Sexy Friday – 20230512

TGIF! Hope everyone has taken the time to peruse your team’s schedule and count those wins and losses. Just kidding, there’s still real playoffs happening right now.

Survival – Personal Edition

Well now you’ve done it. Done what exactly? Who knows? Ok, well your partner does and they’re not happy. Let’s work through a few guidelines to apologize while figuring out what went wrong.

  • Determine how much trouble you’re in. Dilated pupils or flared nostrils? Big trouble! None of those, try a simple compliment or a small joke to elicit a smile. Maybe that apology isn’t necessary!
  • Don’t guess what you did wrong. You may bring up something your partner isn’t mad about now or aware of. No need to dig yourself a deeper hole.
  • Offer a vague apology. Say you’re sorry, that what you did was stupid, but avoid specifics.
  • Offer a vague excuse. Something as simple as you weren’t thinking because you’re tired, or stressed, or distracted.
  • Try to extract intel. Ask for guidance on what they specifically expect to you do different. Make sure this is presented as seeking guidance. Once you figure out what you did wrong, go ahead and launch into an actual specific apology, or if you dare, an excuse or explanation.
  • Finally, offer your partner reassurance that you will not make that mistake again. Also, thank them for bringing it up so that you can be a better person to them going forward.

There you go, you’ve de-escalated what could have been a fight. Life’s too short to spend it arguing with your partner.

A little bonus content, here are some phrases to use if you’re stuck in the doghouse.

  • “You look so cute when you’re mad”
  • “We haven’t been to [partner’s favoUrite restaurant] in a while. We should go soon.”
  • “I’m going to do some chores around the place. Why don’t you go have a personal day?”
  • “I got you flowers” (Content synergy: Nailed it!)
  • “The important thing is we have each other”
  • “It feels like my mind was being controlled by an alien the past few days. How strange.”
  • Last resort: “I was wrong”

[DFO and Author not responsible for partner’s reaction to any of the above phrases]

Click here to get to commenting

Survival – Species Edition

Time to put the sexy in Friday!

Enjoy the weekend, folks! Alright, now let’s get to what’s most important: Commenting and drinking!

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Mr. Ayo
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litre_cola

Leaves twitter is reacting reasonably.

Horatio Cornblower

He’s clearly holding Edmonton back.

Horatio Cornblower

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Brocky

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Horatio Cornblower

In the spirit of Sexy Friday this is the pizza we had for dinner tonight.
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Trigo Wood Fired Pizza in Willimantic, CT. If you’re in the area and like pizza you should go. You should also tell me ahead of time and I will meet you there and buy you a beer. Then we’ll eat pizza, have a couple more beers, then decide to go the brewery up the street, have a few more beers, then decide to go play pool and play the juke-box at the dive bar across the street, and then you’ll get bedbugs because the apartments above were no-shit-for-real contaminated with the little bastards and then look at that, I’ve ruined another friendship.

The pizza is really good though, and more importantly bedbug free.

Doktor Zymm

That looks very tasty, gotta love a good pizza from a proper oven

Horatio Cornblower

They’re just starting out, (full disclosure I know the owners from drinking in various bars over the years), but they seem to know what they’re doing. Farm-to-table toppings, too.

Horatio Cornblower

Don’t get me started on New Haven-style apizza, because I will never shut the fuck up.

Modern-Bar-Pepe’s-Sally’s in New Haven. Zuppardi’s in West Haven has outstanding sausage, but for some reason the whole pizza (apizza?) doesn’t quite meet Modern. Rossini’s in Cheshire, although they do not use a wood-fired oven. Camille’s in Tolland is outstanding. I don’t think Trigo can beat them yet, but they’re new and I am very optimistic about where they’re headed and oh God here I go again.

Last edited 1 year ago by Horatio Cornblower
litre_cola

I have heard much about your pizza. Doubtful I will ever make it to New haven, or Old Haven for that matter.

Horatio Cornblower

I’d ship you some (Zuppardi’s sells frozen pies) but I am a firm believer that you can’t get a real taste of pizza once it leaves the restaurant. It’s like a new car; as soon as you take it off the lot it starts to lose value/taste.

litre_cola

I would need a pizza oven. Not there yet, pub is at completion downstairs.

