Your “We Can Only Go Up From Here” Thursday Evening Open Thread

NFL News:

  • Los Titancanos’ DE Jurrell Casey will continue to take a knee and protest during the national anthem, in spite of the greed lords owners latest rule change.

    • “I’m going to take my fine… It is what it is, I ain’t going to let them stop me from doing what I want to do. If they want to have these battles between players and organizations, this is the way it’s going to be.”
      • I highly recommend that you avoid the comment section on this subject altogether, which included someone accusing Casey of being racist himself because of his stance (or rather lack there of.)
    • In the same vein, the Dolphins doubled down on the NFL’s ruling by adding team rules in a 9 page document, which could include suspensions for players that do not show “Proper Anthem Conduct” while on the field.
      • The document has not been released to the public, so it remains to be seen if slipping and nearly falling to your knee will be considered an incomplete disgrace or not.
  • Terrell Owens said the most obvious thing that everybody already knows on Tuesday, giving him some rare actual props from me at the time.
    • “You sound like the Patriots. You know what I mean? Hey, I don’t care about the Patriots — Belichick, Brady — they cheaters. They cheated. They cheated,”
      • Unfortunately, he decided to backtrack this statement fully today with the old “Gosh, I was only JOKING YOU GUYS, GEEZE!”
        • I really don’t see how this does him any good, considering he’s already pissed off the Masshole fanbase, and now just pissed the rest of everyone off by taking it back, but I guess it gives him one more headline and the attention he desperately craves.
  • Arthur Blank’s pockets are closed up tighter than Megatron’s butthole – The Falcons will apparently not renegotiate the contract of Julio Jones, despite his demands and sitting out offseason workouts so far because of it.
    • Julio has 3 years left on his current deal, so this threat seems kinda thin to me, but I can understand why arguably the best receiver in the game would want more.
      • This could all change things if it spills over into training camp, which begins for Atlanta a week from today on July 26th.

TRADES TRADES TRADES:

  • Manny Machado ended up with the Doyers after all late yesterday, in a move that sends 5 minor league prospects to the Orioles
    • The only real notable player acquired by Baltimore is Cuban import Yusniel Diaz, the 84th coverall ranked prospect in the MLB, and 4th in the Dodgers system.
      • The Dodgers spent $31 million in bonus and taxes to sign him out of Cuba, so I look at this as another way LA is trying to spend spend spend to stay competitive after a slow start to the year, albeit now division leaders.
    • Machado, of course, only has the rest of this year on his contract and is due to be a free agent in October.
      • Everyone in the NL West (and the broader National League even) hope that happens and he ends up elsewhere, without a title brought to Chavez Ravine, and the Dirt Rams gave up a quality prospect for a 2 month rental.
        You can burn that hat now, bud
  • My own San Diego Padres ended up finally dealing closer Tom Toe, Jack Elbow, Frank Spleen, Bill Wang  Brad Hand and relief pitcher Adam Cimber to Cleveland for AAA prospect Francisco Mejia.
    • Mejia is at least the #15th overall ranked prospect in the MLB (depending on who you ask,) and mainly plays catcher, but also has experience in the outfield as well.
      • Mejia is currently on a 50-game active hitting streak in the minors, which is the longest since 1963.
    • This trade made me nearly speechless with joy when the news broke before 9am Pacific, as I have a long standing dislike of Mike Wrist, Phil Knee, Eric Butt Brad Hand as the Padres closer.
      • While Hand has rather stellar looking numbers over the last two seasons, anyone that actually spends time watching him pitch consistently knows that is either on or OFF, and can be rattled into making big mistakes; most recently last Friday against the Cubs in San Diego.
      • In my opinion, Hand makes a good relief pitcher, but by no means should be a closer, which I understand that Cleveland will not use him as in 2018. This also allows the Padres to put current 8th inning pitcher Kirby Yates into that role, which I think he is much more suited for.
  • The Seattle Super Sonics OKC Thunder have agreed to trade Carmelo Anthony to the Atlanta Hawks for Dennis Schroder
    • Per SB Nation: “As part of a three-team trade, Mike Muscala has also been traded to the Sixers, Timothe Luwawu-Cabarrot will go to the Thunder and Justin Anderson will go to the Hawks.”
    • ‘Melo is expected to be released by the Hawks immediately to become a free agent and is eyeing Houston as the front runners to sign him.

What the hell is on tonight?

