Your “It’s Just A Fantasy” SNF Open Thread

Because Scotchnaut  got shamed today while buying beer at the pet store, and thus is now drowning his sorrows with Modelo and single malt, you’re stuck with me tonight.

If you didn’t do the required reading earlier today, you won’t get those references.  And thus you should feel as much shame as him.  Even more, actually.  At least he was trying.

Though he didn’t buy me a puppy so I’m kinda still not happy with him.

My Fantasy Football Season Is Over

And good riddance.

At the time of this writing, I’m not technically eliminated from the playoffs.  But it would take a minor …  errrrrr yuuuuuuge miracle for me to recover today.  Thus, unlike a certain Alabamian sex offender we all know and love, I’ve already extended my concession to BeastmodeAteMyBaby.  Dude kicked my ass but good to finish off my unremarkable late season slide.

Karma’s a bitch.

I’ll remember that the next time I think about giving someone shit, even as good-natured/humorous as it was intended.  Sincere apologies to Covalent Blonde  on that one, and congrats to her for then also  kicking my ass and starting my late season slide into oblivion/also-ran status.

King Hippo  also kicked my ass during that slide, but I expected that one.  And he can just suck it anyway.

No, seriously Vlad.  Dude’s enjoying my first round bye and  winning dough like he gotz a horseshoe up he arse.

(though at the moment, my Yinzer moneyline bet is still looking OK)

((never mind…P*ts FG ties it up…. Jerks))

On the bright side, at least I don’t have to root for Tawmmy to get me the FF win today.  And that’s priceless.

Break a leg, Tawmmy….literally.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dX4Jlm75CdM

So Who We Got Tonight?

Oh.  Crap.  Really?

Dallas @ Oakland (+3.0, o/u 46.0)

The Fighten’ JJ’s are still without Zeke for one more week (hey that rhymed).  Yet they’ve found a way to limp to a coupla wins lately and keep hope alive.  Dak Dak Dak seems to not be ded anymore…20/32, 332 yds, 3 TD, 0 int last week.  Then again it was vs the Gigantes.  But if they can find a way to get out of the bay area with a win tonight, anything is possible once Zeke hits the field next week.

The Fighten’ Al Davises (Davis’ ?, Davis’s ?) on the other hand, have hit upon hard times and have little reason to expect that to change.  Amari Cooper is out for tonight, which is probably being seen as good news for Crabtree and Cook owners.  But it probably shouldn’t be.  Marshawn Lynch is due to disappear again, and neither Richard nor Washington have shown the ability to carry enough of the load when he does.  Trust me, I’ve owned all three of them this year.  Much to my chagrin.

If the Raiders protect home field and win tonight….?  It probably won’t matter, considering they have to travel to Philly and NawtSD to close things out.

If the ‘Boys get the road win tonight….?  It could springboard them into the postseason.  Because beginning next week, they’ll be a different team with Zeke in tow when they host Seattle and then close out in Philly.

Sooooo….who wants it less?

Prediction:  Cowboys 27, Raiders 17

And no, I’m not betting on this game.  No way in hell.

Checking In On My Last Bet Of The Day

Oooooh, TD Yinzburgh!!!!

Dammit, Antonio Brown out for the rest of the game….of course, this  week.

smgdh

Oh well….

OK then, go talk about it in the comments as usual.

You can even feel free to make fun of me.  It seems a popular thing to do around here lately.  And it makes me feel very loved.

Last Minute Addendum Befoar Scheduled Publishing Time

As always, fuck the P*ts and fuck Tawmmy.

0 0 votes
Article Rating
theeWeeBabySeamus
An unapologetic, even if often manic-depressive (it's a requirement given his choices of sports teams), fan of NC State University, the Baltimore Ravens and the Baltimore Orioles. When not parked in front of the computer and/or TV, can often be found on the golf course shouting obscenities to no one in particular.
Subscribe
Notify of
601 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Since I took off my Carr jersey in disgust the Raiders have been playing remarkably well.

Unsurprised

What do you have left? Socks?

LemonJello

Just the one.

