Let’s actually start with the latter. I was all set to do the Beaties this week (though that would apparently require time to think about and write the thang ding), but then BattleBots dropped this:
I’m not going to do a full play-by-play because you can just watch the thang ding—erhem, dang thing—here, on their YouTube, or embedded above. But this is now going to slightly cramp my style for tomorrow since I have to watch it. And you should too, because:
Have you ever wanted to watch two robots hit each other with folding chairs? No? Neither did I, don’t worry, it’s like a hammer fight, but with slower, lighter weapons made of lesser materials. No AR500 folding chairs here, to my knowledge. I’m pretty sure they don’t exist, though that would be pretty funny. I mean, HyperShock still needs to make an AR500 Battle Rake. Seriously, they brand that and people would buy the shit out of it. I wouldn’t because at the moment I have no need for a rake at Apartment Weaselo.
Anyway, when I do actually post the Beaties, there’ll probably be bits from this that make it. Yes, like the chair fight. Still needs tables and ladders, though. Onto the news:
-Paging Crimebeat! Davante Adams was charged with misdemeanor assault for shoving the camera guy on MNF. He’s lucky it wasn’t Randy Johnson. No, that isn’t a joke, here’s his logo and everything. (Adams is due in court November 10th.) Meanwhile, Brett Favre has not been charged to my knowledge.
–Yes, Tua remains out. Skylar Thompson will make his first NFL start due to Teddy Bridgewater also being in concussion protocol. But he has resumed football activities. Meanwhile, the Dolphins are more optimistic on Tyreek Hill playing.
-Commie commandant (yes, that is redundant) Riverboat Ron apologized to Carson Wentz for basically saying he’s the problem and why the ‘Dacteds are 1-4 while the rest of the division is above .500. In fairness, he’s not wrong.
-Giants’ punter Jamie Gillan is having visa/passport issues and has not returned back from London. Gillan, who is a British citizen born in Scotland, came to the States as a teen on a NATO visa… but it never got changed to a work visa, so they have to figure that out. The Giants are hopefully he’ll be back before Sunday’s game.
-Dirt Bengals sign new deal with BetMGM to open a sportsbook at Great American Ball Park. Pete Rose is presumably punching air right now as Cincinnati sports fans have reacted reasonably.
What’s for sportin?
Well, as ProdigalSonPaul wrote about this morning, the NHL is back! I hope he’s wrong about the Devils, for obvious reasons, but hey, Sharky and I were able to feast on smoothies last night (okay, I was watching baseball).
So we’ve got iceball again! Remember, all times Eastern.
Iceball (Opening Nights)
Cannoniers vs. Don Cherry’s Favs (CBJ vs. CAR, 7:00)
Canada’s Battle of Sadness: Over in April vs. Over in two weeks (TOR vs. MTL, 7:00)
Fuck that guy vs. That fucking guy (BOS vs. WSH, 7:00, TNT)
BANNER NIGHT! Icedacteds vs. Avalanche (CHI vs. COL, 9:30, TNT)
Water Fight: Bridge Troll Monstrosities vs. Quackers (SEA vs. ANA, 10:00)
Canuckistan vs. Eulers (VAN vs. EDM, 10:00)
Dirtball Playoffs! NLDS, Game 2 (best of 5)
FX Battle! Always Sunny vs. Atlanta (PHI vs. ATL—Wheeler vs. Wright; Phillies lead 1-0, Hopefully not still in a rain delay, FOX)
Cali Battle! Burgundys vs. Scullys (SD vs. LAD—Darvish vs. Kershaw; Dodgers lead 1-0, 8:37, FS1)
(AL Games 2 will be tomorrow, weather willing.) Meanwhile, I can continue to laugh at the Mets, especially if the Phils take Game 2 tonight. Writing time, keys to screen!
Here’s a seasonal joke Gumby sent me. I think he might be trying to tell me something, but I turned him into a toad, so I can’t understand him!
