Into the next set of games! We have now seen everyone at least once and so conclusions can be drawn:
- Nobody knows anything.
- Sí se pudo.
- No one team looks unbeatable.
This, to me, makes this a very exciting tournament. Wakezilla compared it to 2002 and that’s a great point. That tourney had crazy upsets in the group stage. However, logic and tradition took over and we ended up with Brazil as the winner.
I myself am hoping that we get something like 2010 where a nation that had never won before (Spain) emerges as the winner by playing inspired and beautiful football. We shall see…
5 AM Pacific
Portugal v Morocco
Balls: Today’s games SHOULD be fairly simple to predict. In each one, you have an established “big” team playing a team considered a “minnow”
As this tournament has shown us, however, there are no pushovers and upsets have and will most likely continue to happen. Is this one of those games?
Prédiction: Probablement no. Le Portugal 2, Maroc 0
Litre_Cola: I see this actually being tighter than most do because of the rivalry between the two countries which will jack Morocco up and they might be able to catch the Portuguese napping. That being said I always root against Ronaldo. He could be playing on a team of invalids for charity and I would scream at the television calling for his blood. If this game is tied in the second half I fully expect him to do something spectacular to snatch the win. Kill Pepe forever.
Prédiction: Portugal 2-1 and getting one after the 60th minute.
Wakezilla: Last week, I said that Portugal better get a win or at least a draw because Morocco—who was likely going to beat Iran– is talented enough to shock the world and upset them. Portugal got a win and Morocco, despite being clearly better, couldn’t capitalize on their chances and scored an own goal, resulting in a loss.
I still think Morocco plays a style of lesser footy that will cause Portugal trouble. They’re relentless on the attack and one would imagine their strikers are itching to get another chance on some of those opportunities they blew last week. They’re only problem is, they may have to open the game up more than they’re comfortable with because they need a win.
Last game, Ronaldo willed his team to a draw, thanks to his hatrick. Oddly enough, going into that game, he had only scored 3 career World Cup goals. In other words, he was averaging one goal per World Cup, which is pretty bad. Now that he is getting hot and playing a team desperate for a win, CR7 must be having liquid dreams about all the opportunities he should have on the counter-attack tomorrow. He could have a YUUUUUUGE game.
Prédiction: This game is going to be really close and going to make Portugal squirm. In the end, I think Ronaldo is once again going to carry his team to a 2-1 win.
Ron Howard voice over: Portugal won 7-0
8 AM Pacific
Uruguay v Saudi Arabia
Balls: Ok, do I think this game could possibly result in an upset? Not very likely. If Uruguay doesn’t put 5 on the Saudis, it will be forced into a must-win situation in the last game against Russia to win the group.
It may not matter as the teams coming out of the group play either Portugal or Spain and the third group B games will be played AFTER the third group A games.
So, it doesn’t really matter.
Predicción: They won’t put five past them. I’m thinking a relatively boring 2-0 win.
Litre_Cola: This game is going to be a murder. Enough dicking around Uruguay let’s get serious and put away these fools. Their plane caught on fire on their way here. They got their money from Putin for getting manhandled in their first match, time to just shut er down. I cannot foresee this being a contest. DO THINGS SUAREZ!
Predicción: 3-0 Uruguay. A sound beating. They are going to start to roll.
Wakezilla: Saudi Arabia isn’t as bad as the performance they gave last week. Perhaps it was nerves, or maybe they fell victim to the Russian nightlife. Whatever it was, I doubt they will get trucked by Uruguay. Did you see how Mohammad bin Salman looked at the end of the game? Me thinks he’s going to have a visit to the Saudi locker room before the match for a little inspirational fear.
As I said last week, Uruguay was going to get caught off guard and narrowly survive a scare from Egypt. Now that they got a friendly reminder that any team can beat them on any given night, they’re going to get to work and play like a cup contender.
Predicción: Uruguay is going to flex their lesser footy muscle and defeat the Saudis 3-0. The Saudis will put forth a respectable effort, but will ultimately lose because they are simply not good enough.
11 AM
Iran v Spain
Balls: Iran won’t pull the upset here either. This will be the rare day where the expected results will happen.
Ron Howard voice: They didn’t.
Predicción: España 3, Irán 0.
Litre_Cola: Spain was better than Portugal in that bananacakes 1st round game. They should come out and overwhelm the Iranians. I for one love Persian food. If you find a good Persian takeout in your city go through their menu, it is fucking superb from top to bottom. They can fall back on that when they get their asses handed to them today.
Predicción: España 4, Irán 0.
Wakezilla: First place Iran is going to face a pissed off Spanish team that should have won last week. Iran won their first World Cup game in 20 years, so everything that happens next is gravy. One would think that Spain would easily defeat Iran, but at this World Cup and with how good Iran is defensively, we’re going to get another close game.
