Your “It’s Just A Fantasy” SNF Open Thread

Because Scotchnaut  got shamed today while buying beer at the pet store, and thus is now drowning his sorrows with Modelo and single malt, you’re stuck with me tonight.

If you didn’t do the required reading earlier today, you won’t get those references.  And thus you should feel as much shame as him.  Even more, actually.  At least he was trying.

Though he didn’t buy me a puppy so I’m kinda still not happy with him.

My Fantasy Football Season Is Over

And good riddance.

At the time of this writing, I’m not technically eliminated from the playoffs.  But it would take a minor …  errrrrr yuuuuuuge miracle for me to recover today.  Thus, unlike a certain Alabamian sex offender we all know and love, I’ve already extended my concession to BeastmodeAteMyBaby.  Dude kicked my ass but good to finish off my unremarkable late season slide.

Karma’s a bitch.

I’ll remember that the next time I think about giving someone shit, even as good-natured/humorous as it was intended.  Sincere apologies to Covalent Blonde  on that one, and congrats to her for then also  kicking my ass and starting my late season slide into oblivion/also-ran status.

King Hippo  also kicked my ass during that slide, but I expected that one.  And he can just suck it anyway.

No, seriously Vlad.  Dude’s enjoying my first round bye and  winning dough like he gotz a horseshoe up he arse.

(though at the moment, my Yinzer moneyline bet is still looking OK)

((never mind…P*ts FG ties it up…. Jerks))

On the bright side, at least I don’t have to root for Tawmmy to get me the FF win today.  And that’s priceless.

Break a leg, Tawmmy….literally.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dX4Jlm75CdM

So Who We Got Tonight?

Oh.  Crap.  Really?

Dallas @ Oakland (+3.0, o/u 46.0)

The Fighten’ JJ’s are still without Zeke for one more week (hey that rhymed).  Yet they’ve found a way to limp to a coupla wins lately and keep hope alive.  Dak Dak Dak seems to not be ded anymore…20/32, 332 yds, 3 TD, 0 int last week.  Then again it was vs the Gigantes.  But if they can find a way to get out of the bay area with a win tonight, anything is possible once Zeke hits the field next week.

The Fighten’ Al Davises (Davis’ ?, Davis’s ?) on the other hand, have hit upon hard times and have little reason to expect that to change.  Amari Cooper is out for tonight, which is probably being seen as good news for Crabtree and Cook owners.  But it probably shouldn’t be.  Marshawn Lynch is due to disappear again, and neither Richard nor Washington have shown the ability to carry enough of the load when he does.  Trust me, I’ve owned all three of them this year.  Much to my chagrin.

If the Raiders protect home field and win tonight….?  It probably won’t matter, considering they have to travel to Philly and NawtSD to close things out.

If the ‘Boys get the road win tonight….?  It could springboard them into the postseason.  Because beginning next week, they’ll be a different team with Zeke in tow when they host Seattle and then close out in Philly.

Sooooo….who wants it less?

Prediction:  Cowboys 27, Raiders 17

And no, I’m not betting on this game.  No way in hell.

Checking In On My Last Bet Of The Day

Oooooh, TD Yinzburgh!!!!

Dammit, Antonio Brown out for the rest of the game….of course, this  week.

smgdh

Oh well….

OK then, go talk about it in the comments as usual.

You can even feel free to make fun of me.  It seems a popular thing to do around here lately.  And it makes me feel very loved.

Last Minute Addendum Befoar Scheduled Publishing Time

As always, fuck the P*ts and fuck Tawmmy.

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theeWeeBabySeamus
An unapologetic, even if often manic-depressive (it's a requirement given his choices of sports teams), fan of NC State University, the Baltimore Ravens and the Baltimore Orioles. When not parked in front of the computer and/or TV, can often be found on the golf course shouting obscenities to no one in particular.
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Gratliff

Worse call than the end of Pitt-NE

SonOfSpam

Let’s not be hasty.

King Hippo

Holy shit, they pulled out the index card!!

Romonobyl

Only a fucking Dallas game.

Gratliff

GET THE CALIPERS

SonOfSpam

Time for a Mark Davis haircut again?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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SonOfSpam

More Democrats shoulda tried to curry favor with him.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That joke was fucking beautiful.

Don T

Joke’s on him. Semen means you care.

Spur

Fuck it. Go for it on 4th.

Spur
SonOfSpam

Has anyone made the obligatory “Richardson’s gonna sell the team, piece by piece via auction” joke yet? If so, sorry, just got here.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

No one had strong enough teeth to bite that one off

King Hippo

There may or may not be a breeding stock/auction block joke in Hippo Thoughts

SonOfSpam

I expect nothing less for my money (or property)

Gratliff

it me, the “fuck it. say it and see what happens” guy.

Wakezilla

I mean, someone is writing a skit/post about this soon, I presume?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Unsurprised

There was a “he’ll only receive 3/5 of what he’s asking for” joke.

SonOfSpam

Shit, that’s better.

Spur

1st and Witten?

King Hippo

a rare spot challenge that seems obvs to succeed

Wakezilla

Not sure if it was a catch.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Raiders fan who won’t turn the lights off on his sweater ain’t getting any mogambo tonight. In fact, divorce proceedings may ensue shortly.

Unsurprised

Joke’s on you. It’s a restraining order t-shirt and the lights change color whenever he’s within 1000 feet of his ex.

King Hippo

After finding, like, the ONLY thin Chefs fan in the world, too!

