As the title clearly lays out, I cannot believe it is August. Maybe it’s the enduring pandemic that we can’t escape due to variants and the defiant ignorance/selfishness of the freedumb crowd. Maybe it’s the fact I’ve been so busy at work that I can’t keep track of time. Maybe it’s my abandonment issues reinforced by PilsnerFellowRon leaving us. Maybe it’s just getting older and the inexorable march of time accelerating bringing each of us and the universe closer to the inevitable even faster today than yesterday.
Whatever it is, these truths are immutable–
August and deep sweaty Summer are upon us
You’re stuck with me tonight.
As has been previously noted, BGR has had to cut back on his posting duties, so a merry medley of miscreants will be stepping in for non-Football night open threads henceforth. If you would like to be one of those miscreants, speak up! We can’t hear you over the sound of scotchy preparing for the season. But if you’re game, try your hand at a post and if it isn’t offensive and/or incomprehensible, we’ll almost certainly take the free labor, I mean content input. In other words YOU could join the stable of Bubba Carpenter and Pep Harris-quality substitutes for the star content miner around here.
As for August, I don’t know what happened to the calendar, man. If you are in school or have kids, maybe it’s easier to track the time. But even then, it felt like we flipped the calendar from July 4th to July not faster than a teenager finishes looking at their first porn video. I, for one, was not consulted and am not yet ready for it to be August.
What’s on tonight:
ok love or hate the olympics this is truly one of the coolest, most creative things I’ve ever seen pic.twitter.com/9e0za1FAur
— shauna (@goldengateblond) July 24, 2021
Olympics
Lord knows I can’t figure out how to watch what I want on NBC.com, Peacock, bitmoji, or any other medium, but allegedly you can catch women’s diving, beach volleyball, the vault and uneven bars in women’s gymnastics, track and field, women’s badminton, and probably other stuff. No sign of Brick’s dream shooting/surfing mashup event yet. I still say that needs more sharks.
Lesser Footy
Copa Oro Concacaf 2021, USA v Mexico, 7:30 PM DFO time
Toronto and Nashville also have some MLS action at 6:30 PM, but no one’s watching that, right?
Béisbol
Red Sox v Rays, 6pm on ESPN. Bah.
I think that’s all she wrote. The Cubs and Nationals will have finished playing long before this post goes live, and that’s a blessing given the Marlins-esque fire sales both those teams executed/excreted this week. Just fucking brutal.
Speaking of brutal, I’m just going to return to COVID briefly. But I’ll do it by way of pop culture.
For those of you that watched The Good Place, you’ll remember that the central question of the series, and especially the last season, was “What do we owe to each other?” In America, at least, the resounding answer from a solid chunk is fucking nothing. Not wearing a small piece of fabric to protect their neighbors, not getting a life saving shot to save themselves or their fellow Americans, not the least amount of effort educating themselves or fending off propaganda telling them one political party is evil and sucking the blood of children while the other loves America so much it has to subvert democracy. It’s made me (even more) pessimistic about my fellow human beings and our collective fate. The Idiocracy levels of stupidity have managed to get even worse and are now tinged with even more threats of violence and fewer rays of hope for breakthrough and change. Which has left me with (even) less patience for bothsidesing and baseless hate and stupidity.
I guess what I’m saying is when the answer to what do we owe to each other is “kindness and human decency” from some and “nothing but vitriol, rage, and stupidity” from others, the former is hard to sustain. What helps sometimes is a reminder of what is good and beautiful in the world, like the anonymous internet friends willing to ship beer to strangers or share an ear when times get tough; a beautiful hike; a reunion and a hug with a loved one; and the fact that both Herman Cain and Rush Limbaugh are still dead.
Oh, and I guess it being August means we’re closer to NFL opening kickoff, so that ain’t bad. The shield still can’t have my money, though, fuck Goodell and the owners.
Whaddyagot for optimism or at least amusing anecdotes? Stop being shy and throw them in the comments.
Goodnight, amigos and amigette!
