Such was the welcome given in Paris to Real Madrid, by ultras of their opponent: Paris Saint-Germain. Their name is Collectif ultra Paris, which is not a watch co-operative, but angries who break out the flares and shout “Puta Madrid!” over and over and over. They’ll be at the stadium: PSG needs all the help it can get.

I love the “home-away” format of the knockout rounds of the Champions League. Both teams play each other twice, and the team with most goals, on aggregate, passes to the next round. If both finish with the same amount of goals, then the team with more away goals passes.

The second legs of the first round start today. For these games, if at the end of regulation teams are tied on aggregate goals, and away goals, then two overtime periods of 15 minutes each are played. If still tied, it goes to penalties. And I admit it: I love, LOVE penalty shootouts. None today, tho.

Liverpool (United Kingdom) vs. Porto (Portugal)

(Aggregate: LIV 5 – 0 POR)

1:45 PM Central

How can Porto advance?

In seven games in the Champions League, Liverpool has no defeats and 28 goals scored. “Womp fucking womp” you say, pointing out the scoring inflation in 7-0 wins against Spartak Moscow and at Slovenian champion NK Maribor. Well, Porto’s no pushover, and the 5-0 in Lisbon was both a thorough ass-kicking by the Reds and a sorry display of Portuguese goaltending.

As Porto needs to score at least five at Anfield, today’s game features an all-timer in Ceremonial Sporting Starts: Íker Casillas at goal for Porto. Remember Casillas? You know, this guy:

In his San Íker heyday, Casillas was the captain of Spain during that 2008 to 2012 Euro – World Cup – Euro championship sandwich. Then Spain was eliminated in the [snicker] first round of [LOL] the 2014 World C???????????…

OK, sorry. Casillas signed with Real Madrid when he was 9 years old, and won five Ligas and three Champions Leagues. Then he was dumped after 25 years with the team and signed with Porto on 2015 until 2018. Yeah, Porto said this is Casillas’s last season with the club, and this would be his 11^th start for them this season. Yet, Casillas would reach retirement with his head held high with a decent outing; otherwise, he’ll get the inevitable New York City FC contract.

Prediction: Liverpool 2 – 2 Porto (LIV passes on 7 -2 aggregate).

Balls: I would love for Porto to get a little semblance of pride and score a goal,  but I don’t think that will happen.  Liverpool at home is to much for the Portuguese too overcome.

PREDICTION: Call it a 2-0 graceful home team win with a lot of reserves playing.

Hippo: After that sorry-assed first leg, I find it hard to believe Porto could trouble the Redshite’s U20 side.  Assuming they have one.  Fuck, I don’t like how this March is heading.

PREDICTION: Sleepwalking 3-1 home win (8-1 RS aggregate).

Litre_cola: Well I don’t know what to say here as the Reds demolished the Portuguese last fixture. There really is no surmounting a 5-0 lead. PROVE ME WRONG PORTO, PROVE ME WRONG! RumoUr is that Casillas is playing which is something. Maybe we will get pics of his wife who as we mentioned earlier is an absolute smokeshow. Muy Caliente! (I can’t Spanish) I don’t hate the Reds like some I just dislike all of my friends who are Pool supporters because they still live in the past of their glory days and that Champions League Final against AC Milan which was painful to have to deal with the next day.

Paris Saint Germain (France) vs. Real Madrid (Hell)

(Aggregate: PSG 1 – 3 RM)

1:45 PM Central

The first game, in Madriz, was maddening. PSG dominated the first 70 minutes easily, but had some unlucky breaks. But Jesus Christ, Neymar: the guy’s a crack, but he was intent on playing to win with dribbling—not passing. In fútbol, having a star go Full-Allen-Iverson can work well, unless there are teammates of appreciable talent. And PSG has talent; it’s a shame that Mbappé and URUGUAYAN EDINSON CAVANI were not more involved.

For this game, Neymar is out; he injured his foot, underwent an operation, and most likely will remain in rehab until the World Cup.

This has pumped the PSG players. According to Spain’s El País, the PSG locker room had “notes of pestilence” all throughout the season. (Them El País folks like their sports flowery.) Now that Neymar, the most expensive transfer in history, is gone, team “sources” state: “With Neymar we had a 5% chance… Now we’re at 50%”. Ángel DiMaría is expected to start, and this may turn out to be a grudge match: his best days, long ago, were with Real Madrid.

Real Madrid, feh. The Champions is their only realistic chance at a trophy this season, and they’ve played accordingly. The man who replaced Íker, Costa Rican Keylor Navas, is one of the very top goaltenders (despite being usually the smallest man on the pitch). I really can’t see PSG putting three past Keylor, unless there are penalties involved—and that would require the ref getting keen on the world-class douchebaggery of Sergio Ramos. Fat chance [spits on the floor].

If PSG wins 2-0, the aggregate will be 3-3, but Real Madrid will be eliminated on away goals (PSG 1 – 0 RM). But if Madriz scores once, then PSG has to score at least three—and I just don’t see it.

Prediction: PSG 2 – 1 Real Madrid (RM passes on 4-3 aggregate. Bastards.)

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Balls: I agree with Don T to a T. (Thank you,  try the veal and tip your waitresses!) I foresee the game unfolding in pretty much the exact same way.  PSG getting an early goal,  then a second,  and then fiercely defending to make sure they don’t let one in.

Alas,  that will be their downfall.  If they were to push for a third,  they would win the tie,  but they’re Parisian.   That would be gauche.

Prédiction: 2-1 pour les parisiennes.

Hippo: Pessimistically, I’m thinking the Ded Neymar think leads the Frogs straight into surrender territory.  Real gets a goal early, and it’s curtains for PSG.  Add another for humiliation, and because Madrid is full of bastard men.

Prediction: 0-2 to the Spanish Inquisition (RM 4-1 aggregate)

Litre_cola: Can somebody in Europe please beat Real Madrid? I mean Espanyol did it for crying out loud. This is the only trophy that they have a chance at and I would appreciate if Ronaldo got a whole bag of nothing this year, including the World Cup.

Major problem here is that Neymar got a boo-boo and is done until the World Cup. Some would see this as convenient for him to get some rest as Paris has run away with the Ligue 1 title. Others point out the fact that this will be the fourth year in a row that he isn’t playing during his sisters birthday.

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