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Sexy Friday – 20230601

Mr. Ayo

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TGIF! Welcome to the wonderful world of June. I’m getting my NASCAR on today, so let’s get to it.

Survival – Personal Edition

Every lose your car keys? Of course you have! Here’s how to hot wire a car. For newer cars, just buy a device that steals transmitter codes and enjoy your keyless future.

  • Supplies! You will need a screwdriver, wire stripper, and electrical tape. You will also need to break in to the car if it’s locked. If so, grab a coat hanger to operate the door opener throw the window.
  • Once in the car, start with trying the quick and easy method. Jam that screwdriver into the ignition and break off the pins in the tumbler. Turn and see if that starts the car. If so, skip the rest and enjoy.
  • Alright, that didn’t work. Now we’ll need to mess with the wiring. Use the screwdriver to remove the screws holding the trim around the steering column. Or to pry it open if you’re not considered with the trim.
  • Once removed, you’ll need to identify the wiring looms. One will control headlights, parking lights, and turn signals. One will control wipers. And the one we’re interested in will control battery, starter and ignition system. Pro tip: The one you want will feed wires into the ignition.
  • Identify the two wires from the loom that control the batter and ignition system. Strip and twist them together. If you got it right the radio, lights, and instrument cluster will turn on.
  • Next, identify the wire for the ignition system. Strip that wire and touch it to the ends of the other two wires. This should activate the starter and start the car. Use the electrical tape to cover the ends of the wires and be on your way.
  • Final desperation option is get a cordless drill. Same idea as the screwdriver. Drill only as deep as a typical car key. Again, you’re trying to break the locking pins in the ignition. After drilling, insert the screwdriver and turn to see if the car starts.

There you go! Who needs car keys anyway? They’re just something else to lose.

Click here to get to commenting

Survival – Species Edition

Time to put the sexy in Friday!

Enjoy the weekend, folks! Alright, now let’s get to what’s most important: Commenting and drinking!

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Brocky

Okay. I lnow it almost 330 eastern, it’s almost 330 eastern….

I’m awake and I’m funk as.druck

1
WCS

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Brocky

Fuck yeah they have an Elvira pinball machine

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yeah right

Not that I would trade with Horatio but I’ve got a ballet tomorrow. It’s like my 15th.

Middle granddaughter, The Wahini, in her 5th performance.

She should have been a surfer.

6
WCS

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yeah right

Still time though. Hurricane Wahini is only 10.

Plenty of time. This girl is fierce.

2
Brocky

How the fuck you doing boys (and girls?)

If y’all remember, a few weeks ago i went on a pretty sweet male bonding experience that was my buddy’s bachelor party. It involved firearms. Said buddy is getting married tomorrow and we’ve effectively taken over this tavern.

I may or may not be intoxicated. I may or may not be sharing a story of why there’s a persistent rumor of me having supernatural powers related to a scar I have. I may or may not have compared the Dallas cowboys to that weird shit I took on Thursday

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Horatio Cornblower

Vaya con Dios, good Sir. Sounds like a night that will echo through the ages.

Or at least through your head, most of tomorrow.

Hydrate, hydrate, hydrate.

3
TheRevanchist

Scar? Are you Harry Pooter, the boy who lived?

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Brocky

That’s kinda the joke. I fucking falcon punched a window then I was 4, high school buddies noticed the. MARK, and made the natural connection, apparently I’m some impossibly awesome combination of thor and superman. The definition of my ab8ilities keeps changing

1
yeah right

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vlc0_GUdfIQ

0
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Holy shit the Port Adelaide – Hawthorn game is currently at an *80* point differential.

It’s the second quarter.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

If you had a guy named Madison Cawthorne and you had to guess which of those teams he’d root for, you’d guess Hawthorne, right? You’d be wrong, though. It’s Port Adelaide.

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2
yeah right

Still here to tell about it!

How the fuck you doing family?!

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2Pack

Just fine Buddy

2
yeah right

Glad to hear it. How’s your weather?
Hope it’s warmer than our cold wet blanket.

2
2Pack

Warm and rain today but generally its been good.

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Horatio Cornblower

We’re moving my daughter into her new apartment tomorrow morning. Wife is getting the truck at 9:30. She just went to bed while announcing she’s not feeling well. Son is here but drunk. Daughter just got home from a friend’s house. I’m on my 3rd beer.

Tomorrow’s move is going to go forward with the same precision shown at (waves vaguely at various military disasters) that thing.

Last edited 2 years ago by Horatio Cornblower
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Sharkbait

Bay of pigs?

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Horatio Cornblower

Absolutely

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I don’t know you went with military when there are all kinds of NFL examples handy. “A Cleveland Browns fake punt” for example.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

The Indianapolis Colts were right there.

