Whether it be Thanksguiving, Columbus Day, or Indigenous Peoples Day, happy holiday Monday to you all.
And if you didn’t have a holiday today, maybe move to a better state or country.
There’s no NFL News update because I may or may not have typed this last Thursday, right before I picked up my first bottle ahead of the Thursday Night game. If the Patriots lost, I’m blitzed until Tuesday.
Game preview: Vikings at Bears.
Hold onto your butts, because tonight marks the first appearance of…
the Truth Biscuit!
Mitch Trubisky, fresh from a whole 13 starts at the U*NC, starts tonight & we’ll get to see whether the Bears laughably wasted those draft picks to move up one spot to get him. Looking at their schedule, it’s probably the best time to start him, as after this the Bears next face off against the Ravens, Panthers, Saints & Packers. If they ever wanted to get him a start & avoid David Carr-ing him, this is the game. Plus, they have a deadly 1-2 combination at running back. If John Fox is a smart man, the ratio of running-to-passing plays is 2 or 3:1.
(Ron Howard voice: he was not a smart man.)
The Vikings, meanwhile, don’t know who’s starting half their positions until they take attendance on the bus leaving the hotel. A Filipino bellhop could end up being their long snapper if he doesn’t get off in time. Current starting QB Teddy Bridgewater Sam Bradford Danny Wuerffel Case Keenum just has to copy the Rodgers tape from last week & stay upright in order to have a successful-enough game to carry the Vikings to victory.
Anyone for a 10-10 tie?
(A billion thanks to Low Commander for the awesome photoshop.)
Tonight’s sports:
- NFL:
- Vikings at Bears – 8:15PM | ESPN / TSN
- en espanol en ESPN2
- Vikings at Bears – 8:15PM | ESPN / TSN
- NHL:
- Black Hawks at Leafs – 9:00PM | NHLN; TSN4 (regional)
- MLB:
- Game 4 (if necessary) – AL Divisional Series – 8:00PM | FS1 / Sportsnet1
Holiday Monday and a short work week?
“And don’t you forget it, BITCH!” – Aaron R., Green Bay, WI
Yawn. He keeps winning like that, I’ll take his dick.
shit, who wouldn’t? That guy is fucking amazing. I bet he’s a kind and considerate lover, too.
I know where he lives. Throwing distance from both my folks and the in-laws.
Can someone please post instructions on how to successfully post images, because I’m a fucking dillweed
Avoid imgur, make sure the link is https and not http.
Hint: Don’t use Imgur. It does not play well with others.
If using Giphy, use the embed code.
via GIPHY
Gfycat
I can only post youtube videos, because I am too old/dumb/stubborn to learn
I’ll try. http won’t embed, like below:
http://www.totalprosports.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/beach-volleyball-bounce-sexy-volleyball-gifs.gif
But if it’s https, it will embed, like so:
Goddamn, Enzo’s experienced some fucking vicious botches
pro ‘wrestling’ mystifies me
It just looks like Buddy after every 1993 Leafs playoff in a dumpster behind Carlton St.
It’s all about nerdy bullshit disguised as toxic masculinity and physically impossible body standards
wait, his name is Danielle but it’s pronounced “Da-neel”?
Christine Micheal nods in agreement.
No, Coach, Sam doesn’t look at the same spot with both eyes at once.
not since he fell down that well in ought-two
I thought it was the Typhus outbreak of aught-three, or was that the Smallpox scare in oh-seven?
Tis true
didja know Spur hates the Aaron Rodgers?
A terrible wrestler trapped in the body of…well, a terrible wrestler.
Tonight I will sleep with a smile on my face.
The ropes told him to get big.
“Everyone’s a critic.”
-John Gruden
I’m watching this game with two women that are only interested in the halftime star wars preview.
Not
Even gonna
React to
Dat
thanks for the heads-up, will look for some non-step-sibling porn instead.
Good luck with that.
Is that the one with Doctor Spock or the one with Bigfoot? I get them mixed up.
Women who accept star wars are not to be taken for granted.
This is my fav so far
Holy shit I made Zymm happy, time to drink arsenic.
COACH: Sam, we’re gonna need to see more movement from you.
SAM BRADFORD: [sighs, packs up teepee]
“I call him the Predator, because I’m just really high right now. I mean, welcome to stonation, amirite? That bowl I smoked before the game fucked my shit up. Is this thing still on? Woo! I am John Fuckin’ Gruden, pal, and you better not forget it! Yowza!!!”
What JG was actually thinking.
Fangio has that blue crab talon mouth thing man and a shoulder mounted laser cannon that he fires off in practice for missed tackles and assignments and he once shot off a large Native American mans arms man that’s just wild man wow
Needs more curse words.
