There’s not going to be a lot of the talky talky this week. I’m all talked out for one week. I realize that for most of you this is probably good news. I further realize that I do sometimes tend to ramble.
Plus, I started drinking early today for a lot of reasons. So it’s best I keep my big yap shut, lest something jump out I later regret.
Plus, plus, I’m short on time again this week. So I don’t have time to craft my words as I might otherwise wish to. Fuck off Shakespeare. Some of us have day jobs you shithead. Yes, I know I’m not one of those people, but I still have shit to do (I might be about to punch imaginary Shakespeare…he’s pissing me off).
But fair warning, I might be very talkative again next week. Or I might not. We’ll see what happens.
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This week’s TGISF is going to be a “low hanging fruit” version. Yes, that is also a Doug Martin joke.
And speaking of the lovely and talented Rikki-Tikki-Deadly…..
While I’m also once again skipping the Weekly Weirdness Rundown due to time constraints, I do have to recognize RTD. Earlier today, his DFO Request Line theme could not have been better, considering what my intentions for TGISF were this evening.
DFO Request Line: Belle of the Ball.
Not just a great theme in general, but it almost makes me think he’s psycho…errrrr, psychic.
Because our TGISF theme this week is a very special Princess of the Week version. One I had been avoiding for some time for various reasons. But the time has come, and this is her week to shine.
(even if she did marry a fucktard)
It’s Kristen Bell’s week, ppl. And it’s been a long time coming.
Phrasing.
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Kristen Bell
Born: 18 July, 1980 (37 yo), Huntington Woods, Michigan
Height: 5′ 1″ (Ooooof)
Now, in a fair and just world, Kristen Bell would have married me. Not that idiot she ended up marrying. I wanted to punch that guy even before he stole my girl. I saw her first, dammit!!!
But that mistake aside, I still love her.
She doesn’t get along well with Geoff, however…
But we’ll forgive her for that, considering this….
But I digress….
She’s smart. She’s funny. She’s cute. She’s sexy. She’s petite but sturdy (and you all know how I like that).
And she’s just a little bit evil. I can not only respect that….but also it kinda gets me hard.
Plus she makes good money and could support me in the lifestyle I deserve. I’d happily be her house husband.
In short, she’s just all kinds of awesome. She is, more or less, my ideal woman.
And now, I bring her to you. Be nice to her. Or I’ll kill ya.
Just so we’re clear….I would literally murder all of you just for one hour alone with her.
Enjoy…
OK, time to stop now before I blow a gasket.
Plus I have to go check Dax Shepard’s brake lines. You know, safety first.
(Don’t get in the car, Kristen)
Have a great weekend, everyone.
Love ya’s
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Do you have a “request” or an idea for a future TGISF theme? Drop me a line…
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Is Blax here tonight? Or is he already prepping the bathtub with ammonia and bleach?
http://www.espn.com/mens-college-basketball/story/_/id/22559284/sean-miller-arizona-christian-dawkins-discussed-payment-ensure-deandre-ayton-signing-according-fbi-investigation
Just got back from Black Panther and really liked it, which I was worried I wouldn’t after all the complaints about some of the ideology of the movie being problematic. They did a really good job of writing the Killmonger story to make both him and T’Challa sympathetic, and it makes for a nice moral gray area.
So black youths did not assault you when you tried to enter the theater?
RIGHT WING MEDIA LIES???
Unrelated sort of…
But did I ever tell you about the night I took my very small and very white GF to the theatre to see New Jack City?
Balls knows the story but I can’t remember if you do.
I’m such an asshole.
I hadn’t heard about that…
The short version….
When that movie came out I really wanted to go see it. Still one of my all time favs, truth be told. But, you might remember, there had been gang-related violence at some theatres upon its opening. But no here, not locally.
Anywhooooo…
The gal I was dating at the time was very petite, very attractive, but also very white.
We show up to the theatre and we’re the only two white people there. I barely noticed. I grew up in Baltimore suburbs. Meh. But her, having grown up in rural NC, let’s just say it was a culture clash.
And she started freaking out about us being the only white people there. Now these other folks weren’t gang types. They were just like us. Educated yuppies, they just happened to not be white.
So I told her….
Don’t worry baby, I won’t let the brothers rape you. Well, unless they pay me really well.
The joke did not go over well, to say the least.
What makes this even funnier was IWDB’s reaction as she was reading it over my shoulder.
I’m afraid to ask.
😛
Reminds me of something from way back when.
Many years ago I went to an actual theater (rare for me) to see Redtails. I’m a big fan of WW2 history and the legend of the Tuskegee airmen is one of my favorites. I really liked the original movie from 1995 and was looking forward to another version.
My God this movie was horrendous, if you saw it you know why. I went to work the next day and expressed my displeasure and was reflexively called a racist. The funny part? The guy calling me a racist was white, apparently an early version of the Social Justice Warrior and, no surprise, hadn’t even seen the movie. One of my closest friends (still to this day) was a black guy who also saw that nightmare of a movie and had my back. I still owe him a beer for saving me a trip to HR.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2VVMVtuN9FY
https://odinsblog.tumblr.com/post/171101173156/toukofukawastuff-sinisterfeline-capacity
Oh, I also spent the entire movie wondering why I couldn’t place the actress for Okoye, just to be embarrassed when someone told me it was Michonne without hair. She’s really good.
