Your “Tomorrow Might Not Be Here For You” Thursday Evening Open Thread

Slight hangover…no scratches or cuff marks…note from wife about snoring…VICTORY!

NFL News:

  • Ezekiel Elliott’s appeal hearing has finally ended.
    • Under the rules, the arbitrator has five working days to release his ruling. Pressure from both sides is coming to have it decided by Monday.
    • Most of the comments under Schefter’s tweet related to Fantasy Drafts this Sunday.

  • The Steelers have extended GM Kevin Colbert through 2020.
    • Signing Joe Haden five minutes after his release pretty much cinched the deal.
  • Animal rights groups have started a change.org petition to try & force FOX to drop Michael Vick from its broadcast team.
    • It already has 75000 signatures.
      • In comparison the petition from mental-health professionals to demand Trump resign due to his “obvious” mental health condition only has 61000 signatures.
    • The “fuck off, losers” from FOX Sports head Eric Shanks is phrased thusly:

“Over the last 10 or 11 years, not only has he paid his debt to society, but he’s done everything a person who has made a terrible mistake like that can do. We felt it was the right person at the right time for us,” Shanks told USA Today.

  • Reports out of Seattle have the Seahawks looking for trade offers for players like Jeremy Lane and Jermaine Kearse.
    • The Browns appear interested in Kearse, who has a base salary of $2.2 million, and need someone for DeShone Kizer to throw at.

Game Preview: Rams at Packers

In a case of two teams on vastly different trajectories, the SBNation blogs for these teams tell the true story.

Beyond the usual game previews, Turf Show Times leads with a story on their 2018 Rams mock draft. They also highly tout the return of Eric Dickerson to the fold, and are still wondering if & when Aaron Donald will PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!! end his holdout. In short, I think these folks will be happy with 5-11. Tonight’s moral victory of staying close will guide them into Week-1.

Over at the Acme Packing Company, they are looking at bubble players in the few spots actually open for starting competition. They rave in “Cheese Curds” about the signing Wednesday of former 49er Ahmad Brooks, and marvel at how Aaron Rodgers said lots of words but actually very little in his ESPN interview. They are looking at the Seahawks already, and I don’t think starters will see much more than one series, and only because they are playing at home. If this game were in LA, Aaron would be dressed in streets & texting his Baywatch ladyfriend.


Game preview: Seahawks at Raiders.

Over at the Field Gulls, they are too wrapped up in trade rumours to be looking ahead to the Packers in Week-1. The big story prior to cutdown day is “Could Seahawks add Sheldon Richardson if they parted with Jermaine Kearse?” There is a fuck-ton of math involved, and I’m not Frankly, I don’t care, because the other main story is “Seahawks in for another 3rd string showdown against Raiders on Thursday“, which means the game will suck from the Seahawks side, as Pete Carroll & the coaching kids will be student-driving the players they are monitoring, to see how they handle mismatches thrown their way. Boykin is probably going to get killed.

The only interesting thing on the site is a discussion of something called the “Regenokine process”, which Dok Zymm will elaborate on in the comments. (PLEASE!) In sum, it’s where “anti-inflammatory factors are removed from the patient’s blood, manipulated, and then reinjected into the painful areas,” according to the Stem Cell Institute. To me, it sounds like something that would get Lance Armstrong back into & then immediately kicked out of the Tour de France again.

Over at Silver and Black Pride, the sadly named future Vegas Raiders site, surprising little on Marshawn Lynch at this late date. A couple of stories about Derek Carr, Matt Stafford & salary, and the usual falderal about roster moves prior to Opening Day. Also, there’s signs of the impending move’s acceptance and monetization, with the promotion for sale of this shirt:

 

And the advertising is just as sad:

No matter where life takes you, you never forget where you came from. Rep the one and only original ‘Nation’ from where it all began with the ‘Oakland: Birthplace of a Nation’ T-shirt.

Whether you’re from Oakland or elsewhere, if you rep the Silver & Black, you’re all on the same side. You’re all part of the same Nation.

But there is a touching short article about Sebastian Janikowski, who is entering his 18th year and still sports an 80% field goal average.


Game Preview: Word Association division

For the games not broadcast on NFL Network, I thought I’d try and draw comparisons to everyday objects & emotions, to help us better understand the trajectory these teams are looking to take this upcoming season, based on how their second- and third-stringers will look tonight.

