Because moneys speak louder than public health (and thank FUCK for that, amirite??), we finally have sommet like a full Saturday slate. Praise be! But don’t forget about Premiership Banana Puddings time, first!
The Mighty Blues of Everton are in first position (assuming Villa lost yesterday, which I will presume #HAILGAMBLOR), and who knows how long this wacky ride will last? But our beautiful James (Him-ez) is out for Sunday’s match at Saints (10:00, NBCSN). I am feeling draw, but very grateful no bleeding into RedZone time.
City are there for wake and bake action (7:30, Peacock), away to the very interesting, mercurial Hammers. You can certainly see some wobble in the wheels of Pep’s side, and West Ham are playing with a great deal of confidence. Could be worth your time, or City awaken and slaughter these.
Oh my cats, what a turd of a 10:00 (NBCSN) fixture. Uncle Woy’s Palace at the Cottage. Even Litre ain’t want to see that, but we all noe he shll watch anyway. As will I, gotta watch sommet. (Oh I will watch, because I like pain)
/Door Flies open. A drunk Wakezilla comes stumbling in the DFO Club house.
Wakezilla: Hello Sports fans! I’m happy to announce that Hornchester United is back, baby!
This week, Manchester United’s right-back, Aaron Wan-Bissaka, got caught with his hands in many, many cookie jars. Spider has been outed through widely shared Instagram posts of cheating on his girlfriend with Jesse Lingard’s ex, American model Marliesia Ortiz. We only heard about this because he got a third woman pregnant and he doesn’t want her to have the baby.
Is Spider a good partner to have in a relationship? Of course not. But you know what? I give AWB a standing ovation because all that scoring off the field has finally translated on the field, as he scored his first goal last week against The Barcodes.
With all the controversy getting leaked less than 24 hours before a big Champions League clash against PSG, you’d think AWB would lay a stinker, right? You’d be wrong.
AWB had Mbappe, Neymar and Di Maria in his back pocket the entire time:
https://twitter.com/i/status/1319197805106352128
It turns out all that off-field back dooring he has done has paid off because neither Mbappe nor Neymar could pull a fast one on AWB. It was pretty funny watching both of them yelling at each other to “switch sides” to get away from Spider.
AWB’s shenanigans is a sign of promising things, as United’s best players tend to get caught up in these. . . entanglements.
The current King of Infidelity is Anthony Martial. He went off and cheated on his pregnant girlfriend with Malika Semichi. But you know what happened after that? He had a career year!
Earlier this season, teenage phenom, Mason Greenwood, donned the #11 (the number in which Martial first had an affair) and definitely didn’t get the cold shoulder when he was in Iceland. Iceland? More like Niceland!
There definitely is something to wearing #11. For those of you who don’t know, United legend, Ryan Giggs, apologized to his brother for an 8 year affair with his wife, 4 years after he stopped sleeping with her.
Better late than never, I suppose. This was in addition to his other affair with Imogen Thomas.
So Hornchester United is back! Rooney, Rio, and Becks gives this new generation of womanizers two thumbs up, a lifetime of supply of green condoms from Condomdepot.com and a free prescription to fight the Clap.
But best of all, United has the heart of gold. Marcus Rashford is fighting to have no child in England to starve. This was his plea to parliament before they took a vote to feed starving children:
In response, British politicians told starving kids to go fuck themselves. Upon hearing this, Nigel Farage tweeted out “If the government can subsidise Eat Out to Help Out, not being seen to give poor kids lunch in the school holidays looks mean and is wrong.”
When even Nigel fucking Farage can tell you how morally bankrupt this decision is then you know the politicians that voted no are a fucking train wreck who deserve the guillotine. With that said, Farage is still a piece of shit.
Yesterday, Rashford turned his Twitter feed into a network of restaurants, cafes and communities who will feed those children for free instead.
As for today’s game against Chelski, well, expect the Blues to pick up 3 points because over the past 10 years, United shit the bed after putting in a solid performance in Europe.
