Your Cowboys-TITanS MNF Open Thread

Welcome to Monday Night! In which we have the last game of the week and it happens to be a good one if you like the colour “light blue”.

This also works if you like teams that are stuck in the middle

Jesús! Who says there are no accurate portrayals of Latinos in media?

of the mediocrity zone that is a .500 record.

Both teams have a 3-4 record and ASPIRE to reach the magical .500 mark.

On the one hand,  you have the Cowboys,  led by a tin of canned ham

It says premium on the tin, but not judging by this season’s output.

and on the other you have a duck that continuously ducks to avoid getting hurt

by big fat defensive linemen that are only stopped by what basically resembles this:

So,  what i’m saying is,  we have a wonderful game ahead of us.

At least the game is in Arlington,  so the crowd shots should be pleasant to watch.

Did you know there is a Victoria’s Secret store in Jerry World? I can sadly report that the last time I was there they basically only sold PJs, sweats,  stuff like that.  No thongs with a big Star covering up the hoohah.

Missed opportunity,  JJ!

Enjoy the game!

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ballsofsteelandfury
Balls somehow lost his bio and didn't realize it. He's now scrambling to write something clever and failing. He likes butts, boobs, most things that start with the letter B, and writing in the Second Person. Geelong, Toluca, Barcelona, and Steelers, in that order.
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Spur

The fact the offense doesn’t use play action every down is fucking stupid.

Brick Meathook

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blaxabbath

Wife just told me there is a medical cocaone they use for nose bleeds.

Brick Meathook

All the medical cocaine comes from making Coca Cola

King Hippo

that entire sequence…just delightfully Benny Hill-ish

King Hippo

hey, DAK! almost made hisself a FG at least

Downfield Matriculator

Nice trickeration there Cowgirls

King Hippo

LMAO

King Hippo

/redux

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
WCS

Fingers crossed for “never.”

blaxabbath

Yeah — a man we all joke is so unstable is really just an old cook who can’t let go of someone obviously exploiting his mental condtion.

Wakezilla

Once The Ginger bites the hand that feeds him. Who knows when that is, though

Viva La Tabula Raza

Awful quiet there in Jerrah World.

Beerguyrob

If there was a way to bottle that sadness & sell it, that’d be great.

blaxabbath

“Suppository?”

-King Hippo

Spur

Don’t give Jerry any ideas

Spur

Stay out of bullwhip range if you see Double J this week.

blaxabbath

Goddamn the Cowboys window was small and closed quickly.

You know, I always thought they should have gone all in on Manziel.

Brick Meathook

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Romonobyl

He’s picked worse.

Spur

Like that blonde from the Plano whorehouse in 85

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

These three comments are banner worthy.

Downfield Matriculator

Don’t the Raiders get that pick?

King Hippo

which I’m sure Jerral didn’t Top 10 protect because Amari Cooper’s a goddamned star!

Downfield Matriculator

So time to bring Wade Phillips back to fix up that D?

blaxabbath

I feel like Wade is just an excellent coordinator.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Romonobyl

Garrett better have someone else start his car tonight.

Doktor Zymm

He seems like the sort of person who would have someone do that for him anyway

nomonkeyfun

Would a Princetonian do something so gauche as drive a car?

Brick Meathook

You know he’s got some dumb British sportscar convertible that only starts one out of five attempts and needs the plugs cleaned every 250 miles and you have to add castor oil somewhere.

Downfield Matriculator

Doesn’t his limo driver do that anyway? Something something Princeton something something Grey Poupon

Spur

Please Double J, end Garrett. End the madness.

King Hippo
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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nomonkeyfun

The judge… was a woman.
“Mental illness”, fuck that asshole with a Star of David.

rockingdog

last funny:
imagine if your roommate made you watch a movie and left ten minutes into it. dick move, right? my point is old people shouldn’t get to vote

Brick Meathook

I don’t want to say I’m a compulsive masturbator, but I jerked off twice while I was typing this post. Make that three times. Don’t worry, I can stop any time I want.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Senor Weaselo

Dude regions? That’s beaches where surfers tend to flock, right?

Spur

Tossing salad has gone mainstream

Romonobyl

Same here, that would explain why I can type faster with one hand than I can with both.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

I tells ya, the Demmycrats are DUE!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

NO; IT’S A UNICORN’S ASSHOLE DURING ORGASM.

Romonobyl

Dividing by zero again?

Spur

Dak might need glasses

King Hippo

probably just misses his old glasses

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Romonobyl

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rockingdog

1 more sack! 1 more sack!!!!! come on TITS defense!

Wakezilla

The kicker should get 4 points for coming out of it early.

Romonobyl

Saved by the DOINK!

rockingdog

DOINK!!!!! bahahaha!

WCS

HAIL SHAN’KLOR

Senor Weaselo

PRAISE DOINK!

