Your “But I Wanted a Quadruple-header!” Sunday Football Open Thread

T’aint fair! The NFL giveth with the one hand and taketh away with the other. AS ALWAYS! Hey, as long as I’m shouting… TO THE GAMES!

Cards/Bills:

Not a lot to like here. I’d just like to add-poor Joe Mixon. Poor, poor Joe Mixon.

Bills/Titans:

The hits keep coming. What’s the over/under here-14.5? Matt Barkley is not an NFL qb by any means and there are rumblings the Tennessee head office feels the same about Mariota. The end result? A run-heavy Gore (maybe Singletary?) and Henry grinder. Fade to black Corey Davis. And while you’re at it do the same to te Delanie-the Bills have given up 76 yards all season to the position.

Bears/Raiders:

There are plenty of kudos out there for te Waller but the fella is looked at between the 20’s and not at all in the end zone. This is not an exaggeration-he doesn’t have a single look yet.

Bucs/Saints:

Tampa has a good overall D but defending the slot is an on-going problem. Since the beginning of last year they’ve given up the second-most yards, completions and TD’s. Guess who grades out as the best slot receiver over the last three years? Yeah, that’d be one Michael Thomas. Shaquil Barrett and his nine sacks has an interesting matchup vs. tackles Armstead and Ramczyk, who have not given up a sack yet.

Vikes/Gmen:

Minny just barely avoids the dreaded Saquon-sanity showdown. This one is a real, actual test for Danny Ten Cent, given the pressure up front and cb Howard’s tendency to take players out of the game. (though he did get burned last week or the week before, I don’t remember and I’m running out of time)

Jets/Eagles:

Philly is completely exploitable at the wr spot and Anderson/Crowder are above average, but then one must add Luke Falk into the equation and just like that it all falls apart.

Rams/Steelers:

As I said, I’m running out of time. This should have been up two hours ago.

Pats/Potato Skins:

Another walk in the park W for New England is on the sked. Qu’elle surprise! Washington’s point total has gone souther and souther-from 27 to 21 to 15 to 3. I’ve a notion what the next number up is.

Jags/Panthers:

Bettors have no doubt noticed that Minshew is 3-0 vs. the spread but he now faces the only D that allows less than 200 yards thru the air. This is not the week to go Full Mustache Ride.

Falcons/Texans:

Lingering memories from last year tell me that Houston has an above-average D but when you actually peruse the numbers they’re in the 24-ish range. Same but the t’udder way with the Falcons-they’re knocking on top 10 status.

There she be. Why don’t you catch some Other Football while you wait for the games to commence?

 

 

 

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LemonJello

Native American tribes usually took better care of their Colts than this [*Redacted] s offensive line…

BrettFavresColonoscopy

What the fuck was that throw, Chase? The crossing route was wide fucking open

LemonJello

Was he momentarily possessed by the Sex Dragon?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

No he still threw it short, but directly into a Raiders DB. Fortunately there was a bailout roughing the passer call.

Don T

Sacked; Mariota holding the ball longer than an urologic oncologist.

Fronkenshteen

He’s IN!

bk109

I guess the Pats game is a bit calm now, for … well… I’m gawking at the sideline cameras (especially those full-body EOS’s) Rrrrroooooowwwwwwrrrrrrrr

Fronkenshteen

Oooo! Ito Smith getting more red zone looks! That’s just super. Oh good! The curtains are on fire!

Horatio Cornblower

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Gratliff

Jets finally found a way to score

Horatio Cornblower

Dan Snyder is observing Breast Cancer Awareness Month by sending blankets from cancer wards to Native American medical clinics.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

McManus with a peanut punch!

And he had that last block to spring Cohen on the punt return, so give him the game ball

LemonJello

Gruden the Lesser will be updating his Indeed.com profile tonight.

The Maestro

RRRRRRRAIDAHS

LemonJello

DC Compound Fracture Club! DRINK!

Dunstan

Oh, Raiders.

bk109

Edit: Raiders, DERP DIFFERENT!

blaxabbath

“I’m a big man. I’m tough. I vote for other people to kick around honduran infants. I get off on fucking my own daughter. But I’m not gonna suffer the embarrassment of talking to a doctor about what a man I am. I use forhims.com because I’m not a man, I’m a fucking coward that cannot even face my own issues in private with a medical professional who is bound to keep all information about me a secret.”

Should be called forcowards.com or forhypocrites.com

Fronkenshteen

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Fronkenshteen

If the NFL knows what’s good for it, for the rest of the season, Gardner Minshew should get the Dreamboat Treatment from the officials.

Doktor Zymm

I just took a new synbiotic (which is apparently what they’re calling fancy probiotics nowadays) and ate a bunch of corn. Good idea, yes?

Fronkenshteen

Happy pooping?!

Gratliff

Touchdown, Anyone But Deandre Hopkins >:(

Mr. Ayo

Ask and receive.