/Wakezilla throws down a smokebomb and disappears
Fantastic Spotlight Dance, Chelski invading Old Trafford (12:30, NBC). United had a yuuuuuuuge Shempions League road win mid-week. Are they fixed, or just another false dawn? I have to watch the Terrible Game (follow the link for my bile) on ESPN, which will make me beyond angry for the weekend, unless Everton cheer me up.
NBC wants you to fire Peacock back up to watch the Redshite destroy Team Knifey (3:00). Suffice to say…no. Just no.
/Wakezilla jumps out from out of the garbage can
Wakezilla: Hey Scousers!
/Wakezilla throws down another smokebomb and once again disappears.
I am too geeked about Everton to notice much outside the Prem. My apologies.
Hi futbol friends, Litre here. How am I doing? (You don’t care) Well, have you looked at the table? (Why would you look at the bottom). Did I predict this? (Yep, you still don’t care) Yes, yes I did. Did I want this to happen? No, no I did not. (Got to be funny to watch an internet friend melt down)
Instead of being angry, or violent I’m going to start on a happy note. The futbol portion of the clubhouse has grown year after year and has been fantastic to be part of this growing corner of DFO. The internet friendship goes so far that I send and receive packages from random people who I have never met before (which is awesome and a bit worrying for my wife).
Due to the exchanging of ideas on information on the site I have become enamoUred with SexiMexifutbol. I’ve been sent two jerseys from Balls for my chosen team Puebla who were chosen due to their middling position in the table and they used to have a good Canadian striker. Following these guys I can tell you they’re more frustrating than following the London Jaguras. I’ve also expressed my new love of Puebla FC to Mrs. Cola and she responded art, food? Yeah, I’m down, let’s go to a futbol game.
There’s been bottles of booze that have gone across borders (back and forth to San Juan!), not to mention many chocolate bars back and forth between countries. What I am saying is that Fulham may be shit (and things in general), but there’s a good community here so be good to each other, and fuck Aston Villa the fake fucks.
The eternal question is who would you rather have on your chest? AT&T or Facebook?
I have a footy scarf collection that is cozying up to 100 but is nae on display due to tiny condo where the Cola’s live. I’m always on the lookout for footy scarves from friends around the world if I can’t get them myself. Arsenal supporter and all around good fellow Horatio Cornblower had shown me a highlight of his local NASL club Hartford Athletic on the twitter. I offhandedly mentioned my scarf addiction to him (No 50 shades) and he was able to get me one and it’s fucking glorious. Beauty coloUrs, very Whalers, which is awesome as I was/am a big fan.
In return for these gifts I send scarves that represent my supporters group for the Canadian Premier League and there are now American DFO Footsoldiers !
Alright, screw this nice fuzzy shit. The mighty London Jaguras have 1 fucking point thus far. 1. How many? 1. Even though I knew this was coming you still can’t prepare for getting the shit kicked out of you every weekend. Even though I predicted it would happen it still changes my mood on Saturdays however I am better when I don’t watch. I predicted the shitty back line that Johnny Wrestling (see Wednesday nights or Sunday days in Duvaaaaallll) needed to address. Did he? Yes, eventually. He did so on the last day of the transfer window when the club WAS ALREADY BOOTFUCKED TO START THE SEASON. Was I happy on deadline day? Yes. Did our new coveted cb blow his knee a week later? Fuck and Yes. All of this being said I still believe that the strive for 17th will happen because I am a fool and this is why we’re all supporters. who subscribe to hope and blind belief. This year when I look at the starting lineup there are 2 dudes left from the team that came up and I do believe that’s a good thing. To the gents that got us up thank you for your service but you do not have the quality that the Premier League demands. I despise being a yoyo club and wish that it was like when Mighty Whitey (nawt raycess) was the 7th longest standing team in the Prem but those Michael Jackson statued games are long gone.
Ah well, at least in North America we aren’t getting screwed by SKY, the FA with their pay per-view scheme.
*Please take a moment out of your day to read up on the Shakhtar v Real Madrid game that happened this week. It’s delicious.
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Nebraska (+26) at tOhio State (Noon, Fox)
So glad to have channel flipping options, that I almost don’t retch at this featured turd. ALMOST.
