Let’s neither dilly nor dally-TO THE GAMES!
LIONS/FALCONS:
I invested heavily in Matty Ice fantasy-wise this year and it’s been a bit of a roller coaster operator ride in that I’ve considered a meth-centric life and my personal hygiene has become an issue. Injuries at wr and the o-line have hampered his production but he got right last week, ON MY BENCH! Still, he just needs a clean pocket and he’s fine with an adjusted completion rate of 80% and a passer rating of 103.
Browns/Bengals:
Is this the game where Mayfield gives Cleveland fans hope (again) or does he crash and burn? From the outside looking in it appears that a big part of his success was dependent on confidence and he seems bereft of it now. Play your Tee Higgins and Tyler Boyd but wait it out on A.J. Green-turns out the majority of his receiving yards last week came when he was being covered by lb(!) Anthony Walker.
Steelers/Titans:
Looks like what we got here is one of those ‘robust matchups’. Can Tannyhill (I call him this because it reminds me of a soft porn movie I saw called Fanny Hill) withstand Pitt’s unrelenting pressure though? His percentage of sacks taken when under pressure is third, only behind the likes of Kyle Allen and Haskins. Weirdly, there are massive holes in the Steelers secondary as they’ve given up an average of 20 fantasy points to the qb and that includes the likes of Dimes, Driskel and Wentz.
Panthers/Saints:
Carolina has allowed the 4th fewest fantasy points to the wr spot so you may want to park Sanders here. Conversely, take a look at the Panthers starting te (it’s Ian Thomas with a piddly 11 targets to date) because the Saints give up the most fantasy points in the league at that spot.
Bills/Jets:
Josh has stumbled a bit the last two games just as everyone noted that his qb-ing play had gone up several notches. His adjusted completion rate is still over 75% and this tilt certainly has the old ‘get right back up on that horse, cowboy’ feel to it. Vegas is giving 125-1 odds that Gase will be disemboweled in the locker room after the game. I don’t know, a part of me really wants to jump in on that action.
Cowboys/TEAM:
Need to stream a qb this week? You could do worse than Mr. Allen. Everybody wins when they play the Dallas D! And of course take a look at McLaurin if you’re playing daily fantasy-the guy had 12(!) targets last week, FFS. There truly is no one else on TEAM’s wr corpse.
Pack/Texans:
Here’s another of those ‘get right’ games but this one’s for Rodgers. After stinking up the joint a bit last week he gets a Texans D that yields a passer rating of 119.6 and an amazing 6.7 average yards per play. Okay, they give up a lot thru the air, they’re feisty on the ground, right? Naw, they’re the only D to surrender 1,000 yards so far this year.
Comment away, my fellow football fiends!
— B. Walsh
Fat, drunk kicker yoink
Seabass came out of retirement?
booooooooooo no record
really hoping that BIG BEN throws for like 50yrds + 1 more TD in these last few minutes
come on, come on, come on….
“HARF HARF the BEN knows how to keep forcing things over and over.”
“C’mon Big Ben, you’re not a gentleman,
Your thoughts turn dirty.
C’mon Big Ben”
-Dexy’s Midnight Bathroom Stall Runners
The Cowboys reverting to the ‘Don’t Get Hurt’ defensive scheme makes me leery of their prospects of coming back in this one.
Henry with the leaping TD
I wouldn’t get in the way of that battering ram.
Willy is a tough bastard, yes.
41 for PIT stopped Henry but he paid a toll.
“At least he’s not a meme.”
-J. Norman
The troll toll?
Houston kicking field goals in the 4th quarter down three possessions–I thought Bill O’Brien already got fired?
I can’t wait for the fan reaction at the next Dallas home game.
Those cardboard people are so going to be upset.
“Sure, they’re whores and all, but I can’t just throw them away, can I?”
-Ol’Dubble J
It’s Texas, so I expect at least 35,000 people there figuratively booing their lungs out, before they get Covid and literally cough them out a month later.
Don’t pee on my shitty joke. Unless that is a fetish, in which case I don’t fetish shame, but I would like a copy of it on DVD please.
Even though I got Pit-Tit, I do hope I get some bonus Bengals, but only if the Browns lose.
You might be granted that wish.
One thing I like about this site is that all the fans of NFC East teams are embracing the suck and being honest about it and running with it. Can’t ask for more than that.
We are a pathetic yet honest bunch.
If the Eagles win the next two games against Dallas and New York, you can fully expect me to revert back
That’s a big ”if”, tbh.
“Is my team playing in a black hole, ’cause I can’t see any of my gott-dammed stars. YEEEEeeeeHAAAAawwwwww I AM FUCKING SEETHING!”
-JJ, Visiting Owner’s Box, Landover MD
I guess my decision to drop Football Team D for the Rams D was a mistake…as God is my witness, I didn’t know “QB Murder” was a trackable stat.
I feel bad about my advice on that one.
Probably not as bad as Andy Dalton is feeling right now, but bad nonetheless.
You’re suggesting that Andy Dalton has human feelings. Interesting.
Besides that I’m playing a complete moron who had two running backs on a bye and one injured and did nothing about it so the slots are empty…but picked up Matty Ice off waivers despite having Teddy and Ben already. And this guy was in second place.
“No points in this quarter”, says the announcer in the Cowboys game.
Buddy, there’s no point in the rest of this game.
Can’t believe it but Kyle Allen is running away with this “Last Shitty QB Standing” reality show.
I believe that’s Italian for “The Nucci”
Hey! I’m playing quarterback over here!
