Your Lesser Footy AM open thread: How soccer helped end apartheid in South Africa

The featured image is of the Orlando Pirates and the Kaiser Chiefs, two bitter enemies in the South African Premier league who are playing this morning. The Soweto Derby is one of the most legendary and insanely violent matches in the world. There has been multiple times where these two teams have played where at least 40 fans have been killed. This most recently happened in 2001. But that hasn’t stopped the violence as 2 fans were recently killed in 2017. You think Raiders games are bad with the potential of getting stabbed? In the 90s at the Chiefs’ stadium, fans fired fucking missiles at players and other fans in the stands. Of course, we cannot forget the numerous fighting incidents, or the time two fans went onto the field to assault a ref with vuvuzuelas, or the time a fan got mad at a blown call, so he reached for a cop’s gun, resulting in an innocent bystander getting shot and killed, or the time they started ripping the seats out of the other’s stadiums during a match, or the time Pirates player, China Hlongwane, was stabbed infront of a national TV audience. What I’m trying to say is, Eagles and Raiders fans are pussies compared to these ultras. With that said, considering the hatred they have for each other, you would never know that these two teams played a significant role in ending apartheid.

When one thinks about the leaders of the anti-apartheid movement, Nelson Mandela, Desmond Tutu, Walter Sisulu, or Steve Biko are the names that likely enter one’s mind. And you would be correct. However, the unsung and unknown hero in combating apartheid was lesser footy.

On Robben Island, the equivalence of South Africa’s Alcatraz, prominent African National Congress (ANC) leaders such as Mandela, (former President) Jacob Zuma, former Defense Minister “Terror” Lekota, Minister of Human Settlements “Tokyo” Sexwale, and Kgalema Motlanthe–who completed President Thabo Mbeki’s second term– were jailed on Robben Island during the apartheid era. According to More than Just Game authors Chuck Knorr and Marvin Close, the two favorite books from the prison library were Karl Marx’s Das Kapital, and Denis Howell’s Soccer Refereeing. By 1967, this lead to the establishment of the Makana Football Association, which was a lesser footy league for Robben Island inmates. This is significant because the members of that league believed that if they could run a lesser footy league in a fair and democratic way under extreme conditions, they could run a country.
Lesser Footy and rebellion were inseparable in Soweto. It was early Soweto miners and farm workers who set up the first teams in opposition to whites-only leagues in the late 19th century. By 1937, the Orlando Pirates were established. Their name and logo was to match the identity they wanted to embrace: Tough and from the streets. A team that will kick the shit out of you on the scoreboard and in the parking lot. After 1948, when the Afrikaner government instilled white supremacy (apartheid) laws, the Orlando Pirates players instantly became political activists because they had the desire to field and play the best teams. Also, the ANC recognized the importance of the Pirates and civic pride. Especially Mandela, whose home was just down the street from the stadium. According to current South Africa FA member, Danny Jordaan, a former student activist and briefly a Pirates player, lesser footy became the platform “to build the struggle against apartheid.”

Once Nelson Mandela and other African National Congress leaders were jailed in 1963, the Afrikaner government began to target soccer. Despite the government’s constant crackdown on lesser footy, soccer’s connection to the anti-apartheid movement endured and played an even more important role against apartheid.

With the ANC being outlawed and blacks not being allowed to gather in large groups (with the exception of lesser footy stadiums), political meetings occurred in the stands at Orlando Stadium. Zuma was a prominent figure who constantly organized political demonstrations at lesser footy matches. So much so, when he returned from exile from Zambia in 1993, his first residence was the home of the Orlando Pirates’ owner. What’s more, proceeds of each match went straight to the ANC. When the Orlando Pirates traveled to other countries for friendlies, almost all the money went to the ANC. For perspective, there were matches in Zambia where over 100,000 people showed up in support of the Orlando Pirates, and the ANC by proxy. Lesser footy even provided a loop hole for fans who could afford to travel with the team: they could move around the country/leave the country with the Pirates, when otherwise they would not have been allowed. Another important occurrence that happened at Orlando stadium was that each game was a job fair. Unemployment was rampant, so one good way to find out about job opportunities was to socialize at such a large gathering.

In 1970, former Orlando Pirates player, Kaiser Motaung returned to South Africa after playing in America. Instead of rejoining the Pirates, Kaiser decided to start a new club in Soweto, known as the Kaiser Chiefs. Unlike the Pirates who embraced the tough street life, the Chiefs wanted to be flamboyant and glamorous. Since lesser footy fans are rational, they accepted Kaiser’s decision of betraying his old team and setting up a new club with a different identity at the same stadium.

