Hello there fellow DFO’er.  Hope you’re well today.  And thanks for coming back to see last weeks comments of the week as decided by my brain.  There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t.  

With foutbawl back we’ve back to our in season schedule.  Monday started us off with the always great Hippo thoughts.  Boris kept us going with the week 1 autopsy of the DFS picks.  It’s interesting to me to see how the though process lines up with what happens in the games and how to correct for it the following week.  Which lead right into the first Monday night football open thread.  A day of football posts on a football themed blog.  
Tuesday balls got us going with the AFL semi-final or whatever it’s call recap.  Next up was blax (and his cute kid) with the first instalment of Quotables for this season.  This is the series that got me to comment here and become somewhat of a regular poster.  Which was followup up by a request line about getting your just rewards.  

Wednesday opened with some ed-ju-ma-cation from BGR on the Canadian election.  These should be added to the curriculum for the kids to learn.  JJD left Madison and a AEW post for us.   Hoping he’s in a better place mentally now.

Maestro started Thursday with the CFL beat.  Always a good read and recap of the games I’ve missed.  And we got some jjfozz rage in that afternoon and some real talk about mental health.  Need to see if we can get this type of help covered by the DFO insurance.  Do something congress.  There was some game Thursday night.

COTW was started off Friday and then the results from Quotables with a Norm tribute.  Still want a recount.  Balls stumped us all again with the music trivia thing.  Someday I hope that one of wild ass guesses is right.  Not likely, but one can dream, right?

Saturday was JV footy and lessor footy all day, with a DFS post mixed in for good measure.  

A great week for football and #content.  

As a reminder, this post will cover comments made up to and through the Saturday Night Open Thread. Sunday comments stand alone and Monday comments will go on the next week’s post. Note that during the offseason, I’ll probably look at the Sunday posts.

Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.

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I skipped all football yesterday. Tuned out and spent a wonderful day outdoors with my wife and son.

It. Was. TORTURE.
The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

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HIPPO THOUGHTS ARE BACK!!!!1!!!ELEVEN!!!1!!!!!

LemonJello

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I love how a disease is doing more to eradicate Trumpism than logic, reason, or compassion (since they seem to be immune to those three).
ArmedandHammered

Q-TARD: This virus is a Chinese bioweapon!

SCIENTIST: Um, probably not, but it is very deadly. Here’s a vaccine that will train your body how to fight it. It’s like a Q drop, but for your immune system!

Q-TARD: [eats horse paste instead]
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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I think I’ve been hanging ’round here too much. I understood almost all of Hippo’s bizarro nicknames for the various players, coaches, and teams mentioned.
Viva La Tabula Raza

I was thinking the same thing. Although “the square root of fuckall” was a new one for me which I WILL incorporate into every work Zoom call.
montythisseemsstrangetome

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I want Eli to broadcast from pillow fort tonight while schilling for Hi-C.

Shot opens on a dimly light space. A figure wearing geranimal pj’s is seen holding a Hi-C juice box as the Monday Night Football theme plays. The camera pulls back to show the figure is in a large pillow fort.

Eli Manning: Welcome to Monday Night Football, sponsored by the yummiest juicebox maker Hi-C! I am Supreme Space Marshall Eli Manning and I will be doing the play by play tonight as well as the commentary as I did not give Peyton the password to my fortress of awesomeness.

You hear Peyton’s voice slowly getting louder.

Peyton: Eli, where are you we need to get to the studio! I have insurance to schill and people waiting to hear my brilliant insights voiced in my awshucks voice and humble demeanor. Eli, goddammit where are you.

Eli huddles in the gloom with a finger pressed to his lips till he hears the swearing at which point he yells: “I’m going to tell Mom, Zhe said you shouldn’t swear around me”.

And that is all I got, but it would be magnificent!
ArmedandHammered

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When this is all over, I’m gonna end up loving Tom Brady, aren’t I?
Fronkenshteen

Not me. I can hold a grudge.
Gumbygirl

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Update, guys. I went to the bathroom. Now I have to go again. Not sure what’s causing this.
montythisseemsstrangetome

litre_cola

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Fastest three minutes? I beg to differ — any time spent with Chris Berman constitutes an eternity.
Dunstan

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THIS TY’SON WILLIAMS, I CALL HIM A BUNNY RANCH NEWBIE BECAUSE HE SCORED FOR THE FIRST TIME IN VEGAS WHILE SURROUNDED BY SUPERSPREADERS
Downfield Matriculator

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I don’t know if I posted this one before but it has been heavily rewritten, and I like it:

Here’s another submarine story. I hope these don’t bore you.

