I’m writing this Sunday, April 23rd, and of course by that I mean that I’m re-writing it on Tuesday, April 25th, because the Jets and Packers decided that three days before the draft was the perfect time to pull the trigger on the Rodgers deal and fuck me over. So thanks for that.
Because there won’t be 5 picks run the first 20 minutes, you see.
As usual I’ll add Peter King’s picks below mine. Or I would have, if he had done one. As near as I can tell he has yet to put one up. If he does I’ll try to update this draft. MAYBE.
King did do a mock draft, three days ago, but I can’t type fast enough in 12 minutes to add his picks to mine. His draft can be found here.
AUTHOR’S NOTE: I’m just back from the gym and have learned that the Ravens resigned Lamar Jackson to a 5-year deal. I don’t know the details because I do not care about the signing, other than that it fucks up my draft. This thing goes live and you hang me out to dry like this? Screw you Ravens, and screw you, Lamar. I could run through and change that pick and all the picks after as needed, but I just realized I don’t get paid for this so I’m not going to.
Also, Todd McShay and Mel both released their final mocks today. I only remember a few things, notably that they agree on their first ten picks, and only the first one looks like mine. Notable picks are Houston taking Will Anderson, leaving Mike Bidwill alone and shivering outside of a highway rest stop, (something I’m sure has never happened to him before), Jalen Carter goes to the Seahawks at 5, I think the Colts trade with Arizona and take Will Anderson, Anthony Richardson falls off the planet, and Nolan Smith, a guy I forgot all about, (so guess who the Ravens are picking now), goes to the Eagles at 10.
I’m sticking with my picks, other than Baltimore, because let’s face it I’m pulling these out of my ass anyway. The important thing is that the draft is here, and it’s time to have a couple of beverages of your choice and second guess your team’s decision-making.
Team needs taken from Josh Edwards, although I only took the top three he listed for each team, because I have things to do. Josh neither uses nor endorses these picks.
1. Carolina Panthers (from Chicago)
Record: 7-10
Top Needs: Doesn’t matter, they’re taking a QB
The pick: We’re switching things up right from jump street here at the first pick. Apparently Alabama QB Bryce Young canceled the rest of his visits after visiting with Carolina. Carolina is denying that they told Young they were taking him with the first pick but c’mon, Young isn’t a moron. The coin apparently done me wrong in Version 1.0. I’ll remember that, metallic currency.
2. Houston Texans
Record: 3-13-1
Top Needs: Doesn’t matter, they’re taking a QB
The pick: Oh it’s rumor central time, with the Texans apparently spreading the word that “we don’t have to take a quarterback, you know,” and that if they do take a QB it might not be Young or The Ohio State QB CJ Stroud but, as with the first pick, c’mon. The league revolves around QBs, the Texans need a QB, and Stroud is far and away the best QB prospect available at #2. Everything else smells like an effort to maybe get someone like the Falcons or Washington to give the Texans even more picks than they already have which, to be fair, they really could use.
3. Arizona Cardinals
Record: 4-13
Top Needs: DL, Edge, RB
The pick: Alabama Edge Will Anderson remains the pick here, unchanged from Version 1.0. This is only because I don’t do trades in my mock drafts, because that’s just insane. My best guess here is that Bidwill, whose sexuality has no bearing on my predictions, is going to trade this pick to a team desperate to get ahead of the Colts and take one of the top 2 remaining QB prospects or, like when the Chicago Bears just had to get Trubisky, the Colts themselves moving up to block someone else from moving up. Hey, it worked out great for the Bears! Absent a trade, however, Anderson still seems the best fit here.
4. Indianapolis Colts
Record: 4-12-1
Top Needs: QB, CB, WR
The Pick: Florida QB Anthony Richardson. I’m seeing talk about Will Levis, talk about Richardson’s lack of experience and shaky production dragging him down, and all of it sounds like a smoke screen to keep people from leapfrogging the Colts, allowing them to draft Richardson at 4 and not give up multiple later picks just to swap with the Cardinals. Ultimately I’m most persuaded by the Colts now being coached by the guy who was the OC for Jalen Hurts, to whom Richardson is most compared to. The NFL loves nothing more than covering up incidents of domestic abuse, but copycatting what worked before is a close second, and it’s about to get Richardson paid.
