There’s much talk of drinkling and fooding in the early thread so I know that everyone is doing it right proper today. The forty-five minutes I spent on the elliptical (god, I hate that motherfucker) won’t even begin to justify the calories that I’ll be absorbing through the day but we all like to pretend, right? And this tilt-doing the research for the intro it’s remarkable how well coached these teams are, the disparate weapons each squadoo has, the game-planning that’s been done to get here… Everything about these two teams is so impressive. So, as Guga Foods would say, Let’s Do It!
TO THE GAME!
Niners/Chiefs:
-Everywhere you look it’s strength against strength against strength. The Chiefs started the season looking like last season’s Shoot ’em up squad that had to out-score everyone and yes, they have some of those same attributes but now they can actually stop people-namely, outside receivers.
-San Fran’s stifling D plays zone coverage the second-most of all teams. Wanna guess which football tosser had the highest QBR rating against zone coverage? Yeah, that Mahomes kid.
-San Fran has only trailed by more than 7 points just once all season long. But Andy Reid’s record after getting a bye in regular and postseason is a gaudy 23-5.
-In bottling up receivers the Chiefs D has allowed the 3rd-most catches to the tight end position. Kittles has been vewy, vewy qwiet the past two weeks but he may have to be the gamebreaker today if San Fran has to match scores. He’ll most likely be defended off and on by Honey Badger who has been very effective in a ‘roaming’ role this season.
-It certainly seems as though the Niners own the best d-line in the biz and the numbers back them up. When Armstead, Ford, Bosa and Buckner are on the field at the same time they get a pressure rate (just think of a fast-collapsing pocket) of 44%. On third and fourth down that rate rises to a ridiculous 57%.
-So Mahomes under pressure-I wonder how his numbers look when he has to throw in 2.5 seconds or less. [shuffles through notes] Ah, here it is-he’s 218 for 300 on his completions (72%) with 16 TD’s and no intercepts. Jesus Christ.
-I took a look at prop bets and the one that makes me curious is Mahomes running yardage at 24.5 or 30.5, depending where you look. He’s run for 53 in each game, you know there’ll be at least one designed run for him, you know he’ll get flushed out of the pocket a few times and you know he’s going to take off if there’s a long ball play and Hill is covered and the open middle of the field beckons. Am I missing something here?
-Prediction Time: I don’t think this game will get away from the Niners. I do want Reid to get a ring and not be saddled with the ‘couldn’t get it done in the big game’ albatross. I am all for Mahomes getting a Super Bowl under his belt on his way to eclipsing Brady as the best QB of all time over the next 15-18 years. Let’s do 31-28 Chiefs.
How about you? Where’d you put the moneys? Who was the first to bring up politics out of context? Who’s the sloppy drunk in your gang? You didn’t burn the nachos did you? Fill some space down below.
The TV at the airport is tiny
Christ, still no kickoff?? Get fucked, Fox
Nick Bosa booing those men for defeating the Nazis?
Gotta give him credit, he stays on brand.
Good job by the ref. “You want the ball? Uh, you WANT the ball”
Do they have to vote on who wants the ball these days?
“YOU GET A BALL! AND YOU GET A BALL!”
-Oprah.
-Also Harvey Weinstein
Molly Holly, underrated wrestling babe
We fought Fascists over there so we wouldn’t have to fight them over here.
“Exactly. And that’s why we’re not fighting Trump at all.” — GOP
Flip the fucking coin already, you think Bill’s got a lot of time left!?
That’s beautiful
Madre Weaselo: “Is that guy alive?”
No
MIDFIELD CORPSEFEST
I was thinking the same thing.
Seriously, I know it was a stupid joke (twice) on my part this past week. I get that.
But how do they not have LIV Tyler on here in some way, shape or form?
how much Murrika does we need tonite?
Yes
The tilt hasn’t even started yet and I’m looking forward to Hippo’s synopsis.