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Last edited 2 years ago by BrettFavresColonoscopy
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Horatio Cornblower

Both fair points.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I stand by my original choice of teams.

https://twitter.com/PFF/status/1305196421071634435

2
yeah right

Why is my bad idea radar going off?

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Horatio Cornblower

Probably because there’s a sleeper sofa involved that my son, (who has never been involved in an actual move), is convinced will be no problem at all.

Oh you sweet, dumb, summer child.

6
yeah right

Oh I’ve got to watch this.

5
Horatio Cornblower

This exact scene was already mentioned while discussing why the couch is staying on the first floor of her apartment.

1
yeah right

You’ve been pre-warned.

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WCS

Just so, so many pulled muscles and ligaments.

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Horatio Cornblower

Buddy, anything short of a herniated disc and a torn rotator cuff is an absolute victory.

5
2Pack

If he hurts his back, the Dolphins team Doc is here in the Clubhouse.

2
2Pack

Gallipoli ?

0
blaxabbath

Operation Gideon

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Gumbygirl

Sexiest of Fridays to us all! Gumby and I got dinner from a couple of awesome food trucks tonight. Totally stuffed. The high school across the street had graduation, and a very kickass fireworks display after. I am baked. Here’s a cutie for yinz

facebook_1684708843093_7066181039423707014_8048929435781.jpg
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2Pack

My guess would be an ashtray.

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Horatio Cornblower

Not only am I not wondering I am actively trying to get the idea out of my mind.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I was thinking brake fluid.

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Horatio Cornblower

I’m willing to drink it to avoid finding out.

2
TheRevanchist

I don’t have time for a yeast infection.

3
WCS

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Mac’s aunt!

4
Horatio Cornblower

I missed RTD’s cities ad towns draft today, which upsets me greatly because I missed a chance to drop this gem of a song that no one has ever heard of, and I only know because one time I won a trivia contest on some college radio station and they sent me a CD that included it. But it’s a great song.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ybaet54i6Ms

0
Horatio Cornblower

Better version. The live act leaves a bit to be desired.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g0VrKMOwzzE

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Not considered with the trim? Isn’t that antithetical to sexy Friday?

4
2Pack

I wonder if I would impress lady number 5 by wearing my cordless drill in a holster whenever I am out and about? She looks very nice. And if I lose my car key how else will I be able to give her a ride? Thank you Ayo, I learned so much here tonight.

1
TheRevanchist

Use food grade grease (yes, there is such a thing) as a cologne. It will keep her from getting sick, but still smells very manly.

1
WCS

I wonder if I would impress lady number 5 by wearing my cordless drill in a holster

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TheRevanchist

WNBA game on right now. On an HD channel. Broadcasting in SD. Smh

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

More like Y-A-W-NBA amirite?

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TheRevanchist

Yes. Yes, you are.

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Horatio Cornblower

Shopping for T-shirts

https://twitter.com/Jorjorwel42/status/1664675583706398732/photo/1

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Senor Weaselo

“I’ll take it!” -Paul Rubens

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Somehow I read this as John Roberts at first, and it still worked.

1
litre_cola

Also the palate in this venue would make Riley Cooper uncomfortable.

1
litre_cola

BeerguyRob comes as advertised.

3
Horatio Cornblower

Seriously, are we just not doing phrasing anymore?

3
Horatio Cornblower

Commercial during the Yankees game: “When you’re a Fab, Fit, Fun member you get to choose whatever comes in your box every season.”

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Brick Meathook

Hello!

I’m really just surfacing now. Monday they announce everything and then I can talk a bit. I’ve been on a wild ride the last six weeks or so.

I’ve earned a drink (or ten).

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Brick Meathook

https://fb.watch/kWoNV6P6-a/

Last edited 2 years ago by Brick Meathook
1
ballsofsteelandfury

Colour me intrigued…

0
litre_cola

Ummm capitalize?

1
Horatio Cornblower

My kid came home for the weekend and just waxed my ass 5 games to 3 in pool, and two of my wins were because he scratched on the 8-ball.

About ready for him to leave.

8
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“You had me at ‘waxed kid’.” – Marc Trestman

4
Horatio Cornblower

Ever since I typed that I just can’t get the Gaetz off the back door.

2
WCS

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This one is causing another Bud Light meltdown.

3
Doktor Zymm

There’s a Ben Shapiro book sitting by the controls of the jetbridge for my ORD-SFO flight 😂

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King Hippo

You know it won’t be about the female orgasm, that’s for sure.

7
SonOfSpam

Book pages are so dry they might spontaneously combust.

7
Doktor Zymm

A lot of women come through a jetbridge, but nawt a lot of women cum through a jetbridge

8
King Hippo

ppl forget that!