Also…da rest o’ you pervs:
h
ttps://zombotronic.deviantart.com/art/Roberta-Pedon-732494739
Lemme know what’cha think. But only if you like it.
Yes.
Terms of service?
??
Might be my VPN or adblocker. No pics for me!
That is uncool! I didn’t think DA got blocked too often.
Couldn’t you have gotten everyone’s birthdays from the commentist survey?
That’s DA’s thing, not mine. I just mark the little box that says “Boobies!”
I mean, I could just post it here, but then I’d get in trouble…
Go for it.
It’ll be fun.
Suuuuure…. You say that now…
Bazookas!
So which do you prefer?
Yes.
Jamie Lee Curtis has aged well?
Hehehehehehe
Boobs
Also, did the guy frik Supergrass go on to form FOB? And did they both star in Clockwork Orange?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iBBGQLzAs4g
Oh, and in the interest of paying it forward, if anybody needs a ride from the Denver airport, let me know in the next 20 minutes.
I could use a ride, but my secret Denver Airport Illuminati Meeting doesn’t get out until 10
Then you’re stuck using the tunnels.
The Dame has The Book of Eli on the TeeVee machine, apparently for background as her face is also buried in her cell phone dealing with students. Glad I have you guys to pass the time.
I’m not paying attention to the movie, but it stars Mila Kunis so I can’t help but hear Meg from Family Guy.
You can hate ’em if you must, but this lyric is genius…
“I’ll be your number one with a bullet….
A loaded God complex…
Cock it and pull it.”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uhG-vLZrb-g
Isn’t that right, Kristen?
Meh, what do you know you dumb broad?
Greatest Simpsons-Reference-Named-Band of all time?
/revision/latest?cb=20110208172418
/Because they’re the only one I can think of
What about Okilly Dokilly?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2BEvh6HSQc0
I honestly don’t think I knew it was Friday until I read this post.
You obvs don’t have a government job.
Just call me your calendar then?
No, please don’t call me that.
Just think: this guy’s probably fucking Kristen Bell right now.
GODDAMMIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
In the ass . . .
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gPDcwjJ8pLg
Screw bitcoin mining, we need to devote all our computational resources to deciphering this Pittsburgh Derek Brassard trade. Somehow Vegas is retaining salary on a player who was never on their roster.
I have walked this home we call Earth for many years. I’ve experienced the best and worst that humankind has had to offer. I’ve learned much, but rarely do I share my knowledge with those that have not experienced the trials that I have been challenged with yet have still managed to conquest after unimaginable barriers and resistance. But for the Faithful I will make this exception…
It is very difficult to to incorporate the word “catheter” into polite conversation.
Your accolades are not necessary.
Catheter I barely know her…
Oh, you said POLITE conversation.
Counterpoint:
“Your dog/cat has urethral stones and needs a catheter in order to be able to piss and not die”
It all depends upon where you’re starting from. Yes, I’ve said that many times in my life. I’ve never been called rude. Well, at least not for that.
IV catheter is an easier starting point, btw.
“May I insert this catheter in your penis?”
“Yes you may, thank you so much. It is a fine catheter.”
“You’re welcome. I’ll come back and remove the catheter from your penis later.”
“Thanks, you are ever so kind.”
I had no idea that you were the American vision of British.
Backstory? One of my fave local microbreweries just started canning their good shit so I picked up a sixer on the way home from work. It was really good, but all gone. Apparently it had a rather potent ABV. Yeah, I’m pretty toasty.
http://guyspeed.com/files/2015/02/Kristen-bell-white-bra-and-panties.gif
Is that a growing hardon under the covers in the foreground?
OK, Moose, lemme know what ya think…
h
ttps://zombotronic.deviantart.com/art/Roberta-Pedon-732494739
I’ll be right back……
Girl needs a sammich.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m02-RHN_hQE
http://critdick.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/30/Kristen-Bell-uked.png
“And when I look down, even now, at the extra skin on my belly, it’s a reminder that I’ve done something spectacular. It’s a reminder that I’m a superhero. And I’m proud of it.”
-Kristen Bell
No you are not a superhero; you just did a biological imperative that almost every female can/has/will do. Quit with the self-aggrandizing bullshit.
That said; would still bang and/or be entertained by all damn day. Even with the rom-com nonsense (what fast-forward is for).
Come at me bro.
Admittedly, you’re the last person I figured for that response.
I get it, don’t get me wrong. No hate.
But you know more than anyone how the hormones affect.
Bad Moose. Bad Moose.
I knew someone has a specific dislike for KB, was it Hippo? Or maybe he-who-shall-not-be-named?
I don’t think Hippo does, though I could be mistaken. That other guy? Maybe.
I should probably abstain from further comment on the matter, however.
Correct; I believe Hippo thinks she’d give a fantastic blowjob. Without evidence to the contrary; I would think the odds are in his favor.
