date. I was trying to be funny, not be dickish. LOL.
You didn’t come off as dickish at all. Plus, how could I get mad at the guy who makes Sexy friday happen? I can’t!
Indeed, I don’t want to be crossed off that list.
How can I stay mad at me? I love me!
Come on! Where’s the photoshop with DFO usernames?
YOU’RE NOT MY SUPERVISOR!
I’m not dealing with anything as complex. It is peaceful outside and silent inside. Enjoying it.
Mr Zilla. Are you moving to my neck of the woods?
Sadly, yes. Probably next summer.
So you still have time to come to the Nat for a game.
Also, I’m about to make homemade pizza if you want some.
HOT TAEK:
The number 6 is a disaster in the NFL, and the Bears have had too many players wear it (RIP Kevin Butler)
https://www.pro-football-reference.com/players/uniform.cgi?number=6
TRUMP’S MILITARY PERFORMING INVOLUNTARY VASECTOMIES FREEDOM PATRIOT ACTION ALERT:
https://www.wsj.com/amp/articles/thai-navys-secret-weapon-against-marauding-monkeys-vasectomies-1502271000
Evening lizard people. This is stuck in my head for the next month. At least it’s this bit and not the other hour and a half.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jpngMjN6fmQ
Bill Withers became Al Green so gradually…yada yada yada…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KEXQkrllGbA
I’ve had stabbing abdominal pain for a few days now. I feel like it’s a menstrual empathy challenge from God.
Or maybe you’ve been stabbed.
“I didn’t see nothin’.” — Ray Lewis
“I was with Ray” – R Carruth
OMG, me too! Did we sync our cycles?!?
I sure am happy that my Raiders get to play the Jets this year.
I sure am happy that… wait, nothing involving the Jets this year could possibly make me happy!
I need to pick a better font. Times New Roman isn’t really ideal.
I vote wingdings
Ooooh, wings. That sounds good.
/might not understand the conversation
I can’t believe my good luck that is one of the first images when you google JPP.
Then again, he’s on the Giants. This has to be his default look by now.
I’m a big fan of this one
JPP! YOUR NEW NAME IS CHUBBS!
Damn, I miss Rex Ryan
Tired of your children actively trying to murder your wife by staging “accidents”?
This is some Omen shit.
http://thefw.com/files/2012/10/shoefail.gif
Tired of murdering your dad with your shoes?
Rex Ryan’s dream way of going out.
We need a library of these.
https://gfycat.com/unsurprised/all_quotables
I had someone on Twitter just accuse of me “flirting with creationism.”
I can’t figure out how based on anything I’ve ever tweeted how someone could come to that conclusion about me.
I KNEW YOU WERE A FUNDIE WHILE YOU WERE DOWNING VODKA SHOTS AND OGLING HOT CHICKS WITH ME….wait….
OK, maybe I didn’t think this thru.
I genuinely stared at the response for a minute wondering where the fuck it came from. We were responding to comments on that Google engineer’s anti-diversity screed. I can’t for the life of me figure out how he brought creationism into it.
I’ve recently come to the conclusion that people in general can suck my balls (ok, that’s not exactly recently, granted). But social media is a scourge on society.
Fuck ’em all.
Okay, so I poked at the dude a few times and he just admitted I was “like” a Creationist with my poor grasp of science of some shit. Huge let down. I thought I was getting some entertaining unhinged lunatic when I was just getting a boring misogynistic one.
Oh well.
lol Now he’s trolling my feed. Just retweeted my “Evo Psych is astrology for dudes” tweet.
I’m glad because I really like that tweet.
http://p.fod4.com/p/media/2b22c67056/nZjGsTaLQAm3jaz5kfFy_Stairs%20Infomercial.gif
DOWN GOES FRAZIER
Is that a reference to this?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VYKPFQ8uymY
Hate it when this happens to me.
Maybe keep your weiner level next time and you won’t have that problem?
Maybe next time turn the grill on genius.
Dok Zymm’s post was … good?
Here kitty, kitty. Here kitty, kitt……OW MY TIBIA!!!!!!!!
http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/572/321/dcb.gif
Laundry day claims yet another victim.
http://i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/550/640/919.gif
This seems like something Spilly would do.
That guy’s cookbook is a crime against humanity.