5. Seattle Seahawks (from Denver, for Russell Wilson, which is hilarious)
Record: 9-8
Top Needs: S, LB, DL
The pick: The consensus among the more recent picks is Texas Tech Edge Tyree Wilson, and by that I mean I saw exactly one mock that had anyone else going here. For the records that was Christian Gonzalez, a CB who doesn’t meet any of the top three needs. I’m keeping Wilson here, but I still like the idea of Seattle trading out of this pick and going after Brian Branch with a later pick, getting themselves some extra picks as well.
6. Detroit Lions (from Los Angeles Rams, for Matt Stafford, 3 boxes of doughnuts, and a Super Bowl)
Record: 9-8
Top Needs: TE, CB, DL
The pick: I had a fairly lengthy and well-reasoned paragraph here about why the Lions would take Bijan Robinson, the RB out of Texas here. It was pretty good. And then the Jets and Packers did their thing and I was scrolling down to see if I had any other thoughts and I said “there’s no way way Dan Campbell passes up the chance to add Georgia DT Jalen Carter, pair him up with Adrian Hutchinson, and just tee off.” Carter’s got more red flags on him than a May Day parade in Moscow, but this is the NFL and no one cares. Just a hunch on this one, literally nothing more.
7. Las Vegas Raiders of Los Angeles vis Oakland
Record: 6-11
Top Needs: OT, OG, C
The pick: Horatio, did Kentucky QB Will Levis fall to Rikki’s Raiders? Yes he did, Other Horatio, yes he did. If this happens, (it won’t), be prepared for some wing-wang wrapped running about the clubhouse. It’s not a real need, but every NFL franchise loves a flashy new toy, and an NFL franchise in Las Vegas almost needs one, especially when the current starting QB is made of glass.
8. Atlanta Falcons
Record: 7-10
Top Needs: QB, CB, LB
The pick: Unless they trade up, (which I suspect is likely, not just for Atlanta but for several teams), Atlanta seems unlikely to get one of the top 4 QB prospects. Version The First had them falling into Will Levis, but I just arbitrarily sent him to the Raiders based on nothing more than a hunch. Atlanta therefore turns their lonely eyes to their second-most pressing need and takes Oregon CB Christian Gonzalez.
9. Chicago Bears (from Carolina in exchange for the first pick)
Record: 3-14
Top Needs: OT, C, CB
The pick: Ohio State OT Paris Johnson. They’re also apparently a very likely landing spot for Carter. If the Lions don’t take Carter he almost certainly won’t fall past the Bears, despite being overweight, not that interested in practice, and, oh yeah, killing someone(s). This is too much about what a dick Carter is and not enough about Johnson, (go ahead, giggle, you know you want to), so here’s an article about why the Bears are zeroing in on Johnson.
10. Philadelphia Eagles (from New Orleans, in exchange for something, probably beignet-related)
Record: 14-3
Top Needs: S, WR, OG
The pick: Now that I’ve changed my Lions pick I can go ahead and give the Eagles the pick I wanted to, Texas RB Bijan Robinson. Not only can you plug a stud RB into the backfield to complement Hurts, the Cowboys are making noise about taking a running back in the first round, and the Eagles love nothing more than fucking the Cowboys over in the first round. That’s a win-win for Philadelphia!
11. Don T’s Tits
Record: 7-10
Top Needs: OT, OG, WR
The pick: Tennessee OT Darnell Wright. No real reason, just that I keep seeing his name as someone who is moving up the boards. He also fits the Titans top need and he’s a hometown guy. You like that logic? This entire mock draft is based on it!
12. Houston Texans (from Cleveland for Deshaun Watson and an absolute moral failing)
Record: 3-13-1
Top Needs: QB, WR, C, LB
The pick: Ohio State WR Jaxon Smith-Nijigba. No change from the first version. This actually turns into a pretty good draft for the Texans if it works out that way, almost like a Burrows-Chase connection, but with a much worse front office that almost certainly won’t make as much of it as Mike Brown did.
