Your “Save Room For Biscuits” Monday Night Football & Evening Open Thread

Whether it be Thanksguiving, Columbus Day, or Indigenous Peoples Day, happy holiday Monday to you all.

And if you didn’t have a holiday today, maybe move to a better state or country.

There’s no NFL News update because I may or may not have typed this last Thursday, right before I picked up my first bottle ahead of the Thursday Night game. If the Patriots lost, I’m blitzed until Tuesday.


Game preview: Vikings at Bears.

Hold onto your butts, because tonight marks the first appearance of…

the Truth Biscuit!

Mitch Trubisky, fresh from a whole 13 starts at the U*NC, starts tonight & we’ll get to see whether the Bears laughably wasted those draft picks to move up one spot to get him. Looking at their schedule, it’s probably the best time to start him, as after this the Bears next face off against the Ravens, Panthers, Saints & Packers. If they ever wanted to get him a start & avoid David Carr-ing him, this is the game. Plus, they have a deadly 1-2 combination at running back. If John Fox is a smart man, the ratio of running-to-passing plays is 2 or 3:1.

(Ron Howard voice: he was not a smart man.)

The Vikings, meanwhile, don’t know who’s starting half their positions until they take attendance on the bus leaving the hotel. A Filipino bellhop could end up being their long snapper if he doesn’t get off in time. Current starting QB Teddy Bridgewater Sam Bradford Danny Wuerffel Case Keenum just has to copy the Rodgers tape from last week & stay upright in order to have a successful-enough game to carry the Vikings to victory.

Anyone for a 10-10 tie?

(A billion thanks to Low Commander for the awesome photoshop.)


Tonight’s sports:

  • NFL:
    • Vikings at Bears – 8:15PM | ESPN / TSN
      • en espanol en ESPN2
  • NHL:
    • Black Hawks at Leafs – 9:00PM | NHLN; TSN4 (regional)
  • MLB:
    • Game 4 (if necessary) – AL Divisional Series – 8:00PM | FS1 / Sportsnet1

Holiday Monday and a short work week?

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

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King Hippo

“And don’t you forget it, BITCH!” – Aaron R., Green Bay, WI

Shogun Marcus

Yawn. He keeps winning like that, I’ll take his dick.

King Hippo

shit, who wouldn’t? That guy is fucking amazing. I bet he’s a kind and considerate lover, too.

Shogun Marcus

I know where he lives. Throwing distance from both my folks and the in-laws.

jjfozz

Can someone please post instructions on how to successfully post images, because I’m a fucking dillweed

Gratliff

Avoid imgur, make sure the link is https and not http.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Hint: Don’t use Imgur. It does not play well with others.

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Beastmode Ate My Baby

If using Giphy, use the embed code.

via GIPHY

Brocky

Gfycat

King Hippo

I can only post youtube videos, because I am too old/dumb/stubborn to learn

LemonJello

I’ll try. http won’t embed, like below:
http://www.totalprosports.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/beach-volleyball-bounce-sexy-volleyball-gifs.gif

But if it’s https, it will embed, like so:
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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

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Gratliff

Goddamn, Enzo’s experienced some fucking vicious botches

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Doktor Zymm

pro ‘wrestling’ mystifies me

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

It just looks like Buddy after every 1993 Leafs playoff in a dumpster behind Carlton St.

Gratliff

It’s all about nerdy bullshit disguised as toxic masculinity and physically impossible body standards

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jjfozz

wait, his name is Danielle but it’s pronounced “Da-neel”?

litre_cola

Christine Micheal nods in agreement.

LemonJello

Sam doesn’t look right tonight.

No, Coach, Sam doesn’t look at the same spot with both eyes at once.

King Hippo

not since he fell down that well in ought-two

LemonJello

I thought it was the Typhus outbreak of aught-three, or was that the Smallpox scare in oh-seven?

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

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jjfozz

Tis true

Shogun Marcus

didja know Spur hates the Aaron Rodgers?

Gratliff

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Beastmode Ate My Baby

A terrible wrestler trapped in the body of…well, a terrible wrestler.

jjfozz

Tonight I will sleep with a smile on my face.

Senor Weaselo

The ropes told him to get big.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

“Everyone’s a critic.”

-John Gruden

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’m watching this game with two women that are only interested in the halftime star wars preview.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Not
Even gonna
React to
Dat

King Hippo

thanks for the heads-up, will look for some non-step-sibling porn instead.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Good luck with that.

Brick Meathook

Is that the one with Doctor Spock or the one with Bigfoot? I get them mixed up.

Brocky

Women who accept star wars are not to be taken for granted.

jjfozz

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

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Doktor Zymm

This is my fav so far

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Holy shit I made Zymm happy, time to drink arsenic.

jjfozz

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

COACH: Sam, we’re gonna need to see more movement from you.

SAM BRADFORD: [sighs, packs up teepee]

LemonJello

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Brick Meathook

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Beastmode Ate My Baby

“I call him the Predator, because I’m just really high right now. I mean, welcome to stonation, amirite? That bowl I smoked before the game fucked my shit up. Is this thing still on? Woo! I am John Fuckin’ Gruden, pal, and you better not forget it! Yowza!!!”

What JG was actually thinking.

DontHair

Fangio has that blue crab talon mouth thing man and a shoulder mounted laser cannon that he fires off in practice for missed tackles and assignments and he once shot off a large Native American mans arms man that’s just wild man wow

Brocky

Needs more curse words.