[intercepts pass, runs it in for a pick 6]
-Big Yellow Taxi
That Belichick Subway commercial would have taken on a whole different connotation had they used a 40ish blonde MILF as the actress.
Dinucci? He’s just a young novellino but he’s already pasta his prime. AYYYY!!!
Romo’s phone is blowing up.
“New phone. Who dis?” is the only acceptable answer.
He only answers the Corona Hotline these days.
“Lime time!”
I almost feel sorry for him seeing this gif.
Andy Dalton: I don’t think I can play anymore.
Trainer: We’ve established that. But how do you feel?
I outweigh DiNucci by 5 pounds, which does not fill me with confidence as to his ability to survive the rest of this game.
How dare you sir. The legend of Nooch beginneth.
I don’t know how far behind is this stream, but the chyron said King George was mad and sending troops.
I advise you to bet heavily on the colonists.
? cabrón ?
Speaking of that, I’ve been attempting to improve my Espanol by watching ‘Queen of the South’, which occasionally uses closed-captioning to allow its characters to speak Spanish. But I am confused, because they’re using ‘cabron’ and ‘pendejo’ interchangeably for ‘asshole’ and ‘bastard’. Which is which? If I’m gonna get my ass kicked for insulting someone in a Mexican bar, I’d like it to at least be for using the correct term!
Pendejo literally means “pubic hair”.Calling someone “pendejo” is fightin’ words. “Cabrón” means “ram” literally, “cuckold” figuratively (horns, or “cuernos”). But “cabrón” , as an adjective, is summin’ awesome—like that TITS D stop woo!
When in doubt, use both and don’t forget the pinché!
Dirty hit too. Eject that fucker.
He’s going to be getting a significant bill from the league office.
Jesus. Put McCarthy in at QB
Andy Dalton’s dead.
Did he even have a soul?
*drops CeeDee Lamb*
I mean, I hope Andy is OK.
Can’t drop him any faster than Lamb’s been dropping passes today.
“You spelled Bela Lugosi wrong.”
-Bauhaus
Bengals with the most unnecessary trick play
Afternoon, folks. The Buffalo Bills are regressing to the mean. I may feel a slight twinge of joy in my heart. This is an unusual feeling in 2020.
So these shitty CBS sitcoms suddenly feel the need to tackle serious issues? Like to imagine a very special 2.5 men where Charlie has to travel out of state to pay for an abortion.
Can we get a Very Special Episode of Big Bang Theory where they all get AIDS from each other?
BAZINGAIDS!!!
Anyone else get those Diamond and Diamond lawyer ads? If the lead guy in those ads doesn’t sexually harass the female office staff he’s not living up to his oily countenance.
I know if a shifty-ass lefty pinko, but am I the only one who respects guys like these and doesn’t have a shred of respect for corporate and big firm lawyers?
I know I AM
Afternoon all, I wonder why my updates haven’t showed me how much the Jets are… *checks ESPN*
AHEAD by a point? Of course they are…
Screwing up the tanking for Trevor.
RidleyDown! Fuck, that guy is good. Either 100 yards or a td every frickin week.*
*except for that one nothingburger
Fucking Domzale, man.
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Ek8hibXWAAA4AhO?format=jpg&name=medium
Much like Dallas, this guy is just doing noting besides flyin’ around and showing his dick.
Won’t really be around until later, but I just wanted to pop in and say LOL DALLAS
Zymm, preaching to the Greek Choir.
<blockquote class=”twitter-tweet” data-partner=”tweetdeck”><p lang=”en” dir=”ltr”>The 2-4-1 Eagles should rest their starters for the next nine games</p>— Patrick Daugherty (@RotoPat) <a href=”https://twitter.com/RotoPat/status/1320434143172374530?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw”>October 25, 2020</a></blockquote>
https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js
<blockquote class=”twitter-tweet” data-conversation=”none” data-cards=”hidden” data-partner=”tweetdeck”><p lang=”en” dir=”ltr”>This means they rest both their starters: Wentz AND Kelce</p>— Nunzio Vuono (@nvuono) <a href=”https://twitter.com/nvuono/status/1320434623416049665?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw”>October 25, 2020</a></blockquote>
https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js
Dr. Pumpkin Spiceotope Retweeted
Dr. Pumpkin Spiceotope
@BuckyIsotope
·
16h
*takes a look at how much America sucks* the Dallas Cowboys truly are America’s team
Cowboys taking all the joy out of JJ’s $15 El Salvadoran refugee halftime blowjob.
“I put your pene in my mouth and I get my ninos pequenos back again?”
JJ: “Maybe. Probably.”
You can take the QB out of Cincy but you can’t take the suck out of that same QB.
Half-time or, as Mike McCarthy calls it, nap-time.
Figures.
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL
Should have kept running it.
Eagles-esque drop
Followed by the Daltonception.
“The old rivalry”
Please. For there to be a legitimate rivalry both of the teams have to be good, and that is not the case with Team/Cowboys
Fantasy Football Question:
RB James Robinson vs LAC or Melvin Gordon III vs. KC?
Robinson
I am liking this. I imagine Don T is not.
Me too!
The graphic makes the score look like Team is up 22 to -3 on the Boys, which seems about right.
Down 22-3 and with the half coming to an end, McCarthy & Co. decide to establish the run.
Perfect time, no one would expect it.
By god McCarthy, you’ve done it again!
Just realized I told Scotchy to take Matt Ryan today. I am a dumbass.
But my other option was Stafford and he’s sucking worse.
I have too many right ends.
Have you considered donating to Goodwill?
*Tight
— A. Reid
No one does