Your “All Aboard The Band Wagon!” NFC Wild Card Game Open Thread

I’m only human. Well, that’s the excuse I use when I screw up. Not really though but I use that to explain why I almost always cheer for that team that comes out of nowhere and against expectations, plays well or has some sort of uphill battle. Yeah, I’ve cheered for Gonzaga. I’ve cheered for Boise State. Hell, in the early 80’s I cheered for Duke. Look, I hated UNC and Dean Smith that much. The Rams got off to a very quick start this year and I waited for their house to cave in as I knew it inevitably would. Not so fast, dicknugget! They turned out to be an 11-5 team after all. So now I’m all for ’em until they lose and next year I’ll move on to another team that can make me feel as though I can feel. Enough of that let’s head off…TO THE GAME!

Falcons/Rams:

Atlanta seems a wee bit scary to me. After they stumbled here and there they finished up the season at 6-2 with the only losses being against Minny and New Orleans. The O isn’t what it was last year (but still among the league’s best) but the D became a top 10 unit. They also ended the year as #1 in third-down conversions. That’s gonna come in handy today against a L.A. D-line that makes lesser qb’s stain their jorts. The Rams? They’re fun to watch because of a.) Gurley’s talent and b.) their love of the deep ball. This one is a coin flip to me.

If you’re not a football fan there’s oodles of other stuff going on including-

NHL-

The Kings, Bruins, Leafs, Senators (ugh!) and others are icing it tonight.

College Ball-

Oklahoma, (check out Trae Young) Duke, Villanova, Kentucky, Kansas and Gonzaga are on the hardest of courts.

NBA-

Houston and Cleveland and some others can bore you if that’s your thing.

If you’re not into any of that just post pics of girlies or gifs that make you smile. Don’t worry, the commenters are high but the bar isn’t. Go Get ‘Em!

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Horatio Cornblower

“What…is that?”

Horatio: “It’s a Thomas Hooker No-Filter that I have really been into lately, and by the by…THIS IS A COUP, MOTHERFUCKER!!!! DILLY-DILLY THAT!!!

/DFO crashes through the stained glass windows, tosses the high court into the Pit of Misery and liberates the kingdom from the curse of watery beer for evermore.
-Ook

SonOfSpam

Horatio writes Bud Light Fanfic. That’s concerning.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The worst part is what the Bud Light has done to his vocabulary.

Horatio Cornblower

That’s, like, the 4th most concerning thing I do.

JustStopDude
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

How come J.K. Simmons is always showing those Farmers museum exhibits to women and never men. Is it his pickup technique or something?

Romonobyl

“You wanna see a thing or two?”

WCS

cuz womens can’t drive libtard duh #MAGA #2A #Bluelivesmater #TrumpTrain #MansRites

Doktor Zymm

You forgot ‘cuck’

Romonobyl

Well, they finally can in Saudi Arabia at least. I can’t imagine that kind of lifestyle.

SonOfSpam

“We are Farmers. Now I’m gonna plow you like one.”

...

He fucks all of them and has a trophy room featuring each of their busts.

...

I like the Pit of Misery.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Also known as Arrowhead Stadium.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

A week ago it was Baltimore.

[it was also Baltimore for thirty-eight consecutive weeks before that]

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hey!!!!!!!

OK, tough but fair.

Senor Weaselo

In January.

WCS

FirstEnergy Stadium is the Valley of the Shadow of Death.

Horatio Cornblower

Three guys coming against just two, or, as it’s also known, the ‘Full Rodgers.’

SonOfSpam

9:54 DFO Time: A telepathic signal goes out to Commentists to make Rodgers jokes.

Horatio Cornblower

Great minds, yadda-yadda, dilly-dilly, etc., etc.

SonOfSpam

“Jared Goff is great at finding the open man.”

Maybe someday he’ll be as good as Aaron Rodgers at that. But he’s not quite in Rodgers’ league yet. At finding the open man. When looking for receivers.

Doktor Zymm

Fun Fact : When I was about 2, Bowling for Dollars was my favorite show. My mom sent my name in and I ended up winning a pretty good amount of money that seeded my college fund.

WCS

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Unsurprised

A true scholar-athlete.

Doktor Zymm

I am quite proud of the fact that I’ve never watched a pro bowl

Viva La Tabula Raza

What’s a pro bowl?comment image

Horatio Cornblower

I would absolutely steal that little bastard’s kitten.

King Hippo

is it wrong to hope it has AIDS? Because I REALLY HOPE IT HAS AIDS

Unsurprised

What kitten? I want a kitten.

Romonobyl

Pick me! Pleeeeeease pick me!!!!!