13. Green Bay Packers (From Jets for Aaron Rodgers, a bunch of other stuff)
Record: 8-9
Top Needs: WR, TE, S
The pick: Well this is just fucking great. 18 picks shot to hell. A lot of mocks have Green Bay giving Rodgers one more ‘fuck you’ on the way out the door and taking Smith Nijigba here, but I just sent him to Houston, so that’s not happening here. This is probably a smidge early, but Boston College WR Zay Flowers probably wouldn’t get past New England at 14 anyway, he has been moving up boards, and he managed to be productive in a Boston College offense that Uconn throttled, so why the hell not.
14. New England Patriots
Record: 8-9
Top needs: OT, WR, TE
The pick: I actually spent a lot of time here trying to persuade myself that Belichcik would draft Zay Flowers here, but I just can’t do it. Especially after the Rodgers trade, when I literally can’t. His track record with first round WRs is abysmal, and that was with Tom Brady. No, I’m staying conservative, denying a woman’s right to choose, bribing a Supreme Court justice, and taking Georgia OT Broderick Jones here.
15. New York Jets
Record: 7-10
Top needs: OG, OT, TE
The pick: Part of me wants them to reach for another TE, just so we can see this again, but this trade and my subsequent revisions actually work out pretty well for the Jets, because here they are needing an OG to protect Rodgers, the top two WRs are gone so Rodgers can’t whine about them not taking one here, (he most assuredly will anyway), and there’s Northwestern OG Peter Skoronski right there. Added bonus I don’t have to change too many picks if this works out. Make it so!
16. Washington Spiders (I’m still not calling them the Commanders)
Record: 8-8-1
Top Needs: QB, C, CB
The pick: Penn State CB Joey Porter, Jr. Washington’s front office is, of course, currently a disaster of epic proportions. I think that might make them less likely to make a trade, actually, (even though they could use the good publicity. Hoo boy, could Washington use some good publicity), simply because no one knows who’s in charge, or even who should be answering the phones. I’ve been seeing Porter going here since Version 1.0, and that doesn’t seem to be changing.
17. Pittsburgh Steelers
Record: 9-8
Top needs: OT, CB, WR
The pick: Illinois CB Devon Witherspoon. Most draft have Witherspoon going well before this pick, and that’s because most people publishing mock drafts know more about football than I do. But in this case Witherspoon has dropped a bit, and the Steelers are more than happy to fill a pressing need with his talents.
18. Detroit Lions
Record: 9-8
Top needs: TE, CB, DL
The pick: Having picked up problem child Carter earlier the Lions take Notre Dame TE Michael Mayer here and send Jared Goff some much needed help, at least until Williams and company get back from the dog track sometime around Week 7. It’s worth a stab at him anyway. See what I did there? Oh screw you, Jamie Lee Curtis thinks it’s funny.
19. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Record: 8-9
Top Needs: S, LB, OT
The pick: The Bucs apparently really want Brian Branch here, but I think they’ll need to trade up if they really want him, especially with Seattle and Philadelphia in front of them and also needing a safety. So either they trade up or they move to their other needs. I like Oklahoma OT Anton Harrison here, just because his hame keeps coming up in all the Bucs mock drafts.
20. Seattle Seahawks
Record: 9-8
Top needs: S, LB, DL
The pick: My ill-informed hunch about Carter going 6 to Detroit, (or 9 to Chicago; I’m insecure enough to claim credit if he does), keeps Seattle from landing Carter here. Instead the Seahawks can draft their actual #1 need with the #1 prospect at that position, Alabama S Brian Branch. This has worked out so well Peter Carroll is going to send George Soros a thank you card.
21. San Diego Chargers
Record: 10-7
Top needs: LB, OT, DL
The pick: Clemson DE Myles Murphy . I almost sent him to Tampa Bay, but he didn’t have his shots so I couldn’t. Most likely to drop a few spots as Carter moves up and the teams behind the Lions/Bears simply have too many other needs for Murphy to make sense. But he does seem likely to fit with the Chargers. Also I kind of forgot about him until now. Honestly he probably makes more sense for Tampa Bay, but I’m so beyond giving a shit right now.
22. Baltimore Ravens
Record: 10-7
Top needs: WR, OG, CB
The Pick: Georgia LB Nolan Smith. I believe I’ve made my reasons clear. This is hilarious because I forgot all about Smith, he’s likely a Top-10 talent, and the three teams in front of Baltimore need a LB. There is no chance this should happen, so this will be one of two picks I get right all night.