The Chiefs did not take long to become a powerhouse and to make an impact in South Africa.

In 1974, embarrassed by not being able to fully ban lesser footy, the Afrikaner government decided to quell black nationalism by having all-white club teams play all-black club teams with the intention of the heavily funded all-white team to crush the severely underfunded all-black team. To make matters worse, the first time this occurred, many black officials conveniently had their passports withheld due to “security concerns”, resulting in them being unable to attend and many players had severe delays to arrive at Rand Stadium. In other words, it’s essentially what the Palestinian national team goes through in their native country by being delayed by the IDF at checkpoints. But I digress. The all-white team won the match 2-0.

In 1975, the Kaiser Chiefs were selected to play the all-white club, Hellenic, the champions of the all-white lesser footy league. Feeling confident with what happened the previous year, and having the champions representing the Afrikaners, the Afrikaner government decided to make the match have two legs, so Hellenic could embarrass the Chiefs (and black nationalism). The first game went as expected, as Hellenic annihilated the Chiefs 4-0. The second game started off as the first, with Hellenic taking a quick 1-0 lead. But then the unthinkable (to the Afrikaners government and white supremacists everywhere) happened: the Chiefs scored. The fans went insane. All South Africans, black or white, were taught that this wasn’t supposed to happen because they were taught black athletes were inferior to whites. Then a miracle happened.

Late in the match, the Kaiser Chiefs were on the counter attack, and after a tackle caused the ball to take a friendly bounce to another Kaiser Chiefs player, the Chiefs scored and won the game. The euphoria and significant rise in black nationalism to combat apartheid after this match cannot be understated. This result was used as a reminder that there was no racial superiority that the Afrikaner government was selling. This match was considered the first win of an African soccer team over a white team.

A year later, after student protesters were barred from rallying at Orlando soccer stadium—they were appalled by the Bantu educational system– Soweto exploded into riots, which lead to the Soweto Uprising (both Pirates and Chiefs players were participants in the uprising). While the death toll ranges from 156-700 black South African casualties (though most seem to think it was around 500), it included Ariel Kgongoane, a prominent player for the Kaiser Chiefs.

The rest of the 70s saw the Orlando Pirates establish a dynasty. During the 80s, lesser footy matches demonstrated that apartheid was near an end because ANC flags, which were still banned, were seen openly in soccer stadiums. It is with no surprise that in 1990, as soon as Nelson Mandela was released from prison, his first public appearance rally was at the stadium of the Kaiser Chiefs. It would be the same soccer stadium that people would last see him in a public appearance, too.  In 1991, South Africa’s FA was established. During its initial meeting, it declared that it was “only natural … as the sport of soccer had long led the way into breaking the tight grip of racial oppression.” This is a ballsy statement when you realize that apartheid doesn’t end for another two years.

As for the Pirates and Chiefs, since the South African league formed in 1996, both have won the SA league 4 times each, which is tied for second most titles and they have combined for runner-up 11 times. This is a big match for the Pirates, as they are 5 points out of first place, but have a game in hand. Lets hope nobody gets killed.

To our regularly scheduled programming!

We start off the morning with a DFO Derby!

We have Litre’s Mighty Lesser Footy Jaguars taking on my Red Devils!

Analysis: This has trap game written all over it. Ranieri is a crafty coach who will probably have Mighty Fulham fired up for this match because it will be played at the Cottage. There are some rumoUrs out there that Ole might field a weaker squad–including possibly playing Scotty McTominay– to give the first stringers a rest, as they have PSG this Tuesday. I hope to Fergie that this isn’t the case because United can have sole possession (at least for 24 hours) of 4th place with a win. I rather have United  win this match with starters and lose to PSG because there’s no way United can beat PSG. With that said, the last EPL wild card spot is right there for the taking. Take it, damnit!

Prediction:

2-1 United in a game so sloppy, it’s actually entertaining fixture.

Here’s La Liga’s Schedule for today:

The big match today is obviously 2nd place Atletico vs 3rd place Real Madrid. If Atletico wins, they will be 3 points back of Barcelona.

Analysis: These two teams have tied 4 straight matches. Atletico Madrid has just lost once in their past 10 home games against Real. Madrid played midweek while Atletico did not.

Prediction:

The Mattress Makers have fresh legs and home field advantage. They’ll win this game 1-0.