Doktor Zymm

Where’s Middle Aged Haven?

Horatio Cornblower

My house.

New Haven is surrounded by East Haven, West Haven, (collectively known as The Stavens), and North Haven. There is no South Haven because of, you know (waves vaguely at all that salt water).

Doktor Zymm

I’ve been to one of those, although don’t remember which. It was good though!

2Pack

That last lady is mine this week. She’s getting up off the beach chair to fetch the coco butter oil she is fixin to rub all over me.

Sound advice on apologizing here Mr Ayo. Homeboy is bookmarking this edition.

Gumbygirl

Try telling her she’s cute when she’s mad. See how that works out for you!

Horatio Cornblower

I am absolutely going to root for whoever comes out of the West, because there is no fucking way I’m rooting for Carolina ever, or a team from Florida to take home Lord Stanley’s Cup.

Be prepared Kraken; I will jump on that bandwagon if I have to.

Brick Meathook

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ballsofsteelandfury

I firmly believe this is part of RTD’s The Night I Won The Super Bowl story.

Brick Meathook

Roombas is the lead in.

Follow it, Jerry!

Horatio Cornblower

When Jason Momoa just said “I find it funny when people think they can define me” I initially heard it as “when people think they can fight me”, and I would think that was funny too, assuming I was built like Jason Momoa.

Doktor Zymm

I bought a Leafs t-shirt in 7th grade when we went to Toronto on an orchestra field trip. I wonder if it’s still at my parents house somewhere?

Brocky

………

The Cubs are back at 500!

That is all

Horatio Cornblower

The Yankees have the 5th best record in the AL and are in last place in the AL East.

Good win tonight, though.

Dunstan

THESE MAPLE LEAFS, I CALL THEM WEST VIRGINIANS, BECAUSE THEY JUST GOT FUCKED BY COUSINS

WCS

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Dunstan

Ok, here goes…

(ties Panthers bandanna, streaks through Clubhouse)

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Horatio Cornblower

Vegas’s uniforms remind me of the uniforms in ‘Any Given Sunday’ and I do not mean that as a compliment.

Brocky

9:47 central, it begins

Brocky

9:55 good good

Brocky

Oh yeah, pics

Spoiler

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2Pack

Daisy there in the blue has my attention.

Thanks Brocky.

Brocky

Sydney Sweeney is love. Sydney Sweeney is life.

I have legit not had a celebrity crush like this since Kate Upton.

yes i have a type okay?

Horatio Cornblower

So one of you Canucks explain the Toronto hate to me. It seems like a nice city and the team’s certainly not one you can hate because they win too much. I’m very confused.

WCS

They’re the Cowboys of Canadia, so of course you’re cornfused.

ballsofsteelandfury

Canada’s Team, if you will ..

Horatio Cornblower

But the Cowboys have won 5 Super Bowls in the last 50 years and the Maple Leafs have won exactly, (pulls out calculator), um, zero Stanley Cups during that same period.

I could understand hating on Edmonton, since those Gretzky-Messier et al teams won all the fucking time, but the Leafs are just dopes.

WCS

Now yinz’re on the trolley. They suck. They’ve sucked for generations, but are constantly force-fed how awesome they are by the Canadian sprouts mediau.

Don’t you tire of hearing how incredible THE FACKIN SAWX AHHH every year, even when they shit liquid?

Last edited 1 year ago by WCS
ballsofsteelandfury

13 Stanley Cups, second only to the Canadiens. Last one in the 60s.

King Hippo

My sister’s 2nd (still current!) husband is a Canuck. His dad is a retired Mountie, and once explained to me it was like they were the Yankees – just that they NEVAR won anything.