He curses like a sailor, how he manages to not do it on air is beyond me

DontHair

Akim Hicks is an absolute monster

King Hippo

You have a surprising number of good players as long as the offensive passing game is not considered.

jjfozz

We must eradicate this man from the earth
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Gratliff

Half-wrestler, half-OBJ photo negative

Gratliff

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

If the Bears can hold Diggs to zero points, I can win my fantasy matchup this week

Sharkbait

I need 14 points between Diggs and Howard to beat Mrs. Sharkbait. She’s enjoying this game a little too much

litre_cola

Same boat as me my good man.

jjfozz

Goddamn this site is fucking pissing me off tonight. Sometimes the images I post show up, sometimes they don’t. What in the fucking FUUUUUUCK?

Gratliff

Back away from the imgur, sir

LemonJello

Yep. imgur is shite. And use https:

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

They need to start with https. I find that including a “wordpress” in my image search helps.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Alright, gotta go get some work done. I’ll be back later to gloat at ShogunMarcus….presuming Murray doesn’t blow out his ACL on his next touch.

Senor Weaselo

By “work done,” you mean…

theeWeeBabySeamus

Kontent Produkshun.

LemonJello

Yes.
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theeWeeBabySeamus

OK, maybe you’ve got the better idea.

Shogun Marcus

As my league name implies, just not in my eye.

Doktor Zymm

What are the rules about safetys in OT?

Sharkbait

If you allow one you’re kicked out of the league?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

End the game

King Hippo

It counts as a possession, you do not apparently get to onside free kick it to get the ball back (I inquired when rules changed)

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

If it falls off run out of the room and do the Ickey Shuffle

...

I always thought the OT rules were explained poorly. It’s sudden death UNLESS the first score is a field goal on the first possession of the period.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

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King Hippo

Best. One. Yet!

Romonobyl

Just turned the game on, and am not the least bit surprised to see a safety as the only points so far.

King Hippo

you’ve missed some incredible punts and blatant offensive penalties

Brocky

My dad while getting licked by the shih tzu

Dad: what’re you kissing me for?

Me: because you smell like wings

Dad: Awwwww

King Hippo

and then your dad put wing sauce on his butthole, and ruined your childhood??

Brocky

…..you okay there buddy?

litre_cola

I am glad Fozz is filling in for Moose in the titties department.

jjfozz

Gold in them thar hills!
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Doktor Zymm

I’m actually kinda sad I’m missing this sure to be expiring matchup

Romonobyl

Not for long you wouldn’t.

King Hippo

there’s the 10 cent head that comes with the million dollar arm. JEEBUS

/also, punt #4 inside the Vikes’ 45

Romonobyl

Deal.

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LemonJello

Don’t hog the whole bottle! Pass it this way.

herodotus450

Butt-chugging it is!

Doktor Zymm

Eh, none of them look like lesbians anyway, so I should be fine

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Sounds like Buddy playing in a co-ed tackle league!

theeWeeBabySeamus

That group should want guys to be as drunk as fuck when they show up.
Yeeeeesh.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

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King Hippo

wow, Jay Leno’s kid sure has the yips, huh?

/also is quite black

Shogun Marcus

YOU’RE SHOCKED? TALK TO MAVIS!

Senor Weaselo

And striking out twice with the bases loaded starts to be worrisome as it is now 5-3 Dirt Giants.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

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King Hippo

he prolly did breastfeed until he was 4 ,, ppl forget that

King Hippo

BLEERGH sez HAI

King Hippo

important first down, NOW they can punt and feel good about it

jjfozz

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jjfozz

Here for god’s sake
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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

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Beastmode Ate My Baby

So how long until opposing teams’ cheerleaders wear bikini tops to distract Mitchy-Mitch?

LemonJello

Don’t most of them already? They’d have to go to pasties to make any lasting impression.

jjfozz

Can someone explain the Chicago qB and titties joke? Because I keep on seeing the word titties, but I’m not fucking SEEING ANY TITTIES

LemonJello

Here, don’t go all purple engorged rage machine on us.
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Romonobyl

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Gratliff

I don’t like the new spin on the Riddler

Shogun Marcus

You HAVE been gone! He once tweeted that he in fact loved kissin them tittays.

King Hippo

he made a tweetering over the summer professing his profound love for kissing TITTTAYYYS!!!

/spelling is rough approximation

jjfozz

I fucking love this guy.

Beastmode Ate My Baby
Romonobyl

I doubt young Ted Nugent would really do that.

Redshirt

Here. Have two pairs.
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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Spells like he went to UNC

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m actually rooting for the Bears in this game just for survival pool purposes.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Last one

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Sharkbait

Last one? MOAR!

LemonJello

Too bad the Bears don’t have a cheerleading squad on the sidelines.

King Hippo

we can dance…AND SING!!!

LemonJello

SAFETY FOR THE SAFETY GODS!

jjfozz

My son is watching Enzo Amore on wrestling. I want to fill a pastry tube with black widow venom and jam that fucking thing right into that idiot’s skull. (Enzo’s, not my son’s.)

Beastmode Ate My Baby

We are all grateful for the clarification.

Gratliff

He’s universally hated by the lockerroom, he can’t wrestle, and he pissed off Twitter when it found out he doesn’t tip strippers, but he’s lightning on the mic and Vince is going to pay him forever.

Brocky

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King Hippo

THIRD punt from inside the Minny 45, in the first QUARTER. Foxy’s so erect he could cut glass.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It would be the best thing ever if one of the announcers fucked up and referred to him as Mitch Titskissby.

LemonJello

Gruden. It would have to be Gruden.

DontHair

You rang?