Gratliff

Oh I’ve been receiving it all day. Currently has 6 points for me while Thielen and McCaffrey have put up almost 75 combined for my opponent

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Blow a seventeen point lead in a single quarter?

That’s My Raiders!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

There’s just no stopping Chase Daniel, right?

/31 other teams break out into hysterical laughter

blaxabbath

4th and 1 — what do you do?

Fake the handoff to Mixon and have Dalton trail him into the line that has all 11 defenders drawn to it because Mixon is the correct carrier for this play.

Horatio Cornblower

The Aristocrats!

bk109

LOL, the cart broke… Gotta love the Yinzers 😀

Doktor Zymm

Yet another difference between the Steelers and the Cowboys, smhcomment image

BrettFavresColonoscopy

If pelting the English with balls is excessive celebration, then let them Brexit

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Ah, it was a U*NC alum taunting for no good reason. Though fuck the NFL for making that a penalty.

Redshirt

Andy Dalton just got literally picked up and slammed. Clean tackle.

King Hippo

This is the most Titans-ish fixture ever

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I don’t think we need Dick Stockton in surround sound

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Woooooooow human joystick!

Horatio Cornblower

Me: Goes to gym, grabs energy/protein drink for lunch

Also Me: “You know what would go good with that protein drink? A shitload of wings!”

blaxabbath

B Dubs!

Horatio Cornblower

Big Y, actually. Grocery store. Pretty good, and cheap

Dunstan

I WARNED YOU!

Gatoraids

Hot wings smoothie mmmm

LemonJello

Beer has protein in it?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Oooh, Emo Carr yelling at his rookie RB, I like it

blaxabbath

I’d speak softly and let Vontaze handle the discipline.

Fronkenshteen

O SHAG HENNESSY!!!

King Hippo

WOO Tyler Eifert got a point!!!

bk109

Uhm, can we can the “First Win For Kyler Murray” chatter? It’s still basically a loss, ’cause it’s not just against Cincy… it’s against SHITTIER THAN USUAL Cincy

blaxabbath

I don’t believe this is a lock at all.

In fact, this feels like a game where Fitz makes his only unforced fumble ever and it is ran back for six, giving CIN the tie (no one wins this game).

Redshirt

I’ll take it. 0-15-1.

clint greasewood

When does CBS come out with TSA:Laguardia?

Dunstan

Are you suggesting that “liberal Hollywood” actually churns out a bunch of programming about how authority figures are awesome and trustworthy and shouldn’t be shackled by silly things like rules and civil rights? That’s inconceivable!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Is Phillip Dorsett coming back into this game or what?

The Maestro

Back from the house showing. Not too bad a place, but it’s just too far from work. Ergo, I could have had at least two beers in the interim. God damnit.

Gratliff

Getting tag teamed by McCaffrey and Thielen pretty hard here this afternoon

blaxabbath

On the plus side, no BBCs.

Redshirt

I’m all for Steelers QBs being murderdeathkilled but how was the Ravens defender not ejected?

bk109

Because the refs are afraid of Ray Lewis? Or because … well … Fuck Pittsburgh?

Mr. Ayo

And everyone starts pounding the head of the replacement QB.

Brilliant strategy.

bk109

For fuck’s sake, they’re already queasy, Tomlin, forcing them to listen to the Cliche-O-Tron surely is cruel and unusual…

Fronkenshteen

PITTSBURGH IS STRONGER THAN MASON RUDOLPH’S JAW

bk109

Holy shit, that didn’t look at all good for Rudolph…

Dunstan

Is Guiliani still doing interviews?

bk109

No, he too busy fucking his career and a blow-up doll with the pic of his cousin duct-taped to its face…

Mr. Ayo

Mason, literally dead

King Hippo

yikes, Rudolph out cold

Gratliff

Rudolph ded and possible in hell already jesus christ

Gratliff

Ole!

blaxabbath

HOW MANY COMMERCIAL BREAKS DO I GOTTA SIT THROUGH BEFORE I GET SOME SKYLINE CHILI FOOTAGE FOX?

Doktor Zymm

In my quest to explore cheap-ass places to live which may not totally suck, I’ll be visiting Little Rock in the spring. If I can retire, or partially retire by my mid-40s I’m willing to live in the South

blaxabbath

I feel like you’re too smart to retire that early.

Doktor Zymm

I might still teach or something, but I want to spend as little time as possible in corporate jobs. Everything I do at work is pointless

Gratliff

Would rather be thrown out of a helicopter than work in the private sector ever again

Gatoraids

I think about Western north Carolina like around Asheville

Gratliff

Sterling Shephard breaking his tailbone for an incomplete

Redshirt

We can play Giovanni Bernard and Joe Mixon at the same time?!

blaxabbath

So long as there are no ex girlfriends mouthing off at Mixon to distract him with her asking for it -ness.

Porky Prime

Ah. Raider game started.

blaxabbath

What is this icon image you use?

Porky Prime

Motel Hell.