  • EAGLES AT JETS – green shit
  • JAGUARS AT FALCONS – southern fried shit
  • BENGALS AT COLTS – runny, lumpy shit
  • LIONS AT BILLS – polluted shit
  • STEELERS AT PANTHERS – interesting shit
  • GIANTS AT PATRIOTS – the Jimmy Garoppoo-poo show
  • [*Redacted] S AT BUCCANEERS – diseased shit
  • DOLPHINS AT VIKINGS – fishy shit
  • RAVENS AT SAINTS – elite shit
  • BROWNS AT BEARS – tricking the new foreign-exchange kid at school into eating chocolate ex-lax
  • TITANS AT CHIEFS – a shart
  • CARDINALS AT BRONCOS – horse shit
  • CHARGERS AT 49ERS – FUCK BOTH JED YORK & DEAN SPANOS WITH HOT METAL DILDOS!

In short, you may sum up most of these games thusly:


Tonight’s sports:

  • Football:
    • NFL:
      • Rams at Packers – 7:00PM | NFL Network
      • Seahawks at Raiders – 10:00PM | NFL Network
    • NCAA:
      • Tulsa at Oklahoma State – 7:30PM | FS1
      • Ohio State at Indiana – 8:00PM | ESPN
    • CFL:
      • Redblacks at Alouettes – 7:30PM | TSN
  • MLB:
    • Jays at Orioles – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
    • Cardinals at Giants – 10:00PM | Sportsnet360

Loogit that sports schedule – THAT’S MORE LIKE IT!

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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WCS

I guess Redshirt can stop pacing in circles.

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LemonJello

Well, shit fire and save matches.

I’m off to bed, got a museum AV system to bring back online in the morning.

Later, Taters!

King Hippo

oh, JV NFL. I had forgotten what a cruel tease you tend to be, especially in Sept.

litre_cola

I always feel his name is Earl boykin, but it is not.

LemonJello

There it is.

Tosu starting to smell blood in the water.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Losing 10-0 in the second quarter, four penalties, I feel like I’m watching the Raiders of, oh, lets say 2012.

LemonJello

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King Hippo

pass it around, man!

WCS

Let’s check in with Redshirt…..

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King Hippo

think he was mumbling something about a clock tower and the hour of reckoning being at hand. I’m sure he’s fine.

Redshirt

LOL

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Luani, sit down. You’re on the team.

Unsurprised

Is that Manti Te’o’s new BFF?

King Hippo

Waiver wire Donks up 20-2 on waiver wire Bird Cano!!

LemonJello

Waiver wire safety?

King Hippo

yeah, done ruined our waiver wire perfect game ,, smh

King Hippo

the number of times shitty Indiana has hit Barrett makes me feel good re Boomer Sooner’s chances.

...

The worst part about him? I can’t even spoonerism his name to make fun of him. IT’S UNSPOONERABLE.

LemonJello

So,you’re saying that one Cook is….
/removes sunglasses
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QrGrOK8oZG8
Too many?

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

And the Raiders with their SECOND fumble of the first quarter…

King Hippo

good thing 98% of the guys playing tonight are cuts, yeah?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yeah. I wasn’t mad at all after the first fumble but the second one pissed me off. Also am mad that they gave up another big play for a touchdown cause the cornerback tripped over his own feet.

...

I was reminded today of why I was so happy to move out of my old apartment. I emailed about returning my deposit and got asked if I had any of the remaining keys. It seems the new tenant has no mailbox key and hasn’t been able to access the mailbox for a month. I’m absolutely 100% certain I returned the mailbox key with the rest of the keys so I’m thinking the dumbfuck property manager I dealt with gave the new tenant a different set of keys that didn’t have a mail key. My guess is this has been a known issue for a while and they didn’t bother to ask me to help (which I’m willing to do).

Oh, and supposedly my deposit is in the mail.

King Hippo

again, the answer lies in FIRE

Duchess

Bullshit, 30 days to send you the deposit and an itemized bill of all deductions.

...

Illinois law is 30 days to get the list of deductions, 45 days to get the money back. I’ve received no list and the email specifically mentioned getting back 100% of my deposit.

Redshirt

You have one job Wide Receiver. ONE JOB!

King Hippo

was it “make Hippo laugh?” Job DONE!

...

Ohio State losing to Indiana would make my night.

Duchess

Been watching Sinner on USA… It’s like a better written True Directive with shitty music.

Unsurprised

Also Jessica Biel.

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Redshirt

Bring on the 2nd half!

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WCS

Hi, Moose!

blaxabbath

Just opened twitter to see that the Bears are playing short a DB.

jjfozz

If Ryan Mallet starts for the Ravens, I’m burning Baltimore to the fucking ground.

Well, okay maybe that’s being redundant, but you know what I mean.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Two words….

Thad. Lewis. Duke.

OK that’s three words, but still.

King Hippo

starting a fire or series of fires is always a fine idea, sez Hippo

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hey dudes and duddettes (though all the duddettes have already signed up)….