This volleyball match is stressing me out.
Pittsburgh might have the best stadium to watch a baseball game in, and a team that gives you absolutely no reason to want to.
“We’re the best AAAA team in baseball!”
— Bob N., Wheeling, WV
Heidi Watney gonna talk about baseball.
Apparently life-sized. Jesus.
There is so much about the movie “Leaving Las Vegas” that is unrealistic
Starting with Nicholas Cage being nominated for an Oscar.
Not topping this one, not going to try.
Unlike Nick, trying to top his receding hairline.
Great to see the USMNT win the cup. But starting to get really sick of the phrase “Big Boy Pants”
I just explained my aversion to the phrase “big boy pants” to The Good Mrs. Reefer.
She said that I would be hearing it a lot so I should just put on my big boy pants and get over it…
Damn, she’s good…
THIS GAME I CALL IT THE GADSDEN PURCHASE, BECAUSE MEXICANS ARE ARGUING ABOUT A DONE DEAL!!
Quality. Have a drink on you.
Way ahead of you.
https://twitter.com/FOXSoccer/status/1422036925741993985
yooooo
USA rocking!!!!
UNO CERO
U S A! U S A! U S A!
Is it me or does Allegiant Stadium seem really gigantic? Like, truly cavernous. It will be interesting to see what a football game looks like in there.
Maybe someday, when Houston gets another football team to replace the Oilers, we’ll find out.
Cavernous Houston? Wasn’t there already a sequel to that gangbang?
Like, Lucy Mancini cavernous…
https://youtu.be/0pnwE_Oy5WI
Being totally honest, to me The Godfather is an OK movie, and the people who use it as a lifestyle guide should be rocketed into the Sun.
SHE HAD A CONDITION!!!
Some, like Sonny, would call it a gift…
The US has blown so many chances in this game it may as well be Traci Lord’s quinceanara.
Well, this tweet aged about as well as most of Ms. Lord’s early film work.
Frustrated bears
Yellow card for that?
He didn’t even kick him once!
Speaking of bears,
Holy shit. I spit beer out on that one.
Last night’s 100m winner was Italian, born in TX. The hurdles winner tonight was represented Puerto Rican but raised in the US. Gotta build a wall to keep talent from leaving.
SEAWALL
We will still take a couple futbollers tho.
You’re winning in the important sports, like getting vaccinated and blowing moose.
‘THERE TAKIN’ ARE METALS!!!’
Here’s some paper towels for those salty tears
ooh, good shot, both visually and metaphorically
Worked for us.
—East Germans, 1946-1989
Like Steve Kornacki when it comes to politics, couldn’t change the channel fast enough just now.
“The Bears might be in for a good season”
Just in case you wondered how little Olympic track announcers knew about football.
Yeah, I can’t think of one type of bear that is true for. Football Bears, nope, Bears that shit in the woods, drought, nope, large, hairy homosexual men Bears, maybe, but probably not since lots of bars have closed. What Bear types am I missing?
I don’t know, I read today that bears preparing to hibernate consume over 20,000 calories per day. That sounds pretty good.
“You know, if you’re into dieting.” — Andy Reid
Stock market bears, who have basically been driven extinct by this point.
/oh look, the market is headed up another 0.3% tomorrow
Hey, not sure if you’re checking the backchannel, but you have the first pick in tomorrow’s mock draft.
Have at it.
Oh, right! Will do before I go to bed/pass out.
Eh, probably another couple years at least before everyone realizes online advertising is useless and the internet collapses, so not this season Bears
My 401K has soared to such heights that I could retire right now and not starve to death for nearly 4 years, so thanks for wrecking that dream, Zymm.
Provincetown just has a big Covid outbreak, so you can rule out that Category 3 bear.
Puerto Rico gold. Don T haz a happy.
That woman in the hurdles?
I saw a prelim earlier tonight. No one was beating her.
She was ruthless in the final. No doubter.
Just saw the camera angle of the finish.
She could have finished a cigarette before the second place runner finished.