Pretty cool – just had a meteor flash in the sky while I was walking the dogs.
It wasn’t the big one, but maybe a hors d’oeuvre of what’s to come?
American League bias on this postgame show. That’s some bullshit.
Fuck you, Will Smith. You haven’t been good since The Fresh Prince went off the air.
(I think I just heard TheRevanchist get slapped)
They have taken the goose off the field. I am far more invested in what happened to the goose than I am the game.
/the fact that three people were able to walk up to and catch the goose does not bode well for it.
Plus, some dude named Ebeneezer asked about it.
You’re saying I should tune in and take a gander?
So you’re crying fowl?
You’re the one who laid an egg.
A large duck* has landed on the field in LA. Play continues.
*Correction, it is clearly some sort of goose.
Gossage should tell the Yankees to go fuck themselves.
Get Randy Johnson out of the media section, and give him a ball!
Gossage seems to spend a lot of his time these days telling people to fuck themselves. I get the feeling he’s not the most accepting of people different from him.
What I’m saying is that Gossage seems like an asshole.
Large duck? Not Paul Kariya then.
University of Maine Black Bears finest!
Um, Stephen King just left the room in a huff.
Unlike King, Kariya knew how to finish.
Pow! Zing! Got ‘im!
Love how Dodger stadium (Chavez Ravine still?) has a sign up advertising Forest Lawn. I only know it as a cemetery where my in-laws are laid to rest. Am I missing something?
I showed these to Litre, so the rest of you have to suffer them as well.
My mid-life crisis decision to spend moderate amounts of money on either replica jerseys of defunct teams with no licensing issues, or thinly-veiled knock-offs of current teams with licensing issues continues apace.
Behold the beauty of the Mike Liut Whalers jersey and the Lee Roy Selmon classic Buccaneers jersey. Although the latter is described on the web-site as a “Creamsicle jersey” with no team affiliation mentioned at all. At. All.
Anyway, this beats having an affair or buying a motorcycle, both of which would result in my fiery death, one of said deaths involving my wife.
My only jerseys are from Wrexham from last season and the original XFL Demons. In November, Wrexham will have restocked their inventory so I can get the current home kit.
Is that when?
My father’s really into Wrexham so I thought I’d get him some swag for Xmas. I went on their web-site and it may as well have just said “You Thought Wrong, Fuck-O” with the way every single thing worth getting was sold out.
Yep. They increased the amount of kits they had for sale this year because they sold out last year. And that sold out quick!
I’ll keep you posted, in case. I check daily. The locals there are on Twitter and keep the crowd informed of things the club doesn’t.
I went to every home game. Every game was like a drunk frat party, with hot women stripping in the stands, beer bongs, and drunk dude dancing on the dugout. Cool shit you won’t see nowadays.
Just got an idea after having a few drinks. Not super strong. I have to work in the morning and somehow stay awake through 4 straight hours of Teams meetings. So, hear me out: Jackson State to the ACC.
“Yeah, that’s why I declined to attend CPAC this year.” – Christine O’Donnell
Am I officially An Old now that a song from high school is used by a professional sports team for their ironic unofficial anthem?
If so, when can I start yelling at clouds?
The Ice Als may only win 4 games all year, but you know that they’re going to beat the Disappointing Leafs every single game.
I cheer for Les Habs and whoever the Leafs play
And will take the under for wins
Waiting for Louisiana and Marshall. Just watching women’s college volleyball while I wait.
Did anyone here sign up for Defector?
I considered it, then forgot about it entirely. Remembered it again, didn’t want to pay, forgot about it again. Rinse, and repeat.
I think I went through the same sort of thing. If I can’t keep up with DFO what shot do I have with that one?
Exactly this. If I had more time I’d be more on here
Yes, I figured with how the country is, it wouldn’t hurt to have options in case… oh, sorry, I thought you mean signed up to be a defector. My apologies.
