TGIF! At least it was a short week. (apologies Doug Martin) But, we can look forward to, um, hmm. Well then, check your local listings, I’m sure something is on.

Survival – Personal Edition

Last week, we learned to tie a tie (and a bowtie)! Unfortunately, I did not go over how to live with a tie and due to an incident I must now go over an important situation: What To Do When Your Tie Is Ensnared By A Document Feeder.

• Try pulling the tie out of the feeder. Make sure to use steady, even pressure. This will ensure you don’t ruin the tie or the document feeder.
• If that doesn’t work, you need to cut the power to the feeder. Use the power switch on the machine ideally, but if you can’t find or reach it, go after the power cord. Unplug it, kick it out, whatever it takes.
• Well now. At this point you’re getting into strangling with a side of face grinding territory. Search nearby for a cutting implement like scissors or utility knives or anything sharp.
• Now pull the tie tight. Not David Carradine tight of course, but tight. Use that cutting implement and slice through the thinnest part of the tie.
• So it turns out you can’t save yourself. That’s OK! Now’s the time to call for help. Yell and use your cell phone to attract the attention of co-workers. Instruct them to turn off the feeder first. Then go back over the ways above to get free.
• Last ditch effort, try to separate the feeder from the machine. Grab and pull it. At this point, no damage is too much for this cursed feeder.

Ok, mandatory safety lesson over. Let’s not find a new way to endanger yourself with your remaining ties this week.

Click here to get to commenting

Survival – Species Edition

Time to put the sexy in Friday! No formal test this week, but you can play by yourself at home.

Enjoy the weekend, folks! Alright, now let’s get to what’s most important: Commenting and drinking!