Your “It Seems Like The Super Bowl Was Just Yesterday” Thursday Night Football Season Opener Open Thread.

I guess you’re wondering why I called this meeting. I’ll tell you why but first I think we need to give a round of applause to all the dickbags that provided summer (ie., ‘unfootball’) time content on this here football-centric blog. Y’all did yeoman’s work to keep us engaged and coming back again and again. Nicely done. And now to the matter at hand. You’re here because you love football. Or maybe you hate football in that weird way that you hate your ex. Or maybe you love to hate football. Or maybe you hate that you love football. No matter-it’s back and your jaundiced eyeballs are begging to see that sweet, sweet large man on large man action. Perhaps for just a little while we can forget about those players (too many) and their penchant for domestic abuse or the brain-addling inconsistencies of the punishments meted out against them. (Okay, Zeke gets to play the first game and then his suspension kicks in? Got it.) The garbage surrounding the game is hard to take but the game itself? I do like it and commenting with you fellow woebegone souls makes it that much better. So let’s dig in and enjoy the shit out of this. TO THE GAME!

Chiefs/Pats: Good old Alex Smith. For a guy that is only behind Russell Wilson and Tom Brady in games won over the last four years he sure gets a lot of grief for being the game manager that he is. Most of the rookie qb hype that I came across in the pre-season was centered around Mitch “Truth Biscuit” Trubisky but out Kansas City way the folks are drooling over a certain Patrick Mahomes and his big-ass arm. Apparently the Chiefs cut CJ Spiller about five hours before game time so that his contract isn’t guaranteed for the entire year. I hope I’m wrong because that seems remarkably petty. The guy is on the books for 615k, for Goodell’s sake! That leaves KC with only two rb’s for the game and the starter, rook Kareem Hunt, will be joining the illustrious company of Duce Staley, Brian Westbrook, LeSean McCoy and Jamaal Charles as players that Andy Reid has run into the ground. Freaking Brady is forty and it looks as though his arm strength is still there and he’s got a full complement of toys to play with. Recent acquisition Brandin Cooks is going to stretch the field (don’t sleep on Phil Dorsett and his 4.33 speed though) so that Gronk can work the middle of the field. The guy I’m looking to have a career year is Chris Hogan-it takes a year to wash all the Buffalo Bills stink off so I think he’s ready to make some noise. Perhaps your thinking Amendola is going to be the guy? Jokes on you-simply by mentioning his name out loud you caused him to strain a hamstring.

Well, the meeting is adjourned. Go out there and do your worst/best. If there are any new commenters out there this is probably the second best place to introduce yourselves aside from the new guys post that Seamus put up a few days ago. Have at it and I’ll see you down below.

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
1.2K Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Spur

#PunterLivesMatter

King Hippo

WE WILL SHITHAMMER HIM UNTIL YOU CALLS IT ROUGHING U SNOWFLAKES

WCS

HAIL BLEERGH

Sharkbait

STOP TRYING TO MURDER THE PUNTER

Doktor Zymm

I’ve had a cold and my throat is a bit raw, but I should keep throwing alcohol down it to disinfect it

Smithchez

Well, you’re no doctor but…wait, you are? Sounds like all the medical advice I’ll ever need!

/ignores open wound

Doktor Zymm

I’m not THAT kind of doctor, but I don’t have a deductible so….

Smithchez

Good enough for me!

/bleeds out
//but with good mental health

Sharkbait

Alcohol DOES kill germs after all

Gratliff

How neat. My doctor gave me shoes just like these. https://t.co/ykoWo1xKwF

— John Dingell (@JohnDingell) September 8, 2017

//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js

Gratliff

Oh what the hell. I saw someone do a real embed earlier. Is it not the embed code from twitter?

The Maestro

I took my embed code from Tweetdeck. Not sure if that had any effect or not.

Gratliff

Yeah, couldn’t get one for it from tweetdeck. Maybe because it was a quoted tweet.

NATO Pats Fan

Actually, Matt Patricia reminds me of the Thumbnail Guy at UConn in the mid-80s

Horatio Cornblower

That’s Physics Phil to you buddy, and I’ll have you know that as of 2-3 years ago he was still floating around UCONN.