Finally, over in Mexico, we have:

Aside from saying Fuck Camilo, I have nothing to add here as the league has just recently started. So, here’s a bonus Mouth Flies Open question for you to answer: What are the odds that this guy ever gets any from his wife after this tackle? I’m guessing a bajillion to 1.

Enjoy the games!

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Moose -The End Is Well NighballsofsteelandfuryRedshirtSenor WeaseloWakezilla Recent comment authors
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Redshirt

Uranus in the right picture looks like some meteor hit it without some much as a warning.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

There ya go.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
BrettFavresColonoscopy

This was a great read. What sport can take down Stephen Miller?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

It WAS a perfect game!

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Senor Weaselo
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Don’t combine Asses Up with Lacrosse …..jussayin.

Redshirt

https://www.cnn.com/2019/02/09/politics/virginia-northam-interview/index.html

Is being completely tone deaf and stupid a “high crime and misdemeanor”?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Nobody that is currently in office would remain so. The rest of the country would also be in jail.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I randomly happened upon this comment on Reddit, and it strikes me as deeply profound and relateable. Although not as much since my 92 year old neighbor moved away to an assisted living community that sounds more like being on a perpetual cruise ship.

I grew up in a neighborhood of old people. I’ve been a beneficiary in seven wills that I know of. I like being nice to old people. The old guy across the street comes over whenever I’m doing stuff in my backyard (I invite him and give him $20). He busts ass with me for hours in exchange for the $20, a six pack of budweiser (I only have one or two), and a few hours of bullshitting. Sometimes I send him home with our surplus avocados and tomatoes that his wife likes, and he mows my front yard for me at no charge.

One day you’ll be an old fuck whose kids don’t come around and you’ll be desperate for human contact that doesn’t involve a cash register. Staring at a TV screen waiting for the day you die. Praying it’s not a slow death in an old folks home where you are ignored, condescended to, and possibly abused. A prisoner in your own body as you pray death hoping hell is not your final destination as your ruminate on all your regrets wishing you could do it all over again, but this time better.

litre_cola

This is great.
My great aunt was a chatterbox and no one wpuld answer her calls regularily. In uni I would get high and let her talk and talk. It was grear for her and I enjoyed it.

King Hippo

oldest kid home from university for the weekend. The screaming patterns from downstairs are a bit different from when it’s just the twin folk, at least.

Another pill? SURE THING, OTHER HIPPO!

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I always wanted to see some Hungry Hungry Hippos LARPing

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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King Hippo

Dude, your leadoff post in this thread might just be your finest hour! I salute thee, sir!

ballsofsteelandfury

/Gets on one knee

King Hippo

Speaking of ded kids, how goes Horatio’s ski jumping thingamabob?

litre_cola

Bananacakes engaged.

King Hippo

where?

litre_cola

The end of Burnley Seagulls was dumb. Blatant handball, Burnley counters, scores, Seagulls score. Should have been 2-2. 1 bottle red down.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

At first I thought he was at the bakery.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Man, I’ve got so many errands to run today. I should probably hit the road. Not the same way that Conor Clapton did, though.

scotchnaut

“We never get the credit we deserve.”

-Sidewalks

scotchnaut

“The song we hate the most? [nods, looks at each other] Yeah, it’s ‘Cleaning Windows’ by Van Morrison.”

-Julie, Ruth, Sophie and Ella Clapton

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“This one’s my pick” – Lori del Santo

scotchnaut

[Conor Clapton’s inner-ear dysfunction earns his dad a hit record]

-1992

herodotus450
herodotus450

That’s a yikes from me dog

King Hippo

man, if’n u can’t laugh at ded chilluns, then I don’t even noe y’all no more (smh)

herodotus450
herodotus450

[shakes head harder]
Oh, another hit record!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“There’s gonna be two hits…” – an angry Eric Clapton, prior to a bar scrap. In the end, his prediction proved accurate, though the specifics were off.

yeah right

Whatever became of Commentist Martin?

His joke was what’s the difference between a baby and a bag of cocaine?

Eric Clapton would never let a bag of cocaine fall out of a window.

I miss Martin.

ballsofsteelandfury

I like to think Martin was Martin Sheen and he had to step away when Charlie got all crazy…

litre_cola

Instead of skiing today I went to the liquor store. Man booze down here is cheap, even in this ridiculously expensive town.

scotchnaut

/Wife and I went to NYC while I was trying to decrease the drinking thing

Me: [puts bottle of The Glenlivet in shopping cart]

Wife: “WTF!?”