23. Minnesota Vikings
Record: 13-4 (Total frauds)
Top needs: CB, WR, OG
The pick: Maryland CB Deonte Banks. Because the two higher-ranked CBs are gone, and Minnesota still needs a cornerback. A lot of people like Tennessee QB Henderson Hooker here, but you know who doesn’t like that, huh!? HUH!? Anyway, I have the Ravens taking him one pick before and don’t feel like changing this again. But if they reach detente with Lamar before tomorrow night condor it changed.
24. Jacksonville Jaguars
Record: 9-8
Top needs: CB, S, DL
The pick: Georgia CB Kelee Ringo. Because the three high-ranked CBs are gone, and Jacksonville still needs a cornerback.
25. New York Giants
Record: 9-7-1
Top needs: CB, WR, C
The pick: Most of the Giants mock drafts have the Giants taking a WR, and Zay Flowers has been getting so much attention lately that I seriously doubt he’ll still be available at 25. USC WR Jordan Addison still is, however, so this pick remains unchanged.
26. Dallas Cowboys
Record: 12-5
Top needs: OG, S, DL
The pick: Some are saying that the Cowboys are likely to go defensive line with the first pick, and there are a couple of guys I’ve seen drop on this mock as I’ve replaced them with guys who’ve been moving up since the first version. So Dallas could do that and get a pretty good player and bolster an already more then decent defense. This isn’t your father’s NFL, however, and offense rules the roost. I still like Utah TE Dalton Kincaid here. Just makes too much sense, so look for Ol’ Double J to draft Alabama RB Jahmyr Gibbs here. Which honestly also makes sense with Elliott out and Tony Pollard no one’s idea of a heavy-duty back.
27. Buffalo Bills
Record: 13-3 (one less game because their guy almost died)
Top needs: OG, C, DL
The pick: The Bills need to replace Tremaine Edmunds, who went to Chicago as part of Chicago’s wholly unexpected “doing a good” offseason. It’s like a ‘hot girl summer’ for a front office. Walter Football has Iowa ILB Jack Campbell rated the highest for that position, so I took him. Also ‘Jack Campbell’ just sounds like someone who should play linebacker in Buffalo.
28. Cincinnati Bengals
Record: 13-3 (one less game because that guy on the Bills almost died)
Top Needs: OG, S, CB
The pick: Florida OG O’Cyrus Torrence. Still available in Version 2.0, still the Bengals supposed most pressing need.
29. New Orleans Saints (from San Francisco via Miami via Denver, which sounds like a Ryanair flight)
Record: 7-10
Top needs: OG, WR, LB
The pick: I still won’t be surprised if the Saints do take the running back I had the taking the first time around, but a couple of defensive guys have fallen in the second version, and for whatever reason the mocks seem to like the Saints taking a defensive tackle. I’m not one to argue, so Clemson DT Bryan Berese, come on down.
30. Philadelphia Eagles
Record: 14-3
Top Needs: S, WR, OG
The pick: TCU WR Quentin Johnston. Apparently Johnston was considered the top prospect at WR going into the season, then spent most of it showing that he had trouble catching. This would be a problem for most teams, as an ability to catch the ball is considered desirable in a WR, but the Eagles employed Nelson Agholor, so a little thing like “paddles for hands” won’t bother them. He fills a need, the Eagles already have Hurts, AJ Brown, and (if they listened to me), a stud RB in Robinson. They can take a shot at catching lightning in a bottle with Johnston, which is good because it doesn’t sound like Johnston will be making that catch.
31. Kansas City Chiefs
Record: 14-3. Won the Super Bowl.
Top needs: Edge, DL, OT
The pick: The Chiefs can pretty much do what they want as long as they have Patrick Mahomes at QB, and they certainly take advantage of that. On and off the field, the latter with frequently unfortunate results. Frank Clark was releases last season, so I’ll go along with the crowd and replace him with Georgia Tech DE Keion Wright.
32. Miami Dolphins.
The pick: Just kidding, they don’t have one because of all that tampering.
Unfortunately with QBs going 1 and 2, now the next couple of picks will have GMs staring at the phone trying to will a trade proposal
So let it be written…
I can predict stupid shit like this, but lottery numbers and women at bars somehow evade my abilities.
Did a pigeon shit on the kid’s suit or sommet?
Ha, I thought it was bleach!
