2018 Tradition Like Any Other Preview and Afternoon Livethread

We just finished the NCAA Tournament. I bet you’re asking yourself, “Where can I get more Jim Nantz? I can’t wait all the way to the start of the NFL season to hear his velvety voice!” This is you, right? No?

Yes, it’s The Masters. Golf’s biggest event, and it’s most self-serving. Hosted at Augusta National Golf Club in Augusta, Georgia, golf’s (for now) first major of the year goes out of it’s way to remind you of how important the Green Jackets think it is.

I love golf, even I’m horrible at it. Would I like to play at Augusta? Of course.

On the pro side: It looks absolutely gorgeous. Everyone who’s ever been there says it feels like hallowed ground. The course is absolutely a blast to play.

On the con side: The “minorities aren’t welcome here” policy. (Ask Lee Trevino about that.)  It’s “You’re-Not-Allowed Here” policy rivals only the original goal of Cartmanland. Tournament founder Bobby Jones was astoundingly racist. The club went out of their way to refuse women as members for decades. All of these are part of the reason I really hate everything AGNC stands for, and yet, can’t help but be drawn to The Masters. Like a junkie to a needle, and Andy Reid to a buffet, I know it’s not good, but, I can’t stop myself.

This year’s edition comes as one of the most-hyped in decades, and that’s not hyperbole. Tiger is back! Phil is playing the best golf in years! The younger guys (Justin Thomas, Jason Day, Dustin Johnson) are all playing at high levels! Rory can complete the career grand slam! Bubba has won twice this year already! It is exciting to see so many brand names coming in as favorites, and not just in the Vegas sense, though Hippo would back that latter part up.

We’ll see how this thing plays itself out, and perhaps you’ll get a Hippo-ish series for each day. Probably not, but, who knows?! That’s really up to my kids, and how much I want to do anything outside of getting drunk, taking the dog for a walk, and sleeping. Anyway, we’ve been done this before. I got that one right. So, I’ll say it’s either Rory finishing the Career Grand Slam, or, some nobody, like See-Woo Kim.

Skip work and watch some golf. At any rate, fuck Jim Nantz, and have it, dickholes.

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

meh

theeWeeBabySeamus

My kind of girl.
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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Wife material

theeWeeBabySeamus

If something is squirting and her first instinct is to put it in her mouth….you betcha.

Redshirt

Republican high school students went out and protested for the 2nd Amendment and Gun Rights. Its a nice thought, if all the pictures of the kids skin color weren’t so monochrome.

(sacrifices another lamb for a viable Third Party Alternative)

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Losers.

Redshirt

They said they were upset that the narrative was “all students are against guns”, but to their credit they did say they are for better background checks. So the New Age Hitler Youth wasn’t completely bad.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

They’re Republicans. They are entirely bad.

Redshirt

(holds back tears)

…am I bad in a good way or bad in a bad way?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Fuck it. I don’t want to have this conversation.

Redshirt

Its my delusion and I’ll deluse if I want to.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Crowd reaction is the best part here, IMHO.
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Senor Weaselo

What was the point of that anyway?

Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

Break the glass; win a kewpie?
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theeWeeBabySeamus

It’s an instructional thing on the golf channel. I’m not sure what the exact point on this one was, but the plate is clear for lining up to the green. Not for hilarious nut shots.

Redshirt

Its was an object teaching lesson about vectors and angles using a pair of testes to make it memorable without having to get the cops involved.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Sooooo…Spieth has decided to kick the shit out of ANGC, huh?

scotchnaut

Producer: [to cameraman] “Get me shot #16!”

Cameraman: “”Pink flower in the foreground, golfer walking up the fairway in the background? Done.”

Producer: “Excellent!”

Cameraman: “When are we doing #27?*”.

Producer: “Shortly after #11**. Just be patient.”

*slow pan from majestic tree to a ball lying on the green

**overhead shot of all the pretty sand traps on holes 15, 16 and 17

theeWeeBabySeamus

With such a terrible drive, it’s amazing that…
/removes sunglasses
…he got a birdie.
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scotchnaut

This is what it sounds like…when doves die…

Senor Weaselo
theeWeeBabySeamus

Thanks Obama!!!!!!

theeWeeBabySeamus

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scotchnaut

Fun Fact:

Whenever jordan Spieth approaches the tee at the 18th hole he says to himself, “Spieth, the final frontier” and giggles quietly to himself.

scotchnaut

Has anyone led the Masters from beginning to end? I mean, aside from Rembrandt of course.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Yes. Spieth was the most recent.

scotchnaut

How often does it occur?