Who knew soap was so complicated?
if only SOMEBODY had an easier solution!
Why do you think I haven’t bathed in nearly two years?
Why do you think Hippo won’t let me in his house?
/might smell rather badly
Video of Rally Cat:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=50t2_uVhNIc
FOOTBALL CARRY! FOOTBALL CARRY!
(I learned this volunteering at the Oregon Humane Society. 96% placement rate for cats, 98% for dogs. No kill.)
Cat runs on the field in St. Louis, Yadier Molina hits a grand slam immediately thereafter. Cardinals Devil Magic is BACK!!
What I just heard was Yadi sacrificed a cat to the Devil, and got a grand slam.
/might have issues with reading comprehension
BFIB
Beastiality Fans In Baseball
Welp. That was.
Later, Taters!
Better game tomorrow! Be back, or regret it forevs…
Don’t say things you can’t take back!
We were promised. DOOPY. PANTZ!
So I just took my wife down to the dam for a romantic look at the moon rising above the lake. My daughter decides to cockblock the old man and tags along. No big deal because as it turns out my wife took a Xanax and is all kinds of loopy. We get up to leave and I have to help my wife because she’s very relaxed at this point. Relaxed af, as the kids say.
My daughter says “Why do we bring that crackwhore everywhere we go?”
This has been another edition of ‘Horatio Should Never Have Been Allowed To Breed’
wait until the Cornblower spawn become full Commentists. They’uns funnier than hell.
So, local announcers fellating the 2nd (3rd??) string QB “making a connection” with a receiver, WTF? Or are they confused by having more than one black QB on the roster at once?
Who hates Australians?
Ok, other than Aboriginal peoples
I’ll hate almost anyone
Leave me alone with ANYBODY for like 20 minutes, and I’m ready FOAR murder.
/has been with Hippo for >20 mins on many occasions
//not ded
///feels special
I don’t hate Australians in general.
But one in particular can still suck it.
Most beautiful woman I dated in college was Australian. Best dude I met backpacking through Europe was Australian.
I’ve got no problems with Australians.
I don’t care for the men I’ve met. Too competitive about everything.
But what about Australians?
Hey, that was a fun gig! But they might still owe me 40 bucks due to exchange rate fuckery or something.
Is Christian McCaffery related to Ed McCaffery? That guy was gritty AF
yup, his spawn
Someone please fucking explain to me why I am in an NFL network blackout zone for a Panthers-Texans game…I am FUCKING IN VIRGINIA!
must be on local teevee somewhere. The ABC affiliate in Raleigh for me. SWVA gets Asheville TV, perhaps?
Hmmm…could be. I don’t get local channels. Its like 200 miles to the stadium from my city so the black rules shouldn’t apply in that fashion.
Fucking shit is so damn stupid. Its a preseason game…I swear to god the NFL does everything it can to make me hate this fucking league.
No NFL Network? That’s how I’m watching it in NoVA.
I have the NFL network. That is what is blacked out for me.
“Weird.”
-P.King
Blacked out? That’s odd. I watched 3/5 of it.
J Richardson
“Take me a gander at mah breedin’ stock.”
good point, in that who would give a tin shit about PRE-SEASON exclusivity like that?
Never forget: Roger Goodell is a gottdamned national disgrace.
Fucking in Virginia? Well, Virginia is for lovers…
Oh, well done.
We had a retirement for a guy at his hospice room. He was a coworker of mine for like six years. He just finished his 10 years with the company. About a year and a half ago, he had a major stroke that pretty much wiped out his ability to walk, talk, take care of himself and what not. His wife was already in long term care from Alzheimer.
The company has had him on the books, as a full time employee since so he could max out his limited pension, otherwise, his family would be totally screwed. He was one of those guys that retired, then his wife got sick, and had to start working again to pay for her care.
As much as I bitch about my job, its pretty cool to work for a company that would be willing to do that, especially since Virginia is a right to fire…er I mean “right to work” state.
Stick around for the 2nd half – PANTZ will be DOOPED.
Watson’s footwork isn’t great.
At least he managed to hold on to the fence. That’s “good hustle,” so they say.
Not some kind of me-first GLOREE BOY
Stanford Routt, everybody!
NFLN has LIVE! coverage of Donks/Bears tomorry. FEEL TEH EXCITE!!!