The Maestro

Absolutely not. The Leafs and their fan base are the absolute worst. They’re the wealthiest team in the NHL, partly due to being owned jointly by our two largest telecom and media companies, and sports media. They absolutely dominate the airwaves across the country, even in the middle of many other diehard fandoms, much to the chagrin of other fan bases, in part because the media companies wants to promote their valuable asset. Coupled with the aggressive buffoonery of Leafs travelling to away games across the continent, to the fact that their home rink is a mausoleum due to the 100-level seats being used predominantly as business meeting expenditures by individuals who are mostly just attending for status and social clout… oh, and not to forget the absolutely sociopathic local media, who are so determined to carve out a nice for themselves despite their utter lack of talent, they take to covering absolutely asinine or utterly irrational angles of takes (“Why does William Nylander [leading the team in playoff scoring and being one of the best players in the league on a bargain contract] play with no heart or soul?”), or worse yet, literally just invent awful shit out of whole cloth (“Phil Kessel can’t get this team over the hump because he’s eating a hot dog from the same cart on his walk to the rink every single day” Steve motherfucking Simmons). It’s an absolute race to the bottom.

Toronto fans are a microcosm of how the average person becomes easily mired in mediocrity over the course of a lifetime. The leafs cater to a clientele that still has to manually breathe sometimes. Losing is so thoroughly entwined with the culture that it’s become a virus.

In sum, for these reasons, and many more, the Toronto Maple Leafs are a virus on society. To take them out back behind a barn to put them out of their misery would be too simple for us, Rather, like the traitors and cowards of society, we need to make an example of them – the rest of us need to despise in order to remember to never accept mediocrity, ever.

Horatio Cornblower

OK, so that’s an answer. And also a sandwich.

Thank you, Maestro.

SonOfSpam

If anyone in Miami cared about their sports teams, this would be a huge night.

Well, cocaine will be done anyway.

WCS

Just another 11:30 on a Tuesday.

Horatio Cornblower

Hey man, it’s actually Friday.

/huge snort of cocaine

And?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“We have sports teams?” – Miami residents

WCS

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U6UxzuYcrqc

And the celebrations across the Great White North commence.

Horatio Cornblower

Toronto has gotten screwed on a couple of calls tonight, but more than that they seem committed to playing some really stupid hockey, so I’m not sure the refs are to blame here.

Last edited 1 year ago by Horatio Cornblower
Horatio Cornblower

I mean, when you’re down 3-1 and in OT what you want to do is commit all your guys deep and give up as many odd-man rushes as you can. It’s just basic strategy.

Horatio Cornblower

My god, when you’ve lost Don Koharski you are really not doing a good job calling the game.

Brocky

I gave up on trying to figure out why someone is mad at me. I flat out have had relationships end when I dropped this line:

When you don’t tell me what’s wrong, you’re using just assuming I already know. You just assume I’m doing this shit on purpose just to piss you off, that is a malicious behavior on your part, and it means you care more about your personal emotions rather than absolving the issue at hand

I know that sounds dangerously close to gaslighting but few things in this world piss me off more than passive aggressiveness

Horatio Cornblower

My solution was to find a hot chick who hated head games and had really low standards in men and then I married her.

Brocky

I would make a family guy joke here, but I doubt you’re that overweight

Horatio Cornblower

I am in much better shape than Peter Griffin, that is true.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I picture your wife as basically Daniel LaRussa’s wife in Cobra Kai.

Horatio Cornblower

You’re actually not terribly far off.

And I have absolutely had to carry her (and I mean that literally) away from a bar fight before.

Brocky

Dude it’s 2023 you’re allowed to say milf

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WCS

(that’s Mike Brown’s niece)

Horatio Cornblower

The Titans could collect 30% of the royalties from the merchandise all the other teams are about to sell and cover their entire payroll.

I would absolutely buy an Atlanta Red Stallions jersey.

Redshirt

Now I regret Mike Brown not moving the franchise to Buffalo. I wouldn’t have minded being a fan of the Indianapolis Cowboys.

Horatio Cornblower

I should clarify: I would buy an Atlanta Red Stallions jersey is Fanatics wasn’t making them, because Fanatics makes produces amazingly shitty jerseys for amazingly high prices.

Doktor Zymm

I’m sad more teams weren’t on their schedule

Horatio Cornblower

The best part of that is the NFL music blaring each time they put up some hilariously wrong team and the game date.