This is the “hall of mirrors” story.

We were a “northern boat” trained and designed to operate in the upper North Atlantic and Arctic Oceans.

Sometimes our boat would have ice in it, but that’s a different story.
So on our 40 day patrol we would leave King’s Bay Georgia and hit our dive point and head north. That’s where we wanted to be.

The Gulf Stream is a very warm ocean current that flows up the Atlantic seaboard all the way to England. The Labrador current flows south from Canada and is ice cold, and the two currents meet off of Newfoundland, where my mother is from, and the two currents would swirl together.

But this is the “sweet spot” for a submarine. This is the hall of mirrors.

We were being tracked by five different navies, and we could outsmart every single one of them.

Surface ships could only track us by sound, primarily engine noise. So we would get in the Labrador/Gulf mix (warm and cold) and all underwater sound waves went haywire, to our advantage.

In the “hall of mirrors” the sound would be deflected (or “bent”) due to drastic temperature and salinity changes and interfaces. We constantly measured this, and we could find all the favorable inversions due to the small sensors we were constantly and quietly firing out.

Acoustically, to the surface ships, nothing was what it seemed to be.

Can you hear us? Do you think we are over here? No, we’re actually over there.

The sound would bend, just like in a hall of mirrors. They never knew where we were.

Meanwhile, we are downstairs drinking coffee and watching movies. We knew what we were doing.

But we knew where they were, and believe you me we were locked on to them with our 48s (Mk 48 torpedoes).
Brick Meathook

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I just saw on Twitter that “Norm Macdonald” is “Trending with: Turd Ferguson,” and I literally laughed out loud.
Dunstan

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I’ve run out of words for how much I love this site. It goes beyond the obvious. This place is a nurturing place full of wonderful people who give the best book recommendations anywhere.

Plus the community.

Always the community.
yeah right

Also dick jokes. And cooking! But dick jokes.
SonOfSpam

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Watching the Yankees-Orioles game, which has gone full banancakes, and the signs behind home plate are advertising live music returning to Baltimore with a show by The Avett Brothers.

You can’t tell me that tWBS isn’t organizing this game.
Horatio Cornblower

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Christ you all make me laugh so hard, soup comes outta my nose.

And that’s the best medicine.

Along with medical grade cocaine.
jjfozz

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I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD from military service. I have nightmares, but I work on it. There was also a lot of fun out there, which I’m trying to share now and I like it. More to come if that’s okay with you.

Let’s all have a DFO mental illness contest.

The winner gets a straight jacket.
Brick Meathook

I think you mean a gently used straightjacket
King Hippo

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I too suffer from anxiety, though it wasn’t until recently that I figured out what type. High-functioning anxiety disorder. Unlike other anxiety that freezes you up, mine doesn’t. The easiest way I can describe it is, with every action I take or don’t take, there is a least one voice in my head questioning it and obsessing over it.

I was able to come up with a survival mantra that works for me when I feel my anxiety building up. If you wish, feel free to steal:

I have anxiety but that’s okay.
I have anxiety but it can’t control my thoughts.
I have anxiety but it can’t control my actions.
I have anxiety but it can’t control my dreams.
I have anxiety but that’s okay.
I have anxiety but I’m still me.
Redshirt

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Even if this game was terrible, execution wise, I enjoyed it coming down to the final play. That’s the kind of drama I need in my life. Not the kind where I have to avoid ex-girlfriends’ houses or schools or goat farms because of some drunk indiscretions.
TheRevanchist

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Bleergh has overthrown Shank’lor, much like Zeus once overthrew Cronus.
Horatio Cornblower

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Just logged on and I am shocked that no one has seen fit to point out we have two booth guys who stink and a sideline gal named Pink.
Downfield Matriculator

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Gumby just sent me this

Gumbygirl

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Are Rod & Todd warming up?
Sharkbait