Col. Duke LaCross

Is Crabtree capable of attempting to make a catch without pushing off?

Horatio Cornblower

No.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

LemonJello

Capable? Perhaps. Willing? No.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Horatio Cornblower

Hank Hill is my spirit animal

Gratliff

Not watching the game. The non-Zeke cowboys are just awful.

Romonobyl

Ground game wasn’t bad early on, now…not so much.

litre_cola

Last one.

Todd Everetts :Haven’t cared since the kneeling began. Couldn’t have even told you if the season was still going on. Go back to the locker room Steelers. I meant it when I said you lost a life long fan. Signed, a Veteran.

So many questions to Todd.

Unsurprised

Todd can eat shit, beginning and ending with the fact that his name is Todd.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

DON’T YOU TALK ABOUT MARINE TODD THAT WAY!

LemonJello

Marine Todd will either:

Rip off your head and shit down your neck.

or

Gouge out your eyes and skullfuck you to death.

Viva La Tabula Raza

“Why don’t I just bend you over the table there and nail ya in the keister… send you home with that “just pumped the neighbor’s cat” look on your face.”

Romonobyl

Seriously, have you ever known a Todd that wasn’t a complete dick?

Viva La Tabula Raza

Nope.comment image

The Maestro

The extremely rare triple-recessive genes on display here.

Horatio Cornblower

Jesse Plemons is a really good actor. Fantastic in the second season of ‘Fargo’

Which reminds me that I really need to watch the 3rd season.

Unsurprised

Yes, you do.

comment image

Shogun Marcus

Yet he clearly watches and cares. Otherwise why make your opinion known again?

Romonobyl

Curling it is…

Don T

I wouldn’t mind the Cowboys riding Zeke to the NFC Championship. Related: I thought the pills were aspirin.

litre_cola

You high right now Don?

Don T

No comm➿?t

litre_cola

Roderick Kentaro Cromartie : I’m heart broken right now BS call , he had total control of the ball , ROBBED AIN’T THE WORD WE GOT RAPED TONIGHT, and even if the ball came out he had total control of it so if it hit the ground when he was going down it would technically be a fumble but he picked it back up in the inzone so that’s still a MUFUCKING TOUCHDOWN !!!!

Oh Roderick, I do not think we have the same definition for raped. Maybe ask your qb?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s not rape if the ball was drunk.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Webster’s will allow it.

archaic : to seize and take away by force

litre_cola

Devonn Bamsey I agree with everyone that says that was a bad call! The Steelers were robbed! I’m so mad!! My steelers still won that game in my <3 !!! Go STEELERS!!!

So how are the standings in her heart?

King Hippo

also, I don’t want to exactly say “Karma for all the bullshit in the Cincy game” but…

LemonJello

So how are the standings in her heart?

They’re hotter than the burning sensation she’s going to get checked at the clinic tomorrow.

Viva La Tabula Raza

“Why you chasing me, man?”
“Why you running?”
To Live and Die in L.A. is an underappreciated classic.

Unsurprised

Plus you get to see the guy from CSI’s balls.

Viva La Tabula Raza

My 60-something year old aunt got a bit excited at that scene when we watched that movie It was a bit of a weird moment.

Horatio Cornblower

“You want bread, fuck a baker.”

So many great lines in that movie.

Romonobyl

How the fuck did that just happen?

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Someone just threw a dildo onto the field.

Oh sorry, that’s just Derek Carr.

Shogun Marcus

Hey…when’s a dildo ever been bad? No seriously, I have no idea what the problem is. -w. sapp

King Hippo

hey-OH!!

litre_cola

It’s hard playing against the patriots it’s even harder playing against the patriots and referees.

This here is a 5 year olds argument when they lose at anything.

LemonJello

“You’re mean and you smell like poop.”

That’s a five year old’s argument. Period

litre_cola

I smell like poop? IT IS BECAUSE YOU POOPED ON ME!

Shogun Marcus

Why’d you stand there and take it? You LI-I-KE POO-OOP.

Romonobyl

Clearly you all have had kids.