Redshirt

Yeah. Chicago, Jacksonville and Cleveland was great. Pittsbugh and Kansas City was good too. Cincinnati was okay, it was just too quick and jarring. The Chargers was, like last year, more art than a video.

But Tenneesse was the best. If that wasn’t scripted, I’d be shocked. It was simple and perfect!

Last edited 1 year ago by Redshirt
Horatio Cornblower

Seattle was my favorite, just because she was so excited that I was convinced they were going to play the Eagles of Philadelphia and boy were we both way, way off.

Redshirt

Bengals Wanted to Host Black Friday Game in Hopes of Making It An Annual Tradition – Sports Illustrated Cincinnati Bengals News, Analysis and More

(Artistic Interpretation of the Conversation)
Bengals: “Can we play the Black Friday Game and possibly make…”
NFL: “KNOW THY PLACE, PEASANT FRANCHISE!!!

Doktor Zymm

It’s probably not sensible to do more than 2 brandy tastings in a day, right?

Horatio Cornblower

Is it sensible? No.

Is it healthy? No.

But is it fun? Well, only you know the answer to that.

Doktor Zymm

I think I might be planning a Napa trip that doesn’t actually involve any wine tastings, I just need to be sober enough to appreciate dinner

Horatio Cornblower

All of you Toronto haters will be happy to know that no team I’ve rooted for this play-offs has won a single OT game.

I am rooting for Toronto tonight.

Doktor Zymm

Maybe you can get teams to pay you to root for their opponents!

Horatio Cornblower

Eh, I used to root for the Whalers. At this point it’s just inevitable.

Horatio Cornblower

I live in CT, so I haven’t seen too much OT from the West Coast. I’d like to see Edmonton come out of the West, but all I really care about is that someone sends Carolina home.

King Hippo

Your jinxing magick is strong, I could still source you a “Karamanos 1” Vichy Sweater to wear for the remainder of the torneo?

Horatio Cornblower

Man, if I thought that would work I’d bankrupt myself to go to their play-off games.

Horatio Cornblower

That might be the worst rule in sports. Any time the referee decides he doesn’t want a goal to count he just has to say he meant to call the play dead but just didn’t have a chance to blow his whistle. Can’t think of any way that might be abused and/or exploited.

Doktor Zymm

I’m gonna be really amused in a few years when the ring of refs fixing games for the mob’s legitimate sports betting establishments is uncovered

Horatio Cornblower

“Yeah, me too!”

-Donaghy, T.

Dunstan

“Intent to blow” is a great adult film title, though.

Horatio Cornblower

/Buddy Cole’s Halftime Show has entered the chat.

Redshirt

Sexy Friday appropriate?

IMG_2280.jpeg
Horatio Cornblower

No reason for the correction; that’s just solid advertising for Jules.

King Hippo

A team of destiny, with bullwhips up their asses

WCS

Anti-LEAFENING, but that was a sick goal.

litre_cola

Serbia is not known for cool headedness.

https://twitter.com/ianbremmer/status/1657100035870302209?s=20

King Hippo

yeah, ain’t they heard of a GOOD GUY with a gun smgdh

WCS

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He thought he was doing a good thing.

Horatio Cornblower

Outdone by the Serbs. The fucking Serbs.

We are such a bunch of fucking assholes.

Doktor Zymm

They were all still kinda shell-shocked when I was there around 2008 or so, I would be surprised if that’s completely worn off

litre_cola

I also was there in 2008. Was wild. The overnight train was sleepless.

Doktor Zymm

The party barges, and the cab driver who was really entertained at all his passengers swigging from a 3L beer, good times

herodotus450

This is why they’ll never put a man on the moon

King Hippo

OR even blow the motherfucker up!

King Hippo

There is a reason why I nicknamed Genesis Cabrera “Invisible Touch” (yeah!) in the #BFIB-verse. Godfuckingdamnit.

Doktor Zymm

So a fancy sushi bar has opened up a couple blocks from my place in Chicago. Should I try the 15-course Omakase dinner next time I’m in town?

King Hippo

Can’t you super size that? – Andy R., Kansas City, MO

TheRevanchist

Do you think any of us fatties would tell you not to?