And thus won Don’s heart forever.
It will be in a Queen pawn shop by month’s end.
This beer costs $6.55 a can, and is the only one Treehouse will let you buy only one of.
It’s OK, (probably gets better depending on how much you love coconuts), but is simply not worth $6.55 a can.
If people are willing to pay shittons for cases of your crap, why would you let in the plebs who want value for their money?
Pictured: The Treehouse Board making pricing decision on their beer
http://i.imgur.com/0KB6uP2.gif
Why do I have to wear a mask because a cult wants to see how bad things can get for them? Should I also go pay and build them the roads they are too stupid to get the government to build them?
A vaccine has been available for six months. At this point, we’re living in the new reality. If people want it, they’ll get it. If not, they’ll roll the dice. But the vaccinated aren’t going to die and the concensus is that its a problem for those who don’t have the shot. So….pretty much every single other disease.
Nevada is in an indoor mask mandate for counties that aren’t showing improving trends for two week. Vegas is importing sick people every weekend and packing them into pool parties maskless. People indoors are still wearing masks in every wrong form we saw last year, plus pulling them down to talk to people.
Leave it to the government to come up with “if these people refuse to the shot then we’ll just make everyone else double up!” From the brain trust who brought you $27 trillion in national debt and even lower corporate tax rates.
You can call me whatever you want but I ain’t putting on a mask anywhere that didn’t command it three weeks ago. There’s no consequences to it anyways.
I would feel bad if I gave it to someone immuno-compromised or was otherwise physically not able to get the vaccine. But if I, a two-shot vaccinated person, give it to some asshole that won’t get the vaccine because Trump told him not to, or because Bill Gates put microchips in it, and that asshole dies well, I am going to crack a beer and celebrate.
Taking the long view, I want the next generation to be healthy and numerous so I can collect my full social security benefits in a pay-as-you-go system. Also, I need them to prop up the stock market until I actually stop working and move everything to munis or annuities or fucking chinese bonds.
Your view is sound as to Social Security, but I would prefer that the world population get worked down to about 900 million or so, and then the survivors, (naturally anyone affiliated with DFO), can rebuild society in our own image while simultaneously surviving quite nicely by looting abandoned mansions in the Greenwich area.
Not that I’ve given this any thought.
The problem is, it’s the poor who get fucked the most, and they form the base of the pyramid which we aspire to be the capstone of. We need to engineer a version of the virus which is transmitted by driving a Tesla and gives no shits about the vaccine, just about Teslas.
I’m kind of surprised a cult hasn’t emerged that just targets rich people for assassination. No greater agenda than just “kill the rich”. Seems like it would be a solid pitch.
Like if you kill a billionaire, you get a free ticket into their version of heaven. And why hang around Earth when you’ve got sweet eternity waiting?
Kind of like the original Persian order of assassins.
All the anarchist assassins from the turn of the previous century either had all of their descendants killed in a world war, or are solidly middle class and don’t feel the need to rock the boat nowadays. Nowadays you just get semi-violent sex-offenders with nicknames like “screwdriver”
The will is there, but all the people who want to kill the rich are completely useless fucks who couldn’t kill a single cockroach among the many vermin that infest their filthy apartments.
I have had this conversation, (well, somewhat differently phrased), so many times with my leftist daughter. Until your crew can out aside petty differences like who is and who isn’t adequately represented on a rainbow flag you are never going to accomplish anything in the face of an opposition united and single-mindedly devoted to evil.
And yes, this was said in the course of a discussion in which I said I would absolutely fly a rainbow flag from the front of the house, but would not fly a rainbow flag that included black and brown and was interrupted by a pink-white-blue triangle because a) that is fucking hideous and b) THE WHOLE POINT OF A FUCKING RAINBOW IS THAT EVERYONE IS ALREADY REPRESENTED IN ALL THE COLORS OF THE GODDAMN RAINBOW!!!
But what about the part of the electro-magnetic spectrum that isn’t visible to the human eye, huh? What about THAT, DAD!