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Col. Duke LaCross

It was a showcase for Sean Taylor to destroy people. No idea what it is now.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

About a 270…

Romonobyl

Closest I have ever been to a Pro Bowel was going to a flea market at Aloha Stadium.

herodotus450

If the Falcons never lead by 25 points, they can never blow a 25 point lead.

SonOfSpam

Ipso Falco

King Hippo

I hate everything in the world, I have prolly mentioned that a time or two.

REMEMBER what a travesty it is for these dickass Falcons to be alive in the playoffs at all, given what they done last year.

SonOfSpam

How much did Pharoh (that’s how he spells it) Cooper bet on the Falcons?

King Hippo

ALL

SonOfSpam

Don’t worry, there’s still the Matt Ryan Effect. We gots time.

WCS

He’s actually Hippo’s bookie.

King Hippo

again, to stamd up FOAR mah SOUTHERN HONOR…ah seriously am dead fookin’ even – I just can’t get ahead.

Stupid Sooners/Rams.

herodotus450

Quite the load of drachmas I’d say

King Hippo

are you fucking happy RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!!?? I am TOTES fucked now.

Horatio Cornblower

Matt Bryant is ageless you guys!

(He’s 42)

Doktor Zymm

Pfft, carbon dating or it didn’t happen

Senor Weaselo

He’s not dead yet!

Doktor Zymm

Do you think there’s a meaningful different between a cunt punt and a cunt bunt?

SonOfSpam

Can’t cunt bunt with two strikes.

LemonJello

One involves a foot and the other a bat or club?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

A cunt stunt is when they expect you to go straight in, but your teammate cuts in front of you and you go behind him

Senor Weaselo

C. Tunt is the secretary on Archer.

Romonobyl

Cunt bunt:

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Unsurprised

LOL

SonOfSpam

Dammit, test Bryant for roids or something. Old ass kicker motherfucker.

Unsurprised

Why the fuck am I sweating or just not drying from my shower just sitting here? This can’t be healthy.

WCS

That shit happens to me when my blood sugar is low. It’s annoying as whiskey dick, and just as counterproductive.

Doktor Zymm

I don’t see how being deaf would be any sort of impediment to the footballing

SonOfSpam

Couldn’t hear OMAHA OMAHA OMAHA OMAHA OMAHA

Senor Weaselo

How would you know that it’s loud in KC/Seattle?

Unsurprised

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Horatio Cornblower

Google’s best guess for this image is “liver”. And quite frankly that is terrifying.

Unsurprised

Doutzen Kroes and Candice Swanepoel. (Candice is pregnant again. I’m saving those in the gallery – https://pixxxels.org/gallery/hbhkhb3q/).

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Horatio Cornblower

It’s so cold out here that I feel bad for the empty beer cans I am throwing in the recycling bin.

So I better make sure they have plenty of friends.

Unsurprised

They can huddle together for warmth.

WCS

Just being humane.

King Hippo

this is 100% my favourite indie song currently in rotation. Would be a great (empowering) strip club song, too:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e4FApt6z55c

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

As opposed to your favorite Indy song, which is an ode to gravy.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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And that night Robin became a man.

JustStopDude
King Hippo

STAY ON THE FIELD!! You can’t punt here

theeWeeBabySeamus

They disagree.

Nitey nite.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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JustStopDude

Riff Trax covered that movie.

Its certainly a weird one…

Unsurprised

What movie?

litre_cola

As to our earlier conversation, Turkmenistan’s leader only banned black cars because white ones are lucky so that is completely understandable. He is just getting the paint companies business because 20% of cars have to be painted.

...

Gurpgork.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’m tired. Been a long coupla days.
I think Imma go nap and check on score and lost bets later.

Nite folks.

Unsurprised

Later, tater.

fleshwound_NPG

dat grab

fleshwound_NPG

naturally, cris gives credit only to goff

Gratliff

Oh what a bullshit catch

Viva La Tabula Raza

Is that game show where Ellen DeGeneres abuses people some kind of BDSM thing?

LemonJello

“Safeword” with Ellen?

Romonobyl

Penis?

King Hippo

LEAST SAFE WORD!!

Horatio Cornblower

Anne Heche?

King Hippo

hate to say, not good looking enough to pull that off ,, smh

Unsurprised

It’s her natural form. As I understand it, she is a mean and petty and controlling bitch off-camera.

Horatio Cornblower

I’ve heard that as well. I have not cared remotely enough to look into it, and yet that ‘Ellen DeGeneres is kind of a bitch” rumor has still trickled into my subconsciousness.