Horatio Cornblower

Don Koharski said the no goal call against Toronto was good, which means it was 100% the wrong call.

Dunstan

+ 1 donut

scotchnaut

Look, I’m by no stretch of the imagination a fan of mass shootings. They are an abomination on civilized society. I want to make that very clear. BUT. If a mass shooting in Canada were to occur. Like I said. I DON’T WANT IT TO OCCUR. But, if it did happen, well, the ‘best’ place for it to happen would be in the crowd of Leafs fans. I repeat. I Don’t Want This To Happen. But it seems inevitable and I think this is the very best spot for this to occur.

Dunstan

Camera pans to the gunman, who is revealed to be Kyle Dubas. As he reloads, he cackles, “I’m going to RUN IT BACK!!!!!!”

Dunstan

Down Goes Brown starts writing a column about how Wendel Clark was so good with an AR-15

litre_cola

I had a Wendel Clark jersey growing up as was a Prairie boy. Did nae have an auto weapon though.

ballsofsteelandfury

I would do many many things for/to #8…

scotchnaut

/with?

Horatio Cornblower

because of.

The Maestro

God, I love me some delicious Blue Team Bastard Men schadenfreude.

scotchnaut

Leafs ‘fans’ from the lower seats toss their Rolexes onto the ice because they just don’t know how things work.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

You don’t know that those aren’t octopus rolexes

/has no idea what’s going on in any hockey game at any time

Last edited 1 year ago by BrettFavresColonoscopy
herodotus450

7.5+ minutes they just said, since the last action in this game

WCS

VAR RIOT IN LEAFS SQUARE

scotchnaut

This goal review could only be longer if Roger Ebert was involved.

King Hippo

The quantity of shoulder pics may not equal that of the ass shots (*cough* sucking up to Balls obvs *cough*), but man…the quality of the ones you DO select. Much appreciate.

herodotus450

Took the rotisserie chickens out of the oven too soon again

WCS

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The Maestro

Lady Maestro is away for the weekend, and as such, it’s prime time to watch hockey in bed while drinking a Cuba Libre made with some Don Q rum courtesy of Don T. Happy Friday, folks.

King Hippo

Speaking of, it just came to me that I have no idea the origin story of DonT’s nomme de plume/handle. Does everybody else know? Am I just a shitty imaginary friend?

litre_cola

Cuba Litre with the wife away amirite?

BrettFavresColonoscopy
scotchnaut

Fozz strikes me as a guy that is more into bumper stickers. CAPITALIZED BUMPER STICKERS, btw.

WCS

I uncategorically love Old Bay, but the “prize” is a trip to Baltimore? How is that winning anything?

scotchnaut

I’m guessing that the only folks that enter this contest are denizens of Baltimore. Because they’re that stupid.

/Gank! Jib! Gazoo!

litre_cola

Puts out signal, can someone send me some real Old Bay? With reciprocate with Coffee Crisps and Ketchup Doritos.

ballsofsteelandfury

You want the actual seasoning?

litre_cola

Well I don’t want water from an old bay.

Doktor Zymm

I have loads I can send along. I could also pick up some Crab UTZ next time I’m at my parents place in July

litre_cola

Yes plz!

Game Time Decision

My Costco has it, check there

King Hippo

Because HARRY’S PUB

Horatio Cornblower

Baltimore is an outstanding city, Sir.

King Hippo

Fozz still owes Ayo some beefcake pics. The world trembles in anticipation.

ballsofsteelandfury

You always delight with your amazing pictures!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

– Eli’s teacher, who he incidentally has a crush on

Doktor Zymm

The end of the Snyder era was made official today!
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WCS

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Sewage shots for everyone!

scotchnaut

“Billionaire Doubles His Net Worth Today.”

-The New York Fucking Times, probably

WCS

It’s a little unfair to have the two largest cities on the continent in an piece like this.

“Here are the biggest political subdivisions in Asia. Russia and China have the most.”

scotchnaut

Leafs down 2-0. All is right in the world.

litre_cola

Worst lead in hockey.

Game Time Decision

Love to see it
Is today LED?