Brothers and sisters, I welcome you to DFO Hate Week 2020.
Hate Week is our annual pre-Super Bowl spiritual enema, casting out the residual toxins of the Season That Was and preparing ourselves for the new and exciting toxins to come.
Today, I present my List of Unpopular Opinions. Feel free to Hate in the comments below, but be aware you are Wrong.
1. Video review of pass interference calls was a overall a good thing. Not because of any actual wrongs righted- the application was spotty and slipshod, and the whole change was a ridiculous overreaction to an unprecedented failure of the referee system in last year’s playoffs. But it was still good because the near-universal refusal to grant those challenges early in the season refocused us all on the actual standard for all replay review: “incontrovertible visual evidence.” For almost every call up until now, the standard became “whelp, I would have made a different call if I saw it in ultra-HD-slow-mo.” That’s why you get interminable reviews trying to determine if the laces on the football moved at all when the receiver hit the ground. That’s why you get coaches throwing the challenge flags on 60-40 calls. And those coaches got a rude fucking awakening when the NFL decided to (clumsily) apply the incontrovertible standard and deny somewhat arguable calls. It was at least a little glorious. Now, get rid of PI replay and apply the right standard, you corporate officiating puppets.
2. Josh Rosen will be an NFL starter in the next two years. The Chargers should be slamming the phones trying to get him back in LA, both from a marketing standpoint and because I think he could actually be middle-of-the-league if he had an offensive line.
3. Seinfeld was at best an overrated adequate show. It’s Absurdism for Beginners. It is the Bartles and Jaymes of post-fart-joke comedy: you liked it when you were a teen and just getting into it, but if you’re over 30 and still singing its praises, I’m judging your ass. The only credit I give it is acknowledging in the finale that every character is a terrible, terrible person.
4. Buffalo needs to trade Josh Allen and take Justin Herbert. And go back to the red helmets.
5. Joe Judge will end up being a better coach with the Giants than Matt Ruhle will be for the Panthers. This will switch when they each get their second head coaching gigs.
6. The league is better when Cleveland and the Jets suck irredeemably. Hell, the world is better.
7. Fuck Sinatra. He was a hack.
8. The XFL will make it through two full seasons. This is Vince McMahon’s last throw of the dice and he will throw money at it until it catches on or catches on fire.
9. Don’t sleep on Raheem Mostert for Super Bowl MVP. If Shanahan can bear not throwing it 50 times to prove what a genius he is, Mostert is the 49ers best defense against Mahomes.
10. Presentation in food is overrated. You may eat with your eyes first, but I’ve never said “I’m glad I ate that- it was bland but pretty.”
11. Video replay in general is Good. I don’t understand how you can enjoy a win by your team if you know it was the result of a blown call. Any insight, DonT?
12. Super Bowl Ads can eat a containership full of dicks. I don’t care if they are the only thing half the people at your party care about. Kill those people. Roast their bodies over an open firepit so you have sustenance in the fourth quarter after the cheese dip runs out.
Major sports tonight:
Let’s not kid ourselves. Since NC State Fans is the only demographic on this site bigger than Attorneys, you fuckers are almost certainly going to watch UNC take on NC State in Junior Bouncy Football. I refuse to acknowledge the existence of college basketball until February 1. Get off my lawn.
Seinfeld was hilarious, Sinatra’s voice is heavenly, and, turning to non-subjective matters, IT WAS A FREEKIN LATERAL!1!1!
So, I’m going on day 26 post skin-removal surgery and just made an appointment for Wednesday to have my last two surgical drains removed. I start my nighttime routine tonight which consists of measuring what’s in them and logging it on a record. Taking a mountain of pills, vitamins and antibiotics. And cleaning everything really well.
So I’m brushing my teeth right before emptying the drains, and I feel something trickling down my leg. Those ports have been bleeding from the word go, so I didn’t think much of it. I pull my shirt off to milk the tubes and measure my drains and I look down. The one on the left had about two inches of the part that should be inside my abdomen hanging out of the hole. Fucker is falling out! So I send a photo to my NP (closest thing I’ve ever come to ever sending a dick pic). And asked her what to do. “Do I just push it back in there?”
“Duke, are you fucking stupid? Do you want an infection?” She replied. And booked me for tomorrow morning instead.
