The Astronauts did a thingy last night according to spurts pages everywhere. When do you think they’ll come back down to earth? Will Buzz Aldrin officiate at the wedding between that guy and his girliecake? How much motorboating will Verlander do this off-season? More than the usual amount? The questions are many. The answers are tedious.
Perhaps now we can engage in a real sport. Where my Church League Volleyball homies at? Saint Lucia of the Caribbean looks stacked this year!
Okay, I was actually talking about The Hockey. One may be interested in the 10-win Lightning hosting the NYR or the Blues doing the Flyers. The best game (“Northern Ontario Bias” detected…) should be the Mighty Senators (coming off an 8-3 drubbing) taking on the Red Wings.
Is there anything else that I’ve neglected to cover? Hmm… Oops! TO THE GAME!
Bills @ Jets- The Hippster (King Hippo) and I have both made passing mention of a Bills D that-right now-is a force to be reckoned with. They’re giving up an average of 16 points per game and have forced a ridiculous 13 turnovers in the last 4 tilts. Giving the ball back to an offense that loves them the ball control has paid dividends so far. Unlike in years past, the front office recognized that they needed some semblance of a play-maker at wideout and traded for The Kelvinator. (Yeah, trading away Watkins created this issue but whatever) It’s been back and forth as to whether he’ll be activated for the game,”But it ain’t that hard to throw a jump ball to a 6’5″ 240 pounder in the end zone”, says me. If the Billies get the V they are first in the AFC East again and occupy 2nd overall in the conference-second only to the Stillers. Don’t look down, Sean McDermott and them Buffalo backers out there-you might get a tad dizzy. If Alfred Hitchcock taught me anything-and he didn’t-it’s that it’s a long way down from these heights.
Do your worst in the comments.
The last 30 seconds have convinced me to go find a Yakety Sax gif. It looks like the Bills will be needing it.
Dropping that INT is the 2017 equivalent of not being able to find your helmet in the Super Bowl.
So…here’s a shocker for y’all. Engineering bootcamp is actually NOT the most social place on earth.
Whoa whoa whoa, that’s crazy talk.
Lots of Lesser footy options on tonight. Lesser Footy Liouns play tonight against the Lesser Footy Seahawks. Everyone expects it to end 0-0 and go to penalties. My question is, why not just go straight to penalies.
And if you’re a Catholic priest, Young Boys SC play in Europe’s poor man’s version of Champions League
I will be watching for sure. Hope the Lesser Liouns can get one quick.
Never forget why you should be rooting against the Jets here.
Okay, this actually looks fine. It’s just strawberries and goat cheese with some basil on a pizza crust :
Baked strawberries though. I’d have to put it in my….er, taste it first.
Yeah, that’s much better than the pic I saw, which was of strawberries being swallowed up by cheese.
“Where are all the blackberries?”
/asking for a friend
-Paula Deen
Really glad I have McCown on my bench right meow in a 2 QB league
/still the right call with Breesus and Dangeruss
//still tho
#HumbleBrag
My lack of WR talent would make you feel better
I painted meself into a corner, had to start him.
So far I’m not displeased.
Bill’s D.
Bills’ D.
Asked the local bar to make 20 of the hottest wings they could come up with. I’ve made it through 6 so far.
/Help!
You just made an enemy; your anus.
Nothing beats a burning anus to remind of you of last night’s mistakes.
– Any actress that decided to attend a Hollywood “audition/ interview” at a hotel.
That may be true for a lot of different situations, in particular if the air is heavy with the smell of burnt butter.
That’s Hallmark condolence card material right there.
Plan A: Get milk to soak your mouth and get bread so the hot sauce can soak in the bread and not your taste buds and stomach acid.
Plan B: Get drunk. Very drunk. That you won’t care that you have severe pain in your mouth and in a few hours you’ll be sitting on a toilet somewhere begging whatever deity you pray to for Death’s sweet release.
You can do this. I believe in you!
Make sure to film your experiences tomorrow, too.
I’m not prepared for a reality where Josh McCown is adequate.
“Love Your Sense Of Humour!”
-Reality
He’s got the touch!
He’s got the pow-er!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A52–FKUQgU
That movie was just insanely overbooked.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XrMbkbTPrPA
Overbooked or overlooked?
The thumbnail for that Weird Al music scene there is Judd Nelson and Eric Idle.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ok2qGH63O_0
McCownDown? Sure, cause he’s more atheletic than we thought (who would have expected it of an old white guy, right?!)
fear is a fine motivator, in terms of foot speed
Dejounte’s in the doghouse
So I heard on the radio that some people are putting strawberries on their pizza. Has anyone tried this or are you too busy regurgitating?