Yeah, because OSU QBs always pan out!
…
Burrow doesn’t count! He transferred!
Ah, Krenzel. Nice pull.
That is 2003 Fiesta Bowl champion, Craig Krenzel.
I misread the 16 as a 10. The stripes figured me out.
I bet you’re right. Ask Art Schlicter.
2 for 2.
Bidwill’s sexuality aside, this is when the draft should start to get nuts.
Who is the cutest boy available no ofence
If it an age thing that I screamed at Young to “Wear your hair right so you can wear a hat right?” or a race thing.
Need to know if need to avoid this thing or lean into it.
It’s an age thing. Lean into that motherfucker.
As someone who almost referred to a Jewish guy as “swine” two days ago, I declare that I am not the right person to answer this question for you.
Anybody else think Mortensen isn’t going to live through the first round? He looks turrible.
They took him out of cryo-sleep too soon!
I know he is or was very sick but it’s borderline cruel to keep trotting him out there when he can barely get a full sentence out.
Feel like it’s time for Big Turk. BC Dick sent me a case and I can’t give them all away.
Give ’em to Decilitre. That’ll learn him some discipline.
They make a nice, heavy object to tie a ransom letter to and toss into a window.
Yes, let’s put the commentators in the same place as thousands of cheering drunk morons.
Bryce? Who names a kid Bryce? He ate his own body weight in paste in preschool
I have known 2 Bryce’s in my time. Both dickheads.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pn1dOk6-Q-8
1 for 1. Stop the draft! STOP THE DRAFT!!!!
When Bryce Young sees things that no one else does he’s the #1 pick in the draft and a multi-millionaire. When I see things no one else does I’m a paranoid schizophrenic who needs to be locked up. it’s just not fair.
I see a lot of Clozapine in your future.
Is that the stuff HIppo takes?
Todd McShay likes his QB’s like I like my women, thick. (and rich)
And YouTube can suck my butt for its NFL Ticket pricing
Carolina is being smart. Wait for 8 minutes in case an owner panics and offers you a shit ton of picks.
Was it the Vikes that couldn’t get to the podium on time and forfeited their pick? That would be awesome if the Panthers did the same.
Jeezus fuck, Suzy K looks like she’s been huffing gasoline in a Tijuana alley for five days straigth
2-1 Ice Bucs
Travis Kelce must die. period.
Fozzie! Glad you’re here!
It’s been toooo long. Also, I want to feed Kelce to a pack of rabid chimps
They brought all of those people out to minimize the Goodell booing. The Shield shielded him.
I recall him bringing out some war vets one time. I think he asked one of them to limp onto the stage.
I heard he took one of their wheelchairs away and made them crawl onto the stage.
One ticket to Hell, please
Are you sure that wasn’t in the parody I wrote?
What this draft needs is some high-stakes bullshit, like David Stern or Gary Bettman rigging the order so a big-market team lands the first overall pick.
The NFL Draft, I call it the elections because they all decided who was going to be selected long before now.
DEEP STATE ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED
Birds aren’t real man.
Running to the store for supplies. Anyone need anything?
Some discipline for Decilitre if they have it.
BC Dick will loan ye a belt
Rubbing a scotch-coated finger on my gums apparently worked for my folks during the 1968 Olympics. Try that?
But what’s he to do about his feral kid?
I had no idea that “Putting Your Kid to Sleep” was an Olympic event back in the day. Probably got out of hand in some countries during the qualifying period.
Three grams of hash, a bump of meth, and a quart of mescal, any brand
C’mon Seahawks. I moved my seats to get a better view of this upcoming season.
I also rearranged my living room.
To this, right?
OH MY GOD!!!!
Can those A-10s that did the flyover come back around for a little BRRRRRRrrrrTTTTttttt?
Who the hell is Heidi Gardner?
Zero Sugar Kristen Schaal
Glad I lazily left my TV on mute
SNL since 2017.
Certainly explains why I’ve never seen her.
how dare you
SNL Performer. Not talented enough to be a star but enough to keep a sketch going.
…ah, now the narrative from last year comes to light.
There it is.
BBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(muttering to self nonstop) “At least KC fans aren’t as insufferable as NE fans.”
Yet
Cue the fat honky raising Black power fist, heh
Prediction – CJ Stroud is the last 1st round QB to take that thar S2 test
CJ Stroud has Sars-CV-2!? Fuck!