She also said I was surprisingly calm. I chalk this up to this barely registering in the top 5 of weird things that have happened in the last month. This is pretty pedestrian compared to getting a massive hematoma right in the middle of my chest which made me look like the three-bewbed hooker in Total Recall. My nutsack swelling up to the size of a cantaloupe, and having to go in for weekly iron infusions for the next two months because of the blood loss related to the hematoma.
Moral of the story, try not to ever get to 500 lbs, because if you do manage to get healthy, you’re still gonna hate the way you look and still are gonna want to do something about it. This recovery has been a pain in the ass. Zero regrets. Hopefully look pretty good in a month.
You had me at cantaloupe nutsack
I switched to porn at “milk the tubes”. Hope it works out well, though, on a less milky note.
It’s still there. It doesn’t hurt or anything, but it’s really in the way. In fact, I’m pretty sure I’d feel 100% better if that would just return to normal. 3 1/2 weeks and I’m starting to get nervous. Gonna ask the surgeon tomorrow if anything can be done or if I just gotta wait it out. I was getting stared at at the gym this afternoon when I was walking the track.
Pretty much all I want to do is “cuddle” with the ladyfriend. It’s been a month and god bless her patience, but right now I’m terrified that she’ll freak out when she sees that.
Or, you could rebrand yo’self as Duke Cojones
Best of luck, man.
Jesus Christ, someone get this man 10 beers!
Artist’s depiction?
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As we continue our quest to see every Oscar nominated movie, tonight I saw Jojo Rabbit.
I only knew as much as the 2 sentence synopsis issued.
After a little bit of uncertainty and a few uncomfortable chuckles it turned into one of my favorite pictures of the year.
As a long term movie guy I’m not certain it’s going to pull enough votes to win but holy shit did this movie have an amazing heart.
Goddamn do I give this the highest recommendation.
I’ve heard it was a great idea but missed on execution. Glad to hear otherwise, because I was going to watch it anyway.
Both Lighthouse and 1917 have been among the best movies I’ve watched in a long time.
I’m hoping to see all three of those. Jojo Rabbit is the one with funny hitler, right? Also want to see Parasite. Any reviews on that?
That is next on my list. Probably will get to it this weekend.
Fuck yeah. It’s pretty incredible. You see the true disconnect between classes in Korea. I love how light hearted it starts but I love more how dark it finishes.
Absolutely cosign.
Never seen a movie like Parasite. Must see.
I’ve been trying for a month to make time to watch 1917.
You inspired me to make it so tomorrow..
The tracking shots! My god man, the tracking shots!
I’ve heard! That’s why I NEED to see it in a theatre.
Yes. You need to see it on the biggest screen possible.
Holy shit is just the one tracking shot more or less. The light and shadow? Fuck off!
Saw it yesterday. That movie was fucking impressive as hell.
My 2 favorites this year but this one deserves merit.
I saw Jojo Rabbit last Saturday. See this movie. It’s very, VERY funny and so moving I had to go to the bathroom mid-movie to get some tissue to wipe my eyes. Just incredible.
Woah, this chair umpire lady at the AO is something else.
The Rev was right.
Seconded. Third? Just waiting for her to shout, “in!”
Hot as a slow koala
Is this photo moving or did I get a contact high?
I’m stealing this from the previous thread. Jed looks like the fat, spoiled failson in every 80s comedy.
How do you fuck up wearing a suit that badly? This would get Trump to go full catty bitch
He looks like a crappy, off brand Seth MacFarlane
Seth’s non-union McDonaldland equivalent
Jed IS a fat spoiled failson. He ruined this franchise for me. Never going back.
3. Get A Life was Icarus. True genius is never recognized in its own time.
Truth. It resides in the pantheon of Underappreciated Comedies, along with Newsradio and Herman’s Head
“Herman’s Head” was fucking awesome!
It had this Adult Swim vibe to it before Adult Swim.
I read the full quote from that story about the football coach saying Hitler was a great leader. I think the context makes it worse.
“So in the first quarter we’re just gonna give them yards, as many as they want, just appease the hell out of em. OK you art school dropouts, let’s go!”
Does calling him an effective or successful leader instead make it better? That dinner would be interesting, though.
Fun fact: last night’s Royal Rumble winner is among the people seen here falling to catch AR Fox.
t
They look like the only thing they could catch is
/UNSURPRISED IS QUICKLY DRAGGED OUT OF THE ROOM
I was at an event today (non-sporting) and they had a moment of silence for Kobe.
What the fuck.