I thought I was going to, but at the end of the trial period, I just didn’t really have any interest. It didn’t have the sense of fun and irreverence that Deadspin used to have; it was just a lot of political ax-grinding. It’s not that I disagreed with the politics necessarily, or found it “too woke” or such tiresome shit, it’s just that it wasn’t something I wanted to spend my time or money on. Same reason I rarely watch MSNBC; it’s not adding anything to my life.
Politics is their weakest subject. Like you said, it’s not that I disagree but that there are better political writers out there.
BeerBrother signed me up for a year, and then I scan their headlines from time to time. I think it’s good, but it’s still a bit of AngryDeadspin.
I wanted to, but I’m a cheap bastard.
Edward Snowden’s OnlyFans page? Why?
I think it’s worth it. All of the good writers left Deadspin, and a lot of them went there. Comments cost extra, and I didn’t spring for that.
ETA: Magary still does his Funbag and Jamboroo columns there.
Big Daddy Braindamage would be the only reason I’d pay for it. That’s not enough in the “pro” column, too much in the “may cause stroke” column.
Incognito mode may or may not get past their paywall….
“What about both?” -Magary
This is the Internet. Why would anyone pay for anything?
DFO or GTFO
Of course.
Dodgers got a gift from the umpire there.
Fightin’ BugEyedBoos is up 7-3 at the half. Looks like that thar Napier fella left the Lafayettes at the right time.
That said, the action ain’t worthy of staying awake through a weather delay. FFS.
Go Hide!
Go Herd!
In other news I still hate Club America in SexsiMexi futbol.
I think I bought one of their jerseys last year, solely because it was purple and had skulls on it, and now it’s gone. Guessing my brother stole it, because otherwise I have dementia.
It is an empty seat party in Montreal.
Clint Easrwood is intrigued
If you would’ve told me that was the high-water mark of the Republican Party in the 21st Century, I would’ve lost money on that bet.
Of course it is. Everyone knows Canadians hate hockey! You have to go down to Nashville or Tampa to find the true fanatics.
There’s more truth to this than you may think.
If you’re living in either, and you’re voluntarily watching hawkey, you’re most likely a true fanatic.
Uggh, the Ice Stamps are going to be real good this year and the Ice Bombers will underachieve again.
TWWL could air hawkey, dirt ball playoffs, or JV foobawl, but nah. Let’s give the true GAMBLORS pre-season NBA.
SUN BELT on teh Duece!
Woo! Ice footbaw is here, which means it’s time for my favourite team the Ice Al’s to fail hard for Bedard.
I’m not saying the Ice Als are going to be dogshit, but their season opening defensive pairings of Jordan Harris, David Savard, Chris Wideman, Arber Xhekaj, Kaiden Guhle, & Johnathan Kovacic sounds more like a simmed AI name generator in season 6 of NHL 23 than actually real.
I don’t blame Carey Price for become addicted to pain killers and deciding to take this year off
Scotchdog Update:
She’s still dumb as a pile of rocks but she has a fractured pelvis. Surgery day is Sunday. The vet gave her so much Tramadol that she tried to run off into the woods as she tends to do. Luckily we were able to lure her back with a piece of prime rib that I didn’t post in the #foodporn channel in Slack.
Tramadol? By God that’s the Hippo signal!
It is indeed a banner night for banners. Timmys has been beating the shit out of the Crosby – McKinnon ad for a few days now. I guess because they’re competing with McDonalds Monopoly.
This has been “AdAware”, with Beerguyrob.
You will rue the day you predicted that the Sens will not make the playoffs this year. I shall hereforth call you Rueguyrob. So it is written!
/Sens lose 13 of first 15 games
Somebody’s been sniffing too many baby diapers.
/keep your fetish at a reasonable level, WCS
Next year. Always next year.
This year is next year-you must remember that
Bela Lugosi, I mean, Eugene Melyuckyuck is dead.