Predicción: Iran will be more than content to park the bus and play for the draw. For the most part, this will likely work and we’ll have a scoreless first half. However, I see a sub for Spain coming on and scoring the one and only goal, giving Spain a 1-0 victory. . . Assuming De Gea doesn’t give up another softy.
I leave to go run errands and its still… 0-0?
geezeee
It’s all going according to my predictions. Muah ha ha.
“Sometimes he goes too far.”
– Dwayne Bowe’s agent, attempting to explain why his client was so rarely targeted by Alex Smith
Bad acting is bad.
The Academy doesn’t agree.
Yeah but the Academy doesn’t object to anally raping hotel workers, either.
Who’s the snowflake cuck that does?
As a measure of my interest level in this game, I’ve been watching for almost thirty minutes and I still have no idea which team is in white and which team is in red.
Rule of thumb for this game: if you see 7-9 Defenders chasing after the ball, it’s Iran. If you see a team with possession for long stretches, it’s Spain.
Soooo, what’s the correct response when one’s mother accidentally kills the weedling which was not only doing the best, but had been moved outside into the actual ground way earlier than I thought possible, and was still thriving?
She knew it was there (and knew what it was, Mom is cool that way) yet she forgot I guess due to….old…and just dumped the soil from one of her flower pots right on it and broke the main stem off from the root system due to forgetting/carelessness. No way that little bastard will recover. I guess I’ll be replanting again soon.
Me (as she’s about to dump the flower pot): Mom…wait!!! Stop!!!!
Mom (dumping the flower pot anyway): What? Oh. Damn, now I feel bad.
Me (fighting back tears): It’s ok Mom. I’ve got more seeds.
(grumble, grumble)
Did Magary’s wife really leave him or was that just part of the bit?
https://deadspin.com/russia-is-the-highest-scoring-team-in-the-world-cup-in-1826989296
I’m guessing the bit based on the line earlier about personal relationships in trouble for investigating Russia…
Whenever I hear that “Pique’s in the box” I feel a little jealous.
Hard to believe he cheated on her and she took him back
To be fair, she’s probably only the 6th hottest woman he’s banged this month.
It’s not Jeremy Clarkson, it’s his American cousin.
That guy definitely supports Trump’s tariffs, despite not knowing what the word “tariff” means.
Be clam and carry on.
Checks scores. It is a tWBs festival today!
Something’s fishy about them.
Missed the game. Did Suarez bite anyone?
Sadly, yes. During the coin toss at midfield, he accidentally bit a kid in the upper deck.
That kid was asking for it.
Betrayed his owner for 30 pieces of tuna.
3 points, 0 cards, clinched second round. Mood: mostly whelmed.
Obligatory:
https://youtu.be/GO3K9SIg-dg
I don’t speak Spanish, but I think they’re singing about how to cross our borders and infest our nation.
This looks like a particularly egregious case of cultural appropriation. I’m gonna watch this with my pants off just to make sure.
Whew…just turned off the TV in time. Almost heard between-game Fox blather.
Hadn’t seen this completely accurate thing before.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cueMAVQ3-A0
He needs to be punched multiple times by me or anyone else.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qvPugcb7QGE
That would the most fun I’ve had in years.
I’d recommend having someone stronger than me do it.
It looks like we’re getting two TWBS’s in a row…
– Everyone who has ever met me
Sure hope I didn’t miss anything important happening in the game while I was searching for this…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NCZuYS-9qaw&t=4m32s
Oh 80s, I miss you so
That young lady is mildly attractive.
Roy Moore’s wedding song.
I’d have thought he would have demanded White Wedding?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AAZQaYKZMTI
He’s a fan of Gary Puckett I bet.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qJFVPxBpezk
This young lady is too old for him.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dVnSRP2QVTE
“17, I didn’t ask for a MILF.”
Also Roy Moore
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uZMQU4c1pEg
Looks as though the Saudi Arabian team has bin laden with inferior talent.
Soooo you’re saying….
“Nailed it!”
-B. Walsh, pilot in command
So I realized down below I used an image of Jessica Biel to demonstrate a “sexy back” and now I realize that I should have used a gif of the girl crawling in the “Cradle of Love” video. Please accept my sincere regrets.
If you show your work, we will forgive you this time.
Damn you for being faster than me.
But rectify (hehe) is better.
Rectum? Hell it almost killed him!!!!
(sorry…that was obligatory)
((says my brain))
Can’t find it.
-RTD, while frantically searching between the seats for the condom, Senior Prom Night
It’s not too late to rectify that mistake.
We’ll wait….
Looks like that Uruguayan sub just came back from Cancún.
Wow, that’s a long trip underwater.