Unsurprised

I always assumed Raiders fans prefer their ladies thicc

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

exasperated Charlie logic is the best

Unsurprised

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Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

The Sarah Jessica Parker collection wasn’t as popular as they thought it would be.

King Hippo

for the lady Donks WOO!!! in yer life

Unsurprised

But you’re already at Goodwill and don’t want to have to shop around

WCS

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Wakezilla

Those NFL shop commericals are the worst. Lady, you’re a grown woman. Come out of the closet and admit you love the C-Hox

Unsurprised

Do I go with the homphobia joke, the DV joke, the idolatry joke …

Romonobyl

If this game goes into overtime I’m crashing my car through the front of the nearest convenience store.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Petronel

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Romonobyl

I never could understand why a space fighter would need any form of aerodynamic stabilizer.

WCS

They do use them in terrestrial combat.

/NEEEERRRDDDDD

Romonobyl

I KNEW someone was going to say that!

Unsurprised

The politicians who fund these things are idiots dazzled by shining, pretty, sexy, etc. objects.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Maybe they’re solar panels or something.

Petronel

Increased moment of inertia, maybe? (Anti-tumbling.)

Don T

During development, most design notes read “More cumbersome!”

Spur
Unsurprised

But I prefer my pancreas cancer-free.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Greg Kihn bumper music? OK.

Unsurprised
Wakezilla

Nice

Unsurprised

This is staged right?

Detective Reddit is on the case.

Don T

Tennessee still has the inside track on the AFC 6th seed. My feelings on if they make it:
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King Hippo

I still find yinz more entertaining than Balmer, if that’s a comfort

Don T

At least today proved Mariota’s not broken. ?

WCS

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Unsurprised

Damn it. I wanted to post this.

Wakezilla

I hope they make it over The Wire, but, Titanticos have a much harder schedule than the Murder.

Don T

Oh, I’ll take an 8-9 season after the Wild Card blowout. Gladly! Dignity takes too much effort.

Romonobyl

I’m beginning to develop a “let’s just get this bullshit season over with” attitude.

Unsurprised

Good. Good.

Viva La Tabula Raza

This gridiron tilt is shaping up to be fairly exciting.

Spur

sigh…………..crap it’s on now.

Gratliff

This is gonna be like the 4th time this season that I thought Dallas is done. This has to be it, right?

Spur

i thought you weren’t watching? Go deepthroat a cheesesteak!

Gratliff

Went with sausage and peppers instead.

Spur

the Grizzlies move to Vegas join the Pacific division and the Suns move to the Southwest. it just makes sense.

Spur

i do like the black and white santa cheerleader uniforms

Wakezilla

Santa’s Mistresses

Spur

one more drink?

WCS

Winter break starts tomorrow. ALL the drinks.

Gratliff

4 days left. Friday will be a workday with all the quotation marks around it.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Three days of going into the office, Thursday telework, back to work on 3 Jan.

Viva La Tabula Raza

They’re probably all still bitching and complaining on reddit and facebook, not watching this…

WCS

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

They will reverse this, because of course they will.

Unsurprised

NFL football: America’s favorite sport.

WCS

Hello. I haven’t been arrested.

Unsurprised

The night is young still.

Gratliff

And you call yourself a fan

Spur

just 4 workdays until vacation. Can i make it 4 days without snapping……

Unsurprised

Apt, I think from the preseason.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Because nothing makes me think about Christmas more than seeing a woman bent over the hood of a Lexus.

Unsurprised

Well, maybe a woman bent over a hood named Lexus.

Spur

Republican Christmas

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Me too.

Unsurprised

#metoo

Romonobyl

How about Lexus from the Hood?

Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

Heh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yeah, if I had to work under the same conditions as Amazon workers I’d probably start hallucinating too.

Spur

Just submitted my resume to the LVCVA. Wish me luck boys and girls. I really want this.

Horatio Cornblower

You’ll make a fine addition to the Las Vegas Chlamydia Vaccination Association.

Unsurprised

Remember, it’s a vaccination against chlamydia.

Shogun Marcus

Christian Values Association?! HAVE YOU SEEN THE THINGS YOU POST?

Don T

Good luck. When you get the interview, break the ice with “I’m not wearing a wire”.

Spur

but the shady people in the LVCVA have pensions

Spur

That drive was sparked by the action punter.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Spur

Dak up in there!

Romonobyl

These receivers couldn’t catch chlamydia in Sierra Leone.

litre_cola

Whoa whoa whoa, I mean she said she was clean and when am I ever going to get back to a brothel in Sierra Leone.

Unsurprised

NEVER FORGET!

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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LemonJello

What’s Roy Moore doing on the Cowboys’ sideline?

Horatio Cornblower

I’m sure JJ’s got some granddaughters

Romonobyl

Too old.

Horatio Cornblower

But they probably own the mall, so he won’t get banned.

Shogun Marcus

Theyyyyy’re Grrrrreat!

Spur

Action Punter!

Romonobyl

That was fucking fantastic!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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hippofant

Oh yeah, but those fucking kneelers, they’re lazy bums not taking any action, right? There’s no bravery in having to endure the racism of white assholes all the nation wide and putting your career at risk, right?

Fuck you Cris. How’s that for action?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I hate Cris so much.

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Unsurprised

He’s not even a “Chris.” He has no ‘h’ in his name. That’s the worst kind of Chris, like Jon is the worst kind of John.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

See!

Shogun Marcus

Or Marc. Turrible.

Unsurprised

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

FUCK DA POLICE!