King Hippo

HOLD MOAR EFFECTIVELY

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hee hee…I said the same thing.

Spur

Why does Patricia have a pencil if his sheet is laminated?

King Hippo

Makes him look S-M-R-T. His version of Rick Perry glasses.

Smithchez

Wait, a backwards baseball cap and a beard makes you a “character” in New England? What?

WCS

Add an entire can of Kodiak, and HE’S JUS LIKE ONNAH US!

Doktor Zymm

Beards : TOTALLY COOL UNLESS YOU’RE MUSLIM OR THINK BLACK PEOPLE SHOULD BE TREATED EQUALLY OR WHATEVER, HIPSTERS

Senor Weaselo

2nd and 17? Sure, let’s run a draw!

King Hippo

Try that thar Tyreek play again, ah sure did like it!

Smithchez

I am just so fucking sick of refs throwing flags because Patriot players have been conditioned to make the “throw a flag” motion on every single fucking play. It’s like they’re using Pavlovian conditioning on the refs

Gratliff

Hightower: pedalpedalpedalpedalpedalpedal

the king in yellow

Hah – you know Van Noy was starting shit, but Kelce was too fucking dumb to not react.

Spur

Team Captain Taunt

Senor Weaselo

Let’s see what other bullshit we can do!

Doktor Zymm

Something something KelCe KC

blaxabbath

Just between the few of us, I’m looking forward to the team-furnished science that explains why the 49ers performance is the NFL equivalent of down syndrome.

Dick E. Phuck

My hypothesis: Kyle Shanahan

King Hippo

NOBODY LIKES A QUITTER sez teh pill addict

Shogun Marcus

Complaining about flagging? That’s a flagging. Complaining about no flagging? You better believe there’ll be a flagging.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Guess who has Gillislee in FF?

Guess whose wife has the KC defense?

King Hippo

I have the Chefs in my auction league, but bought RAMIT!!! for $1 for this week and this week ONLY

Dick E. Phuck

Mine?
Just kidding, I don’t have a wife. Or anyone for that matter

Doktor Zymm

You aren’t playing each other at least?

Beastmode Ate My Baby

No, we are…

Doktor Zymm

Oh, shit, yeah, I’m not used to the new names. Good luck not being murdered!

Brocky

Shit, I still don’t know the names from last year.

Also, I legtimatley don’t know who I”m facing

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Zymm, I think…

Senor Weaselo

Don’t forget “Guess who’s against their wife in fantasy?”

Spur

Do not donate to the Red Cross. They will pocket the money. Give to JJ Watt.

King Hippo

Hands that have been in Katy Perry’s snatch will never do any wrong!

Doktor Zymm

As long as they keep their nails trimmed

King Hippo

HA!!!

...

Wait. What?

Brocky

I’m proud of the fact that I had no idea they were an item apparently

theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh yay, another rushing TD can happen now after what should have been passing TD’s and points for me. Fuck me having to hope Brady does well. Fuck fuck fuck fuck.
Fuck this shitty FF shit….I ain’t pulling for Brady….fuck that dick.

Bring it on Universe. You fucking KHunt.

NATO Pats Fan

whoooooo!
/tips over, takes nap.

Sharkbait

Why yes, yes I am Al, thank you

Doktor Zymm

Whatever happened to that thing where runningbacks weren’t supposed to get low?

The Maestro

My insufferable homerism is actually paying off for once in fantasy… bless you, Mike Gillislee.

King Hippo

For once I am not playing the 0.2% assdicks of America like you

Sharkbait

Wooooooo

the king in yellow

Jesus, refs, call it evenly at least.

Smithchez

Terrance Mitchell is really Eric Smith/Chris Conte-ing this game up.

King Hippo

oh but Misters Magoo saw THAT just goddamned fine and dandy

NATO Pats Fan

Fuck, I’m waaay out of mid-season condition. Haven’t seen the other side of 2300h in a long time. And 20 minutes left.

Doktor Zymm

I’m with you on that….this shit runs late

King Hippo

STRATEGIC NAPS PPL!!!!

The Maestro

Got home from work and slept from 430-630. Absolutely essential.