I would try it. Almost anything is good on pizza. I would probably go with a white pizza, strawberries, basil, balsamic drizzle
I would eat that very happily.
I’ve had something like that at the Strawberry Festival, but it wasn’t cooked. The crust was more like a graham cracker crust.
I’ve seen the pictures. There oughta be a law
Seconded. The photos will put you off of non-bog-standard pizza for life.
Word is, though, that, if you run across strawberry chicken wings, they can be quite good. (“If” being the operative word – I’ve never seen ’em myself.)
Probably Papa John.
Need Seferian-Barnidge to pop tonight.
I’m Here.
thank phuck!
in Dick we trust.
Reports coming in that Betsy DeVos is going to resign. I look forward to welcoming our next Trump-appointed Secretary of Education, Gilbert Gottfried’s character from Problem Child.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7nIhZ5c5pKE
Still more qualified.
So she stole all she could and it’s time to call it quits?
#MAGA
The G stand FOAR “grift” ppl forget that
I’d imagine she’s just trying to avoid having to participate in a 25th Amendment action.
Ultimately when you’re rich due to your family, any sort of work not directlu related to protecting the family cash pile isn’t worth it.
Jason Witten uses Geico like Tiger Woods drove a Buick before the divorce
Is “Jetman” the new Jets superfan? He couldn’t be a tad more creative with his nickname?
well, a Jets fan saves most of they creative juices for thinking of suicide methods…
…but being a Jets fan, they all fail so he may as well show up to the next game.
He’s the non-union mexican equivalent.
Ha! No goal? Suck it, Sens. Watching this thing on like an hour delay though, so I’ll be on the first comments page for a while.
/But wouldn’t I rather have the wings suck it and have maybe draft a real franchise player…
Kerr is getting tossed from this game.
BLEERGH safety??
nein, sad Hippo
I bet deep-fried buffalo mozzarella would taste good in buffalo sauce
I like where your head’s at. #nohomo
It ain’t Thursday Night Football without an opening drive punt.
Was Atomic Blonde any good?
NO
/did not see film
Sounds like a fair assessment.
Isn’t there a beer called that?
Would the ppls recommend holding onto Deshaun in a Keeper auction league? I could then either match his bid on the market, or keep him for the average of Top 5 price for QBs this season.
Durant is a major gash.
Olympic Patty back?
Nice anthem – good,voice, in need of a bit of polish, but she kept it straightforward.
the cops/fire ppl I run into usually don’t sing like that, but then again mah simple Southern life rarely resembles Cop Rock nor Glee (The Firehouse Years)
Yesterday, the Blackhawks guy was doing the national anthem and my son went quiet during it out of respect. I told him it was wrong to care so much, not for any political reason, but because Jim Cornelison is terrible.
I sure would like to see the Spurs end their 3-game slide against the team that chop-blocked them out of the playoffs earlier this year.
Go Spurs Go
Hippo counterpoint – fuck the jewelry industry
I’m not certain what this counterpoint is directed at (I’m presuming the early bullshit Xmas commercials telling you if you don’t buy your gal a big diamond and a big Lexus for Xmas, she’s gonna bang the neighbors).
But I don’t disagree. Fuck ’em.
Lolz. Is that a dramatic remix of the Eminem Call of Duty Commercial song?
Given how they destroyed South Delaware Banana State in pre-season action, I’m very comfortable predicting that the Cuse basketball squaderoo is headed to the Final Four in 2018.
Banana State should win the Delaware Conference too.
Shit, I left ESPN on too long. Navy at Temple just came on and broke my TV.
That wasn’t ESPN, it was Temple fans throwing batteries.
Impressive. That’s about a 400 mile toss. Sign ’em up, Bob McNair.
I know that the existence of the team is subject to debate around here, but as someone who lives in their mandatory broadcast zone and has to see them every Sunday afternoon, it’s too bad about Watson, he was really fun to watch.
HOU/SEA was a joy to behold, despite Coach Buttchinski derping up the end. Back to the meatgrinder philosophy he prefers, I guess. Blech.
He fucked up at the end of the Pats game, too, which made 90% or so of the country very sad.
Indeed-y do. Perhaps he wishes he had a smashmouth vintage Yinzer or Balmer squadron, but you coach the side you gots, not the one you wants.
We are in SF, near Montgomery Station. We want seafood dinner. Where do we go?
Is there a Long John Silver’s nearby?
I told her Subway has a tuna melt ON WHEAT!
Every Subway I’ve ever been to has had that seafood delight nightmare on their local favorites menu, and I have never met someone who has eaten one.
My mom loves that monstrosity.
