As you may remember from Volume 6, I tried the TopTracer setup at the Alhambra Golf Course and thoroughly enjoyed it. Unfortunately, I did not get enough shots on certain clubs to do a real good analysis for every club I use.
So I went back.
I am happy to report that the app did not disconnect on me once! I remember I did mention the disconnections to the elderly gentleman in the Alhambra Golf Course polo and hat, so he may have some pull at the club and got them to fix it.
I must remember to browse the pro shop next time I’m there and see what those cost.
There are a couple of things I’ve noticed about my game that I need to fix. Of course, since it’s me, they’re sort of weird.
Weird Thing #1 I need to fix:
I don’t know what I’m doing with my swing, but I’m finding that the skin on the tips of my middle and ring fingers of my right hand is splitting open during my range sessions.
This last time I went to the range, I put bandaids on as a precaution and I ended up ripping through them. My fingers were okay but I’m pretty sure that’s not normal.
I think I have to slow my swing down. Either that or I may need to use lube. I wonder if silicone or water-based works best on golf club shafts?
Weird Thing #2 I need to fix:
My distances for two pairs of clubs are identical. Apparently, I can hit a 5 iron and a 6 iron interchangeably. Same thing with the 7 iron and 8 iron. That can’t be right.
I mean, it’s right in the sense that the numbers don’t lie but what am I doing wrong that is causing this? There are supposed to be approximately 10 yards of distance between clubs.
I think it’s because I am not consistent in how hard I swing the clubs. Meaning, I swing the lower club harder than the higher club. When you add in the fact that I’m probably swinging too hard period, well you see where I’ve got room for improvement.
***
After the range practice, I again went to the putting green to get some putting practice in. Then, I moved on to practicing chipping and I’m here to tell you my chipping SUUUUUUCKED.
My chipping sucked harder than Nancy Reagan. Linda Lovelace wishes she could have sucked harder than my chipping did that day. My chipping was the equivalent of the Cleveland Browns and the New York Jets combining like the Steelers and Eagles did to become the Steagles only they would either be the Brets or the Jowns.
On the bright side, after about an hour of frustration, I started to improve. I concentrated on using one club only and eventually I got the hang of it.
I now have a decision to make.
As I mentioned before, I am trying to get an official handicap. In order for this to happen, I have to record official scores for 54 holes. I am 18 away.
As part of getting a handicap, I joined the Southern California Golf Association (SCGA). As part of that process, I needed to join a local golf course. The golf course I chose is having its first tournament of the year in two weeks. There was supposed to be a January tournament but that ended up getting cancelled due to the atmospheric river.
The question I pose to you is this: Do I get in a quick 18 holes in order to establish a handicap before the tournament or do I go into the tournament with no handicap and use those 18 holes to set it?
I’ve researched this and you can play the tournament with no handicap. It’s called a Full Flight Tournament which means they group you based on ability/handicap. I would be in the Shittiest Flight. It’s labeled Flight S.
The reason why I’m unsure about this is that I think I need more practice. But do I need more practice on the range, putting green, and chipping area or do I need more on-course experience?
I’m leaning towards playing the 18 and then the tourney. The Fleshlight with the butthole opening is nice but it’s no substitute for the real thing.
On a separate subject, I think that the Top Tracer app is great and it is greatly enhancing my practice. I am learning more and more about what my deficiencies are, which is actually a good thing.
I may try to play one of the Top Tracer games the next time I’m on the range. I am specially curious to know how the simulated games work as I have no idea how putting would work. If it even comes into play!
PROS
Got more complete data on which are my good clubs and which are my bad clubs.
Got in a lot more really good practice and both my chipping and putting are improving!
No disconnections on the Top Tracer app and it worked great!
CONS
The data show I am inconsistent and need improvement.
I don’t know the best way to go about doing that improvement.
I lost a golf ball while practicing chipping. Seriously. I wish I was making that up.