Unsurprised

The names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Unsurprised

I wish this were a tease, but I’m just a pervert.

http://i.pinimg.com/originals/b6/1a/58/b61a588e0095caa4fcefcdfc08555336.jpg

King Hippo

see, I don’t need MOAR than that, truly

clint greasewood

Welcome to NFL, where teams don’t run in the redzone anymore

Unsurprised

Where the penalties are made up and the plays don’t matter.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Does a bear shit in the resort hotel room? Apparently, and he wipes with Charmin.

Unsurprised

Is it confirmed that the Pope is a bear?

King Hippo

ah repeat – 24-16 is a perfectly good cover

Doktor Zymm

I think this one is a Pokemon
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...

Or a fucking dog toy.

Gratliff

A pokemon fleshlight?

King Hippo

hemorrhoid

Romonobyl

How many batteries does it take?

Spur
Gratliff

uhhh was that a doomsday commercial for Volkswagen?

Unsurprised
King Hippo

oh JESUS, she have my attention. Lemme guess, your brother’s friend??

Unsurprised

No. Just someone I was thinking about while looking up gifs of Lily.

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King Hippo

#VastImprovement

Romonobyl

How you might remember her:

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Spur

didn’t she have nude photos leak?

Unsurprised

Yes.

theeWeeBabySeamus

And you’re just now telling me this??????????????

Unsurprised

They weren’t really leaks so much as unreleased modeling photos.

h

ttps://s18.pixxxels.org/efz36nhyx/Carly-_Foulkes-_Naked-12.jpg

h

ttps://s18.pixxxels.org/6zztkv9p5/Carly-_Foulkes-_Naked-08.jpg

Romonobyl

She’s missing something(s).

Mr. Ayo

3 square meals a day?

King Hippo

and THANK GOD for that!!

blaxabbath

I just don’t get how cars get to be $200K. Like, really, how much more exceptional can one car be for the practical use of going to brunch in old town from your Scottsdale condo?

King Hippo

I am driving a Honda Odyssey with 195K miles because I have leather, heated seats and lifetime satellite radio. I also might be a rittre weild.

blaxabbath

Just stay in the right lane….

King Hippo

bullshit muthafucka, I gots an engine in that thing!!

Gratliff

Are you telling me this isn’t worth 995,000?
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Horatio Cornblower

Well, I do like purple…

Senor Weaselo

Many horsepowers?

Romonobyl

All the horseys.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Guess who got their Peter Fonda double-feature of Race with the Devil and Dirty Mary, Crazy Larry today?

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theeWeeBabySeamus

I’m shocked….SHOCKED I TELL YOU!!!!!!

Beastmode Ate My Baby

And on Blu-ray even!

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Unsurprised

Richard Gere?

Romonobyl

VHS?

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Heathen. I demand my cinematic trash be hi-def.

Doktor Zymm

Fun Fact : Female lobsters drug their mate before taking their mate’s sperm packet into a special compartment, where they can ditch it if something better comes along. In return, the male lobster gets to eat the female lobster’s molted shell, which is full of nutrients!

...

Does that count as a date?

King Hippo

periscope or it didn’t happen!

blaxabbath

Love nutrientsz.

The luckiest lobsters are those who keep getting their deposits dropped.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Young Lobster: Mom, how are lobsters made?

Mother Lobster: Well, when a mommy lobster is settling for what she can get, and a daddy lobster is really, really hungry…

Gratliff

It’s like dating in your 40’s

Romonobyl

Pretty sweet deal, no girl I’ve ever met let me eat her on the first date.

Horatio Cornblower

Should’ve gone to UCONN.

Doktor Zymm

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King Hippo

that just a cry FOAR help

Col. Duke LaCross

They’ve got some topical creams for those.

King Hippo

I’d like to buy a minor league el beisbol team, name it the Herpetic Lesions

Doktor Zymm

I’ll toss in $20.

Horatio Cornblower

New Britain has a minor league team, and is also the home of Stanley, famous maker of various hardware-type implements.

How they missed the marketing bonanza they would have had by naming the team ‘New Britain Tools’ is one of the great mysteries of life.

ThePirateSloth

Having to live in San Francisco would make me crabby too

...

lol Duke is about to lose to NC State.

theeWeeBabySeamus

something something blind squirrel something something

Doktor Zymm

Wouldn’t it be an illiterate squirrel in this case?

theeWeeBabySeamus

That’s 30 miles northwest.

King Hippo

beat Arizona, Duke, still miss NIT. STORY OF US!!

litre_cola

Is that CBS new #1 super fantastic new drama only on CBS?

Col. Duke LaCross

I miss that crazy rubber floor NC State used to play on.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Tartan…woooo!!!!!!

