Partially Lesser and Fully (Early) JV Thread

Well, the stupid Queen is still fucking ded.  I still don’t care, apart from this weekend’s schedule being at least less fucked up (though note that “fashionable” Sky Six sides Chelski, Men Untied, and Filthy Redshite all get the weekend off after their European travels).  Partial fuckery beats full fuckery.

No matches releagted to Peacock, but also no viewing choices.  Wake up with a semi-desperate Wolves side hosting City of Men (7:30, USA).  The visitoUrs had a scare from Dortmund mid-week, but a John Stones worldy and Hulk SMASH! saved the day.  They need to stop drawing so much in the League, though.

Bonesaws host the rollercoaster-that-is-yeah-right’s-Cherries next (10:00, USA).  I could see the South Coasters giving former manager Eddie Howe something of a hard time here.  Or maybe I just hate the Saudi Barcodes so, so much.

Spotlight Dance could get us a Most Delightful Sacking, as Ded-Foxy Footy visit Spurs (12:30, NBC).  Brendan Rodgers has always been a whingy excuse-monger, propped up by the media.  But now that the team has stopped accruing points completely?  Well, his charges have all but tuned him out.  It’s an old team that has failed to replenish, with few options and not much hope on the horizon.  Think last year’s Everton, but without Richarlison.  They just have to avoid the drop and hope against hope next summer brings reinforcements.  YOUNGER reinforcements (but not in the Trestman manner).

Twofer Sunday Brunch is over in plenty of time for Heroic RedZone Muzak.  Top of the table King’s Afrikan Water Pistols invade the Praise Beesus hive (7:00, USA) followed by Still Very Disappointing But Maybe Not Quite Drowning Now Everton hosting Goodison Park Old Boy David Moyes (9:15, USA).  Two interesting fixtures, heavy on the clashes of styles.

Georgia (-24.5) at South Cakalaky (Noon, ESPN)

Remember when that Rattlesnake Kid was a shoo-in for the Heisman, and likely #1 overall pick?  Well, now he is at home and a MOAR than 3 TD (including 2-point conversions) underdog to a terrifying Bulldog side.  Life comes at ya pretty fast sometimes.

Okiehoma (-11.5) at Nebraska (Noon, Fox)

An alternative skullfucking, when you get tired of the SEC varietal.  We don’t get the fun of the home crowd calling for the coach’s head, neither.

BYU (-3.5) at Oregon (3:30, Fox)

Original Recipe Big Love gets the Billy Big Bollocks award, scheduling Quack Attack the week after their Grown-Up Man win over BayBay.  Oregon looked all liek NoMOARegon in their opener with UGA, but we’ll see if that was just Terrifying Bulldog powers.

Paedo State (-3) at Auburn (3:30, CBS)

Will the lead CBS crew now be homers for the Showerin’ Sanduskys, with that new B1G on the horizon?  Bryan Harsin is just waiting for his own glorious Scott Frost-ish buyout.

Kansas (+10) at Houston (4:00, ESPNU)

This is a hidden gem of a matchup, and the only of our five NOT to include a home dog.  And I think there is value in the Moneyline for Fucking Kansas in FOOTBALLSuch strange times, just roll with ’em while they last.

See you for the nightcap in a bit.  We have Boris and LAXtion in between.  Munch on that content, y’all.

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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scotchnaut

That’s pretty much the only way Sillycuse was going to pull this out-a lucky defensive TD.

Mr. Ayo

Thicc Six!

scotchnaut

Schrader hit his second option receiver instead of just running like hell. Progress!

herodotus450

Noted Socialist Scotchnaut starts posting train imagery on this, the eve of my daughter’s rail workers’ union strike. Coincidence?

scotchnaut

Of course. I was thinking about winning and hobos, not about your daughter, whose reputation of getting railed…

/I shouldn’t have said that

herodotus450

This is why we need mag-lev trains people! No more railed puns .

scotchnaut

I don’t trust Russian trains though.

herodotus450

Now I see why the Syracuse camera’s are so low to the ground: so’s you dont see the upper deck is half empty.

scotchnaut

They’re all watching the game over at that place that invented Buffalo Wings, I swear!

herodotus450

The angle lets you actually see how tall and fast the guys are… even the Purdue ones!

herodotus450

Notre Dame should simply put their games on an even more obscure streaming network so that no one can actually watch, and just assure everyone that they did in fact win the game with a lot of big slow catholics running the triple option.

Mr. Ayo

Will Marcus Freeman be fired at halftime or earlier?

scotchnaut

So I did a quick google of Freeman and the first item lists the Notre Dame coach’s weight and height. “Hmm”, I think to myself and then google Andy Reid. There’s a height listed but no weight. Damnit!

Mr. Ayo

Holy shit. This site claims he’s 190lbs, down from 250lbs.

https://healhow.com/andy-reid-weight-loss/

That site should be nuked from orbit. He’s not anywhere near 250lbs right now.

scotchnaut

My best guess is 330. What say you?