Me: “That bottle is only $44! At home it’s $95!”

Wife: [as someone that loves a deal] “Okay, then.”

Me: [turns away, smirks]

litre_cola

Yep just bought 2 bottles of red. In Canada 140 bucks. Both bottles 24.95. Ridiculous.
Day drinking? You are god damned right.

scotchnaut

“They gave me a crew cut. It made me cry.”

-Eric Clapton, actual words on tape

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“I’ll give you something to cry about.” – Conor Clapton’s nanny

scotchnaut

Man, is it ever dark in here…

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“I decided that I’m just gonna run with these, and see how far it takes me.” – Conor Clapton, clutching a pair of toys that his nanny was trying to take away from him

scotchnaut

[flips hair back]

“You’re all about the drama, aren’t you, Conor?”

-J.B. Ramsey

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Alternately…

“Man, is it ever dark in here…” – Conor Clapton’s nanny, before opening up a window to let some light in.

King Hippo

Here’s your AAF preview, though I will not watch nor #HAILGAMBLOR on it:

Redshirt
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Conor Clapton: [to his nanny] “What are you gonna do? Run after me?”

King Hippo

I am nae watching, but there appears to be a “Temptation Island” marathon on teh US of A channel

scotchnaut

This Eric Clapton documentary is getting bogged down in girlfriend drama.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I though it had the potential to reach great heights, but my hopes for it have now gone out the window.

scotchnaut

Have you dived into “El Ministry of Time” yet?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

No, not yet. Am catching up with The Magicians and will probably be starting Russian Doll soon too.

Senor Weaselo

Did we reference the Sardinian milk crisis?

scotchnaut

“I saw ‘The Sardinian Milk Crisis’ in a small club back in ’16. They were backing up The Black Keys. Seventh-best concert I’ve ever seen. Seriously.”

-A Bearded Guy

scotchnaut

What you make of this? I caught it on Sirius a few days ago and it has a Gary Numan/early Cars feel.

rockingdog
rockingdog

King Hippo

Malkmus is good. I like this SiriusXMU tune, because of the horns:

Redshirt

…and Elizabeth Warren is now running. You guys are going HARD LEFT again, are you?

King Hippo

She isn’t going to win the nomination, I don’t think. But yeah, we will go left of HillyBob. But the nominee will be good at politics this time.

Redshirt

If you can get a Regular Left, you have a chance. If you go Socialist Democrat, you’re in trouble.

Trump’s already framing this as an ideologically “Vote for the Democrats for Socialist Autocracy. Vote for me for Democratic Republic.”

King Hippo

Warren is NOT a socialist. But I agree, too many echoes of Bernie, plus she has proven to be an easy foil for Trump.

The whole “Native American” hubbub isn’t really anything substantive, but she hasn’t handled the issue well at all. Plays into Trump’s hands.

I also think while the economy is at least kinda-sorta OK, it’s a hard sell to tell the electorate we need to “blow up the system.” Best to move it to the left step-by-step and assess accordingly.

My thoughts, anyhow. I think we will be pragmatic. Right now, I think Kamala Harris is the “standard issue lefty” choice. Maybe with a Sherrod Brown-type as VP.

Redshirt

That’s a playable hand, or at least one I can vote for without having a take a shot of liquid courage in the car before I go to the booth.

King Hippo

also think there’s a lot of needed reform that could happen, with someone who has some experience working within the criminal justice system. Cautiously optimistic.

Redshirt

Agreed. There’s a lot that can and needs to be done, assuming the grown ups get control of Congress and White House again.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I also think while the economy is at least kinda-sorta OK, it’s a hard sell to tell the electorate we need to “blow up the system.” Best to move it to the left step-by-step and assess accordingly.

That’s just because the recession hasn’t begun yet. It will by the end of summer. Then things will get interesting.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Again? When did we go hard left the first time?

King Hippo
scotchnaut

HARD LEFT in your house is CENTER BARELY LEFT everywhere else in the world.

/also, ‘you guys’? You must be a Whitest… smgdh

King Hippo

don’t yew mean centre-left there, Imaginary Buddy-Guy?

Redshirt

“You highly evolved mammals”. Better?

Well I am the “Whitest Man in Ohio”, but that’s mostly for my dancing skils or lack there.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yeah but that’s only because I am not currently in Ohio.

