I’m only human. Well, that’s the excuse I use when I screw up. Not really though but I use that to explain why I almost always cheer for that team that comes out of nowhere and against expectations, plays well or has some sort of uphill battle. Yeah, I’ve cheered for Gonzaga. I’ve cheered for Boise State. Hell, in the early 80’s I cheered for Duke. Look, I hated UNC and Dean Smith that much. The Rams got off to a very quick start this year and I waited for their house to cave in as I knew it inevitably would. Not so fast, dicknugget! They turned out to be an 11-5 team after all. So now I’m all for ’em until they lose and next year I’ll move on to another team that can make me feel as though I can feel. Enough of that let’s head off…TO THE GAME!
Falcons/Rams:
Atlanta seems a wee bit scary to me. After they stumbled here and there they finished up the season at 6-2 with the only losses being against Minny and New Orleans. The O isn’t what it was last year (but still among the league’s best) but the D became a top 10 unit. They also ended the year as #1 in third-down conversions. That’s gonna come in handy today against a L.A. D-line that makes lesser qb’s stain their jorts. The Rams? They’re fun to watch because of a.) Gurley’s talent and b.) their love of the deep ball. This one is a coin flip to me.
If you’re not a football fan there’s oodles of other stuff going on including-
NHL-
The Kings, Bruins, Leafs, Senators (ugh!) and others are icing it tonight.
College Ball-
Oklahoma, (check out Trae Young) Duke, Villanova, Kentucky, Kansas and Gonzaga are on the hardest of courts.
NBA-
Houston and Cleveland and some others can bore you if that’s your thing.
If you’re not into any of that just post pics of girlies or gifs that make you smile. Don’t worry, the commenters are high but the bar isn’t. Go Get ‘Em!
“What…is that?”
Horatio: “It’s a Thomas Hooker No-Filter that I have really been into lately, and by the by…THIS IS A COUP, MOTHERFUCKER!!!! DILLY-DILLY THAT!!!
/DFO crashes through the stained glass windows, tosses the high court into the Pit of Misery and liberates the kingdom from the curse of watery beer for evermore.
-Ook
Horatio writes Bud Light Fanfic. That’s concerning.
The worst part is what the Bud Light has done to his vocabulary.
That’s, like, the 4th most concerning thing I do.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RM7lw0Ovzq0
How come J.K. Simmons is always showing those Farmers museum exhibits to women and never men. Is it his pickup technique or something?
“You wanna see a thing or two?”
cuz womens can’t drive libtard duh #MAGA #2A #Bluelivesmater #TrumpTrain #MansRites
You forgot ‘cuck’
Well, they finally can in Saudi Arabia at least. I can’t imagine that kind of lifestyle.
“We are Farmers. Now I’m gonna plow you like one.”
He fucks all of them and has a trophy room featuring each of their busts.
I like the Pit of Misery.
Also known as Arrowhead Stadium.
A week ago it was Baltimore.
[it was also Baltimore for thirty-eight consecutive weeks before that]
Hey!!!!!!!
OK, tough but fair.
In January.
FirstEnergy Stadium is the Valley of the Shadow of Death.
Three guys coming against just two, or, as it’s also known, the ‘Full Rodgers.’
9:54 DFO Time: A telepathic signal goes out to Commentists to make Rodgers jokes.
Great minds, yadda-yadda, dilly-dilly, etc., etc.
“Jared Goff is great at finding the open man.”
Maybe someday he’ll be as good as Aaron Rodgers at that. But he’s not quite in Rodgers’ league yet. At finding the open man. When looking for receivers.
Fun Fact : When I was about 2, Bowling for Dollars was my favorite show. My mom sent my name in and I ended up winning a pretty good amount of money that seeded my college fund.
A true scholar-athlete.
I am quite proud of the fact that I’ve never watched a pro bowl
What’s a pro bowl?
I would absolutely steal that little bastard’s kitten.
is it wrong to hope it has AIDS? Because I REALLY HOPE IT HAS AIDS
What kitten? I want a kitten.
Pick me! Pleeeeeease pick me!!!!!
It was a showcase for Sean Taylor to destroy people. No idea what it is now.
About a 270…
Closest I have ever been to a Pro Bowel was going to a flea market at Aloha Stadium.
If the Falcons never lead by 25 points, they can never blow a 25 point lead.
Ipso Falco
I hate everything in the world, I have prolly mentioned that a time or two.
REMEMBER what a travesty it is for these dickass Falcons to be alive in the playoffs at all, given what they done last year.
How much did Pharoh (that’s how he spells it) Cooper bet on the Falcons?
ALL
Don’t worry, there’s still the Matt Ryan Effect. We gots time.
He’s actually Hippo’s bookie.
again, to stamd up FOAR mah SOUTHERN HONOR…ah seriously am dead fookin’ even – I just can’t get ahead.
Stupid Sooners/Rams.
Quite the load of drachmas I’d say
are you fucking happy RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!!?? I am TOTES fucked now.
Matt Bryant is ageless you guys!
(He’s 42)
Pfft, carbon dating or it didn’t happen
He’s not dead yet!
