Good morning early risers! This is basically a thread for Saturday morning before the playoffs where surprise the 500’s are playing. Pretty excited to see El Tractorcito destroy the P*ts and make our Puerto Rican lawyer a very happy man!
In futbol news it’s FA Cup week in England, and La Liga gets back into action. I was never a huge fan of the Cups but recently my views have changed . This year in the Canadian Championship the local futbol heroes advanced in the Canadian Championship to the point where they got the opportunity to play home and home with the MLS side Vancouver Whitecaps. Their payroll was 12 times that of Cavalry FC. Whitecaps Ali Adnan who’s transfer fee was more than the entire Cavs payroll.I thought that he looked like an overweight Sunday leaguer during the match in Calgary.
The stadium in Calgary holds 6 000 people and is located at a horse show jumping complex. It’s on the outskirts of the city, and it is a pain in the ass to get to, but it is quaint. It was rocking the evening against the Caps and we held them to a well earned draw. On the return leg the CPL side beat the MLS side!!!! It was glorious, the pub was insane. Then the Cavalry advanced to play another MLS side versus Montreal Impact. Unfortunately Cinderella got knocked out by a far better and more expensive side. That being said it was a fantastic ride and I loved every second of it. Season tickets renewed.
There are a few good match-ups this week;
Portuguese Wolves v Man U – Does Oli run out a good squad and hope that a deep run in the Cup saves his job?
Oxford Utd v Hartlepool United – Somebody has to advance! Love when the big clubs have to go to tiny backwoods places which could happen after this tie!
Fulham v Villa – This season has seemed like it has lasted forever and been brutal. That being said The London Jaguras are in a playoff spot and haven’t looked good all season so if they improve they will stay there. The last time Mighty Whitey (nawt raycess) played Villa, Was one of the best mornings at the pub, the Champions League was right after so the place was packed. Everyone there saw John Terry cry.
In Spain we have a Barcelona derby as the Blaugrana travel across town to visit Espanyol. I walked by their stadium once on my way to buy tickets to see The Cure and the Espanyol swag store had more FCB stuff for sale than Espanyol gear.
Mid Year Roundtable
This is where we shine, the DFO footy squad are the greatest minds assembled in a few countries.
Question 1 : Who is better looking De Gea or Alysson?
LC: Really got to not leave my computer open around Mrs. Cola. I vote De Gea because not only is Alisson dreamy, he is also a real good guy. I don’t need my wife wanting him any more.
Balls: I’ve got to be honest. Every time I see Allison, I say to myself, who is that guy? And that’s meant in the way that I ask Who Is That Girl? when one of the commentists posts a picture of a hot girl in a bikini.
KH: I’m not saying anything good about that Redshite bastard. De Gea, with his dreamy eyes.
Question 2 : What has been the biggest surprise in futbol this season been for you?
LC: Liverpool running away with the Premier League, Cavallini transferring from Puebla to Vancouver Whitecaps, that big Norwegian kid banging in goals Erling Braut Håland and how much I enjoy seeing the countryside in Italian games early in the morning.
Balls: Monterrey winning the Liga MX Apertura championship as the #8 seed and coming within minutes of holding Liverpool to a regulation draw in the Club World Cup. That’s the definition of turning a season around after a bad start.
KH: My surprise is the sudden (that I didn’t see coming) dual implosions of Man City and Bayern Munchen. It interests me greatly how nobody really stepped into the breach in England (Liverpool just stayed good, Leicester are complete frauds), whereas half of the Bundesliga surged to the front of the queue. This perhaps shows the relative health of German footy as compared to England, France, and Italy. But EPL front offices seem to have noticed, and are trying to build more sustainable futures as opposed to Panic in the Streets of London! The fact that Ole is being given time to experiment, and learn by failure – at United of all places. Arsenal hiring Mikel Arteta instead of a “steady hand” and kicking the rebuild can further down the road. What I do NOT know is whether this is causing the TV arseholes to complain and push harder for a jackass “Super League.”
Question 3 : Prediction time
Athletico Madrid V Liverpool
LC: Liverpool is rolling, they will continue to roll here. They are a sum of their parts, like their coach a German machine.