I don’t imagine Mexico appreciated that intrusion into their naval waters.
Their is a donkey show joke somewhere, but I ain’t smart enough to think of it after that teleconference I was just on.
We were so young back then…we didn’t know what we were doing.
Finally a movie I can get behind!
This tilt lacks…charisma.
OK, now it has some Charisma.
She should see a doctor about that star. That can’t be good.
SHE’S A GODDAMNED SHERIFF!
I know why that star is white…
Different from Flint, MI.
I see France…..
What the hell happened during qualifying that Italy didn’t make this thing?
also no Netherlands… weird….
They found out they wouldn’t be able to live with their Mothers if they went to the World Cup.
Nagging bt Snapchat ain’t the same.
THAT is a beautiful stereotype which I need to use more often.
Lulled to sleep by the Swedes in a playoff.
I wonder if the Muslim players refer to that as a hamstring.
OK; that is fucking banner worthy!!
ut oh…saudi player got injured and had to leave the pitch….
found an afternoon funny:
I go to seductively boop your nose but my finger pierces straight through the back of your skull.
“Sorry, I’ve been working out.” I say.
Afternoon? Are you living in the Azores?
maybe…
“All right, defender. I’m just going to do this. [munching sound] And if you get bitten, it’s your own fault.” – Luis Suarez
I haven’t seen the Saudi goalkeeper go airborne and then land in the wrong place like that since…well, I guess two days ago when their plane blew up.
So is Uruguay really any good? Because so far both these teams look like stank.
Not that kind of stank.
But still…oooof. Very nice.
I would like to submit my reaction to that cutie as evidence that I am not, in fact, guay.
Lying in the couch for anthems is a reasonable accommodation for sloth.
So, after having a plug in hybrid for a little over a year, I’m now actively looking into getting a gas-powered sports car with shitty mileage.
I guess what i’m trying to say is Fuck the Environment.
Maybe you just need a longer extension cord.
Mad Balls II: Fuck The Environment
something something her environment something something
something something protect HER wetlands something
A man must learn how survive and thrive in the jungle as well as the desert…..
of course they have a Halloween costume for it.
Why not? Everybody else is; let’s speed into our dystopian future.
Rode in the boss’ Tesla and if I had money I’d buy one of those fuckers.
That’s a huge problem. Teslas and most performance-oriented electrics/ hybrids are crazy expensive. Trust me, I’d love to get another hybrid or even a full electric, but for 60% of the money, I can get significantly much better performance at only half the gas mileage.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y6v_nrf9nFQ
I was saying if I had sick money I’d buy one. I don’t have much desire for a sports car anyway. I am either beyond the midlife crisis or just don’t give a shit.
If I had that kind of money, I would too.
I’d do solar on my roof and a hot tub first….. no screen for the neighbors and wear a too-short kimono out to soak.
Uruguay is getting the Red Carpet so far:
-Egypt, Salah injured
-Saudis, plane troubles
-Russia, already qualified
That should look like a sparring lineup for the knockouts. Uruguay is so organized, for this World Cup they brought tasters specializing in Polonium.
Good, Suarez needs his teeth fresh for the knockout stage
There is a Chilean team named O’Higgins. The official club of Magnum PI.
They better be nicknamed “The Mustaches”
Anyone want to take my place in my back to back meetings at 11 and 12?
Are there snacks? Arsenic?
Hell man, snacks? He’s got beer at work!!!
We ARE hiring. Just saying…
Depends. How sexy are the backs where you work? This sexy?
Sadly no. There are some contenders, but not quite that caliber.
Meetings are the biggest killer of productivity and morale in the workplace.
If I need to address the team I call them together right as I get to work and we discuss it during the 5 minutes it takes me to make my coffee.
Open forum now get the fuck to work.
Football line brawl?
still 1-0 after 84min? geezzzeeezzz
The perfect score!
/vodka bottle breaks
//gets stabbed with
It’s time for Morocco’s coach to take out the “I chose to lead you because I believe in you. That’s why I brought my handsome hotness here” speech.
Hm. Pepe with hair looks more punchable.
I don’t know. I think a frog with hair looks awesome.
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Morocco vs. Ronaldo is turning out to be more entertaining than I thought it would be.
found a funny:
It’s only called cum when it’s inside of the body, when it’s outside of the body it’s called almond milk
‘The smile was gone once the 18 year commitment was put on paper.”
-Maury Povich
Fuck Pepe.
And, of course, they got the goal thanks to Pepe being a gigantic asshole, as always, and trucking a defender over to clear the way for Ronaldo.
Welp, so much for Morocco’s chances.
Interesting that the crowd is booing any time Portugal has the ball…
He he he, no one wants a softy…
C’mon Morocco!
Slay the ronaldos