We just finished the NCAA Tournament. I bet you’re asking yourself, “Where can I get more Jim Nantz? I can’t wait all the way to the start of the NFL season to hear his velvety voice!” This is you, right? No?
Yes, it’s The Masters. Golf’s biggest event, and it’s most self-serving. Hosted at Augusta National Golf Club in Augusta, Georgia, golf’s (for now) first major of the year goes out of it’s way to remind you of how important the Green Jackets think it is.
I love golf, even I’m horrible at it. Would I like to play at Augusta? Of course.
On the pro side: It looks absolutely gorgeous. Everyone who’s ever been there says it feels like hallowed ground. The course is absolutely a blast to play.
On the con side: The “minorities aren’t welcome here” policy. (Ask Lee Trevino about that.) It’s “You’re-Not-Allowed Here” policy rivals only the original goal of Cartmanland. Tournament founder Bobby Jones was astoundingly racist. The club went out of their way to refuse women as members for decades. All of these are part of the reason I really hate everything AGNC stands for, and yet, can’t help but be drawn to The Masters. Like a junkie to a needle, and Andy Reid to a buffet, I know it’s not good, but, I can’t stop myself.
This year’s edition comes as one of the most-hyped in decades, and that’s not hyperbole. Tiger is back! Phil is playing the best golf in years! The younger guys (Justin Thomas, Jason Day, Dustin Johnson) are all playing at high levels! Rory can complete the career grand slam! Bubba has won twice this year already! It is exciting to see so many brand names coming in as favorites, and not just in the Vegas sense, though Hippo would back that latter part up.
We’ll see how this thing plays itself out, and perhaps you’ll get a Hippo-ish series for each day. Probably not, but, who knows?! That’s really up to my kids, and how much I want to do anything outside of getting drunk, taking the dog for a walk, and sleeping. Anyway, we’ve been done this before. I got that one right. So, I’ll say it’s either Rory finishing the Career Grand Slam, or, some nobody, like See-Woo Kim.
Skip work and watch some golf. At any rate, fuck Jim Nantz, and have it, dickholes.