Balls: Atlético, unfortunately, doesn’t have the firepower to outscore Liverpool. Their defense is good, but won’t shut them out. Liverpool advances.
KH: Redshite beat the monkey piss out of ’em.
Dortmund v PSG
LC: I like both of these teams but PSG has more class. Will they hang on to wantaway Neymar after this round?
Balls: I also like both teams, but I like Dortmund more because of this:
That means PSG will move on. (LC- that tifo is my favoUrite thing ever)
KH: PSG is my Shempions League rooting interest (because of Evertonian alumnus Idrissa Gana Gueye). They MUST at least make the Lesser Flacco Eight.
Atalanta v Valencia
LC: Ummmmm, Atalanta?
Balls: Au contraire, mon ami Canadien, Valencia is enjoying a good season in La Liga. They will have more than enough to dispatch Atalanta which, quite frankly, are lucky to be here. (should have been the Croatian side)
KH: Atalanta is my dark horse to be 2020’s Eye-Axe. They win here, and the next round.
Tottenham v Leipzig
LC: Spurs, I hate Jose but would love to see his attitude if he won this tournament with yet another club. (Oops, since I posted this the Harriest Kane isout for ever) I say vamos Leipzig!
Balls: There is no way Jose wins the Champions League this year. I bet five knockoff Chinese jerseys on it. This will be an interesting matchup as Leipzig is the most controversial side in Germany and also the Bundesliga leader. I choose
KH: This will be a great tie, but the energy drink sugar bombs take it. Bundesliga is awfully strong this year.
Chelsea v Bayern
LC: Chelsea could be playing DFO United and I would take us. Bayern has Canadian wunderkid Alphonso Davies too!
Balls: How the hell did Chelsea get this far in the competition? Bayern should move on.
KH: I would like to say Bayern continues to collapse, but think this is their last gasp. Plus, Tory Cunt Frank Lampard can fuck right off.
Napoli v Barca
LC: Barca all day.
Balls: Barça got lucky with the draw. They will proceed to the next round.
KH: Yeah, Napoli is butt. Thanks for letting the Toffees have Don Carlo Ancellotti, though.
Lyon v Juventus
LC: Lyon is still in this? Well that this surprises me tells me enough. Juventus easy.
Balls: Ronaldo still has more Champions League records he wants to set/break. Lyon is the perfect opponent for that. Ronaldo will outscore Lyon by himself.
KH: Juve in a stroll.
Real Madrid v Manchester City
LC: This could be Pep’s last season in rainy land and he would love to beat the Madridistas, fuck them too.
Balls: This is, by FAR, the most intriguing matchup of this round. The City of the previous two seasons would have been a favourite (we capitilize the U around here) to knock out the Spaniards. However, their defence (nice) has turned into a pumpkin at the wrong time and Real has enough firepower to capitalize on mistakes. As much as it pains me to say it, Real go through.
KH: I don’t think City have the legs for it, even if/when Pep prioritizes it. Real with barely a sweat.
Question 4 : How about that group of death in Euro 2020? (Portugal, France, Germany, playoff winner)
LC:Â Holy shit is that going to be superb. I can’t wait! The qualifier is ded. I am disappointed that it is in may cities. That would make it terrible to plan if you were “following” a team like I did in 2008. If you chose a city which you are able to do then it is ok. Fuck were you lucky if you got that German group.
Balls: Given the fact that Germany plays all three games at home and that 4 out of the 6 third place teams qualify for the knockout stage, I’m not sure it will be that deadly. Just Flesh-Wound-y. But yeah, I can’t wait until the summer of Euro 2020 and Copa América 2020!
KH: Christ and Sonny Jeebus, that poor “playoff winner” – what a booby prize for them. I absolutely despise the way these groups are set up, where 3rd gets through so easily. Makes for lots of planned tWBS results (i.e., the nil-nil draw passing exhibitions).
Next thread is open for business. Place your predictions.
I’ve finally found my super power:
The ability to create unholy amounts of mucous.