Brick Meathook

Late? It’s only eight o’clock.

Doktor Zymm

I like that Mitchell deals with the PI against him by doing some quick yoga

...

Ugh.

Senor Weaselo

Slight tug on a P*ts jersey? Flag. Pick? No flag.

the king in yellow

How is that not fucking holding?!

King Hippo

saved me some typing

ALXMAC

2 plays in a row right up the middle? Must be a new Brady rule

Spur

KC with the lead in a big game? Andy will fuck this up.

Brocky

Guys, I just want to take a moment, we made it through the off season:

GROUP HUG!

https://i.giphy.com/media/W9xM974gq49sk/giphy.webp

Smithchez

That is heartwarming and petrifying.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

It was all due to HRTN.

Ron Howard voiceover: “It wasn’t due to HRTN.”

Brocky

Also, I apologize for not being caught up on HRTN, I’m sure you’re just heartbroken without my witty commentary, not that summer’s over, less outings with friends, I should be back to a more regular schedule.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Awesome! You’re in the future, looking for Rikki in an Iguana Mart and…

Look, it’s probably better if you just catch up yourself…

Brocky

Tell me this at least:

Was I correct in my prediction in that everyone would travel to a different time period, and would have to leave in a hurry, and naturally I got left behind?

Beastmode Ate My Baby

No, you all ended up in the future where the DFOers met the Ape City cops and had a fight with rejects from the Road Warrior.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

But you did get untied from the chair.

Mr. Ayo

Less tongue!

Spur

Howdy Folks!

theeWeeBabySeamus

comment image

Dick E. Phuck

No flags?

Brocky

comment image

Mr. Ayo

I’m glad I read the entire post before replying.

Doktor Zymm

Comparing him to a Walrus isn’t fat shaming. Fat is the correct shape for a walrus, otherwise they would die.

King Hippo

I’ll buy him one Golden Choice buffet meal at the location of his choosing.

Dick E. Phuck

The Chiefs golden corralled Brady all game long.

Doktor Zymm

Look at former Redacteds being essential to other teams….not that this happens frequently or anything, cause the various DC regimes have totally inspired all players to be their best and they totally haven’t gone to other teams and frequently done way more or anything….

King Hippo

It’s not having to be all shamed of the uniform and whatnot.

/one tear falls

Smithchez

“Wait, I don’t know anything about car insurance.”

“That really doesn’t matter. You’re a white, nonthreatening football player.”

“People don’t generally know football players by face because we’re almost always wearing helmets.”

“But you’re white.”

“Yeah, you keep saying that…. Whatever, what do you need me to do?”

“Catch some passes?”

“I’m a linebacker.”

“For fuck’s sake, Luke, just lift some weights. We’ll figure it out.”

“So you don’t want me to say anything about Geicco?”

“Well…not anymore.”

Doktor Zymm

BRADY’S PASS RATING LOWER THAN TRUBISKY’S THE BEARS WILL REIGN AGAIN!!!
-Some guy in a bar near me, probably

Brocky

I want what that guy’s having.

Seriously, THat shit sounds dope

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I told you folks that Hunt was going to get his touches.

comment image

make it snow

[ruefully regarding my starting tight end, Antonio Gates]

theeWeeBabySeamus

Conflicting emotions.
Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue.

Doktor Zymm

Taxi Driver inspired a crazy guy to try to assassinate a president, and maybe Uber or something. What current films have the same impact?

Dick E. Phuck

Rambo III led to 9/11 I think?

Brick Meathook

Video games -> Killing sprees

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Dunkirk inspired many of our politicians to speak out mildly against Nazis?

make it snow

Hinckley just got out of jail. Tell him Lily James hates Donald Trump and we’ll find out.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Fury Road inspired me to stock up on that silver food spray stuff.

King Hippo

Bitchy Brady is the best Brady. Next to Ded Brady.

...

Sacked into a sad injured heap is the best Brady.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

comment image

Brocky

http://i.makeagif.com/media/8-16-2015/Nuh761.gif

Brady out for the year courtesy of a chiefs hit is best brady

Brocky

comment image

Brocky

when the FUCK am i gonna figure word press out?

1 6 7 8 9 10 12