  • The MLB gets back underway with just one game tonight as the #BFIB go to Wrigley to take on the Dirt Bears: 4pm Pacific on ESPN.
  • That’s about it for sports, unless you are interested in the WNBA or whatever “The Open” is for golf.
  • FXX has a Simpsons block starting at 8pm Pacific, but there look to be a couple later season episodes in there, so be sure to click away quickly if you see sharp, HD animation.

As for me, I will be spending most of my time tonight continuing to play South Park’s Fractured But Whole, and likely work in the start of Atlanta Season 2 and last night’s Colbert.

Don’t be like Sober Towelie and have some damn fun tonight!

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers
Low Commander of the Super Soldiers
Low Commander of the Super Soldiers is a native North County San Diegan with an affinity for the Padres, beer, whiskey, punk rock, video games and the end of days. If you eat a fish taco with a fork in his presence, you may lose your hand.

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Wakezilla

G’night. Happy Sexy Friday

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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

We’re not doing that anymore. RIP.

Wakezilla

I vaguely remember the TV show, Wings, as I was 5(ish) when it came on. After I made a dumb comment on Brick’s post, I looked up the show to see what I remember. Got damn it was pretty dark.

Joe Hackett was the patriarch of the Hackett family after their mother disappeared, causing their father to go insane and be institutionalized. He was engaged to a woman named Carol, but his brother Brian slept with her.

Helen battles a compulsive eating habit that caused her to be obese in her youth. She was a an aspiring musician who, when she finally makes the Boston Symphony Orchestra, the plane crashes, killing the BSO.

Lowell had several children with his wife, Bunny, but it’s revealed that Bunny was the town bicycle. Afterwards, Brian sank the houseboat Lowell lived on. Lowell leaves Nantucket and enter the Witness Protection Program after witnessing a mob hit.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Here’s a 51-minute episode of “Wings” devoted to giant flying boats. The Martin Mars, the Hughes Hercules, the Saunders-Roe Princess; they’re all here. It is detailed, well researched, nicely produced, and to the point. If it is about a giant flying boat then this documentary covers it; if it is not about a giant flying boat then you will not find it here. This episode was produced by, for, and about giant flying boats and the people who are interested in them. There are no naked ladies here unless they are involved with the manufacture and/or operation of giant flying boats, which they are not. There are some ladies christening giant flying boats and some riding as passengers on giant flying boats, but they are all fully clothed in these instances. If you enjoy giant flying boats you will find this documentary satisfying and fulfilling.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Does this cover the Spruce Goose? That wasn’t a naked lady if I remember my time around it.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

The Hughes Hercules is the “Spruce Goose.” Howard Hughes loved big titties so there were probably lots of naked ladies in the Spruce Goose during construction (look closely and you can see them). I didn’t want to spoil the surprise.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Well, someone didn’t read the literature on his visit.

Also, I’m not falling for this.

Wakezilla

What the? Where the hell are the Hackett brothers and Lowell Mather? Fake News!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

If someone had told me adulthood was an ever growing to do list, I never would have graduated from college.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

My dad always told me to stay in college as long as possible. Undergrad, post-grad, masters, phd, just stay as long as they’ll let you and give you financial aid, scholarships, stipends, room and board, etc. And be around college girls the entire time.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

I stopped rassling before I got cauliflower ear.

Wakezilla

/pours one out for Becky Lynch, even though she’s still employed by the WWE

Wakezilla

That’s a perk at working at a college

/is not a teacher

BrettFavresColonoscopy

/reminds college aged female relatives to stay away from the janitor

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Wakezilla

Browns should sign that kid

Wakezilla

There’s some pretty good super hero pranks, then there are some bad ones. Tis amusing though

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Settle down, honey. I have to work late tonight.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I don’t think the teddy-bear can wait.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

I’ve been cucked by a stuffed animal! That I gifted her!

It’s like rain on your wedding day.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I think everybody knows what really happened.

yeah right

Deep research into the groove.

Wakezilla

Things Trump Admin has done against Putin: Sent lethal arms to Ukraine, Bombed Assad forces, Withdrew from Iran Deal, Subvert Nord Stream and Sanctioned Russian oligarchs.

At this point, America and Russia will be in the middle of a nuclear war and people will still be like “This is just a distraction for what’s really going on”

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Wakezilla

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Hey I got my balls waxed.
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King Hippo

what is the small talk protocol for that?

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

It was surprisingly genial. This experience was so extremely outside my wheelhouse that my brain couldn’t really process it in real time.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“It took me five years to save up enough ear wax for this.”

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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

On purpose?

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Mostly.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Wakezilla

Did it move?

King Hippo

This is just goddamned glorious.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

That’s a cool tune.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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NAILED IT!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

Ur so white, u got a 3 inch vertical off teh trampoline!!111

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Wow, I can’t even stand up in high heels. Probably.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

It takes a lot of practi……….. yeah, me either.

Senor Weaselo

Rupert must’ve been pissed.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Time to call Frank Azar Attorney at Law.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Okay, maybe this is Bird Law since it flew into a window.

clint greasewood
clint greasewood

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Wakezilla

I hear Johnny “dont’ call me Jeanne” Garoppolo is “dating” Kiara Mia.

You know what? From the smile on his face, you can tell that was 2-5K well spent

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Redshirt

https://www.msn.com/en-us/sports/mlb/dont-blame-mike-trout-for-major-league-baseballs-problems/ar-AAAkhfV

Commish, don’t blame your best ball player for your sport dying because he doesn’t like to promote himself. Blame the lack of parity, the fact that small-market clubs serve as AAAA Minor League Clubs to major market clubs and the fact that you’re asking fans to be investing in players that may leave the club in a few years.

At any given year, the Cincinnati Bengals have a better chance at making the NFL Playoffs than the Cincinnati Reds have at making the MLB Playoffs. That sentence alone should suggest that your system is FUBAR.

clint greasewood
clint greasewood

I just don’t see how you fix the problem. A salary cap works for the NFL but that seems to reward owners and allows them to pocket even larger share of the profits. Maybe the whole minor league systems needs to revamped like a redraft after the end of the season but that reward bad teams and create a whole new level of tanking by teams to poach prospects.

Senor Weaselo

Parity seems to be somewhat fucked in most sports these days. Baseball, basketball, Euro lesser footy…

Wakezilla

Lesser footy desperately needs to have a cap in place. Parity aside, it’s only a matter of time before many big clubs are going to go tits up due to their excessive spending.

Wakezilla

Here’s how I’d try to fix beisball:

1) Introduce a pitch clock that will be enforced 100% of the time. I tuned out of playoffs baseball a few years ago because I was getting pissed that there were times that we’d get a pitch every 30-45 seconds.

1B) Any other things you can cut out to save time, do it.

2) Football has this problem too. To promote more competition, make 16 teams enter the playoffs. After having a quick look at the standings, I’d say 14 teams are already out of the playoffs in mid July. We’re half way done the season and about half the teams are already thinking about the draft. There’s no fun in that.

2B) If 16 teams in the playoffs is too much, have the eliminated teams have a playoffs to get the top pick in the draft. Seeing how baseball likes to point out singular faults of players, it would make sense that they let the bottom feeders fight it out for the top pick.

King Hippo

No sport is perfect, but the NFL is pretty damned good when it comes to competitiveness/meritocracy.

King Hippo

MLB has long embraced the notion that nothing matters outside of NY, LA, and Bahstahn. They’d be happy if all teams were based there. OK, and maybe the Small Bears. For, you know, Real America ™

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

h

ttp://i.imgur.com/VjGqHI0.gif

Redshirt

3.7. The difficulty was high but she didn’t stick the landing. If she did, it would’ve been a 9.1. She would’ve gotten 9.1 too.

Wakezilla

What in the hell was she trying to accomplish?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

We are in no position to question anybody’s motives here.

[especially if you just want to see the humor in it]

Wakezilla

Oh, it was hilarious. I just wondering why she was trying to do her best Andrade Cien Almas impersonation

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Best symbolism GIF of the day.

Wakezilla

This actually clears things up

WCS

Since Moose posted the poster for it earlier, here’s one of my favorite MST3Ks:

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That is a fucking good one.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Wakezilla

Those are the whitest Iraqis I have ever seen

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS

The new Segfried and Roy show is weird.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Sigh. I know the instant I go downstairs and try to watch robots fighting my wife will realize that NOW she wants to watch TV instead of practicing her spanish.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Why would robots be fighting your wife?
Are they Spanish speaking robots?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Fighting?

Senor Weaselo

They can be… except Minotaur speaks Portuguese of course.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

“Cállate mujer. Mis robots están en la TV. Ve a arreglarme una Pepsi.”

King Hippo

BABIP Gods be fucking over my #BFIB. Sad Hippo.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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war’s Hippo? Gambolor withdrawal?

King Hippo

me take nap from 4-7:30, all fucked in the head now

/send any extra thumbs to my attention pleaz

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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pool party continues.

litre_cola

Ai want to go there.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

SO MANY GOOD BOYS!

Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

Had to jump through hoops to get the second half CFL stream.

Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

Aaand of course the link failed! My bad. Fuck.

Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

NAILED IT!

Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

Replying to my self is kinda fun … and a little sad …

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WELCOME TO THE CLUB, PAL.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The Manny Machado is an average Starbucks drink IMO. Too much sugar.

Shogun Marcus

Order it half-sweet (true). I would say half the pumps, but I know the audience. Besides, insertion is NOT a pump! We clear twbs, et al?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I like coffee taste, so just-the-tip pump is good.

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

Looks like Garoppalo learned a lot with the Patriots, although he may have learned more from Gronk than Brady:

https://deadspin.com/its-2018-and-theres-nothing-wrong-with-dating-a-san-fra-1827728464

WCS

Shogun Marcus

I knew this would happen, so I should’ve done it three years ago. One week into my new full-on position, Lady Shogun gets the offer she can’t refuse in Indy, which we’ve been shooting for for years. Time to pack up! Yay! She needs to go quick, so I’m handling the packing and tying up things here (we’ve got friends in Indy who are graciously offering room and board for her).
What do I do about the new job? I need the check to keep things flowing here, but my ethics make me feel horrible about sucking up training time and money.

litre_cola

Business is business. Make your money while you are there. They hired you so work, then when you have to leave put in your notice. DO everything by the book.

Shogun Marcus

True. But I could just as fairly easily take a pay as I go job, where I’m not getting connected to clients and whatnot.

herodotus450
herodotus450

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King Hippo

oh yeh, u gets 2 be a HUMP!!!

herodotus450
herodotus450

Shogun Marcus

First drum beat i learned. The jump to wild thing was rough!

herodotus450
herodotus450

Not sure if it’s a song about the greatness of roofies or the horrors of transvestites.

Shogun Marcus

Yes.

scotchnaut

Prediction:

If Eli can keep his interceptions below 15, I think that the Giants will barely miss the playoffs.

/you read it here first

Wakezilla

In terms of politics, I hope the Dolphins players all take a knee in solidarity against police brutality.

As a Miami Dolphins fan, I hope all the Dolphins players take a knee four times this year to save me from trying to watch that inevitable 6-10 tirefire. At least with 0-16, they’re guaranteed the second overall pick.

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scotchnaut

“Mmmmmm. Cellulite. Me like.”

A. Reid

Shogun Marcus
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

This is still broken? I thought we fixed-ish this.

That’s it! When I’m elected Evil Overlord for Life, I will make Internal Affairs separate from police and make them Street Judges like Judge Dredd. And on the spot summary executions are in play.

Wakezilla

From the people who brought you “attacking brunch is homophobic”

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I like that sign.

King Hippo

actually, I’d rather Herr Fuhrer get whatever HuntaAIDS and other miscellany social diseases Daddy Vladdy may have

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

By that slur; I believe they meant the US took the pounding; he was just the representative.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’ve been pretty uncomfortable with that stuff too. I much prefer a “bootlicking” approach.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Meh; any gender can get fucked in the ass , literally or figuratively……. butI’m not here to judge; if you have a different kink I’m OK with it.

litre_cola

Yukon Johnny’s football club takes on the Rough Riders.

scotchnaut

I don’t think what’s her name got nearly the respect she rightfully deserves…

yeah right

“Aloha Mr. Hand.”

scotchnaut

I opened the front door and found some booky-books that I don’t remember ordering. Shall we?

Lords And Ladies-Terry Pratchett
To Say Nothing of the Dog-Connie Willis
The Last Dragonslayer-Jasper Fforde
Noir-Christopher Moore
All Clear-Connie Willis
Coyote Blue-Christopher Moore
Blackout-Connie Willis

/I’m sure I ordered a non-fiction tilt but it ain’t here yet and I don’t know what it is

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Ooh Lords and Ladies is good.

herodotus450
herodotus450

[punches out “Brad Hand” and “Adam Climber” and “traded together” onto punch cards]
[inserts punch cards into JokeTron3000; depresses the Compute Joke button]
[JokeTron3000 explodes]

herodotus450
herodotus450

This Anthem thing is still going on? People need to calm down, it’s not even Ayn Rand’s best book.

scotchnaut

This is a joke that I like. There. I said it.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It most certainly is not.

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WCS