Oklahoma (-6.5) at TCU (Noon, ABC)
Now this, THIS…could be fun. Bloodeyes are firmly “backed up against the wall” and it’s really an elimination game for both (in terms of getting to league championship game).
Kansas (+19.5) at Kansas State (Noon, FS1)
This one might be rather car crash-y…but remember the cardinal rule of Unded Bill Snyders. Love them as a big underdog, hate them as a big favoUrite.
Alabama (-21.5) at Tennessee (3:30, CBS)
Coming off getting pantsed by Kenfucky, UT welcomes…Alabama to town. Sometimes, life is just mean like that.
Iowa State (+3.5) at Oklahoma State (3:30, Fox)
This is likely the best matchup of the day. Talent (BDSM State) v. coaching (Cornpone State), as the last two Big Twaaaalve undefeateds square off. Winner deffo has the inside lane to conference title game, but anything can, will, and does happen in this cray-cray JV league.
West By God Virginia (-3) at Texas Tech (5:30, ESPN2)
I struggle to make sense of Fuckers du Cousins as road favoUrite against anyone sentient. But up is down in 2020, and Guns Up! have proven quite adept at shooting themselves in the dick. Gotta love this staggered start time, though! And we can drink and/or pill with good imaginary buddy WCS!
South Cakalaky (+6) at LSU (7:00, ESPN)
It may be difficult to fall off the floor, but that’s what it would be if Bayou Bengals lost at home to a very mediocre Chickens squadron. I just don’t know what Coach O’s boys have in the tank. They might just be “capital B” BAD.
Michigan (-3) at Minnesota (7:30, ABC)
I wasn’t going to bother with this’un…but meh. They’s both ranked. Bet the under, if anything.
Cincinnati (+2.5) at SMU (9:00, ESPN2)
This is a pretty strong matchup for a semi-tweaker timeslot, and I respect that. Would like to see the Ponies come good here. PHRASING.
Indiana stood up to the Pedo State assault
Oh, great. Now what.
Pedo State is coming from behind
They will do that smh
And now they have cum from behind. It would be nice to see Hoosiers get the winning FG.
“The market works!”
Fuck this world.
Today’s project is a wrap. I did a mini refurb of my bathroom. Got the proper lighting in there and I had a real fun time replacing an old ass splintering wood toilet seat. The bolts on the toilet seat were stripped and piss corroded plus it was next to impossible to get wedged into the corner of the bathroom to basically cut off the stripped plastic wing nuts holding it in place.
Jesus that sucked.
The bathroom looks like brand new and I’m fucking done.
Get me a goddamn beer STAT!
Nice DOINK in Stillwater.
And another by Pedo State in Bloomington. BONG!
Hey Joe Rogan did a three hour interview with Kanye.
I’d rather watch a Jets game.
“You and me, brother.”
-Osama Bin Laden
In either case, New Yorkers are sad.
Time to watch Hoosiers quarterback Michael Penix. Hopefully he plays hard.
Looks a bit stiff out there.
Who’s dick do I have to fluff to get this Guarantano kid to get drafted by either Tampa or Green Bay? That’s a lot of Guarantano Bay jokes bay bee!
Tampa it’s probably Brady. GB is probably the ex of Olivia Munn. No one you really want fluffing you, like Olivia Munn.
Is Tennessee trying to be competitive?
Mystery solved, I guess.
https://twitter.com/xmasape/status/1319746232701648896?s=21
Auburn-Ole Miss at least is competitive.
TOTES what I is watching!
Football talking guy now blaming the quarteredbacks for throwing passes which result in catches which result in targeting calls.
“What’s he supposed to do!?”
How about not launching yourself head first into anyone, defenseless or not, considering more than half of the targeting rule is to protect the defensive player.
“Chris Olave changes his number from 17 to 2. When asked why, he said, “CO2 because he’s ready to explode.”
…that’s an inert gas. I see Ohio State’s educational system is still good.