“Kansas City: The Heart (and partially blocked Aortic Valve) of America.”
“Rob, it’s not about that. The ultimate NFL draftee has the kind of skill and potential that allows them to plead a vehicular manslaughter felony down to a jaywalking misdemeanor!”
Member when supporting the troops meant being in favor of sending them to Iraq for no reason?
The Kurds remember!
What Kurds?
Cheese kind.
Andy Reid has entered the chat.
“This Bijan Robinson fella is surprisingly articulate. One of the good ones! If I were still alive I’d draft him with the 3rd AND 5th picks!!”
Jerry Richardson, looking up at the draft.
Suzy looks fancy!
Shiny!
Matron Saint looking her usual best.
Suze, me, a few martinis, long European cigarettes. Magic.
I love that color on her.
Wow. If the Rams don’t trade up into the 1st round this will be their 7th straight year without a first rounder.
Who’s singing at halftime?
National anthem before the draft? I already think it is ridiculoUs before every game in North America, this takes it to a new level. – Colts Wild Card winner banner
Just wait until we bust out ‘God Bless America’ after the 15th pick.
Aww crap, I got the first three picks wrong.
FACT CHECK: False
How many people do you think it is that the last thing they did was make fun of D’Brickashaw Ferguson’s high-pitched voice? Gotta be double figures, right?
Him and Mike Tyson have a club
Hey man, nice voice you fa-SPLAT!!!-
“Where can a fella get one of those clubs?”
-A. Peterson
What’s the aggregate cholesterol of the assembled crowd in KC?
eleventy bazillion
What’s between NPV and PV? That’s Amort, eh?
Yes
Ah, the oddsmakers must’ve read this preview, because Stroud going #2 just dropped from +300 to -2000.
(That means everyone agrees with Horatio The Seer)
My personal opinion is that all the talk about Houston not taking a QB is just a smokescreen to tempt someone into trading with them. it is, however, important to note that I have no idea what I’m talking about.
Sometimes the simple obvious answer is the right one. Even in Texas.
Ah Chicago, where I still know people at my neighborhood bar
And they’re always glad you came!
It’s exactly like Cheers, but with gay men in Cubs gear playing all the roles
i mean, cubs ARE little bears
.
Thoughts-
/I think Dan Snyder is capable of forcing his GM to take a 3rd talent in the 1st round as a ‘fuck you’ to the new owners and also anybody and everybody.
/When O’Cyrus gets his name called the announcer should say, “Can You Dig It?”.
/If Flowers does fall to the Pats it’s pretty much guaranteed that he’ll be a bust.
/I hope Deonte Banks falls to the Giants-he’s a keeper at a position that sorely needs to be upgraded
/If Henny Penny Hooker is drafted in the 1st, if/when his club picks up his fifth-year option he’ll be 30 years old.
Somewhat disagree on Snydely, that’s way too subtle for him, he’s going to do something like buy a plot of land next to the stadium and try to block out the sun with an ad for Nutralife
Edit to add: He’s also such a poor judge of talent that if he tried to do that he would end up accidentally drafting a wunderkind
O’Cyrus should change the spelling to Osiris imo
Also, in Tungsten Arm O’Doyle news, Ohtani pitched today and almost became the first player ever to pitch and hit for the cycle in the same game. He missed a HR on his last AB by a few feet. Miraculously, the Angels hung on to beat the awful Las Vegas A’s 8-7.
More like the D+’s, amiright??
Look, everything you’re saying about the “Texans” makes sense and of course they need a QB. But people in Texas are dumb (it’s science) and I think they take Will Anderson.
I’m really struggling with this. I understand everything you’re saying here, but I cannot wrap my head around this “Texans” concept. What is that? Is it theoretical or…?
Seems to be a collection of guys who railed a porn star on the same day and who are now a sportsball team?
Guy Standing in Line: [looks behind him] “This line is longer than I thought, amirite? Hey, did you play football in college? Something just occurred to me…”
I think it’s just what they call people who live in Texas? They do like to meddle in things that don’t concern them, including sports leagues I guess
Woo! Manufactured celebration and irresbonsibility occasion! Go team do a thing that will probably be super stupid because your accidental good pick will be in round 4+!