I’m not gonna lie, Zymm: I am not happy that you have clearly been bugging my living room.
I said it elsewhere – these days I’m wearing a mask for <i>me</i>. It doesn’t bother me all that much, and if it lowers my chance of catching this shit virus by as little as 1%, that’s still enough of an improvement for me.
Everyone else can get fucked. But particularly the wilfully unvaccinated. They can get double fucked.
/Watches replay of American diving for a penalty
That has to be a red card. He kicked the USA guy in the back of the head for Christ’s sake.
So apparently jumping in the air and kicking your opponent in the head only draws a yellow card, not a red. Good to know.
The referee is no doubt named Santa Ana.
Ay dios mío
“Yellow card? I got a trophy for it.” – Daniel LaRusso
Thanks, Bill Simmons
“Let me explain to you where Getting Kicked In the Head compares on my list of losing. It’s just behind a Stomach Punch Game. I was telling my good friend Jimmy Kimmel all about it the other day while we watched old videos of Patriots Super Bowls.”
Have to give the guy credit: he’s a one-trick pony who’s made millions doing that same goddamn trick over and over and over and over and over and over again.
Paul Simon even wrote a song about him!
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=WDM_ZohMCGk
Yeah he did…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ajEOZ4tBqjQ
“Get in the first shot”
I made yeah rights chicken and 40 cloves tonight and it turned out wet for the first time. Anyone else have this happen? Usually it comes out of the oven pretty much says juice – tonight it was in like a quarter inch of rich soupy broth.
“I’ve never made any chick wet.” — Ben Shapiro
I dunno, rich soupy broth doesn’t sound like a fail to me?
I guess my general belief is that most people are generally good in random, face-to-face situations, but most people can’t sustain being good over time because that isn’t human, and being good to generalized notions of society or groups of people who include people unlike yourself is a learned skill that is taught more often than it was 100 years ago, but is still behind the rate at which we’ve become a global, heterogeneous society. And is that good? Bad? We define where we want to go as much as we do where we actually go, so who knows? It’s not necessarily a bad thing that we’ve fucked up the planet for ourselves.
Thanks, Thomas Hobbes
You’re welcome, John Calvin
/feels ignored and sobs in the corner
-John Locke
I drank outside all day, there is indoor womens volleyball on and I am off tomorrow. Very good day.
I just ate a delicious ribeye and am very happy right now.
Stand by the anger in the post, though.
I made a tactical error in not purchasing a steak when I walked by the butcher store earlier.
You made a tactical error in not making me a steak and bringing it by
Since you ended up eating a steak anyway, I’m going to interpret that as you really longing for my company.
The atmosphere in the Sports Books must be amazing for this game.
What a dilemma. Will Fox air the racist chants or censor them because they’re in Spanish?
Went to check out a new hot sauce store in the neighborhood. Came away with a trio of new taste bud blasters. One has tequila-infused ghost and reaper peppers with blueberry and peach, one with fermented jalapenos, maple syrup, and ghost peppers, and a third that is a more traditional habanero and ghost pepper blend.
hot sauce store
Must have been a pretty creative business plan they took to the SBA,
It’s actually the second one in walking distance from me! I now live in the Hot Sauce District
I prefer the hammock district
cool to see the stadium ROCKING! for this Gold Cup final!!!
goooo USA!
Not optimist stories. But how about a Perfect World Dreamscape
Me: Bebé, let’s go to that new ice cream shop in our block
Her: Ok, but I’m not putting on underwear
SWOON!
Matt Damon Says Daughter Taught Him Not To Use ‘F-Slur For A Homosexual’ Months Ago | HuffPost
I’m starting to think that the portrayal of Damon in “Team America: World Police” was too kind.
Here’s a bit of foolishness I put together for the occasion. ¡VAMANOS!
“Can I get in on that action?” — Evander Kane
Speaking of love, look who just showed up in this meth-centric slow burn docudrama, Breaking Bad, that I’m watching: Krysten Ritter. Apparently all it took to win her over was for [character] to lie about his name?