Do you think there’s a meaningful different between a cunt punt and a cunt bunt?
Can’t cunt bunt with two strikes.
One involves a foot and the other a bat or club?
A cunt stunt is when they expect you to go straight in, but your teammate cuts in front of you and you go behind him
C. Tunt is the secretary on Archer.
Cunt bunt:
LOL
Dammit, test Bryant for roids or something. Old ass kicker motherfucker.
Why the fuck am I sweating or just not drying from my shower just sitting here? This can’t be healthy.
That shit happens to me when my blood sugar is low. It’s annoying as whiskey dick, and just as counterproductive.
I don’t see how being deaf would be any sort of impediment to the footballing
Couldn’t hear OMAHA OMAHA OMAHA OMAHA OMAHA
How would you know that it’s loud in KC/Seattle?
Google’s best guess for this image is “liver”. And quite frankly that is terrifying.
Doutzen Kroes and Candice Swanepoel. (Candice is pregnant again. I’m saving those in the gallery – https://pixxxels.org/gallery/hbhkhb3q/).
It’s so cold out here that I feel bad for the empty beer cans I am throwing in the recycling bin.
So I better make sure they have plenty of friends.
They can huddle together for warmth.
Just being humane.
this is 100% my favourite indie song currently in rotation. Would be a great (empowering) strip club song, too:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e4FApt6z55c
As opposed to your favorite Indy song, which is an ode to gravy.
And that night Robin became a man.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ohgMWuIbdmU
STAY ON THE FIELD!! You can’t punt here
They disagree.
Nitey nite.
Riff Trax covered that movie.
Its certainly a weird one…
What movie?
As to our earlier conversation, Turkmenistan’s leader only banned black cars because white ones are lucky so that is completely understandable. He is just getting the paint companies business because 20% of cars have to be painted.
Gurpgork.
I’m tired. Been a long coupla days.
I think Imma go nap and check on score and lost bets later.
Nite folks.
Later, tater.
dat grab
naturally, cris gives credit only to goff
Oh what a bullshit catch
Is that game show where Ellen DeGeneres abuses people some kind of BDSM thing?
“Safeword” with Ellen?
Penis?
LEAST SAFE WORD!!
Anne Heche?
hate to say, not good looking enough to pull that off ,, smh
It’s her natural form. As I understand it, she is a mean and petty and controlling bitch off-camera.
I’ve heard that as well. I have not cared remotely enough to look into it, and yet that ‘Ellen DeGeneres is kind of a bitch” rumor has still trickled into my subconsciousness.
The names have been changed to protect the innocent.
I wish this were a tease, but I’m just a pervert.
http://i.pinimg.com/originals/b6/1a/58/b61a588e0095caa4fcefcdfc08555336.jpg
see, I don’t need MOAR than that, truly
Welcome to NFL, where teams don’t run in the redzone anymore
Where the penalties are made up and the plays don’t matter.
Does a bear shit in the resort hotel room? Apparently, and he wipes with Charmin.
Is it confirmed that the Pope is a bear?
ah repeat – 24-16 is a perfectly good cover
I think this one is a Pokemon
Or a fucking dog toy.
A pokemon fleshlight?
hemorrhoid
How many batteries does it take?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C8H-Uocw1S0
uhhh was that a doomsday commercial for Volkswagen?
Anyway, Carly Foulkes. https://pixxxels.org/gallery/29vk6glti/
oh JESUS, she have my attention. Lemme guess, your brother’s friend??
No. Just someone I was thinking about while looking up gifs of Lily.
#VastImprovement
How you might remember her:
didn’t she have nude photos leak?
Yes.
And you’re just now telling me this??????????????
They weren’t really leaks so much as unreleased modeling photos.
h
ttps://s18.pixxxels.org/efz36nhyx/Carly-_Foulkes-_Naked-12.jpg
h
ttps://s18.pixxxels.org/6zztkv9p5/Carly-_Foulkes-_Naked-08.jpg
She’s missing something(s).
3 square meals a day?
and THANK GOD for that!!
I just don’t get how cars get to be $200K. Like, really, how much more exceptional can one car be for the practical use of going to brunch in old town from your Scottsdale condo?
I am driving a Honda Odyssey with 195K miles because I have leather, heated seats and lifetime satellite radio. I also might be a rittre weild.
Just stay in the right lane….
bullshit muthafucka, I gots an engine in that thing!!
Are you telling me this isn’t worth 995,000?
Well, I do like purple…
Many horsepowers?
All the horseys.
Guess who got their Peter Fonda double-feature of Race with the Devil and Dirty Mary, Crazy Larry today?
I’m shocked….SHOCKED I TELL YOU!!!!!!
And on Blu-ray even!
Richard Gere?
VHS?
Heathen. I demand my cinematic trash be hi-def.
Fun Fact : Female lobsters drug their mate before taking their mate’s sperm packet into a special compartment, where they can ditch it if something better comes along. In return, the male lobster gets to eat the female lobster’s molted shell, which is full of nutrients!
Does that count as a date?
periscope or it didn’t happen!
Love nutrientsz.