King Hippo

“Most Aggressively White” should be an award given at every DFOCon

Senor Weaselo

Isn’t that the Drew Magary Award? Since it’s not the Drew Magary Memorial Award since he’s thankfully still here.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Low commander hands down.

Oh, not literally?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

This podcaster I’m listening to just called her a Coachella girl wearing an Indian headdress and I’m dying because it’s true. She sucks, she has no charisma, and she’ll get destroyed the first time she gets pushback from another candidate just like she does whenever she takes Trump’s bait because she has zero political awareness.

King Hippo

lookit us agreeing on a Demmycrat! LMAO

King Hippo

personally, am dying for Sen. Harris to get the AOC endorsement, show her persuasion chops and establish progressive bona fides.

AOC can be queen-maker here, and get her influence over the party/political scene even higher.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I don’t know why my reply is in the moderation queue, but AOC will not endorse Kamala Harris unless and until Harris completely renounces having spent her entire career being a cop. NY-14 is among if not the most diverse districts in the U.S. and lots of people in it don’t like the fact that Harris’s success in San Francisco and later California statewide is built on her record of telling white people how successful she has been at locking up black and brown people. To the extent there are any issues that can define ethnic groups in the U.S., reversing the bipartisan history of racist policing and incarceration is probably the only one shared by both groups. And I know Democrats take black and brown voters for granted because “What other choice do you have?” has been a winning strategy since 1964, but again, there is more appeal for Trump among non-voters in these groups than I think most people really appreciate.

Meanwhile, Trump’s favorability among Republicans is still around 90%. No one on the right is going to buy into the Never Trump snake oil. They haven’t in four years and they never will.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I totally understand why a lot of people voted for Trump. He had a very populist, socialist-leftist economy message and people supported it over Clinton’s status quo pro-multinational corporate shit. However, his populism has been reined in by Republicans in Congress and his own staff time and again except when it comes to the wall and outright racism (I wonder why …). The same has occurred with his isolationist and weirdly peacenik populism, where he sees no economic benefit to starting or staying in wars we’ve already lost – we can’t get Iraq’s oil now, there is no overt economic benefit in Syria or Afghanistan or Korea, and I guarantee you he has no fucking clue why Bolton et al. have a hard-on for Venezuela. He doesn’t care but I am certain he will never send in the troops – and then like saying PR’s debt would have to be forgiven or that universal healthcare is a good idea (if someone sat him down and told him what M4A is, who it pisses off, and that even most Republicans support it, it’d be law tomorrow). But that economic populism is getting smothered by his own party so all he has left is the cultural shit.

Meanwhile, Tucker Carlson last week or two weeks ago now has started to openly bang the drum about those same elements. He’s genuinely putting the socialist in National Socialist Party because it is a winning and popular appeal, it divides independents between leftist socialism where we share with everyone or a version where only white people get socialism, it’s anathema to mainstream liberal Democrats, and it gives people enemies – which is something that the right is good at framing and centrist/liberal Democrats are unwilling and/or unable to do because [who cares why].

So I think the idea of a centrist Democrat having much appeal to anyone outside of the same people who voted for Clinton in the primaries this time around is foolish. Howard Schultz’s positions are basically those of Clinton’s in 2016 and he’s getting properly roasted for being completely out of touch because those policies – being advocated by literally anyone who wasn’t Yass Kween Hillary – are fucking terrible and are why we fucking got Trump in the first place. That’s why everyone but Cory Booker and maybe Julian Castro are tacking left because to quote the Texas adage and 1990s Jim Hightower book, “The only thing in the middle of the road are yellow stripes and dead armadillos.”

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I went to a CLE on global trade by a lawyer from Trump’s transition team. If Trump were as articulate as this guy was on what his and Wilbur Wright’s, et al. policies are, especially towards China, then I think a lot more people would be on their side. He cancelled the TPP, but if Clinton had said that TPP was supposed to be a weapon to use against China by turning its neighbors against China through trade agreements and legal enforcements, she wouldn’t have had to do a 180 on it. If they banged the drum harder on the fact that tech and tech-related industry, e.g. solar, are under constant economic and espionage assault by China every day his trade war with China would have greater support. They legitimately see this trade war as 1) the alternative to an eventual real war and 2) that this generation and this decade is the last chance the U.S. will ever have to keep China from overtaking it as the largest and most dominant economy in the world.