Mr. Ayo

I was going to guess 350.

Gumbygirl

He’s going to Trump’s doctor. A perfect specimen!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Maybe it’s in kilograms?

scotchnaut

You hear that train whistle signaling the Sillycuse TD, herodotus? Get used to it baby because the Sens are looking good this year.

scotchnaut

A peek into herodotus’ dreams for the next 8 months.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FdvZJCzn19E&ab_channel=ArkansasLocomotiveWorks

Brick Meathook

The thumbnail shot is from this video of Santa Fe #3751 driving down the middle of I-10 east of Los Angeles:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xp-b4Ce4Mf4

scotchnaut

I think both Purdue and Schrader were equally stunned to see an end zone pass called for Sillycuse.

herodotus450

Be a damn shame if someone happened to accidentally drop and break the vial of Canadapox they’ve been tasked to protect, and Canada gets sequestered from the rest of the world for another few years and cant play hockey…

scotchnaut

I look forward to more airings of your podcast, “Padded Wall Musings And Other Minutiae”.

herodotus450

Just like we thought, Syracuse’s high flying offense is being shut down by defensive juggernaut Purdue.

scotchnaut

Announcer: “Garret Schrader is a running quarterback.”

Analyst: “Um, he’s more of a ‘Running For Your Life’ qb, if anything.”

herodotus450

“Illegal Man Downfield” is more than just a 5 yard penalty down Oklahoma way.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It still blows me away that their state mascot is “guy who participated in stealing land from Native Americans, and cheated at it.”

BC Dick

How does one cheat at stealing?
To be fair, the various indigenous nations stole land from each other, too. They just didn’t ruin it with wildlife extermination campaigns and lawyers. What a beautiful land it must have been. They had a good thing going.

Mr. Ayo

I may yet have a future of not being a future scotchy victim.

scotchnaut

So you’re saying they’re lost?

“What is this place?”

-UConn players, looking at their new surroundings

Mr. Ayo

Hat Trick!

That’s onside.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I was fortunate enough to turn the game on when it was 3-2.

yeah right

The TSA security check point at SEA-TAC was thousands of people long. You had to take 2 escalators down to a fucking parking garage to get to the end of the line. There were only 2 open security stations for the entire airport.

That was supremely fucked!

Mr. Ayo

Wow. I’ve never waited longer than 10 minutes in the pre-check line there.

Although I do try to book at off days and hours.

yeah right

It was nuts. I’ve never seen anything like it.

Brick Meathook

I have TSA Precheck Platinum and ClearUltimate. I use a separate airport entrance and my limo is driven directly to the plane; I don’t get checked at all.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

There are better ways to get supremely fucked.

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BC Dick

Damn that’s some nice shoulder.

blaxabbath

Well no planes got slammed into the Pentagon today so it was truly worth every cent.

scotchnaut

That we know of…

Mr. Ayo

What a Sonning!

Mr. Ayo

My goodness. Son is having a day of it.

2Pack

Those Geordies are just gonna draw their way through this season I guess. Oh well… as they say… in for a pence – in for a pound.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Why yes, I am up for a pound!” – Jason Sudekis

Redshirt

The only good thing about FL and TX GOP literally human trafficking migrants is that Trump didn’t think of it first.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Since Ron DeSantis is so pro-life, a fun way for New England to respond to the Martha’s Vineyard stunt would be to round up their 50 most problematic foster kids and put ’em on a bus to Florida.

Redshirt

If that happens, just abandon the game.

scotchnaut

Damn. Does Sillycuse almost, sorta have a football team this year? [faints]

/yes, it’s very early

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“We’re not unlikeable enough, let’s do the tomahawk chant!” – Michigan fans

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Note to self for trailer re-cut: “Underdroogs” – a comedy that sees Alex and his gang of lovable losers taking on a corrupt system.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Watching this Michigan-UConn game is like watching the first half of a movie about a group of plucky underdogs who pull off the greatest comeback in college football history.

(the second half of the game will have far less in common than the second half of the movie)

blaxabbath

And now lea michele has covid!

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Oh, thank goodness – it’s only COVID-11.” – Leah, “reading” her rapid test results.

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herodotus450

Apparently reports of Nebraska have been vastly over estimated. And their football team aint doin so hot neither.

Brick Meathook

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Mr. Ayo

Nailed It!

Mr. Ayo

*live bets UConn*

*Uconn fumbles and UM recovers*

Excellent! The odds even more in more favor now!

*Doubles down on UConn*

Mr. Ayo

Held them to a FG! The Fightin’ Horatio’s have my back.

Mr. Ayo

I’ve made a huge mistake. My financial future is most uncertain now.

Mr. Ayo

Triple down at halftime locked and loaded.

Mr. Ayo

Woah! Look at those odds! This is like printing money!

Mr. Ayo

*update*

I will be missing from this area as I can no longer afford internet, or housing, or food, and worst of all alcohol.