Shogun Marcus

Close. Child welfare for 15, teacher now. Also, I refuse to grow up. It’s for stupids.

Horatio Cornblower

I still don’t think it was the right call; I thought that guy kept his hand under the ball enough to not overrule the call. That said, it’s not the refs, it’s that goddamn stupid “catch/notacatch” rule. He broke the plane with control of the ball. it’s a TD.

Shogun Marcus

Yes I was to understand the goal line is a magical barrier where nothing matters once you break the plane. If he was a RB, that would’ve counted.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Unsurprised

Why are the cookies still there?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Hummm, he knows a little too much about how Muppets die.

Unsurprised

Seems like it’d be easier to chop it up and feed it to pigs.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Acid?

comment image

Shogun Marcus

Do you not?

Unsurprised

comment image

comment image

Unsurprised

comment image

Romonobyl

Apparently, some survey claims partially torn calves are a big problem in Washington state.

Unsurprised

Not since Ted Bundy was executed.

Horatio Cornblower

That may be the darkest thing I’ve read here.

And that is saying something.

Unsurprised

Thank you.

Shogun Marcus

Heh heh…good one. They should’ve moooved quicker.

LemonJello

So, this first half, more of a clown-show, or a shit-show? Discuss.

Romonobyl

I’m cool with the score, but even the derping wasn’t very entertaining.

Shogun Marcus

A shit-show whilst wearing clown shoes.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Brick Meathook

comment image

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Second straight game of the Raiders going scoreless through the first half.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Horatio Cornblower

I see the Romanians are still bitter about the Dacian Wars.

Unsurprised

The French really are pussies.

Horatio Cornblower

I’ve seen pictures. There’s no way you’re a featherweight.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Horatio Cornblower

As one of the resident Cowboys fans here I’d just like to say that was a bullshit PI call on Cook.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

GO FU…oh. I mean, yes, I quite agree.

Romonobyl

I’ll take it, but yeah it was pretty weak.

Horatio Cornblower

I’ve explained this before but many years ago, when we were but wee Cornblowers, my brother and I received football jerseys for Xmas. For years I thought it was my father, a Giants fan, but he has recently blamed an aunt and denied any responsibility.

My brother got a black and gold 32 for Franco Harris and has been a Steelers fan ever since . I got a white and silver 55 for Lee Roy Jordan and have rooted for the Cowboys ever since.

Glad that “aunt”, (I know it was you, Dad), wasn’t a Bengals fan.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Jerry Jones secretly calls Mark Davis “The Crypt-Keeper’s retarded Chucky doll”

Unsurprised

Secretly? If he weren’t a cheap bastard he’d be flying that on banners above the stadium.

LemonJello

With Ol’Dubble J, it’s not-so-secret.

Romonobyl

WHEEEEEEEE!!!!!!

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Jerry Jones still thinks the Black Hole is a Hispanic hooker he pays $12k whenever he’s in Oakland.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Let me tell you one thing Cris, the Cowboys are having a worse week than Akayed Ullah!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Horatio Cornblower

There’s a man with his ducks in a r

/giant hook hauls Horatio offstage

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Unsurprised

Lawyerball.

Unsurprised

The mod team has decided to give up on the game of football, as it is obviously silly.

litre_cola

I liked that one. They would rather weed out trolls than cheer for the Steelers

litre_cola

Eagles fan here. Pretty sure NFL refs just hate Pennsylvania. Y’all got robbed.

You are not helping the cause fine Eagles fan, not helping.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Pity troll Iggles fan

litre_cola

facebook anger is far better than reddit this evening.

Romonobyl

Welcome to the Cleveland Browns FanZone!

comment image

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Dilly dilly!”

– John Yoo, looking up from a machine he’s designing that will crush a child’s testicles.

Brick Meathook

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

LemonJello

comment image

The Maestro

Just because it’s not your fetish for this one…

Horatio Cornblower

eh, whatever.

Unsurprised

I’M UNCANNY ROBOT RIIIIIIIIIIIIICK!

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Ah, the Oakland Coliseum, or as I like to call it, “Syria Jr.”