Of course, that all goes to that internal conflict where his and his administration’s economic populism is being neutered by more vocal and dominant Republican interests to maintain an economic status quo where it’s easier to hoard existing wealth and global wealth from those free countries not tied down to the TPP restrictions than it would be to invest in the economy like China has – building infrastructure, creating more personal and family security through a stronger safety net, encouraging domestic investment through subsidies to small companies and individuals rather than $3 billion handouts to Amazon for HQ2 in New York – and basically going back to Tucker Carlson advocating for national socialism.

He’ll still win. Kamala will win the primary and lose to him. Bernie won’t win the primary and he’d get kneecapped in the general by right-wing Democrats who would rather vote for Trump than him.

King Hippo

Heard at the nudie bar last night, I enjoyed (it’s back in mind because Marco has bottled this half):

King Hippo

Things one doesn’t expect – 3 goals in the first half of Atleti/Real

litre_cola

Just woke up. Saw the result. We goin down.

rockingdog
rockingdog

Ah memories…..

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I heard he molests children.

King Hippo

wud explane the off-season workouts with Marc Trestman ,, smh

King Hippo

Lucas Digne is so, so good. I know Barca are loaded for bear, but it still amazes me how they saw so little value in him.

King Hippo

I’m always fascinated by the contrast of the simple, happy joy of the Bundesliga crowds, as compared to…the tide of history?

scotchnaut

“Uh, don’t you mean ‘the Tide Pods of History’?”

-Gronk

King Hippo

Arsenal have a stroll in the park today.

King Hippo

Everyone excited for the Toffees/Moose Hornets “Jilted Lover” Derby?

/ok just me

//we is playing a diamond this morning!!

Horatio Cornblower

Really, if Fulham can just rip off 6 straight wins they’ll have 35 points and should be quite safe.

King Hippo

Poor Litre is with the “makers NAWT takers” this weekend and can’t even fume in rage at you.

litre_cola

Glad I drank last night and didnt get up for that pile of flaming garbage.

Horatio Cornblower

Off on the annual trip to the Salisbury, CT ski jumps this morning.

There’s no natural snow anywhere around here and the wind is hitting 40. They’re going to be picking little kids out of pine trees before this is over.

But Lagunitas sponsors it, so I’ll probably just laugh.

King Hippo

Ded Chilluns Boots on teh Ground!

Horatio Cornblower

Que excellente ideamoro!

/I have no idea, I just made that up.

scotchnaut

I was invited to announce a very informal ski jump ‘competition’ on our local hill about six years ago. My (at the time) ten year old was there as well as many older kids/adults. I playfully trolled the adult’s abilities and made my son and others his age out as superstars. I unilaterally declared my kid the winner hands-down even though he ate snow on 2 of his 3 jumps.

/made the 50 or so folks assembled laugh out loud-what a rush! Now I know why stand-ups do what they do.

scotchnaut

Fulham goalie’s strategy of imitating the Statue of Liberty results in Man U goal. Maybe try The Thinker next time, buddy.

Little Known Fact: Auguste Rodan was the very first sculptor to fight Godzilla!

herodotus450
herodotus450

smh those brits dont know hte first thing about the Statute of Liberty

ballsofsteelandfury

Three hours until the Madrid Derby!

ballsofsteelandfury

Excellent work! The South African history part was awesome!

As was the chick with giant pink boobs getting scythed down in a yellow-card-worthy tackle.

Horatio Cornblower

Yellow my ass; that’s a straight red.

King Hippo

I specifically said NO yellow ass! – Coach Parcells, at the burlesque house

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Heh heh, straight red…” – member of the Pink Communist Party

King Hippo

we would have also accepted the Gay Communist Gun Club

scotchnaut

Applewood-smoked Cheddar Pringles are so good that I’ll be spending an extra 20 minutes on the old elliptical this morning!

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Figures. I’m finally going to bed as someone walks in.

But anyway, that sounds delicious. Enjoy.

King Hippo

yew has elliptical terlet?

scotchnaut

I wish!

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

When I say “Fuck ManU right in their fucking asses” this isn’t exactly what I was driving towards. Also, I’m an idiot.
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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Senor Weasalo, what have you been up to?
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Senor Weaselo

I’ve heard of it. There’s also the One Chip Challenge and the Valhalla Challenge, which involves a sausage.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Hmmmmm

What do you love in a woman? pic.twitter.com/9VBn2FNmWo

— Futbol Babes (@FutbolBabes) December 17, 2018

Spoiler
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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

The funny thing is that there are some pretty impressive ball-handling videos featured by that account.

For example:comment image

ballsofsteelandfury

That account is great!

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Gotta learn to keep your balance, babe.
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