3
WCS

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

PILOT: [taps gauge] Looks like we’re going to need to go through de-icing.

COPILOT: What the hell? It’s almost summer!

PILOT: It’s weird, but the second the jetway touched the fuselage suddenly went completely frigid.

0
King Hippo

The #BFIB do a bad. A very, very bad.

0
Wakezilla

I can’t believe there’s a 5 day break before the Ice Superbowl starts. The NHL is so bad at marketing their game.

6
King Hippo

Pretty sure Manfred and Bettman can only get hard by fucking over their own customers at this point. And/or the players, let’s not forgets.

5
Sharkbait

They’re constantly making the wrong decisions in marketing. Every damn time.

Last edited 2 years ago by Sharkbait
1
herodotus450

Two successful franchise expansions in the last decade, new TV deal, salary cap going up, where’s the problem*?
*due to a technicality in the ratification of the 17th amendment all problems in Arizona are null and void

3
blaxabbath

I call it. The Big Ice Game.

0
Doktor Zymm

Back when TickTick Liquors was still open (read up on the closing, it’s a proper story) my friend locked her keys in her car while we were buying booze. As there was always a cop stationed there, we asked him to open the car for us. He was bored as shit and excited to get to break into a car so he was happy to do it! We should have picked a nicer car and pretended it was hers, lol.
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ballsofsteelandfury

Excelente selection again this week, good sir!

1
SonOfSpam

it’s tough typing excellent and jerkin at the same time

1
ballsofsteelandfury

When I get excited, I speak in Spanish…

2
SonOfSpam

I read it as “excelerate” so the lesson here is, as usual, I am illiterate.

2
Sharkbait

Flight leaves at 11, I’m setting an alarm for 4 so I can test out the lorazepam I was prescribed for my flight anxiety. Better living through pharmaceuticals! Also booze. There will be that in the flight too.

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Doktor Zymm

I don’t have flight anxiety, but I DO have ‘missing a 4 am alarm’ anxiety. Good luck with the sleeping! Hope the drugs are awesome!

Last edited 2 years ago by Doktor Zymm
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Sharkbait

Oh I’m passing the hell out again but I figured it’s worth it having some in my system getting to the airport. Once we’re above 10,000 feet I’m usually Ok, provided it’s a smooth flight. I hate turbulence

2
Doktor Zymm

That’s pretty rational for anxiety, even I keep my shoes on during takeoff since it is the riskiest part of the flight. Unless it interferes with changing into my pyjamas of course. And remember, nowhere in the safety briefing does it say you can’t take your champagne with you during an evacuation!

3
King Hippo

I don’t really get anxious on a plane, I just find the whole experience unpleasant as fuck. Being tall doesn’t help matters any.

Also, I never got a firm grasp on Bernoulli’s Principle, I remember making a D on that test.

3
Doktor Zymm

It’s okay, however it was explained to you during that class was almost certainly inaccurate. Just remember, bumblebees fly, and jets are way more awesome looking than bees, and also faster and make fun noises, so of COURSE they can fly.

2
King Hippo

Then, I get pulled back to CARBOAT. Always, always CARBOAT.

2
WCS

No love for Knight Boat?

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BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

Being tall and then on a plane sucks
I have had to duck just walking down the isle

/that’s the first time I’ve ever typed duck and I’m surprised it didn’t get changed to fuck

1
WCS

DO NOT mix benzos and booze, especially if it’s something you’re not sued to.

4
Sharkbait

Good call. Might stick with a tonic then.

0
Horatio Cornblower

I scrolled down to say that. Your anxiety won’t be an issue, anyway.

2
Gumbygirl

We’re going to see your ziptied ass getting drug off a plane tomorrow, aren’t we? Wooo, hell yeah!

4
Doktor Zymm

I’m pretty sure 3 hours of work per person per day is plenty. I’m actually not sure I averaged even that much when I had a real job

4
King Hippo

Always a treat to peruse these fine visuals before the Friday Night Nods take over one’s consciousness.

2
WCS

Apparently it’s quite easy troll and enrage MGT types by simply requoting random quotes from Mac.

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2
Doktor Zymm

Even that seems like more effort than needed to enrage a crazy person, but I like the panache

3
scotchnaut

I may have mentioned earlier that I was going alcohol-free quite soon. Well, yesterday our internet provider went kaput and the office staff had to handwrite all of our delivery orders. No worries-it was probably in the range of +/- 400 invoices.

/knee-deep in scotch, thank you very much

10
WCS

“knee-deep in scotch” means entrails

1
Doktor Zymm

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6
Wakezilla

Knee deep in scotch?

Ain’t nothing wrong with that

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