Thank you Mora Jr. and god bless the rest of you.

Redshirt

JV Cincy making JV Redacteds (OH) feel like home.

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herodotus450

Turns out Oklahoma’s defense is still bad maybe?

Doktor Zymm
Horatio Cornblower

https://twitter.com/awfulannouncing/status/1570859847629033472

Judging from the looks of things I would say that the TB12 Method has moved on to the “scurvy” stage.

Mr. Ayo

I’m of the theory that Gisele is trying to make him look like the 20yr old model she’s banging on the side.

2Pack

Somebody give Tommy a burger

Doktor Zymm

Does he have hydrocephalus?

Gumbygirl

He looks turrible. Damn shame.

Mr. Ayo

Looks like VAR will have a hand in this fixture.

Horatio Cornblower

As handballs go that one was pretty obvious.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Who’s ready for a matzo ball soup run?

Brick Meathook

If I wasn’t wrecked on recreational opiates I’d fly to D.C. right now and go with you.

Gumbygirl

The important question: Floaters or sinkers? I am Team Floaters!

Brick Meathook

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Game Time Decision

#teamwave

Don T

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Horatio Cornblower

PK has this list taped to his computer.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Along with a printout of the LOFTY wordle that he got in one guess.

Horatio Cornblower

Oh, I’m sorry, did the Michigan vs. Fightin’ Horatios game, noon on ABC, not rate a mention? What was it, the little matter of UConn getting 47.5 points indicate it wasn’t worth your time?

I’m taking UConn in this one. I think UConn has improved enough to keep it close, and by close I mean 46 or 47. Mostly because Harbaugh won’t want to look like an asshole on national TV against a clearly overmatched team. Make no mistake though, UConn’s going to get clobbered. A 5TD, 2 FG loss seems right.

If there’s a prop bet on how many Michigan players get playing time today I would suggest the over.

Last edited 2 years ago by Horatio Cornblower
BrettFavresColonoscopy

I would pay to watch you watching this game with money on the cover.

Horatio Cornblower

I never bet on sports. And if I did I’d certainly never bet on UConn.

Horatio Cornblower

No, betting on UConn makes it a financial bloodbath.

Bet on Michigan? They get a liter garbage time TD against the 5th string and cover.

Bet on UConn? They lose 63-3. (which I would not rule out. At all. At. All.)

Mr. Ayo

Just need one tuddy. 51-7.

yeah right

Sweet jumping Jesus I’m ready to go home. Been a great visit and I love my girls dearly but home? This ain’t.

Learned that years ago. At the end of a vacation when you start telling yourself “Let’s go home” that’s when you truly know where your home really is.

Let’s get back to LA where my ass belongs.

2Pack

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Prym8sTjZ0s

runs through my head when I’m in that situation

Doktor Zymm

I don’t think I have ever wanted to go home at the end of a vacation, although I do enjoy sleeping in my own bed and using my own bathroom again!

Mr. Ayo

You sure did. I even heard it.

Horatio Cornblower

That’s no way to address the Queen, Sir.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Why is Jared Kushner on your TV?

Don T

Detergente has unprecedented depth for a PSA character. “Aren’t we all our own venom?” Very stoic too.
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litre_cola

Away day for Litre! 3 hr bus ride with booze up to dumpsville for the game and then bus ride back. Will I sleep on the way back? Pass out maybe. Will I vomit from too much booze? Probably. Will the bus driver regret signing up to take 50 idiots up there? Who knows?

Will Cavalry FC lose for the 1st time ever against FC Edmonton? Bet on it!

Don T

Pray 4 Flares 🙏🔥

BC Dick

That would be not so good. Trample those capital city scum, good horsemen!

scotchnaut

Man City back on form? Tis the Wolves though. And Haaland with yet another.

Brick Meathook

why are my posts waiting for approval?

litre_cola

I am in! jesus fuck what a runaround with WordPress. I thought I had been exiled due to not needing my Sunday night posts anymore!

Horatio Cornblower

A couple of days ago it was such a pain in the ass I thought I’d been banned.

Brick Meathook

Here’s my recreational stockpile of Percocet and Tramadol (and a bonus 1.5 Hydrocodones), amassed by not taking my full prescribed dosage. My stash grows bigger every day.

I “just say no to drugs” during the week, and then I take fistfulls of them on the weekend, like right now.

This means:

  1. The pills are all lawfully prescribed to me;
  2. I still take less than the total weekly dosage;
  3. It’s not exactly habit-forming if I only take them once a week;
  4. They’re not as good as the now extinct Percodan but I manage;
  5. I still have a surplus to sell to neighborhood school children;
  6. My favorite drug is still 51mg cherry flavored baby aspirin (1 a day)

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Don T

I’ll give you two quarts of leek and pumpkin soup, and take two rounds and the bit one down left

Brick Meathook

Two Percocets and half a Hydrocodone! Chew them, lie down, and you’ll go places.

litre_cola

Even when Brick shows off his pills it is scientific!