The luckiest lobsters are those who keep getting their deposits dropped.
Young Lobster: Mom, how are lobsters made?
Mother Lobster: Well, when a mommy lobster is settling for what she can get, and a daddy lobster is really, really hungry…
It’s like dating in your 40’s
Pretty sweet deal, no girl I’ve ever met let me eat her on the first date.
Should’ve gone to UCONN.
that just a cry FOAR help
They’ve got some topical creams for those.
I’d like to buy a minor league el beisbol team, name it the Herpetic Lesions
I’ll toss in $20.
New Britain has a minor league team, and is also the home of Stanley, famous maker of various hardware-type implements.
How they missed the marketing bonanza they would have had by naming the team ‘New Britain Tools’ is one of the great mysteries of life.
Having to live in San Francisco would make me crabby too
lol Duke is about to lose to NC State.
something something blind squirrel something something
Wouldn’t it be an illiterate squirrel in this case?
That’s 30 miles northwest.
beat Arizona, Duke, still miss NIT. STORY OF US!!
Is that CBS new #1 super fantastic new drama only on CBS?
I miss that crazy rubber floor NC State used to play on.
Tartan…woooo!!!!!!
Valvano idea of same vintage as unitard
bullshit tackle CHRIST
Now I want to make a new character named “Tackle Christ.”
Oh yeah, at an OTA in Wichita where he teaches how to play the game the right way.
why not just take it at the 25?
First half of RAMMMMMIT was terrible then pretty good. Like masturbating with steel wool.
Uhhhh… do I want to know?
Bloody pics or it didn’t happen.
Feel the burn
Uh.
https://gfycat.com/DimwittedTallGreyhounddog
50+ Mb might be a little much for embedding.
Just saying.
FUCK. Fixed.
No worries.
It just slows things down is all.
Yeah, I was about to call my interweb provider.
Sorry about that.
Yes, I have twenty-five windows open too.
THAT’S NOT WHAT SHE SAID!
Does anyone else remember the T-Mobile girl, Carly Foulkes?
Black leather with pink accessories? Pepperidge Farms remembers. (Which is what I call my penis. Don’t ask.)
“Did you schedule that oil change?”
No, I’m a functioning adult and I’ll do it myself in 15 minutes.
SIGH. My Dad tried to teach me, but I am hopeless.
My father never tried, or he did and I ignored it because I hated him. Either way I’m an idiot who can’t change my own oil.
anyway, I like to think my time is worth $15/hr. It’s not, but hey
Just so long as your clients don’t know that.
yeah, I won’t go adding that to my e-mail signature
I do it in the warmer months just so I don’t feel like a completely useless clod.
It’s literally taking a plug out, waiting ten minutes for the oil to drain, (while drinking a beer), putting the plug back in, taking the filter off, waiting another ten minutes, (while drinking a beer), for that to drain off, then putting a new filter on and putting new oil back in.
It’s probably five minutes of real work, and gravity does most of that.
It takes me longer to get it to the recycling center, but yeah; the actual “work” is nothing. The car I have now is still under warrantee so dropping off works.
I have a friend who uses it to heat his shop, so I just drive it down the street, drop it off with him, and drink another beer.
I may have a problem.
That’s cool, well warm, but it gets used.
The only time I save the beer for later is when I’m working on the brakes, and by later I mean after I take the wheels off.
Me neither. I would like to know but would be unsure of my workmanship.
Eh, I learned all sorts of mechanic shit that’s now useless on modern cars.
Christ, I won’t even try to rotate tires now on newer cars. Not because of the technology, but because any car made in the last ten years comes with a tiny ass jack that takes ten minutes per tire.
Fucking assholes.
When me and The Dame were just dating, I scored points by volunteering to change the oil in her Saturn for her. I’ve taken cars down practically to the frame, so this was stupid easy.
She watched me do it in 15 minutes, was really pissed about all the money she spent for that before. The wedding followed shortly afterwards.
But that’s 15 minutes you could spend looking at dumb shit on the internet and masturbating!
[dumps used oil in neighbor’s yard]
Did you at least light it on fire prior to dumping it?
My next door neighbor is my mechanic, so he does my work.
So he dumps the oil in your yard?
Will Dinkirk be fun to watch? I figure I should see it but I can’t wait an hour if it needs that long to get good.
It’s not “fun,” but it starts off on fire like Saving Private Ryan if it didn’t have the old man framing device.
That movie sucked too. Guess I can skip Dunkirk.
The first twenty minutes and the sniper scenes were great; plot and WWII fanboy action; not so much.
THe porn parody of that, of course being “Shaving Ryan’s Privates”
“Things Are About To Get Itchy”
That’s all good. Just get my attention hooked.
LOL….you know the joke. I won’t even bother typing it out.
you are NOT excused from RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!!! battle stations
‘Dinkirk; of course, being the porn version of ‘Dunkirk’, starring Dirk Diggler, hence the Di.
And that’s not that only D I you’ll be seeing!!!!
I liked it, especially since the dialogue is kept to a minimum.
Thank you for flying United.
Nah. The violent gremlins work as part of the crew on United.