Beastmode has his FF league up and ready to roll again. Draft is this Sat at 1:30pm. We need one more idiot to sign up and get his ass kicked by the girls. Just one more.

https://football.fantasysports.yahoo.com/f1/1144822/invitation?key=3b8899a54c106706&ikey=8b98cf0055fe765b

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Just…one…more…

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jjfozz

What if we took the Alt Right and ISIS, put them on rafts with machine guns, and floated them around a chemical plant in Houston?

LemonJello

“Winner” gets a B61 of instant sunshine dropped on their asses?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Bears making Cleveland look like champs

WCS

Carolina has a guy named Mose.

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jjfozz

Goddamn Sage Steele, eat a fucking sandwich

jjfozz

I hate the Fuckeyes. And my cousin went to OSU. So last year he put me and a bunch of other OSU alum on a text thread during the Michigan game. And i fucking had those douchebags so fucking wound up, I thought they were going to cry blood. Fucking so much fun texting GO BIG BLUE! and getting 15 hate filled texts within 30 seconds

...

tOSU hate is always justified.

jjfozz

Got the first paycheck from the new job. Guess who’s going on a fucking BOURBON BLITZ SHOPPING TRIP?

Ohhhhh motherfuckers are we gonna get fucking twisted tomorrow night

BOURBLE FOR ALL

King Hippo

Let’s all wake up married to strippers!

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’ll bang one, but I ain’t marrying one.

LemonJello

I’ll pass.
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Redshirt

…and somehow this team is up by 1

King Hippo

This will end like 37-14

Redshirt

OSU gets a one point safety?! Nice!!

WCS

Andy Reid is using all the barbecue sauce in Missouri jerking off to Indiana’s clock management here.

Redshirt

Did IU forget about their timeouts?

Brick Meathook

Hey, it’s the LA Rams on the Tee Vee! Speaking as an Angeleno, I’m so happy. A big league team will really put our town on the map! Oh wait are the Chargers the new team? Well good for them too!

jjfozz

CBS Fall Season: “Sure you could stick darning needles down your dickhole, but watching our liquid shit is slightly less painful.”

Unsurprised

I’ll still choose the needles.

theeWeeBabySeamus

tOSU -14 in the second half.
Who wants to bet?

jjfozz

“The Girl with all the Gifts”. A cool ass zombie flick that’s not a zombie flick. And Glenn Close is one scary ass woman in this one

King Hippo

Nice closeup of some asshole’s armpit hair

theeWeeBabySeamus

Ummmmmm…..your order of words was carefully planned.
I like that.

King Hippo

an armpit’s asshole hair would just be all kinds of wrong

theeWeeBabySeamus

Meh. It would be funny.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I ask again….Didn’t Barrett used to not suck?

King Hippo

hard to tell, almost always v. B1G foes

King Hippo

and on a 2nd try, still net 13 yards

theeWeeBabySeamus

LMFAO

jjfozz

Boy should this be a fun ravens season. Rolls eyes. Fills up funnel with grain alcohol.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Right?

jjfozz

And I went on a MAJOR FUCKING TRASH TALKING SPREE to my uncles one night about how Perriman and Flacco were going to pair up for a monster season. And that everyone would be wearing Perriman jerseys by Halloween.

Yeah, I’m that fucking stupid.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Dude…how fucking drunk were you?????????
LMFAO

King Hippo

way to net 13 yards, Hoosiers

Duchess

Hot Taek: Fox doesn’t owe anybody shit about hiring Vick.

However I don’t want to watch him, not because of what he did, but because I don’t think he ads value to anything. He was the king of making something out of plays he busted. Hester knew more about playbooks than him.

theeWeeBabySeamus

He’s an idiot.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

“Hey!”
-Marcus Vick

jjfozz

You could . . .blame it on the Bosa Nova

LemonJello

Can I just launch them both into a super nova instead?

LemonJello

Tosu has another fukken Bosa?

King Hippo

oh great, another Bosa?

jjfozz

There are tons of tits on big brother this year.

LemonJello

Fozz!!1!!1!
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jjfozz

What’s up? Been a long time.

LemonJello

S-squared, D-Squared. Got two of my spawn off to college and the last started high school.

jjfozz

Good god a’mighty!

King Hippo

That Boomer Sooner fixture next week looks to be awfully high-scoring.

Redshirt

I think Urban cut a scholarship player during the last break, just to wake up the team.

LemonJello

He also took away his scholarship. A little blood letting can be motivational, though, just ask BOLTMAN.

WCS

Someone tell Redshirt he can take his head out of the oven now.

Artist’s conception:
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Redshirt

…but I’m cooking cookies!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Indiana just remembered they’re Indiana.

King Hippo

Fucking self-awareness.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Didn’t Barrett used to not suck?

King Hippo

Student section sign “Indiana Respects Women”

uhhhhh….Mike Pence??

herodotus450

They’re referring to Bob Knight, of course.

King Hippo

Whether they’re sucking his dick or making him a sandwich ,, amirite??