Feliz Dia del Padre everyone!

Unlike in North America where Father’s Day is celebrated on the 3^rd Sunday of June, most Latin American countries celebrate Father’s Day on June 17^th. Yes, no matter what day it is, as long as it is the 17^th of June, it’s Father’s Day.

Short story: Long before Toddlerzilla was born, my Latina wife and I talked about celebrating Latin and North American Father’s/Mother’s Day. While we celebrate Central American and North American Mother’s Day, I only celebrate Latino Father’s Day because our first child was stillborn on North America’s Father’s Day. The fact that Father’s Day for both cultures lands on the same day sucks for me. OK, that’s enough about the trauma that has resulted in me periodically waking up in the middle of the night, a blubbering mess because I relived that horrendous moment in my dreams.  That’s what expensive whiskey is for.

Father’s Day during a World Cup year is the best because you actually get to sit down, drink booze and watch a sport. No, baseball isn’t a sport. #Comeatmebro

We have three games on tap today (all times are Pacific):

Serbia at Costa Rica (5 AM), Mexico at Germany (8 AM) and Switzerland at Brazil (11 AM).

Here’s hoping you have a delicious and hearty bacon filled breakfast while you watch these games.

Game 1: Serbia vs Costa Rica at Samara Arena

Serbia will be relying heavily on youth this summer as seven of their Under 20, 2015 World Cup-winning players make their debut for the senior team. While that inexperience could be seen as a detriment to this team, these players will be supported by some pretty talented players like Matic, Tadic, Mitrovic and Milinkovic-Savic. In their last 10 matches, Serbia has 5 wins 2 draws and 3 losses. More recently, they’re 3-1-1 in their last 5 games, which is decent form.

On the other hand, Costa Rica is a dumpster fire. Not only do they have 4 wins and 6 losses in their last 10, they got shelled 4-1 to Belgium in their last game.. For Costa Rica to advance to the round of 16, Real Madrid goalie, Keylor Navas, has to be perfect. The problem is, Nevas is going to play through an injury that resulted in him missing training on Thursday. Luckily enough for Costa Rica, they have 6’5 defender and ultimate badass, Kendall Watson. If there’s anyone who can stop the Serbs from getting a ton of shots on net, as well as score on set pieces to ensure Costa Rica wins, it’s the Enforcer. Why yes, I am a Vancouver Whitecaps fan, why do you ask?

Predicción: For either team to advance, they have to win this game. Given what’s going on with the Costa Ricans, it pains me to say that Serbia is going to win 2-0.

Litre_Cola :  I am torn on this one. I want Mitrovic to stay at teh Mighty Fulham for next season but if he overperforms he may go elsewhere. If the Serbs tank the will be looking at Jokanovic for a new manager and then he would leave West London. I am selfish. I think the Serbs are big, and play tough. They can definitely can impose their wills on the Costa Ricans.

As for Costa Ricans in this one I do not know all that much about them except this. If Bryan Ruiz is one of your stars you are doomed. He is the most frustrating players to watch. He shows flashes of brilliance one day and then is as useful as a turnip.

Predicción: Serbia 3- 1 with Mitro banging in 2 because I can’t have nice things.

Balls: I think Keylor Navas is the only player on Real Madrid I genuinely like and wish good things for. Unfortunately,  as my friends above have mentioned,  he is hurt and the rest of the team… well,  they’re not exactly juggernauts.

I originally had envisioned this as a tie with Navas holding off Serbian attack after Serbian attack.  However, since he’s hurt, it’s not the 90s and he’s not Bosnia.

Predicción: Poor Costa Rica goes down to the Serbs by a score of 0-2.

Hippo:  I like Costa Rica quite a bit, based on pure sentiment (as noted in their preview).  This means fuckall, as evidenced by my track record in this Torneo del Diablo.  Los Ticos are a very old side, but they can at least start hot (I predict a 1-nil halftime lead), but if Navas is limited, they’re proper fucked.

Predicción: 1- 1 Draw with Sons of Slobodan leveling in the 80th minute.

Don T: Costa Rica is called the Switzerland of the Americas for being a neutral nation (not for having a trove of ill-gotten assets). Costa Rica has no armed forces. “I don’t want an army of soldiers, but of educators”, decreed President José Figueres Ferrer in 1948, and the main military headquarters were passed to the University of Costa Rica. And since 1986, December 1^st is Army Abolition Day in Costa Rica.

So there: “doing” is better than “Imagine”.

I imagined this World Cup to be a total Hispanic party. Every one of the eight groups has a Spanish-speaking country—that’s 25% hispanohablante. Hey, revolutions have been won with lesser numbers. General results in the tournament, howevah, have been mierda. At present, only Uruguay has won #JustSayin

Enter Costa Rica, who seems to have been coasting on reputation, given recent friendlies. Now, with real stakes, I’ll hang on to my faith until reality stomps on my balls, gracias.