Seems like she wouldn’t be enough to tip the scales. Does your mother just go town to town eating them out of stock on it like some cross between the Conehead daughter and an orca?
Find Jack’s on Fisherman’s Wharf. They have (Chris Traeger voice) LITERALLY 250 beers on tap.
You see this is why its actually good my Cincinnati Reds don’t win the World Series. The Houston Astros win the Series and all the celebration and good will caused a backdraft and now the Houston Texans lost their best player to a fluke injury. If the Reds ever win one, AJ Green may suddenly implode into a puddle on the practice field.
How do you explain the fate of the Cleveland Browns, was it anticipatory sucking to counteract the Lebron effect. Or are the Browns going to win the Super… (laughing uncontrollably for twenty minutes). Sorry about that. As I was saying, if the Browns win…
/dies from ruptured diaphragm.
I can’t wait for this week’s Forsaken fantasy column so I can complain about Watson getting injured the week after he put up a big game to beat me.
Yes, I didn’t fully think things thru when I picked up McCown as my one week backup to cover Brady’s bye week. But I’m sure it’ll be fine…..
Welp. Good night, houston.
So Satan’s bill for Houston’s sportsball championship came due awfully quickly, didn’t it?
Who are these fucks on the pre show? Its like ESPN “Hipsters”…
Top College QB Draft Prospects when they found out the Browns messed up the McCarron trade and may have to draft a QB 1st overall after all:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dSK1APQu6K4&t=2m15s
Since Elizabeth Warren & Donna Brazile both said the DNC rigged the primary for Hillary, it’ll be interesting to see if critics will start calling them BernieBros or agents of Putin
Agreed. Even Ted “The Masterdebater” Cruz alluded to it on the CNN Town Hall with Bernie Sanders about Health Care or Tax Cuts or something.
Whatever happens, it’s nice to see Hillary Clinton’s name back in the news. Have barely heard a peep about her since the election.
yes, and I would certainly like to thank all parties involved for making sure the dumbest fucking conversations of all time can be rejuvenated 5 days before the crucial Virginia elections.
Considering that the party doesn’t really stand for anything anymore, there’s nothing left to do except indulge conspiracy theories and attack imagined enemies.
https://twitter.com/Browns/status/926216370353778689
https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js
Lunch with a Browns player at Arbys? Damn, they spared no expense with that promotion
[enters contest forty times]
– Andy Reid
Sadly, I will never watch my favorite scene in Glengarry Glen Ross again, but ironically I can see it as Kevin Spacey playing the part of Jack Lemmon being reamed by Hollywood.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4wRLWM_m5wQ&t=4m
continued
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=55wIwwmrHxk
So, we’re all rooting for the Bills tonight, right? Just to make the AFC East seem competitive for one more week?
I will, if only because a big win against the Jets will make me feel less lousy about how thoroughly the Bills dismantled my Raiders.
Ate red meat (in the form of prime rib) for the first time in 4 months last night. T’wasn’t amazingly glorious at all!
/today’s adventure in the bathroom? I won’t be writing home about that anytime soon…
That’s why I don’t eat red meat. Its not just my taste. Its all the stuff downroad, when it hit your system.
Medium well to Well. Cooked throughout but not burnt and black. Gets it done but the taste hasn’t been cooked out of it.
Nah man, you gotta go medium rare. I love me some red juice (which isn’t blood)
Grandfather ruined me from red meat. He ate red meat and died early at 54. That’s why I don’t go rare.
The only red meat I eat is Flank Steak, but even that is barely red.
I like medium-to-medium well. Which means I always ask “medium well” in a restaurant to ensure I actually get no less than “medium” because I know chefs be snooty.
Prime Rib is worth any complications you may have later on.
DeShaun Watson out with ACL tear. Colin Koepernick is right there, damnit! Starting Savage over Koep is one hell of a way to tell your fans you’ve given up for the season
They’re bringing in Matt McGloin as a backup.
*Updates cross-offs list*
More like, Matt, “Aw, My groin!”
I wonder if Koep were to sign, if he’d drop the lawsuit. Not that it’ll matter as he’s clearly blacklisted
Edit: That Matt McGloin pun was way funnier in my head.
https://i.giphy.com/media/13MsN0d5e3I7S0/giphy.mp4
At this rate, all Kaep’s lawyers have to do is call Goodell to the stand and have him read both the NFL Transactions List, their stats and scounting reports.
Paedo State Coach Buttchinski favour trading.
That’s my 7-1 money league team (which also relies on Hopkins) ded.
I had already survived David Johnson’s injury, and Devante Adams turning to dust thanks to Rodgers getting hurt. This was a bridge too fucking far.