/show your work

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

5 times. Although the Masters doesn’t count it as wire to wire if the leader is T1, which happened another 6 times.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Who thinks Pruitt will try to take one last ride on the taxpayer dime and blow $20k on a jaunt down to Augusta for the weekend?

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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rockingdog
rockingdog

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That is one outrageous dog.

SonOfSpam

He’s proactive. A totally new paradigm.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Partial credit. The correct answer is “he’s totally in my face!”

SonOfSpam

Yeah, I rushed it.

I’m fired, aren’t I?

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

Are you sure it is the Masters? According to the coverage I was seeing it is just Tiger playing a round at Augusta with a bunch of no-names. I swear Tiger could be shooting a +20 and they would still be focusing on him, instead of another player who was shooting a -20.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m curious what excuses they are going to make for him when he’s at +11 by tomorrow and fails to make the cut.

yeah right

Sweet! We just had an earthquake. Can’t tell if it’s a small one real close by or a big one farther away but it was a decent shake. I should use this as an excuse to close up work early.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

I WAS TRAUMATIZED

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It felt like what I would imagine getting tackled by (current status) Ryan Shazier feels like.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

That was my first LA earthquake. It left me…

/puts on sunglasses

Shook.

YEEEEEEAAAAHH

LemonJello
LemonJello

So, I thought I’d stop in and see what’s happening at the ol’clubhouse…

No futbol today? If I were wearing pearls, I’d clutch them.

Wait? What’s that noise? Bah gawd! That’s…that’s The Masters theme!

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I like that the ads for the Masters are trying to reach the “likes to see cars get destroyed” demographic.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Have I ever mentioned how much I absolutely loathe websites which automatically load and play videos? When I’m relaxed and perusing news/sports, with music kinda blasting….and then I start hearing the shrill voice of some jackhole overtop of my music, especially if he’s just saying the same shit I’ve already started reading?

IF I WANT TO WATCH YOUR FUCKING VIDEO I’LL CLICK ON THE SUMBITCH!!!!!!

grumble grumble

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Disable HTML5 Autoplay extension (Chrome) — https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/disable-html5-autoplay/efdhoaajjjgckpbkoglidkeendpkolai?hl=en-US

Disable HTML5 Autoplay extension (Firefox) — https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/disable-autoplay/?src=api

Safari has an option you can click on in Debug mode. Debug > Media Flags > Disable Inline Video

Don T

I walked into an empty elevator and was hit by the STANK of either cheap perfume or gin. In that vein, best mixed drinks of all time (YMMV):
1. Cuba Libre
2. [intentionally left blank]
3. gin + tonic + lotta lime
4. Long Island Iced Tea*
5. Vodka martini
6. Gin or vodka + passion fruit juice

* Only LSD provides more bang for your buck.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Agreed about #4. Those things go down way too smoothly. I once way overdid it with those.

Yikes.

SonOfSpam

1 or 2: Margarita (rocks, blanco tequila, lime juice, Cointreau or Grand Marinier, salt)

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

2. Vodka and vodka.

SonOfSpam

Rory or Spieth for the win. Or John Daly. Yeah, John Daly.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So how tough would it be to rig up a drone so that it can spray herbicide? I was thinking a fun prank to do would be to fly one out over a Trump golf course late one night and tag up the greens to read “FUCK TRUMP” in dead grass.

Game Time Decision
Game Time Decision

rock salt works well for this….not that i know

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Actually…I wonder if a remote control car rigged up to look like a furry animal might be better. Easier to control, cheaper…

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

This bunch of jackasses needs to have Sherman march through the middle of it.

Game Time Decision
Game Time Decision

Sherman…. tank?

theeWeeBabySeamus

If this jackass had made it a little further, you might have gotten at least part of that I guess.

http://www.wral.com/driver-charged-with-dui-after-bus-bound-for-the-masters-overturns/17466375/

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

This truly is Hellworld.

blaxabbath

A few years back, I got my brother, a big golfer, a round at the Scottsdale TPC (home of the Waste Management Open). It was probably one of the better gifts I’ve given him.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Love that course.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hey Judge!!! While we’re young, huh?
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theeWeeBabySeamus

Ah, that’s better. Much better, actually. Thank you, Paige.
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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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theeWeeBabySeamus

something something my balls were between her boobs something something but then she whacked ’em with an 8 iron something something

Game Time Decision
Game Time Decision

something something worth every penny something something