Predicción: Costa Rica 2 : 1 Serbia

Game #2: Mexico vs Germany at Luzhniki Stadium

Wakezilla: Given their recent play of late, this has the potential for an upset. Germany has one win in their last six games—a 2-1 victory over Saudi Arabia. We saw how shitty the Saudis were against Russia. The alarms should be going off in Germany. With that said, given Germany’s recent history of scoring at least 2 goals their past couple of World Cup opening matches, and given their history in Russia, I expect them to regroup and have an unexpectedly fast start to this tournament.

On the other side, Mexico has fared slightly better, playing marginally above .500 lesser footy. During this five game stretch, while they defeated Iceland 3-0, they also lost 1-0 to Croatia and 2-0 to Denmark. Factor in that they have been battling injuries and they usually underwhelm in Europe, and this game might be a battle of who sucks the least.

Prognose: This game wreaks of a 0-0 draw. With that said, Germany hasn’t lost an opener since 1982 and beat Mexico 4-1 last year at the Confederations Cup. Because I hate ties, I’ll say Werner scores in the 50th minute, resulting in the Krauts winning an ugly 1-0 game.

Litre_Cola :  I am very much looking forward to this one. I would really like to see Mexico succeed but they have to hope ze Germans come out of the gates slow. This guy makes me want to root for Mexico more, what a loser. In last year’s Confederations Cup the Krauts beat the Mexicans 4-1, but that was a year ago. The lead up in to the World Cup hasn’t been the best for the Germans but they will get Manuel Neuer back who has been deemed fit. If you are a Turkish-German you have had some problems in the lead up as well. Two of the lads had their picture taken with the Turkish PM and apparently a lot of people are pissed.

If you are a Mexican footballer your lead up to the World Cup was interesting as well. Do you like partying with approximately 30 prostitutes? Who the hell wouldn’t? I will let Don T or Balls get into this one for you because they can translate you see.

Predicción:  Germany 2-1, As impressed as I am with Rafa Marquez I think he is a bit too slow to keep up and he is a liability.

Balls: So,  you’ll laugh,  trust me. It turns out that the infamous party with 30 prostitutes was actually Chicharito’s birthday party and the girls were not prostitutes,  just regular girls that dressed like prostitutes!

Easy mistake to make,  as anyone that has been to a Mexican party can attest. I can hear the tías now,  “¡Mira que vestido de puta trae esa! ¡Por lo menos se puso calzón!”

So,  nothing to see here,  move along.  The saving grace of this whole thing is that it took the focus off the collective concern of everyone with Mexican roots that Germany will run a Brazil-like train on El Tri.

Predicción: As I wrote in my previews,  Germany traditionally starts slow and builds steam as the tourney progresses. I’m not saying México will win,  although it would be great to watch all my coworkers call in hungover on Monday,  but a tie is not out of the realm of possibility.  Let’s go with that.  0-0.

Hippo:  Again, I see an early goal for the upstarts, with the inevitable equalizer late (but no winner).  In a totally unrelated matter, does anybody know a good black market organ site that has caucasian thumbs available?

Predicción: 1- 1 Draw, which makes Germany so upset they almost show expression on their visages.

Don T: Germany is the favorite to win the World Cup. For me, it will remain so until Germany fails to win a game that matters. Or when Hummels is totally exposed—I mean, really: what does everyone see in this fucking guy? Harrumph.

I don’t love El Tri. I blame all Fox and ESPN Deportes channels, whose coverage of the Mexican National Team is nonstop. And opinionated, in a tone that suggests El Tri is a player in the world fútbol scene. They ain’t; their notable results have been in CONCACAF competition. As a fútbol region, CONCACAF’s only contribution to the game was the parade of officials who got caught by the FBI and then snitched against FIFA.

Know whom I love? Juan Carlos Osorio, México’s coach. He’s from Colombia, soft spoken, and even keeled—especially when coaching his team, in the last friendly in Estadio Azteca, and the fans chanting FUERA OSORIO FUERA OSORIO.

To be fair, it’s tough to follow Miguel Herrera:

Via slate.com

So yeah, a vocal sector does not appreciate their national team being coached by a foreign adult human. The fair criticism of Osorio is that he’s a tinkerer, changing starters and having players at unfamiliar positions according to the opponent. Speaking of the Germany game, Osorio said he believes in his players and added: “You have to play for the love of winning, not for the fear of losing”. That is the style every fan of the sport wants, but it’s also cause for dismissal when playing against a stronger team. Osorio’s smart to know his stint most probably won’t end well, so he might as well play to score 3, even if it would mean conceding 5.

Predicción: Germany 2 : México 1

Game #3 Brazil vs Switzerland at Rostov-on-don Stadium

Wakezilla: Brazil is a terrifying team because everyone is healthy* and ready to avenge their embarrassing 2014 World Cup performance. As I said in the Brazil preview, Brazil is my pick to win the tournament. If that happens, it’s going to be mildly annoying to hear all the hawt taeks from people who watch lesser footy once every four years declaring Neymar is better than Ronaldo and Messi because he won a World Cup, ignoring the fact the other two have won virtually everything else multiple times.

The scary thing about Brazil is that they have Neymar and he isn’t even their primary scoring option. Jesus is the primary shooter for Brazil. Yes, they even have Jesus on their side! Tite has already (accidentally) confirmed his starting XI after an apparent leak from a supposedly closed training session. If the leak is true, the starting XI is:

Alisson; Marcelo, Miranda, Silva, Danilo; Coutinho, Casemiro, Paulinho; Neymar, Jesus, Willian.