Senor Weaselo

I may suck at cooking but I do good at seasoning. Senor Weaselo’s fry seasoning: A solid amount of Reaper-Cussions for salt, a similar amount of black pepper, then some more powdered Reaper while we’re at it.

King Hippo

You sir, must have the colon and sphincter of tempered steel!

Senor Weaselo

The wisdom I’ve gained is when to pick my wars (like days that I don’t have a gig the next day). I don’t have to teach again until NEXT Tuesday, which means I can get my capsaicin reserves back up!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Romonobyl

Cowboys D:

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

oh wow, they let it stand after the conference. I laugh b/c it’s the non-gendered Cowpersons, but Christ on a cracker

Horatio Cornblower

Just a complete garbage call.

Horatio Cornblower

Tomorrow, however, the NFL will have a long-winded explanation as to how the crew got it exactly right.

Just like they would have one for how the crew got it exactly right if they didn’t make that call.

King Hippo

Life in the Ginger Era

Horatio Cornblower

That’s a clean hit.

King Hippo

just lucky it’s not JV, he’d have been thrown out for that clean football play

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“YOU BET IT WAS!”

-Abe Reles

Brocky

Romonobyl’s comment reminds me: worst bruise I ever got was when i tripped coming out of the shower , somehow my middle toe caught the rail, it was bad.

Weird part? It stopped hurting after 1 day, but was still bruised like crazy. No injury what so ever.

Horatio Cornblower

Sean Lee is hurt? The hell you say!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I’ve seen….. this somewhere…… can’t quite place it……

Romonobyl

Can’t believe it took so long.

King Hippo

at least he’ll have no memory of it!

Wakezilla

Thumbs down on the Tits’ away uniform

Spur

Cowboys no match for the Tits

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Cowboys have bad nipples.

Doktor Zymm

Anyone ever visit Fukuoka? Just started planning a trip for next September and I’ll be there for a few days, so recommendations welcome!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Women tell me to go there all the time.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Oh, I misread that.

Brick Meathook

Is that the place with the nuclear disaster?

Doktor Zymm

Nah, that’s Fukushima, which is in a totally different part of Japan

Brick Meathook

Ah yes, I see. Is Fukuoka where they dropped the atom bomb?

Romonobyl

Garrett is prolly updating his LinkdIn profile on that pad.

Horatio Cornblower

if it’s anything more than 4th grade phys ed teacher he’s woefully underqualified

Doktor Zymm

Huh, a quick search reveals that I have multiple 3rd degree connections to people who work for the Cowboys, including someone who works as a Microsoft Surface Tech

Romonobyl

Garrett would likely be the guy responsible for Windows ME.

King Hippo

they might want that Tiempo Fuera back later ,, smh

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Romonobyl

Moar Cooper!!!!

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Wakezilla

She was great as M’gann M’orzz

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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SonOfSpam

Jonnu with the touchdownnu!

SonOfSpam

Oh good. A robocall from the local police organization telling me how to vote.

/votes exactly the opposite

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“We need to be free to look at your stuff without a warrant and shoot brown people without being questioned.”?

Brick Meathook

MOAR DONUTS

Spur

We want a raise.

King Hippo

one or the other, raise or shoot blacks with impunity!

Romonobyl

Ever stub your toe so hard you’re scared to look at it?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Yes. Some mountain bike crashes were that way too, but morbid curiosity always wins my brain.

King Hippo

yup, it turned black 3 days later

/actually bent back the wrong way, and it’s a big toe that’s been surgically fucked with and really ain’t supposed to bend like that

//pills sweet pills

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

SORRY ABOUT YOUR PENIS!

King Hippo

Think nothing of it, I’ve had to apologize for it many times.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brocky

Yep. Ironically when I did break my toe, it didn’t hurt that bad

Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Doktor Zymm

Just got home, how’s the game? Worth the effort of finding a stream?

Romonobyl

I’d look for a nice brook instead, or maybe a peaceful mill pond.

Doktor Zymm

I’m a fan of creeks, but with a mill pond I could get my wheat turned to flour….hmmm

Romonobyl

This one does corn. Read the brochure!

Spur

So, what the Raiders like a Dallas pass rusher for Derek Carr?

Gratliff

Sweet jesus fuck one more day of these fucking commercials. Then the GENERAL ELECTION CYCLE BEGINS FUCK YEAH BITCHES WALL-TO-WALL HILLARY

SonOfSpam

Here in CA (even in formerly bright red OC) we gets ads hating on anyone supporting Trump. It’s quite refreshing.

Brocky

Actually a small coachable moment there.

When a qb feels pressure, they need to prioritize protecting the ball. You a lot of qbs clam up when they get hit

Gratliff

Daunte Culpepper for the next generation. Remember that guy? I had to google his first name. History is cruel.

Brocky

I legit thought his first name was brian for like 2 years.

I wasn’t watching much football when he was a rookie, so I just casually said it one day, brian culpeper, and my dad just gave me a look like, how fucking dumb is this kid?

rockingdog

yay TITS defense!!!!!!!!