/any Chicago folk wanna gamble on it?
$5 says we lose
Fuck tennis. That is all.
Well, if I have to, I have to.
http://crazyhyena.com/imagebank/g/1465_One_Guy_Not_Looking.gif.jpg
That tennis is OK.
I’ll get Beerguyrob any kind of, and any amount of beverage he wants if he goes and kills the power at the tournament in Montreal right now.
Gonna be hard from Vancouver, where I’m actively ignoring said tournaments.
there is just NO WAY she has an acceptable backhand ,, smh
[hums “The Way We Were”]
-Simona Halep
Heard this for the first time today. Apparently, it’s a year old. Would’ve expected it to get heavier play.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gDV7XO3uAfk
Also, glad to see Drumpf hasn’t quite yet started World War III. Yet.
The day’s not over.
Yet.
Everybody in the chain of command just pretends he really isn’t POTUS. I will worry about the “civilian leadership” concerns at a later date, and thank the use of common sense for my current ability to type these sentences.
This points to the larger issue: that we in effect don’t have a president and that people we didn’t elect are making military decisions on their own outside our view.
Then again, we’re in a perpetual state of not-really-war war regardless of who is president, so whatever I guess.
It’s just given the alternatives, I am not willing to pick that scab until the electorate comes to its goddamned senses. Let’s hope it’s more “institutional safeguard” than anything more nefarious.
Really our only hope right now.
Neither Kelly nor Mattis are maniacs and Trump has a child-like adoration for military men, so if they aren’t interested in starting WWIII, it’s not happening.
I want to believe you.
Probably wired the “hotline” to the major combatant commands to just loop back on a delay – he just talks and hears his own voice – it keeps him occupied for hours.
He will probably be the first (and last) POTUS to order the missiles launched via twitter
Pictured: Herr Charlemango’s Nuclear Football Console
he probably needs a special dialing wand, tho
My brother and I were just talking about how Donald Trump has made life even more painful and humiliating for fat people than it already was.
That fucking loser.
WYTS-Bills edition was utterly fascinating.
That it was. Full of hate in the fan emails.
Hello imaginary idiots….errrrr online friends.
Hope you’re all well and thoroughly alright and decent fellows this evening.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PbgKEjNBHqM
I am getting back into game bourble conditioning. Can’t rush it, but I need to get my reps in now.
Pace yourself.
pre-season FOAR us all. Go see my neck guy tomorry for a trigger point injection and critical supply refills.
I’ll be over around 5pm.
Random question. Why the fuck would the Bears give Sanchez second team reps in the preseason when they bet the farm on Trubisky? God, I hate this fucking team.
I’m a hetero but I’m in love with Cuntler’s hate boner.
The Greater Good?
http://i.imgur.com/aFhWSah.mp4
The Greater Good.
Dude, I told you he was shit.
Good excuse to not play Trubisky until 2020?
I knew the booth guys sounded familiar Mick Mixon. I actually believe Joe Buck is better than this idiot.
There is a reason I never watch Panthers pre-season with the sound on.
Nice catch by Benjamin.
SHAN’KLOR HAS APPEARED!
ALL HAIL SHAN’KLOR!!!!!
Preseason announcers are in fine form tonight. Or is there a CTE sufferer’s intern program at NFL Network?
Probably still better than the mouth breathers the local broadcast is using. They sound like the losers usually assigned to a Wake Forest game.
That’s a step up from the ECU crew.
That is true, but not much of one. Are you in NC as well?
Work week near DC, weekends in OBX. At least until we sell the house. I’ll have a junior at ECU and a freshman at AppSt next week.
Jealous about OBX. Looking to go mid Sep. I am in Raleigh.
Let me know, I can give you some restaurant and local breweries to sample.
Wow. They actually put the game on a local channel. Unfortunately, I would prefer the NFL channel as they are using a local team in the booth, not sure who they are but they suck.
Local channel homer guys? That’s the best part of pre-season! You haven’t lived until you’ve seen a Pats broadcast sponsored by a regional mattress outlet company.
Sounds like Hell on earth.
Way much better than Phil Simms’ commentary and Papa Johns ads.
Hi everyone
Evening.
Not the evening. Not the evening. You’re the evening.
Are you still being serenaded by the siren song of construction?