This cold still sucks balls.
My superpower is rawdogging every last soul on Yonge and Bloor during the 93-94 Leafs playoff runs and my only illness was cutting my sac open climbing down a tree after we beat San Jose!
My God could Igor Larionov fetch in those days!
Zack Ertz has been medically cleared to die on the field against the Seahawks
Last song! Did this first draft in December, “Do They Know It’s Closing Time time?
“And there won’t be cars for second place this Closing time
The greatest gift they’ll get this year is knives
Where nothing ever sells
Even Rio Rancho
Do they know it’s closing time at all?
Fuck you John
Raise the stakes for everyone
ABC
Watch is worth more than your car
Do they know it’s closing time right now? “
So Parma may go from serie D to possibly qualifying for Europe in a matter of 5 years.
What does this have to do with the price of pork?
“How’s Reggiano doing this year?”
-Andy Reid, trying to be a part of the conversation
Well, Kevin Spacey is a Young Boys season ticket holder.
This is huge. I remember when Parma were a huge club.
ABSOLUTELY TRUE STORY
I’m riding on a municipal bus in downtown Montreal and the driver is lost. We’re going in circles guided by passenger phones. I’m not making this up.
Are you yelling at him with a comically bad French accent?
Brick isn’t Inspector Clouseau… or is he?
I’m sure you yelling “J’aime La Fessee!” over and over again isn’t helping things much.
…Why would someone go to Montreal! (y’know, outside of the cuisine, local culture, the people and a full ride to McGill, watching the Habs get arse-blasted at home) in the first place?! XD
There’s a vicious rumour going round the rest of Canada that they [looks carefully left to right, whispers] They speak French there. Shhh.
You say that as if it’s a bad thing? They’ve got their cultural heritage and they respect it… Nothing wrong with that (or with tormenting the other people of Canada with mandatory french class, ’cause reasons)…
Much like a Josh Allen pass, that one sailed over your head.
Oh, no, it was a Wentz laser straight and true .. I just Agholor’d it… I blame the Black cask Jameson I’m drankin’
THAT WAS ABSOLUTELY THE BEST BUS RIDE EVER
Looks like Eric is the last good one. Worst part of the last 10 years is the Python boys showing their ass.
Wait what did cleese do
Moved to the Carribean and started tweeting about how London isn’t really an English city anymore because of the minorities that live there
Smart thing he did-moving to the Carribean to get away from ‘minorities’.
Was an impressively galaxy-brained statement.
I’m planning a Caribbean trip this spring and my controversial ‘no minorities’ position is really limiting our potential spots. Maybe I can call up Cleese and stay at his place?
I’ve heard about this quaint little private island in the U.S.V.I.
Well, that and is still serving time for Rat Race
Mean, but fair.
I saw Cleese speak in Hartford back in 2016. He could not have been more openly anti-Trump, anti-Johnson in his comments, to the point that even I thought he was detracting what we were there for, (watching Holy Grail with 2,000 other nerds and then getting to ask Cleese questions), and his more recent comments about London not being London any more could not have been more surprising.
There’s a lot of contradictory shit in the things he says. He was pro-Brexit, but one of the reasons he says he left England in the first place is because the right was manipulating the discourse in a way he didn’t like to make Brexit happen.
Oh! Interesting plot twist in Deadwind. I must say, I’m 6 episodes in and there have been no Finnish boobies so far. A couple of close calls though.
So I went to the booze store today and on the way back to the vehicle I found something on the ground. It’s a small 2-3 oz. plastic container that is labeled “Indica Butter, BC kush”. What do I do with this lovely gift?
Make brownies and have a lovely weekend!
Let’s say I’m not a ‘sweets’ guy, is there something else it can be used for?
put it up your bum?
There’s so much up there already.
Use it for anything you would put butter in. I like putting it in soups when I want something savory. You can even just spread it on toast!
I’m pretty sure it can be used to get cash in certain situations.
I still hate that “I’ll be ready in five minutes” is a lie.
Eh, I actually like that one, lol, provided the “5 minutes” is of your half-nekkid spouse and not, y’know something boring 😀
lol, apparently I got kicked from an IRC channel and my IP banned for vulgar language and outright “not cool, yo” behaviour. Which is all well and good, but I haven’t actually logged in there in a month, so … WHY DAMN IT SHOULD I PAY FOR MY WIFEY’S crimes (which apparently includes comparing some channel mod’s mom to a communal fleshlight 😀 )
They can’t convict a man and wife of the same crime (taps head))
Yeap, especially a man who had to be explained what the bloody christ a fleshlight is, lol ( I initially thought “flashlight” and couldn’t see the insult there)
I eventually figured out you meant
But originally thought you meant
That kind of behaviour gets you elevated to author around these parts. Welcome home!
Wigan Forever, Leicester NEVAR!!
Also congrats Dave!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LDlAtwbuYDI
Found a funny:
Fortune Teller: What the fuck dude, you are covered in bees!
Me: *covered in bees* This guy’s good
https://www.theonion.com/this-war-will-destabilize-the-entire-mideast-region-and-1819594296
Oh please please please let Marvin Lewis interview well in Dallas.
God yes.
LOL that would be legendary
Under One Roof!!
Jerry does like to keep underperforming coaches for WAYYYYY TOOOOOOOO LONG….
Or maybe even…
Hue Jackson.
All of you can go straight to hell.
See you there
I’ll save everybody’s seats.
Don T, should this all work out today….
https://www.doorfliesopen.com/2019/12/31/2019-quotables-week-17-submissions/ezgif-com-optimize-2-39/
I’m in an NFL playoff pool where you pick individual players but can only use them twice all playoffs long. I’m scared to use any Patriots.
Might as well use them while you can. I wouldn’t be shocked at all of the Ts win
If you have to use a guy, take a look at Michel’s usage the last three weeks-minimum of 18 touches. The Pats are re-focusing on the run game with the passing game being in such a shambles.
I was thinking Edelman, I really don’t trust Belichick not to switch up that tendency and give it all to White
Edelman is playing through some sort of inury(ies), according to all the mouthbreathers up here, and is probably not to be trusted. In addition the weather up here in NE is a bag of ass today. Scotchy’s suggestion of Michel is probably the best option for a NE player today.
In my intro I made mention that light rain would make things sloppy making it all the more likely the run game would be featured.
edit: Also, Brady has gone for 300 only once in the last ten games.
Another Golazo in West London. WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE???
I found a sweet Bayern Munich hoodie at a thrift store this week! I don’t even really root for them, but for $7 I’m not going to say no
Reminds of a hoodie I saw for sale a couple of years ago on redbubble, but it’s not there anymore. It was a hoodie with a print of the Atletico Madrid shirt on it (and I do root for Atleti), and I thought putting a shirt on a shirt was hilarious and awesome, but I never ordered one. Now I wish I did when I had the chance!
It was something like this but better:
Wednesday Addams WOO!!!!!!!!!!!!
We conceded to Benghazi, or something like that.
Jack Grealish is a cunt
Nailed it.
Holy fark, I forgot it was today. Happy 20th anniversary of the “I resign as the HC of the NYJ” napkin!
Two roads diverged in a wood…
And yet somehow the Jets missed both of them, hit the fork head-on an’ the rest is Sanchize 😀
I do wonder what would’ve happened if Belichik or some other competent coach actually built even a half-decent line so Chad Pennington wasn’t ded more often than not…. It’s not like the Jets weren’t a good team back then, either
1998 was exciting. Which (and it sounds ridiculous now) is what made Testaverde’s week 1 ruptured Achilles in 1999 all the more devastating.
Golazo in West London!
Literally the first episode of Scotchy’s newest Finnish netflix recommendation and what do I see? Everyone sleeping on couches.
Mattresses on the floor are totally different from couches!*
*this comment sponsored by the good folks at IKEA
Finns buying that Swedish Ikea filth? That’d be like a good red-blooded American buying something from, oh, RIM.
Did you catch Bordertown at all?
got through most of the first season so far
Doesn’t count, didn’t yell “AND 1!” before the shot.
So did Putin tell trump to kill Suleimani?
STICK TO SPROTS, damn it! (Also doubtful, this smells more like Benny in Tel Aviv gettin’ his hardon for Iran into play. It’s either that, or a hamfisted attempt to deflect attention away from “issues at home” by stirring shit up in Abroadia… Problem is, unlike Clinton and Bush and Reagan, he’s just too fucking stoopid to do it properly)
I’m a one-time winner of Time’s Person of the Year, ppl forget that.
There was at least a nod to proceed.
Smart money’s on Benny, not Vlad the Impala, tho. Also I had a rather creepy thought – what’s stopping Vlad from “endorsing” whomever’s on the Democrat side for the lulz? And by the way, as someone who’s seen US “totally not the same kind of meddling, no sir-ee, Bob” meddling in internal affairs and politics of foreign countries (and we’re talking friendly ones, not one of the -stans) and its fruits first hand, it’s fucking amusing to watch Americans bleating about election meddling and interference 😀
Except the ONES WHO MEDDLE AND INTERFERE (almost always the neocons and other shits on the right) are BENEFITTING!!
Yep, hence why I’m figuratively putting money on Benny, lol. Bonus points that he’s got his own corruption scandal at home, so a potential state of war with Iran is kinda convenient for him. Especially convenient if someone else does the fighting. In the end, it doesn’t matter who did it, tho – the fuckers responsible won’t face justice and it’d be people like us out there fighting and dying for fuck ‘all …
Fuck it, might as well post this here as it’s somewhat relevant:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xnz25j52a7I
And the lyrics to that 9min bad boy, lol… Also, huh.. I wonder why WordPress isn’t truncating/hiding posts beyond a certain length…
The Legacy
Iron Maiden
Tell you a thing that you ought to know
Two minutes of your time, then on you go
Tell tale of the men all dressed in black
That most of them, not coming back
Sent off to war to play little games
And on their return, can’t name no names
Some strange yellow gas has played with their minds
Has reddened their eyes, removed all the lies
And strange as it sounds, death knows no bounds
How many get well?
Only time will tell
Only time will tell
You lie in your death bed now
But what did you bring to the table?
Brought us only holy sin
Utter trust is a deadly thing
To the prayer of holy peace
We didn’t know what was lying underneath
So how could we be such fools?
And to think that we thought you the answer
I can’t begin to understand in all the lies
But on your death bed, I can see it in your eyes
Just as clear as all the sweat upon your brow
It really makes sense, I can see it clearly now
Tangled up in a web of lies
Could have been a way to prophesize
Unaware of the consequence
Not aware of the secrets that you kept
Nothing that we could believe
To reveal the facade of faceless men
Not a thing that we could foresee
Now a sign that would tell us the outcome
You had us all strung out with promises of peace
But all along, your cover plan was to deceive
Can it put to rights now?
Only time will tell
Your prophecies will send us all to Hell as well
Left to all our golden sons
All to pick up on the peace
You could have given all of them
A little chance, at least
Take the world to better place
Given them all just a little hope
Just think what a legacy you now will leave
We seemed destined to live in fear
And some that would say Armageddon is near
But where there’s a life, while there’s hope
That man won’t self-destruct
Why can’t we treat our fellow men
With more respect and a shake of their hands?
But anger and loathing is rife
The death on all sides is becoming a way of life
We live in an uncertain world
Fear, understanding and ignorance is leading to death
Only the corpses are left
For vultures that prey on their bones
But some are just not wanting peace
Their whole life is death and misery
The only thing that they know
“Fight fire with fire, life is cheap”
But if they do stop to think
That man is teetering right on the brink
But do you think that they care?
They benefit from death and pain and despair
100% with ya on Benny. And the evangelicals here will go along, because gets us closer to teh rapture obvs
It really does feel like more of a shot at Hezbollah than Sunni Iran.
You know what get go get fucked? Usernames and passwords. REMEMBER WHO THE FUCK I AM!!!!!
Oh Jeff Bezos knows who you are.
Yeah, pretty sure the big-ass multinational we work for knows him too. Also, I just want to do a quick PSA about passwords in general: Do use proper passwords (I’ve literally fired someone for using 123456 on a work laptop) AND do not reuse said passwords everywhere. Or at least don’t practice really shoddy online security practices AND curse at my kiddos playing WoT, or so help you God, I’ll fucking wreck your online presence AND wipe your iDevices AND cancel your surprisingly shittily-secured Polish bank cards…
Let’s go Wednesday and Huddersfield!
There is a Mighty Whitey supporter in Japan who tweets out links every game. His success rate is about 75%!
Let the meltdown begin.
There’s almost too much sports on today. The hockey junior semi’s, there’s a bowl game, the wild cards, Sillycuse, the Senators… It just goes on and on.
/hopefully Man City can get right vs. Port Vale
//what’s a Port Vale?
I reiterate, Fuck Sportsnet World.
Fuck them right in their ports vale
port vale is just a fancy euphemism for the butthole
expect a tight defence, then
Thanks for the nod! And FUCK Real Madriz.
I reconnected with my best friend from college and he invited me and my daughter (whom he has not met), to a party. The party, OF COURSE, is tonight.
Point is: DVR is my best friend. Now, let me hang the effigy to aid our prayers.
Good luck in the next round! We’re all rootin’ an’ fondlin’ for yer Tits against the Ravens 🙂
Them’s some righteous threads!
smh but when I tried to wear it people just laughed and called me Barney.
I’m getting that suit and going to Vegas, baby.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1-pUaogoX5o
There’s something about you that you, uh, lack, to properly wear that suit.
https://youtube.com/watch?v=3LlJybx381c
I pay for all sports packages here except 1 channel. FA Cup is on that channel. Fuck you Sportsnet World.
Well, I’m not saying to watch via “other means”, but you can always claim that the neighbours’ dog spoke to you with the voice of God and commanded you to pirate in the name of Blergh and not miss a single corner in the name of Gamblor, Jesus (the one in Nawlin’s, not the one in Shitty) and The Holy Ghost (aka Gostkowski after the Pats faithful discovered that kickers don’t grow on trees)…
G’day lads, lassses and pervosaurs of any race, colour and creed… except the Finns… Those guys can go hump a 100kV powerline (no idea why, but apparently it’s a hockey thing and I’ve learned not to question the wife on such matters). By the way, Hippo, I am starting to think that a couple of days after the final whistle we actually have a shot at winning against ManUre…. There’s still time for us to Arse things up, still, tho…
Dated a Finn once, she was fucking amazing and loved smoking cigarettes at all hours.
Yep, and they (as a nation) drink so much, the Russians and Polish both agree they’re all alcoholics. Plus I haven’t met a Finn I didn’t like (because aside from the booze thing which is always fun) they’re a nation of tinkerers and loons, aka my people 😀
Damn, I want to go to Finland now. Their footy sides have the weirdest names, too.
Nah, you don’t want to go there… Only the state can sell you booze there and it knows it (prices can be steep,lol)! What you actually should do is just import some Finnish women instead 😀
If I’ve learned anything from the Finnish netflix shows that Scotchy recommends, it’s that they also sleep on couches a lot instead of beds.
Much credit to the Wings for powering right thru -69 all the way to -71.
/and hey, no-nonsense detective Sofia Karppi (played by Pihla Viitala) of Deadwind hasn’t slept on a couch yet!
hummina hummina!
Yus, Finnish women are fine… They’re basically the training-wheel version of Scandinavian women 😉 Once you master those, you can move on up to the good stuff 😀
Speaking of which all hail crown-princess Vicky and her sis Maddy OR ELSE!
?r=1547242349510
That is kind of funny because my progression went as:
Finland: had sex with in a hostel in Amsterdam the night after a day when I took shrooms and threw up all over myself at the zoo.
Norway: clumsy non-consummated hookup in a backpackers lodge in South Africa after I tried to take her to a “romantic” makeout spot and she started crying.
Sweden: struck out swinging.
I don’t think I was ready for the training wheels to come off.
She’s no Lisa Henni