OVERALL RATING:
I highly recommend using the TopTracer app and I am very happy I went back. I honestly can’t picture going to a range now without getting that data.
See you next time.
[…] the feedback I received from you in Volume 7, I decided to go ahead and play 18 holes in order to establish a handicap ahead of my very first […]
My wife: (on phone with a client) Doesn’t matter, I’m pretty flexible
Me: (walking by). Yeah you are.
My wife: (whispering) Go to the fucking gym already!
(And concentrate on doing more stretches) [winks]*
*What Horatio wishes she had said
I haven’t read the directions yet but I’m pretty sure that second line is good news:
Get ready for naps.
I’ve actually had it for seven days and have been in a self-administered opiate coma the whole time. I’m pretty much over it. I can’t wait to go out to crowded restaurants and breathe on people again.
Damn, hoping you have a mild case
Actually I’ve had it for seven days and it was the mildest. I’m practically over it; this test was supposed to tell me I was cured. Dang it.
That happened to me too. The test line was WAY more prominent after I’d had it for a week.
You gonna do a gender reveal?
Oh no, not again.
[takes out the bleach, prepares to pour it on eyes]
I’ll show you my great big cock, the one that got me kicked off Jeopardy!
They specifically told you to leave your toys at home.
UNCLEAN!!!
Matt Ishbia saying all the right things at day one presser.
Hey; let’s see how that GOP Hunter Biden hearing is going
https://twitter.com/atrupar/status/1623374647948455936
Performative assholery
I fucking love Katie Porter!
She drives a mini-van
She is a Boss Bitch!
You stumbled onto the cause, but (not the Matt Nagy) whys of why you hit different clubs the same length. Longer irons require more clubhead speed to overcome their relative lack of loft to get the ball airborne, so the instinct is to swing them harder. The problem is, when you consciously try to swing harder, you naturally grip the club tighter. When you grip tighter, you introduce tension into your fingers which then radiates into your wrists and up your arms into your shoulders. This tension actually SLOWS the club down, which is counter to what you’re trying to do.
The clubhead speed issue is fixed by the design of the club itself. The longer shaft increases the width of the swing arc, which gives the club a little more time to speed up. It also means the five iron shaft is a tiny bit more flexible than the six iron shaft, speeding things up further. And (at least in more modern clubhead designs) they sink a little more weight towards the sole of the club, the longer the iron, to help with launch. So ultimately the goal, is to use a normalized pace to the swing for all full swings and use the design of the club to create the differences in yardage.
Of course saying it is a lot different from doing it. To get on that path, lighten your grip a touch before your backswing, I find that focusing on my breathing helps a ton with this. A slow, medium inhale just before pullback relaxes me and acts as a trigger to go. It also helps keep my hands relaxed. And relaxed hands are FAST hands.
As to your fingertip issue, at the very least put a glove on your left hand (I’m assuming you are righty?) to give you a secure feeling on the hand that has the most contact with the grip. I’ve never been a huge fan of gloves on both hands, because it throws my feel off, though if it works for you, do that. Bandaids are a terrible substitute for athletic tape when it comes to golf and finger protection. Take a small length of athletic tape (I find Mueller is the easiest to work with) and tear it in half lengthwise to give you a good fingertip width, and wrap them up. It should stay in place a lot easier. Lightening your grip pressure overall will help with the blistering problem because when you grip tight, your hands will be more prone to slipping. Golf is full of counterintuitive concepts like this.
Also, play another eighteen before your tournament so you go in with an honest proto-handicap. It’d feel like a hollow win if you put you in the shit flight and you scalp them when you might qualify for a better flight. Don’t be like Aaron Rodgers.
Fuck Aaron Rodgers.
[frowns] – Robert Kraft
This is amazing advice. Thank you!!
Dude, we already knew Aaron Rodgers was an asshole.