Duplicate removed.
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Aw, I was just giving you shit
Everyone forgets Shaq had to carry his ass to a title.
I live with a Lakers fan who is devastated by the news and am doing my best thoughts and prayers voice as I think of ways to avoid saying he doesn’t deserve the energy
I get that Kobe was popular, but the media response has been over the top. Live all day coverage just to see the NTSB play a game of pick-up.
I know. LA coverage is wall to wall. I was thrilled when Jeopardy came on, I was sure it would be preempted for more weeping and wailing
Listening to this on the phone while Gilbert’s version of the Aristocrats is on the TV
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=avU2aarQUiU
Except that it turns out Sinead was right the whole time and her critics can eat shit and die.
Iowa Wisconsin is whiter than a Trump rally. Including the token black guy.
Don T watching intently
https://www.twitch.tv/sashagrey
Is that even remotely safe to click on? Who or what is currently in her?
It’s a crap shoot.
(heheheh…see what I did there?)
Errrr…I mean who is this person you speak of?????
Nah it’s totally safe, it’s twitch. She’s raising money for Puerto Rico apparently. Not that I would know anything about it.
Nice. What will she do for, say (checks wallet)…eight bucks?
If I’m understanding things, she’ll dryly acknowledge your existence.
Dryly? (sigh) Just like every other woman.
SFW. Looks like a nice young lady talking on a microphone. Someone you could bring home to mom.
It’s a pretty big microphone though. Black, too.
Going thru this retrospective on E-SPAN, it occurs to me that Lamar Odom outlived Kobe. Could’ve gotten great odds on that.
If you want to call Sinatra an asshole, by all means. He didn’t treat women well, and only a very insecure person wants his friends to call him “The Chairman” of their little friend group.
But a hack? Before he was The Chairman, he was The Voice. Uh, you know, before that term got used for a shitty American Idol rip-off.
Swing, baby!
Agree totally…hacks cain’t do this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GUbyhoU81sQ
He was mediocre and would have been trapped in Hoboken for life if he weren’t mob-connected.
Also, he got Zeppo Marx’s sloppy seconds. Never forget that.
Ugh, it’s like Buffalo fans don’t even have good tast-
Oh, right. Carry on.
https://www.cbssports.com/fantasy/football/news/fantasy-football-chargers-and-philip-rivers-will-both-have-options-in-2020/
First they leave SD and now this! That man has a family!
Chance to cut the lead to 2 with 6 minutes to go. But sure, let’s take a stupid assed shot early in the play clock without working the ball instead.
I LOVE MY SCHOOL!!!!
If these assholes aren’t running wind sprints tomorrow, Keatts should be punched in the throat.
Found a funny:
me: i’m going to make one of those diagrams that uses circles
dracula: venn
me: probably tomorrow
1. Its a good idea in theory, but the problem is all the calls haven’t been uniformly called the same.
2. Depends on the coaching and team. He’s at risk of being a bust though.
3. Agreed, though the case in the last episode was really stupid. I’ll happily serve as a witness to the crime to aid in finding the perpetrator, but I’m a citizen. I’m not trained in police tactics, martial arts nor trained in using a gun. Like Garek in Star Trek, the best I can do against a criminal is to deal out several cutting remarks which, no doubt, will leave lasting damage to their egos.
4. I’ll extend to the Bills the same offer I’ve already extended to the Bengals, Browns, Buccaneers, and both New York teams: Go back to your jersey designs from the 1990s and no questions will be asked. The same idea includes the Patriots and Pat Patriot and Steelers and their numbers style from the 70s.
5. Agreed, but Giants are more setup for success than Panthers.
6. That’s nice, but we can do better. Remember when the Soviet Union when down and everyone was happy and hopeful. The Patriots sucked then.
(…too many damn thoughts….brain needs to catch its breathe….)
7. My knowledge of Frank Sinatra only extends to SNL parodies, but I believe if he were alive, I believe he would say “I’ve pinched off stools in the crapper with more talent than you, you worthless son of a bitch!” If he was alive, that is.
8. I’ll give Vince credit, he’s trying this time.
9. Agreed. Don’t outthink everyone. Dance with what brought you here.
10. On the contrary, a finely presented plate can make the dinner feel special. But I draw the line at putting inedible things on the plate like strings, bows or inedible plants. A plate is for food, not a fine arts exhibit.