Unsurprised

It sucks that Megatron’s only lasting legacy is having the second-dumbest rule ever, behind Tuck Rule, named for him being assfucked by it.

Gratliff

Tuck rule, sir

Unsurprised

That’s it.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

With hands like that T.J. Carrie should be playing for the Raiders offense!

Unsurprised

Hands like Carrie Fisher.

Romonobyl

Cold and stiff?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Dez and Marshawn are not holding up their end of the I need 75 combined points bargain

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Unsurprised

comment image

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I should know better than to expect the Raiders defense to stop a team that’s facing a 3rd and 12.

JustStopDude

Derek Carr doesn’t look like an NFL QB…
comment image

He looks like the asshole that stole my HVAC unit for pill money.
comment image

Unsurprised

Is he wearing eyeliner?

Gratliff

Shit. Dokk got another one.

JustStopDude

I’m trying to figure out why it looks like he is missing his left arm at the shoulder.

Unsurprised

It’s like the photo in BTTF and he’s stuck in the past being converted to a cyborg beginning with his left hand?

Unsurprised

Damn

litre_cola

He just discovered The Cure and is really in to their early stuff.

hippofant

Did Del Rio just call a timeout so he could keep yelling at the refs?

Unsurprised

I’d respect him for that.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’ve seen teams pull that defensive holding on the guard/tackle a few times this season. First time I’ve seen it called. And of course the Raiders were the ones to get flagged.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

“In a survey this week, men said they preferred penis size to height. Sixty-two percent of men said they’d rather be five foot two with a seven inch penis. Thirty-six percent said they’d rather be six foot three with a three inch penis. And the remaining two percent said they’d rather be one foot four with a three hundred inch penis.”

Horatio Cornblower

Brett Favre is very happy to be 6’4″

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Romonobyl

I hope this is what Mom meant by being young and needing the money.

LemonJello

Narrator’s voice: “It wasn’t.”

Unsurprised

At 6’2″, I am conflicted. I hate being below average, but I’d probably want to kill myself if I were under 5’6″.

Horatio Cornblower

Holding on the defense? In Oakland?

That’s a stabbing.

rockingdog
Unsurprised

Picking up the slack for Dok, who’s been fangirling about SF?

Unsurprised

comment image

Unsurprised

Evergreen Tweet:

comment image

Romonobyl

You know that could be any one of us, right?

Unsurprised

Did someone win the lottery in the last five seconds?

ArmedandHammered

I’d like to think we have enough self respect to get better hair cuts

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Not all of us eat the poor.

Horatio Cornblower

Buddy I’m losing hair faster than Roy Moore lost votes and I still have a better haircut than Mark Davis.

LemonJello

Wait till he molts.
comment image

litre_cola

Steelers reddit is a good time right now

Unsurprised

I refuse to believe that.

litre_cola

“i was prepared to lose this game but the fact that we had to listen to a full season of “ben can’t outplay brady” and then he does but nobody will remember it because of that call and the pick makes me sick. the fact we lose brown is just the turd on top of the shit sundae we just got served”

Unsurprised

I stand corrected.

Even if you beat New England, you watch it happen, and pinch yourself to know you aren’t dreaming, you still haven’t beaten New England. Absolutely heartbreaking to be Steelers fan tonight. I’m proud of this team though.

This sounds like Hell.

litre_cola

So, Im very new to football, but wouldnt the call be completed catch, because he clearly had enough control to reach, but no touchdown because when his knee hit, the ball was like a yard away from the line?

I am not new to football and I still have no fucking idea.

Viva La Tabula Raza

The Pit of Misery come to life.

rockingdog

crabtree wearing that chain??

The Maestro

Every year for Christmas, I ask for a monkey butler. And every year, I come away disappointed. When will my fortune finally change?

Unsurprised

The year after you die, they pass the Monkey Butlers For All Act.

The Maestro

I’d also accept a shaved eunuch servant, but apparently those are even harder to come by than monkey butlers these days.

Unsurprised

Damn techbros. I blame Dok for the sudden shortage.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Unsurprised
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Romonobyl

1st and Alcatraz.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image