/also makes mental note to never play golf with the Colonel
It’s all good! I like your column and I’m happy to see this journey you’re going on. It’s my professional philosophy to encourage more people to play better. The better you play, the more you play and the healthier the business is as a whole!
I am wearing SHORTS in FEBRUARY- in summation, polar bears can fuck right off.
Other Hippo reserves the right to amend and revise these remarks, come July and August.
The polar bears have already drowned due to ice melting. Sadly, they fucked off to the bottom of the ocean.
https://www.nathab.com/blog/study-polar-bear-cubs-drowning-due-to-sea-ice-loss/
Thank you for acknowledging the Blowjob Queen of Hollywood. She deserved to be celebrated as such, and her “Just Say No” campaign was ironic genius.
More like “Just Say Mmmmggpphmmm!” amirite?
/nodsin Marlee Matalin
The Gluck Gluck Queen!
The Throat Goat is still the greatest nickname of all time.
The “Blowjob Queen of Hollywood” is the entire membership of the Screen Actors Guild.
“The Night I Won the Super Bowl” OR “The Most Boastful Story Ever Told at DFO” (part 3):
My relationship with S______ was my first truly adult relationship. And man did we put the emphasis on “adult”. A typical day of my life at that time consisted of: 1) wake up; 2) sex with S_______, 3) surf; 4) breakfast/work/lunch/work; 5) surf (optional depending on conditions/mood); 6) supper; 7) drink; 8) sex with S_______ (optional depending on level of sobriety/mood); 9) sleep. Sometimes we had sex in the middle of the night, too. It was a wonderful time in my life, and it was very important for my sexual mental health, which prior to this had been, uh, not good. It put an end to the sense of drama and consternation associated with the act and turned it into something pleasant, casual, and fun that you did with someone whose company you enjoyed.
This experience led to a bloom of self-confidence that affected my life in all kinds of positive ways – many of which I didn’t recognize at the time and probably never will. But as the saying goes, “in time, this too shall pass,” and my relationship with S______ was no exception. Our lease on the house was set to expire at the end of May, and with several roommates moving out and a property owner looking to make renovations, by April we were forced to face a looming question: “What comes next?”
What comes next?
Probably RTD, based on how the story’s gone so far.
“Oh, I was hoping the answer was anal.”
-Balls, probably
Dude, buy a glove
buy one for each hand.
Not black ones, though, or people will think you’re a murderer.
only if they don’t fit
I’d play the 18 to establish the handicap, then enjoy the tournament. I had a friend who said if you only could use 1 club to play, use a 5 iron. Makes sense, length and face angle are middle of the road. So I have tried to base things off of my (lack of) skills on that.
And in other news… Nina tried to warn us…
Young Hippo was SUPER PISSED OFF when this song got popular- as they started playing a bastardized English version as a result.
It’s cute that you think 18 holes is going to make a difference in your handicap.
-Olivia to Eli after catching him with the box of Dunkin Munchkins she brought home
18 is barely even a start! – Houston
“I’m finding that the skin on the tips of my middle and ring fingers of my right hand is splitting open…”
Ease the grip pressure on your shaft when in motion.
Dick joke: check.
I agree you should play the 18 over the next 2 weeks and then do the tourney. Chipping can be fun to practice if you have someone perform clicker training on you – each time your motion looks good, have someone click a clicker and feed you a slice of pepperoni. Continue this until you salivate when you reach for your sand wedge.
Ah, the “Reid Method” of training, just using pepperoni slices in place of rib roasts…
It’s how Kelvin Benjamin cut his drop rate in half from one season to the next.
And how Mike Williams practiced after being a Lions top pick and eventually hitting 275 pounds.
Something something Jamarcus Russell.
Chairman Emeritus in this category: Gilbert Brown.
I never got good enough for 1-club differences to count. And I could hit a 5-wood better than a 3-iron, so the 3-iron never got used. I’d carry them, but more from optimism or force of habit than actual use.
He went back, let’s gooo