11. Good overall, but it needs refined. If it takes you five minutes because the ref is having them slow the video down to 4 frames a minute and while asking to isolate Grid 17 by 21 and Enhance, its Indisputable.
12. I spend as much attention on Super Bowl Ads as I do on the ads on the game on my cell phone to boost my troops and gold and the disclaimer not to record the games I’m watching without the expressed permission of Major League Baseball or the National Football League.
It works better if you read all this in the same tone as Kevin Costner’s “I Believe” scene from Bull Durham.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DKO8pmzU1Lk
I think U*NC’s Robinson might wish he had been on a particular helicopter right about now.
Too soon?
I wish they’d all been on it. We’d still have found a way to lose.
We are NC State. It’s what we do.
No, too soon would be saying one of my favorite jokes:
A lot of people say that air travel is safer than driving, but how many air plane collisions have you seen where the pilots stand outside their plane exchanging insurance information?
I think (except for the Owl) my teevee might be off until #BFIB starts. Oh wait, I watch that mostly on the laptop. Maybe I will throw my teevee out the window.
“Window? Please explain.”
-Jim Tomsula
like a “speed hole” but bigger
The Ottawa Cravats Tie it Up!
I feel so bad for Kevin Keatts, he had no idea what a cess pool he was climbing into.
They play hard. Just not particularly smart sometimes. The weave and heave is still a thing in West Rawlee.
Devils-Sens, I haven’t see this many underachieving 1’s since the DFO Bachelor Auction.
Ok, that funny
“And here we have 82 year old Poopface McHairyback. Coming in a 5 foot 2 inches, with a 42 inch waistline, there is plenty of him to love. He likes long walks on the sandbox at the trailer park, camping drunk behind the 7-11, and has a pocket full of ED medication that hasn’t been used in 10 years.”
“No bids? I couldn’t be more Unsurprised.”
-Anonymous
Methinks we could raise some serious cash with that as a threat.
Wolfies got themselves another Cat Barber-type fella that can get to the bucket whenever he chooses….
Markell is good. Too bad the taller players don’t similarly try to get rebounds.
If you aren’t watching the AO, you are probably wasting your sports viewing time on something shitty, like MLS. Watch some great tennis, you heathens!
when does the hottest contestant play?
Djokovic plays around midnight PST, either tonight or tomorrow night.
/says someone who hasn’t ever taken a proper look at Rafa’s ass (smh)
Clearly we do not have the same taste in men. Djokovic has those dreamy eyes and that lush hair. It’s a handsome version of Aaron Rodgers with a likable personality.
I feel he would be very robotic intimately where Rafa would be gentle.
For my old job, I had to babysit video transmissions of many tennis tournaments. Most out of my timezone, for every day there was play.
Fuck that place, and fuck tennis. ESPECIALLY fuck the Australian Open.
Last night at home before Mrs. Sharkbait and baby Sharkette come home from a weekend away. I’ve ordered Indian and have whiskey. Fully prepared to enjoy this evening
I’m not saying it’s your fault NC State is such liquid shit, but I really blame all of y’all.
Enjoy your feral freedom
(last night)
“Okay, I know I was slightly uncomfortable with Doctor Who casting the latest regeneration of The Master as an Arabic looking man who says “Killing is in my nature”, but based on the previews it looks like we might get to see The Valeyard. A future version of The Doctor whose embraced his darker impulses. We saw a small side of this in the 10th and a decent look of it in the 12th Doctor, but it will be nice to actually see it in a character and not just points where The Doctor has reached his breaking point and has stepped right past it.
So lets see what the people behind Doctor Who think of when they think of a evil version of The Doctor?”
(sees a black woman)
And The Future Doctor STILL isn’t a ginger!
/Calling it now, Rupert Grint as the 23rd/24th Doctor
Both teams on my teevee is fucking AWFUL.
Ah, but is your moneys on the Wolfers being less awful?
I would only ever bet on the Holes here, and solely for jinx purposes
and Devin Daniels is still wearing #24 such blatant disresPEK imo godbless
Cock weasel? Well, enough about my penis…
Devils/Sens are on you gotdamn Incompleteist!
Isn’t that an AHL game?
Huh. I’ll give you a head’s up. If ever you’re walking at night and three streetlights in a row are out? You better start running, buddy.
LOFTY hate
Welp, I know how the next installment of Senor in the City ends.
What’s a “Sens”?
Something that isn’t common to you?
/POW! ZINGA!