That’s a well-balanced squad. As long as 7-1 isn’t still in their heads, Brazil should be able to take care of business.

*I just saw an article online saying Neymar isn’t fully healthy and might not be ready to go. Perhaps Tite is playing mind games?

The Swiss may not have any sexy names, but they are a cohesive unit that has only lost once since the Euros. They are strong defensively, but haven’t had a go-to striker in years. That is going to be an issue when playing a team like Brazil. Psychological issues aside, if the Brazilians take the Swiss lightly, there is a chance of the upset. The Swiss are healthy and will be more than satisfied tying the Brazilians.

Predição: Brazil is on a mission and they have too many big time players used to the pressure of big games. I get the impression the Swiss will be playing more for a draw than a win, which will bite them in the ass late in the game. I’ll say Neymar scores fairly early, Shaqiri scores midway through the second half and Jesus saves Brazil by scoring close to injury time. Brazil wins 2-1.

Litre_Cola: Brazil will win, and hopefully they put on a show. Everyone remember that last World Cup where Germany absolutely went right through them. I am still dumbfounded how the hell that happened on Brazilian soil. This could be Neymar’s tournament if he should want to take it over, his comment about him being the greatest player on earth because Messi and Ronaldo aren’t from this planet was absolutely fantastic.

Predicción: Brazil 3- Switzerland 0, I hope it is a drubbing. 15 years ago a McDonalds meal in Geneva was 19 dollars.  I hold a grudge.

Balls: I don’t understand countries that are as crazy expensive as Switzerland. Does the janitor make $70K per year or do they only charge that to the tourists and the locals half that?

My Top Tip for traveling in notoriously expensive places is to go to a supermarket and buy stuff there. Fuck restaurants that want to charge you $14 for avocado fucking toast.

Get you one of these

an avocado from the produce aisle,  and you’re set. You’re welcome.

As for the game,  Brazil should win handily.

Predicción: Brasil 3 Suiza 0

Hippo: I remain unconvinced that Brasil will travel that well, a notion borne out by the early performance of the high-profile Sudamericano sides.  Plus, this group is always volatile as fuck.  That said, they are playing the Swiss, who might be even MOAR Nazi-tainted.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h4GmSmpjOrU

Predição: Brasil fucks about for 60 minutes, fucking over myriad casual GAMBLOR devotees in the process.  Then they turn it on late. Brasil wins 3-nil.

Don T: Brazil is favorite #2 to win the World Cup. In the last tournament, Neymar’s back injury in the Quarterfinals against Colombia was named as a big part of the semis beatdown against Germany. I dunno; that  Brasil team looked SHOOK in every game. Marcelo had an own goal in the inaugural and he looked like he was gonna be shot at halftime. Julio César cried when his goalkeeping  won the knockout against Chile on penalties. Now Brasil is chillin in Russia riding a hot streak, angling for revenge against the Germans along the way. Word is that Neymar is not 100%, but they’re solid everywhere.

Switzerland, god dammit. I second mister Scott Thompson. You captivated my black heart in the 1-0 win over Spain in South Africa 2010 (Spain’s only loss until winning the cup). And my memory of every other game is a mash of (like Osorio said), playing afraid to lose. This will be the Swiss today:

Final del Partido: Brasil 2 : 0 Suiza

A fun little game to kill time in-between matches:

If you were assigned to create a team –using a 4-4-2 formation–and you can only select one player from each country, and you cannot choose the big 3 (Ronaldo, Messi and Neymar) what would your team look like?

I think this is the team I would field:

Goalie: Navas (Costa Rica). . . Having a great goalie from a lesser footy country helps. That way you can load up on the powerhouse countries in the more skilled positions. Well, that’s what I have done.

Defense: Hummels (Germany), Pique (Spain), Koulibaly (Senegal), Godin (Uruguay). . . This is a strong defense that will definitely stop attacking forwards.

Midfield: De Bruyne (Belgium), Casemiro (Brazil), Kanté (France), Modric (Croatia). . . This is a well balanced midfield. De Bruyne and Modric provide the offense while Casemiro and Kanté shut things down.

Forward: Salah (Egypt), Lewandowski (Poland). . . This is where I think we’ll see the biggest difference among our picks.

Hippo: First, I HATE your rules, would always play a 4-3-3.  But The Dude abides.

Keeper: Agreed.  The bestest, and cheap – Navas (CRC)

Defense:  Kimmich (GER), D. Sanchez (COL), S. Ramos (ESP), Marcelo (BRA)

Midfield: This is hard, but there is an embarrassment of riches available so will get creative (plus, Everton WOO! – Siggy would get forward like a #10) – Kanté (FRA), Sigurdsson (ISL), Mordic (CRO), Eriksen (DEN)

Striker: I had to leave off my best player in the world to see something I have always been curious about- Suarez (URU), Lukaku (BEL)

Balls Note:

I believe Don T was trying to update the World Cup Pool in the comments.  Here are the standings: