Outside of Aaron and his family no one much knows why he and his family are estranged. In tonight’s episode of Wildly Irresponsible Speculation, I thought I/you (down below) might throw some ideas together as to the reasons. I’ll use some of my own experiences and those of people in the public spotlight to whip up some ideas.
-He was regarded as little other than a tool to accrue wealth for the whole gang. (MacCauley Caulkin)
-His porn star parents were extraordinarily disruptive on-set during his nascent film career. (Thora Birch)
-When he was kidnapped his family refused to pay the full amount of the ransom and he lost a part of his ear as a result. (J.P. Getty III)
-Now that he’s successful, his family thinks of him as a real, live ATM. (Dana Carvey)
-Father introduced him to coke and incest. (Mackenzie Phillips)
-Father accused him of having ‘mental issues’. (Angelina Jolie)
-Mother took him to court to get her monthly allowance raised from $7,500 to $10,000. (Leighton Meester)
-His mother’s spaghetti wasn’t really that good. (Eminem)
-His father tended to be very preachy. (Madonna)
-His parents were, in his words, “Tearing him apart!” (James Dean)
-His dad would walk through the house at all hours yelling “STELLA!” (Christian Brando)
I’m sure y’all can think of more. TO THE GAME!
Pack/Pats:
Edelman is in and Gronk and rb Michel might be out. They’re thought to be game-timers. Green Bay has been creative at getting pressure and that has resulted in 3.3 sacks per game to date. Clinton-Dix is gone so there may be some shuffling in the secondary. If you know what’s good for you, turn the damn audio off.
You’ve got something in your teeth.
Remember, no matter what happens this Tuesday, there’s only one right side you can be on: The Accelerationists. The only way to end all of this bullshit is to bring about the end of times for everyone. As Tom Lehrer sang so long ago: We’ll All Go Together When We Go!
“OSZ is Savonarola! Savonarola is OSZ!”
Bullshit. I’m no filthy eye-talian. Nor am I a dirty Irish!
My theory: college football is an international conspiracy to prop up Alabama to make them forget they have the bomb.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oRLON3ddZIw
My dad had all the Lehrer albums, to which I listened religiously from the moment I could operate a record player. I think spending those 6 or 7 years until I started listening to popular music etc. really informed my warped sense of humour.
Thanksgiving > Christmas
Way better. All the food and football. No conspicuous consumption orgy. No stupid Thanksgiving carols. Less religion.. none if you do it right. Christmas is for children. Mostly the dumb, greedy ones.
I’ve got to figure out a way to give my 13 year old granddaughter the complete Queen discography.
“Duh.”
–My fellow Jews and Me
That was a catch too.
I hereby on this day challenge Jesus Christ to a pork chop throw down!
I think you might beat him. Dead members of the tribe don’t eat much pork.
I was banking on it.
Wahlberg Buys Some Illegals The Movie
That was a catch.
god damn I hate the P*triots.
one more drink?
I’m on it.
If you can ask that question, the answer is yes.
I’d have a Margarita, but I’m already at my maximum recommended level of SALTINESS
Great idea!
I need a combined 43 points from Davante Adams’ second half and DAK DAK DAK. I’m SOL.
I wonder if any Patriots fans ever get annoyed at having literally all of their victories tainted by shady shit like this?
Doubtful
If you asked a magic 8 ball, “No”
It certainly does take some of the shine off of things, although I would disagree that every single victory is a result of shitty calls. Hard to argue that “we” don’t seem get the benefit of questionable calls more often than the opponents though, tonight’s ejection of Whitehead is a prime example. Although we don’t know whether he said something objectionable.
no, they’re not the Steelers.
So, I still wake up at 5 am, but I don’t hate life and things just aren’t horrible. California is better. Winter blows. It’s warm out, and I’m riding horses in short sleeves instead of being super depressed and eating entire pizzas by myself. How the hell does anyone live in the Midwest and be even slightly healthy? I couldn’t. I didn’t.
It’s also way less overtly racist. Still implicitly racist, but…baby steps.
How are you voting on the dialysis prop?
I actually hate that prop so much. It’s a horrible attempt to regulate a shitty industry, so I’ll probably vote ‘no’ because I don’t think the bill does what they say it does, but I’ll feel filthy doing it
That’s where I’m leaning, too. So many initiatives!
My default is to vote ‘no’ unless there’s a good reason not to, if it’s not clearly better than the status quo, it’s a no
There’s a reason flyover country votes the way they do: they’re all miserable.
Very few of my friends from high school and college that stayed in the midwest have fared well. Most went up to the Twin Cities and got a hyphenated last name and a baby. Others got into motorcycles and not taking care of themselves. One thankfully got sober. Lots just look like that round mound of let down that most Midwesterners do. Some that turned to buddhism and activism did not. But yet another went from peace corps to library director in a tiny town and is despondent any time a date goes wrong. I’m so glad I got away.
It’s not a good place. I describe it as the 50’s with more pre-marital sex, and I don’t think I’m wrong. The friends I made were all outsiders, Mexicans, Queers, or other people who didn’t fit into that shit. Being there in my late 20’s….marrying into that shit….NO.
Agree. The ones I know (and have stayed in contact with) surviving are the odd ducks. And that’s not easy, especially when February is gray and dead and awful.
I had friends there, but I don’t think I would have survived many more years. I had legit health effects, mainly weight gain and depression that are attributable. I still have unhealthy relationships, but trying to talk dude into moving before he goes the same way :/
(Spoiler, too late, he’s from Boston, an alcoholic and likes the Pats)
Every time i go home to Texas. The low cost of everything blows me away. Then i dig below and see the lack of public services and infrastructure.
Give me 1Gig Internet in rural America and I bet a lot of us will move to flyover cities.
But how do the bums get wiped out every year if there’s no winter?
Oh, California has a lot of dark, dark secrets. You’ll start discovering them over time. Some of it is absolutely mind-boggling, and no one ever talks about them. They’re afraid to talk about them.
Sh!! You may have said too much.
Anyone else listen to The Magnus Archives podcast?
Uncle Ed: “I once knew this chick from South Boston whose street walking name was Hannah John. She later stopped prostituting and would grift people into thinking she was Elton’s bastard child.”
Good for her!
Not an ejection, but sure, unsportsmanlike. But yeah, not an ejection
That’s what I told the judge when I was driving drunk and got into an accident with my seatbelt on!
Also what _I_ told the judge when he reduced the charges to public indecency.
“I’m still scratching my ahead about the ejection of Whitehead.”
Well Chris that is usually what happens when you scratch too hard.
+1 Dr. Pimple Popper YouTube Video
Uncle Ed once said, “I swear to God, I thought Shannon Sharpe was Sterling’s wife for way too long.”
incest? NO, WINCEST!
Bow to your corncob god.
elaving to get another bullettt bourbone cause fuck nmondays
I just poured about 6 shots of bourbon into my drink. I really, really, shouldn’t finish this. When my sentences start to be ungrammatical please, please urge me to leave me drink and go to bed.
I just checked. Your still good to go.
Go to bed,
i’ll do the same so we cancel out each others bad typing
“Let’s talk about Brady and Rogers for a second.”
/if only
Rodger’s 2-minute drill coming up.
“Tell me about it.”
-Olivia M. and Danica P. in unison
Did he also bang Lindsay Vonn? She makes the athlete rounds.
Jealousy does not become you, herod
I’d rather drink a cup of diarrhea thtn watch that grinch movie
Well, you know the Patriot’s motto. If at first you don’t succeed, cheat and bribe the officials
THAH FACKIN’ GREATRIOTS WAHY
Ok, you force Collinsworth face into a blender, with super sharp blades, you basically mawl off most of his mouth. You coat his mouth with butter and bananas. You cook that up nice, then you throw his ass into a pen full of starving monkeys. then, Merry xmas!
THESE REFS TONIGHT I CALL THEM JACK FROM TWITTER BECAUSE THEY’RE SIDING WITH NAZIS AND ALSO PREVENTING US FROM HANGING OUT WITH MAKEITSNOW
Personally, I prefer LETITSNOW
Really, REALLY!?!?!?! Ejected for putting a pompous Patriot cunt in his place?!?!?! Fuck that
LAME
Ejection for that was ridiculous.
oh christ hwat a fucking bullshti dicksucking call
Whitehead got popped (for poppin’)
All this talk about Baltimore makes me nostalgic about doing coke in an alley
and throwing up on a homeless person
Hell no, I don’t throw up while doing coke. Even the time I had food poisoning from undercooked crabs I just shat out 5 lbs
The Inner Harbor Trash Diet
Are they seriously throwing him out of the game for that? Lame.
“Mr. Michaels, can I get you something to drink?”
“I’ll have a UUUUUGE cup of coffee!”
“Mr. Collinsworth?”
“No thanks dear, the fountains of white hot Patriots jizz cascading down my throat and face are keeping me nice and toasty.”
https://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/real-life/news-life/english-bulldog-bites-off-scottish-mans-peanut-butter-smeared-genitals/news-story/8b63718ca68265bffdecbf27b71593b8
Should have euthanized the 22 year old douchebro
Well, at least he won’t be adding to the gene pool in future.
That’s an Under Armour ad right there.
I can’t wait until Tom Brady retires and they build a statue in Foxboro celebrating him as the G.O.A.T.
And the Satanic Church will sue them for copyright violations and I will be HAPPY
Suddenly screaming “HAIL SATAN!” at the top of my lungs at Roommate Commander’s church makes me feel dirty.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gkBt7yLXyDk
this game needs more decapitation and thorn ACLs.
I want to see a goat butt collinsworth in his balls.
Buddy had 2017 Kentucky Breakfast Stout and Stone Xocoveza on Friday.
KBS was okay, it’s a ton of coffee going on, not a fan of that. The Stone was bonkers. It’s a “Mexican hot chocolate” style so it’s brewed with peppers, vanilla, nutmeg, and a bunch of shit. Recommend both.
Were they autumnal?
The KBS isn’t (that’s April-July I think) they just somehow had a year old of tap of it. Stone Xocoveza is, just came out last month.
They released a Canadian Breakfast Stout last winter and while I had high hopes, I thought it was merely pretty good.
I realize this is heresy among beerheads, but I hate IPAs. Stouts with coffee aren’t my thing either.
I went to mass today and you know what? it was nice.
Modern religion is mostly positive, I almost wish I could be part of a community like that
I mean you drink enough as is, listen to organ music on a Sunday to boot!
I can’t go for the same reason I never made it in porn: no one gets to tell me when to kneel.
3 more Davante Adams TDs and I have a chance.
Jamie foxx in robin hood, because why the fuck not
These “aliens” look like Devo music video extra rejects. But Data’s hair is IMMACULATE.
Celebration weed!
Skol!
SKOL Brother!
We have had a Jimmy Graham basketball reference and a cutaway of Pike’s market fish throwing in the Seattle game. All we need is a Jerome Bettis is from Detroit and we are in business.
Would that be a bingo or a yahtzee?
To anyone who cares, last night I broke my record for most days wihtout sitting on my balls. god I hate that.
Good news. If you do that tonight, you’ll never know.
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO0OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
This is reeeeealy bad play calling.
Graham Down with be nice