King Hippo

Valvano idea of same vintage as unitard

King Hippo

bullshit tackle CHRIST

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Now I want to make a new character named “Tackle Christ.”

litre_cola

Oh yeah, at an OTA in Wichita where he teaches how to play the game the right way.

Unsurprised

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King Hippo

why not just take it at the 25?

SonOfSpam

First half of RAMMMMMIT was terrible then pretty good. Like masturbating with steel wool.

Senor Weaselo

Uhhhh… do I want to know?

Romonobyl

Bloody pics or it didn’t happen.

litre_cola

Feel the burn

Unsurprised
theeWeeBabySeamus

50+ Mb might be a little much for embedding.
Just saying.

Unsurprised

FUCK. Fixed.

theeWeeBabySeamus

No worries.
It just slows things down is all.

Romonobyl

Yeah, I was about to call my interweb provider.

Unsurprised

Sorry about that.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Yes, I have twenty-five windows open too.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

THAT’S NOT WHAT SHE SAID!

Unsurprised

Does anyone else remember the T-Mobile girl, Carly Foulkes?

Dunstan

Black leather with pink accessories? Pepperidge Farms remembers. (Which is what I call my penis. Don’t ask.)

Horatio Cornblower

“Did you schedule that oil change?”

No, I’m a functioning adult and I’ll do it myself in 15 minutes.

King Hippo

SIGH. My Dad tried to teach me, but I am hopeless.

Unsurprised

My father never tried, or he did and I ignored it because I hated him. Either way I’m an idiot who can’t change my own oil.

King Hippo

anyway, I like to think my time is worth $15/hr. It’s not, but hey

Unsurprised

Just so long as your clients don’t know that.

King Hippo

yeah, I won’t go adding that to my e-mail signature

Horatio Cornblower

I do it in the warmer months just so I don’t feel like a completely useless clod.

It’s literally taking a plug out, waiting ten minutes for the oil to drain, (while drinking a beer), putting the plug back in, taking the filter off, waiting another ten minutes, (while drinking a beer), for that to drain off, then putting a new filter on and putting new oil back in.

It’s probably five minutes of real work, and gravity does most of that.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

It takes me longer to get it to the recycling center, but yeah; the actual “work” is nothing. The car I have now is still under warrantee so dropping off works.

Horatio Cornblower

I have a friend who uses it to heat his shop, so I just drive it down the street, drop it off with him, and drink another beer.

I may have a problem.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That’s cool, well warm, but it gets used.

Romonobyl

The only time I save the beer for later is when I’m working on the brakes, and by later I mean after I take the wheels off.

litre_cola

Me neither. I would like to know but would be unsure of my workmanship.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Eh, I learned all sorts of mechanic shit that’s now useless on modern cars.

Horatio Cornblower

Christ, I won’t even try to rotate tires now on newer cars. Not because of the technology, but because any car made in the last ten years comes with a tiny ass jack that takes ten minutes per tire.

Fucking assholes.

Romonobyl

When me and The Dame were just dating, I scored points by volunteering to change the oil in her Saturn for her. I’ve taken cars down practically to the frame, so this was stupid easy.
She watched me do it in 15 minutes, was really pissed about all the money she spent for that before. The wedding followed shortly afterwards.

Doktor Zymm

But that’s 15 minutes you could spend looking at dumb shit on the internet and masturbating!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

[dumps used oil in neighbor’s yard]

LemonJello

Did you at least light it on fire prior to dumping it?

Senor Weaselo

My next door neighbor is my mechanic, so he does my work.

Horatio Cornblower

So he dumps the oil in your yard?

blaxabbath

Will Dinkirk be fun to watch? I figure I should see it but I can’t wait an hour if it needs that long to get good.

Unsurprised

It’s not “fun,” but it starts off on fire like Saving Private Ryan if it didn’t have the old man framing device.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

That movie sucked too. Guess I can skip Dunkirk.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The first twenty minutes and the sniper scenes were great; plot and WWII fanboy action; not so much.

Doktor Zymm

THe porn parody of that, of course being “Shaving Ryan’s Privates”

Horatio Cornblower

“Things Are About To Get Itchy”

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blaxabbath

That’s all good. Just get my attention hooked.

theeWeeBabySeamus

…..I can’t wait an hour if it needs that long to get good.

LOL….you know the joke. I won’t even bother typing it out.

King Hippo

you are NOT excused from RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!!! battle stations

Horatio Cornblower

‘Dinkirk; of course, being the porn version of ‘Dunkirk’, starring Dirk Diggler, hence the Di.

And that’s not that only D I you’ll be seeing!!!!

Romonobyl

I liked it, especially since the dialogue is kept to a minimum.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Romonobyl

Thank you for flying United.

Unsurprised

Nah. The violent gremlins work as part of the crew on United.