I had to bring back their original bit just this once – she’s young and she probably won’t die, but it’s funny as fuck that she’s got it and apparently is in a lot of pain.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Looney Laura Loomis lies lifelessly leaking liquid lungs.
ArmedandHammered

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[Quotables] Week one and a LemonJello doubleshot? Just like my junior prom, I’ve peaked far too quickly and will only disappoint from here on out.
LemonJello

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So there’s a house down the street that has a passionfruit vine, and it’s pretty expansive, so they fall all over the place. I asked the guys in the house if I could grab a few from the yard (they’re painters and I see them most mornings) and they said of course, and then they decided that it was fun to leave a few out on the fence every day. We’ve had more than twenty by now. So I bought them some beer as a thank-you.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Mr. Ayo

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September 18, 2021 4:14 pm
Awright goddammit!!!! I’ve been internet friends with you folks for awhile now, and I feel I need to be honest with you, and come out.

[bows head]

[breathes deeply]

I’m a Notre Dame football fan. Fuckin’ diehard.
My brother (Sean Fronkenshteen ‘92) was a freshman when Reggie Ho beat Michigan at the buzzer 19-16 on opening night 1988, and then went on to win the national championship. He was even dorm mates with Rocket Ismail (who he said loved nothing more than hiding in people’s rooms and scaring the shit out of them). It took. And it stuck. I hope I retain my commenting privileges here. But GO IRISH!! BEAT PURDUE!!!
Fronkenshteen

We still love you, son. We’re just very disappointed.
Gumbygirl

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Don T

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I can’t believe I stayed up for that. I feel about 37% dumber than I was an hour ago.

Gumbygirl

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Rob Schneider has really cornered the “Mexican-sounding weirdo who says a dumb thing in a crowd scene in Adam Sandler movies” market, hasn’t he?
Anthony In TX

He’s still an anti-vax piece of shit though.
Sharkbait

On the DFO Scoreboard:

Warming up in the Bullpen:

R. Flanders
T. Flanders
Redshirt

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I just ate a prodigious amount of tri-tip and potatoes. I’d describe the amount as a “quarter-Reid”.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Those were good appetizers, RTD! What’s the fish course? And the meat course? And the cheese platter? And the dessert tray? And when is breakfast?”
-A. Reid
Horatio Cornblower

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I saw this tonight, so now you have to as well

Anthony In TX

when you accidentally collect all the Sodomy Stones
SonOfSpam

The Power Bottom Stone is his favorite.
Dunstan

There are 5 Sodomy Stones, one for each finger.
Power Bottom Stone
Leather Daddy Stone
Bear Stone
Twink Stone
Bi-Curious Stone (this will eventually be the Gay Stone, but we’re all just waiting for him to figure it out in his own time and we’ll be supportive and loving when he does)
Anthony In TX

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Family (while on phones watching tv): “Gee, Redshirt. You look stressed?”

Me (doing the job of four people closing the pool for winter): “No reason.”

Family: “Are you going to put a ball or something under the winter cover to keep the cover from touching the water.”

Me (looking at three possible somethings I can put under the winter cover): “I’m considering it.”
Redshirt

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Sanchize: “But this guy Joe Burrow, he’s ready to put that last interception behind him and throw the next–”
Other football talking guy: “–interception by the Bears.”
herodotus450

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Football talking guy: “Ok Mark Sanchez, what happened on this pick-6.”
Sanchize: “Well the Delta-Lamba-Delta Formal just ended but it was still 2 hours until last call so…”
herodotus450

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Ukrainian cursing lesson
“Pizda rulu…”
“Something bad is happening.” Literally means ‘cunt to steering wheel’. Try driving down the freeway using your crotch, and you’ll understand.
Doktor Zymm

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These awards shows are a good way to remember who died this year
BrettFavresColonoscopy

I prefer Rod n’ Todd.
Horatio Cornblower

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God: “play is under review? Oh, who has Julio jones on their fantasy team?”

Angel: “…..its brocky….

God: “Aw, Excellent! Overturn the ruling, make them kick a field goal, and make Brocky lose by exactly four points!”
Brocky

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Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.

Stay busy and safe out there.

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