So apparently Fox decided not to run non-network ads in the same sets as political ads, to avoid people being offended by product’s proximity to politicians
“Four decorated WWII veterans, one of whom is wearing an Iron Cross…”
They invited Abe Simpson?
Did…did the crowd not know it was a women’s football game?
How the mighty Gob hath fallen.
Who had “Sexy Flasher Trenchcoat” for Demi’s outfit?
You really think Tom Cruise is going to give up free showers with young men? WOW, that explains Rodgers too.
The NFL and the Armed Forces-together forever
Hope they don’t leave our space force
Did Tom Cruise fly his own aircraft?
…DANGER ZONE!
A MILLIONS DOLLARS ON HEADS!!!!
– Gronk’s bachelor party
There it is.
I think Ms. Lovato’s got more spray tan on her than that orange asshole in the White House.
Did anyone take a length of anthembet?
Evening folks. Hope everyone is well.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CMA2iF6RuXk
And now, courtesy of the U.S. Space Force, the TIE Fighter flyover.
I wish our anthem was more kick-ass and in a minor key
Will you accept Stravinsky’s arrangement, which did not actually get him arrested?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y1taQl-wOmo
I’ve been to parties where the homeowners stand for the National Anthem.
Always awkward as I sit there shoveling nachos into my mouth while they do that.
Oh, fuck that noise. Take your performative patriotjism somewhere else.
My feelings exactly.
You can barely see the track marks. Good job Demi
Looks like Mark Davis sold the Guilty Remnant to Ms. Lovato
Six military services. Holy ass, there’s a Space Force flag.
Man, they’re gonna kill a Guantanamo detainee at mid-field before this is over.
Can the Lord spread it’s love on America and send a lightning bolt to kill Trump
I reported this tweet to the police but they said they didn’t care and hung up.
Niners.
But if we do lose, at least it’ll be to a damn good, not-too-hateable team.
this is such a fine feeling
I know someone who would disagree with that sentiment. If he wasn’t in Jordan right now. No, not Michael.
Would rather hear Ray Charles’ corpse do this song, but she’s pretty good. And this song is the best patriotic song. Except of course for…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U1mlCPMYtPk
Folks. Beer is cracked, homemade garlic fingers are fresh out of the oven, TV is on. Let’s do this shit.
What about “My Country ‘Tis of Thee,” “God Bless the USA,” and most importantly, “America, Fuck Yeah!”
This Land Is My Land should be the national anthem.
No quarrel there
Got it covered.
Gentlemen.
HE LIVES!!!
snow >>> Kobe
Also true according to field goal percentage.
Hey, Dok and Gumby are here too!
Sweet!
Gracias Senor!
What’s everybody eating? The wife went to the local bodega and culturally appropriated some pork and rice. Fuck yeah imperialism!
Hell yeah, we got sushi.
YOU GOT WHAT!?!?-Bill Parcells
Buffalo chicken dip and a big-ass hoagie.
Are we there yet? Humbug to pre-Owl activities
Lil’er WCS just took her first dump in the toilet on her own!
Good for her. Don’t worry, you’ll pull it off yourself any day now, Champ!
for whom will this be foreshadowing?
A good day for Bowls of both the Super and Toilet varieties!
I had a friend who had a cat who could do that.
Nap time
back to mutey land!
I hope they don’t cut Demi Lovato with the anthem.
Glad David Carr’s not here. Field would look like the elevator from The Shining.
/found my son’s pot stash and I indulged way too much
Life is meaningless and also what you make it. You’re welcome.
I LEARNED IT FROM YOU!!!!
there is a light and it NEVAR goes out!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dEfTtOQbCLo
38 24, Niners.
Would love to be wrong.
I can not get over the fact that a human video game glitch like Maholmes walks like he has to constantly take a shit
it’cs called swagger
As much as I want the Chiefs to win, I want Tyreek Hill to get badly hurt.