IT WAS HE (or she) WHO SHALL NOT BE NAMED, BUT SHALL BE HINTED ABOUT IN ODD DIFFERENT WAYS.
Well I thought “Sill B.” would have been too specific.
No, no, that’s too obvious. S. Bimmons.
Shhhhh… If we say it one more time he’ll appear!
Who, Beetlejuice?
Those hormones were long gone; it is just a typical yuppy breeder quote that pisses me off; I’ll get over it. Especially if she does a nude lesbian scene in an indie flick that is serious about pychological issues.
FWIW, I was joking.
No worries.
Also, I’m not familiar with the quote or the timing thereof, thus my awkward attempt at the humour.
THAT was not awkward.
I WAS NOT JOKING!!
Well I was not joking about a nude lesbian scene in an indie flick that is serious about psychological issues, because that just NEEDS to happen……. PAL!
Ice Stillers just rolled the ex-Whalers, take over first in the Metro Division, and acquired Derick Brassard. Feel free to commence The Hate.
Commence?
I can’t find the trade details but I think it’s a first, a fourth, Ian Cole and ryan reaves for Brassard at 25% of his salary?
I got to my shithole bar early, ahead of my German boys. No one is there but this old guy with a German soccer kit and a shaved head, watching really closely the startup of the German-Canada game.
I’m bored and I ask the guy if he is a Canuck.
“I am German. I wish to see this game” His English is not good at all.
I start talk to him and he has never watch a Hockey game before. I start telling him the rules to the sport and explain my boys are coming from work.
“They are German?”
I say in German “They are Bavarian women if that is okay with you”
He starts laughing.
I have not paid for a beer in the last 6 hours or so…I think…I am pretty drunk.
A band named after my favorite drink?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kkcbxjWG9Mc
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rE1oIhSgTgI
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Py8nRJGma0
Evening all. Happy fucking Friday.
I’m gonna get crunk tonight; apologies to my wife, who’s not home yet and has no idea how much vomit she’ll be cleaning up later. Maybe even a poop. Oh wait, we have dogs. No cleaning necessary.
LMFAO
This guy gets it.
Good thing scotchnaut is gone or else he’d have to face the mighty sting of my Ottawa Senators barbs. They are so incompetent they lost at making a trade today.
Ah! House of Pies! Forgot about that; it unleashes a whole new vein of fresh gifs.
Gentlemen
Gentleman.
Can I mix hydrocodone and edibles?
Not only can you, but I think in AZ it’s a requirement.
Just please don’t drive anywhere.
No I’m in for th night. Just don’t want my heart to stop.
Take no more than the Rx’s dosage of the hydrocodone. Take no more of the edibles than you’re used to. Just for the “not wanting to freak out” reasons.
But pharmacologically speaking, they don’t interact.
Having said that, if we find out tomorrow you went apeshit and murdered a buncha folks, I’m deleting these comments.
Smoking a J now. Maybe I’ll dabble some cookie later but I’m enjoying the performance of lighting up some illicit drugz after — even though I jeep hearing its an EPIDEMIC— taking all afternoon to get some mid-range painkillers.
Weed and opiates together (in moderation that is) is actually about the best high there is IMHO.
Sadly I have neither currently.
COME HERE, VODKA!!!!!!!
I appreciate your responses also. My typical bud master would not have provided as direct answers.
Just feel better, dude. That’s the whole point.
Shout out behind the scenes if you need to.
Holy shit! Johnathan Martin came out as pro-school shooting. To the surprise of no one, he’s now in police custody.
Wakezilla-ette loves her Sesame Street so I watch it with her. Anyway, today, a dog, who had a law degree and medical practice couldn’t find work and had to settle to work at a laundromat and a convenient store, which he got fired because dogs can’t sweep floors with brooms.
Anyway, an over educated grad who can’t find work in their field settling for a low paying job is quite the economic commentary, Sesame Street.
Oh Jeebus.
That’s a sandwich I would give everything I own (and again….murder each and every one of you) to be the meat in.
“Dammit Seamus why are you killing me???”
/sees sandwich mates
“Ah. Ok, please make it relatively quick, and godspeed.”
One must have priorities.
And yes, I really would kill all of you to be the meat in the Kristen/Amanda sandwich.
Fuck you people.
I’d love to hang with you bastards but I woke up at 5am and it’s time for this bunny rabbit to go for a snoozy.
/G’Night!
Das Bell
?w=614
Her appearances on Craig Ferguson’s show were legendary. I specially liked the travel episodes she was in.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pI6wA2s1HiM
hahahaha over 4hrs
“DAS EIN BELEEF IN MIRACLES?”
-Hans Michael, German hockey announcer
-Inhabitants of camps all over Germany circa 1945
The top comment on this Jonathan Martin story belongs in a Hall of Fame somewhere.
https://deadspin.com/jonathan-martin-taken-into-custody-after-threatening-in-1823275206
Spectacular.
Fine work here, except minus a million points for not including this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BUMRuUrz1Rk
(don’t sweat the point total, each picture of Bell is worth 500k so you’re still in fine shape)
Dammit. Thanks for pointing out my stupidity.