He curses like a sailor, how he manages to not do it on air is beyond me
Akim Hicks is an absolute monster
You have a surprising number of good players as long as the offensive passing game is not considered.
We must eradicate this man from the earth
?w=330
Half-wrestler, half-OBJ photo negative
If the Bears can hold Diggs to zero points, I can win my fantasy matchup this week
I need 14 points between Diggs and Howard to beat Mrs. Sharkbait. She’s enjoying this game a little too much
Same boat as me my good man.
Goddamn this site is fucking pissing me off tonight. Sometimes the images I post show up, sometimes they don’t. What in the fucking FUUUUUUCK?
Back away from the imgur, sir
Yep. imgur is shite. And use https:
They need to start with https. I find that including a “wordpress” in my image search helps.
Alright, gotta go get some work done. I’ll be back later to gloat at ShogunMarcus….presuming Murray doesn’t blow out his ACL on his next touch.
By “work done,” you mean…
Kontent Produkshun.
Yes.
OK, maybe you’ve got the better idea.
As my league name implies, just not in my eye.
What are the rules about safetys in OT?
If you allow one you’re kicked out of the league?
End the game
It counts as a possession, you do not apparently get to onside free kick it to get the ball back (I inquired when rules changed)
If it falls off run out of the room and do the Ickey Shuffle
I always thought the OT rules were explained poorly. It’s sudden death UNLESS the first score is a field goal on the first possession of the period.
I miss Mike Tirico.
http://www.sportsvideo.org/new/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/Tirico_Mike.jpg
Best. One. Yet!
Just turned the game on, and am not the least bit surprised to see a safety as the only points so far.
you’ve missed some incredible punts and blatant offensive penalties
My dad while getting licked by the shih tzu
Dad: what’re you kissing me for?
Me: because you smell like wings
Dad: Awwwww
and then your dad put wing sauce on his butthole, and ruined your childhood??
…..you okay there buddy?
I am glad Fozz is filling in for Moose in the titties department.
Gold in them thar hills!
I’m actually kinda sad I’m missing this sure to be expiring matchup
Not for long you wouldn’t.
there’s the 10 cent head that comes with the million dollar arm. JEEBUS
/also, punt #4 inside the Vikes’ 45
Deal.
Don’t hog the whole bottle! Pass it this way.
Butt-chugging it is!
Eh, none of them look like lesbians anyway, so I should be fine
Sounds like Buddy playing in a co-ed tackle league!
That group should want guys to be as drunk as fuck when they show up.
Yeeeeesh.
wow, Jay Leno’s kid sure has the yips, huh?
/also is quite black
YOU’RE SHOCKED? TALK TO MAVIS!
And striking out twice with the bases loaded starts to be worrisome as it is now 5-3 Dirt Giants.
he prolly did breastfeed until he was 4 ,, ppl forget that
BLEERGH sez HAI
important first down, NOW they can punt and feel good about it
Here for god’s sake
So how long until opposing teams’ cheerleaders wear bikini tops to distract Mitchy-Mitch?
Don’t most of them already? They’d have to go to pasties to make any lasting impression.
Can someone explain the Chicago qB and titties joke? Because I keep on seeing the word titties, but I’m not fucking SEEING ANY TITTIES
Here, don’t go all purple engorged rage machine on us.
I don’t like the new spin on the Riddler
You HAVE been gone! He once tweeted that he in fact loved kissin them tittays.
he made a tweetering over the summer professing his profound love for kissing TITTTAYYYS!!!
/spelling is rough approximation
I fucking love this guy.
via GIPHY
I doubt young Ted Nugent would really do that.
Here. Have two pairs.
Spells like he went to UNC
I’m actually rooting for the Bears in this game just for survival pool purposes.
Last one
Last one? MOAR!
Too bad the Bears don’t have a cheerleading squad on the sidelines.
we can dance…AND SING!!!
SAFETY FOR THE SAFETY GODS!
My son is watching Enzo Amore on wrestling. I want to fill a pastry tube with black widow venom and jam that fucking thing right into that idiot’s skull. (Enzo’s, not my son’s.)
We are all grateful for the clarification.
He’s universally hated by the lockerroom, he can’t wrestle, and he pissed off Twitter when it found out he doesn’t tip strippers, but he’s lightning on the mic and Vince is going to pay him forever.
THIRD punt from inside the Minny 45, in the first QUARTER. Foxy’s so erect he could cut glass.
It would be the best thing ever if one of the announcers fucked up and referred to him as Mitch Titskissby.
Gruden. It would have to be Gruden.
You rang?