Dude’s major is obviously Mathematics, not Chemistry.
http://www.todayifoundout.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/diet_coke_mentos2.jpg
Just turned on Syracuse and Son of Clem. Scotchy is this supposed to happen? 40 something point dogs?
This is unpossible. I have no ideer what’s going on.
Culpepper fumble making me look good.
In honour of election season, I want to put a decision in the DFO’ers’ not at all drun’n’competent hands… What model kit should I start making next on the engine deck of my T-72 😉 :
or
самолет товарищ
I go with the irony of building the tank destroyer on the engine deck of your tank.
Oooh, and I found a T-72 that I can get for myself, just as soon as I come up with about $450,000.
https://mortarinvestments.eu/catalog/onStock/like-new-t-72
450k ?! That’s like a 0 too much (at least). Especially if you go with stuff slated for scrapping (like mine), it’s even cheaper. I do appreciate the Irony angle, especially since the kit I just finished was the M1A1 Abrams (and the one before was a Leopard 2), aka the 2 tanks designed to fight and defeat a Soviet armoured spearhead into western EuropeXD
Unrelated: I now have 2 drunken moose (or elk…seriously, don’t know/care which) on my property XD
That’s good eatin.
I can’t do that, they live here and have acclimated enough that they don’t even flinch when I roll out of the barn or shoot in the backyard range. XD
In my capacity as a USAF civil engineer, I would go with the IL-76. I actually saw a few of these (civilian version, IL-76T) in service in Afghanistan and Iraq. Cool looking plane.
Very cool indeed – I’ve had the chance to fly on one when I was a kid as the nuclear power plant my dad worked in received spare parts and new nuclear fuel via either IL-76 or An-124 flights from Russia with some some plant engineers (and when possible their kiddos) went on those flights to inspect shit before it got prepped for transpor. I think I still have the Geiger counter and radiation exposure badge from the An-124 trip 😀 Come to think of it, that experience is probably one of the main reasons I got the aviation bug XD
Both
They’re both in my stack (along with like … basically every Soviet and Russian post-war Airliner, some US rareties like the M-21 and a Shuttle stack), so “both” is a given 😀
It’ll get worse (probably on Tuesday), when I’m basically expecting everything fielded by the US after ’45 in any reasonable numbers … and a M-247 for the lulz
Wish I had the talent and patience to make models. Tried a balsam wood Spitfire years ago. Got it done up to final assembly but then lost interest.
Honestly, the “talent” part is questionable as it’s not particularly hard hobby to do even with a bare minimum of tools decently (with room for improvement along the way) and with a variety of kits running the gamut from 5-10$ planes all the way to “Uh, I think the actual thing costs less” 😀 to find your own particular type of kit providing a manageable cost of entry. The problem really is with the patience – in fact, I was “encouraged” to take up the hobby as both a form of therapy to teach me a bit more attention to detail and patience when I was a kid and based on a sample size of me and the kiddos – it works better than going with the “alternatives” 😀 especially in these “fun” times we currently live in.
Speaking of talent, though – I wish that someday I’ll be half as good as these lads:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aoAaodEqO0g
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4P5GSDNpExQ
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PM_-WBmbNJc
This is the only Hartford jersey I recognize.
Those were gorgeous
Jeez, the way the Ohio State defense responded to the slow start, you’d think the coach threatened to personally infect their loved ones with COVID-19.
I see we’re having a spot of rain in Manchester, eh wot?
Ole needs to get Fred off for Donny. Fred has struggled too much
This ref is going to piss off an entire fanbase when he finally decides to call a bullshit foul
Cursing self for not betting draw when Midtylland went down 2-nil.
NOPE WE WIN ON FINAL KICK OF STOPPAGE TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bring on the swarthy Uruguayan
/Don T gets erect.
Done with the first work call of the day. No soccer for me, so watching an old Treehouse of Horror
Do you ever sleep?
Maybe BFC is actually two or three different people and they work shifts here.
[Hippo summoning the Doink! gods as I type]
Srsly, I am only watching when we has the ball.
It’s all kinds of weird seeing an OC call plays that cater to the qb’s strengths.
We all hated the hire, but new guy is indeed quite good.