She’s great. The fact that she is convincing in that role, Jessica Jones, and Don’t Trust the Bitch is pretty amazing range.
According to the internet, she is both IN a relationship and NOT a lesbian. Can never win smh
damn
no Pulisic for team USA?
oh well. ill still watch.
found a funny:
god gives his toughest battles to his silliest gooses
I think that during every Olympic event, especially diving, gymnastics and beach volleyball they should boldly post the age of each girl that they’re jamming their 4K camera directly up their ass of so I can decide my own level of guilt.
Seriously, who decided that the shower cam for women’s diving needed to happen?
I’m not complaining but this goes back to my original comment about posting the age.
What are you selling NBC?
Seems like a subject for BFC to weigh in on.
You know, what with being into colonoscopies and all.
I’m seeing the Balls signal here!
Indeed except I poop on a stick and send it via US Mail as God intended.
Also, show pix of the young athletes hanging out with their parents and grandparents.
The pyrotechnics in this intro to the Gold Cup is reminding me of the time they had to cancel the Hall of Fame game because the field melted.
The Tits did it better.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kF9dpwamajc
They sure did, didn’t they!
Matt Gaetz: ‘“Trump won!” Gaetz said, “You’ve had all the experts say look out for the delta variant or the lambda variant, well next it’ll be the Chi Omega variant or the Pi Kappa Psi variant. I got the Florida variant. I got the freedom variant. It affects the brain. It gets you to think for yourself where you don’t just surrender to the truth that they’re trying to create in corrupt big media.”’
https://www.thedailybeast.com/rep-matt-gaetz-tells-crowd-his-brain-is-affected-by-the-florida-variant-of-the-coronavirus
Jesus Tapdancing Christ, the utter fucking stupidity of the pedophile asshole. What a gigantic pile of shit Matt Gaetz is. What an ignorant, tone-deaf, perfect example of the absolute worst of America. Way to go, Matt. You’re just the bottom of the barrel.
I know it’s no longer socially acceptable to make jokes about prison rape. Which is why it’s okay for me to say that I hope that Gaetz gets raped to death in prison. Because it’s not a joke, I genuinely do wish for that to happen.
Gaetz’s cellmate, a big giant grossly bearded tattooed neo-Nazi, sez to Matt:
“Here in the cell, we are husband and wife. Which do you choose to be?”
“Husband! Husband!”
“That’s great, now get on over here and suck your wife’s dick.”
He’s right about one thing. Something has affected his brain. Abby Normal.
.
Re: Optimism
It’s the people you have around you that matter. There will always be shit to deal with but spending time with people you love that love you is the best way to remember there are good things in this world too.
Having loved ones you can spend time with is not universally available
If not, then you just have to find people and make them love you.
Settle down, Mike Tyson.
“But Coach said I had to stop doing that!” — Ben R., Pittsburgh
It doesn’t have to be in person. One of my friends’ dad died yesterday. There was a long round of texts last night. It was good to reconnect, if only electronically.
https://twitter.com/MadMenQts/status/1421788297341276167?s=19
The worst part about this time of year is the flies.
I guess the optimistic take on my current situation is that with so many people in tech quitting their jobs right now, and with being so underleveled in my current job, I’m going to have quite a lot of good options, even if I can’t hang in there until my optimal quitting time in February
Optimism? I’ll bite. My wife and I have been leading separate lives in different locations for 3 1/2 years because our teenage kids are going to different high schools. We’ve spent the last two days mucking out one place and I think we just might be a family again very soon.
I think the hobos of Northern Ontario just grabbed a big sigh of relief…
Tonight, PLEASE God. Let our neighboUrs from el Sud epitomize – Don’t be a Mexican’t. Be a Mexi-CAN!
Herman Cain and Rush Limbaugh are still dead.
“Hey, don’t forget about me!”
And yet Henry Kissinger still walks among the living.
He’s just visiting.
“Only if you’re wearing the right material…”
