Because, goddamnit. It’s Derby Day, and as usual we have no fucking chance to even swindle a point out of those Redshite Motherfuckers.
The game is on USA at 7:30 EST. Which hopefully means I will sleep through it. Poor little grandson Bronco doesn’t yet know to give me a wide berth on Derby Day. Key word being yet.
A whopping FIVE matches in the 10a window, led by Suddenly Reeling (by their standards) City of Men taking on the plucky Trashbirds (USA). Lose or even draw today, and you’ll start seeing people foolishly question whether Pep has lost his fastball. He really should re-think his preference for such a small playing squad, though. You need hungry players that give you options to shake things up. In Pretend Bernard Gilkey’s unassilable opinion.
I have some streaming interest in Robins Hood home to Luton, but that’s just ’cause I’m weird. You can and should do better. Praise Beesus (alarm bells ringing there) hosting Boo-urnley? Both teams could use a boost (Lowratio joke, high five!).
Sportlight Dance is indeed a treat, Chelski hosting Arsenal (12:30, NBC). Should Handsome Mikel’s men want to be viewed as True Contenders to the Lesser Throne? They need to win matches like this one. Their Blue foes have the teeniest bit of momentum and belief, though. Gooners need to hit them early, break their will, yada yada.
Peacock annoyingly streaming Team Knifey home to Men Untied (3p), while there is only ONE stinking match on Sunday. And EVEN THAT bleeds into Precious RedZone Time (Villa hosting Rum Ham, 11:30 Sun, USA). I mean, it’s like they schedule without consulting Hippo at fooking all smh.
Last and maybe least, Mighty Whitey visit Spurs on Monday Night Footy (3p Monday, USA). I do believe its too soon for Swarthy Ange to really lead this group to a title challenge, but Top Four is a realistic stretch goal. Fulham just need to get right and go after Zooropa NIT qualification, or at least mid-Table comfort.
Ballsy’s La Liga Minute:
It’s a smaller story, but I know you’ve been following it. Real Madrid (/Don T spits on the ground) is currently leading the league by two points over the young, enthusiastic, and well-coached Catalonian team we all love: GIRONA!
Yup, it’s true. Little Girona from Catalonia (located north of Barcelona) is in second place, one point in front of Barça after 9 games. As the British say, it’s still early days, but I dare say this is probably the highest that Girona have ever been in the table this far into the season. Felicitats!
Paedo State (+4) at tOhio State (Noon, Fox)
Pre-expansion B1G really only plays three games a year, and the first of these has finally arriven. Cheering for the Tree Nutz feels weird, but hey – they don’t make a point of fucking 12 year olds in the shower. Well, at least not outside of rasslin’ (we see you lurking over there, Gym Jordan). This one will be a physical, defensive battle. Home field likely decisive.
UCF (+19) at Oklahoma (Noon, ABC)
Sorry, I still have square root of fuckall belief in Steerfuckers North. Really expecting the Hitler Mice to at least make a game of this.
Mississippi State (+6) at Arkansas (Noon, ESPN)
There are few things I love MOAR in JV NFL than a True Desperation Bowl, and this one qualifies. Loser starts to wonder whether they might pitch a shutout in SEC play, which is always a great way to get fired. Winner goes back to thinking they can salvage a 6 or 7 win season and a December exhibition. Exhibit 2,307+ of how hard it is to follow an Air Raid coach and deciding to change the offense.
Washington State (+4) at Oregon (3:30, ABC)
This was a much better looking matchup before Wazzu laid a home turd against Bear Down FOAR Midterms, But I’d expect a bit of a reaction in a shootout-type game. Quack Attack will probably play angry, but we will have to see how effectively.
Tennessee (+9.5) at Alabama (3:30, CBS)
Roll Damn Tide has some kind of absurd home winning streak in October. I guess it’s some kind of Saban Sweet Spot? But I’m telling you it could easily end today, in what (like Paedos/THEEEEE) will be lower scoring than the casual fan expects.
BDSM State (+3.5) at West By God Virginia (3:30, ESPN)
Loser could possibly go into a tailspin here. Winner wants to think about somehow getting into the Big 12 title game, thanks to some favoUrable scheduling.
Good sequence on How to Get Fired:
1) Elect to kick a 51-yard FG on 4th and 2, down 7-3 late in Q3
2) Get a delay of game JV BLEERGH lining up
3) Punt
They call it The McCarthy Special.
I’m crying because it’s true.
Cowbells/Pig Sooey is an absolute abomination, and yet I am spellbound.
pillbound
Followed by bourbon’d.
#TwoThings
UAB really should play at Cheech Marin Stadium
Field goals are marked from where the ball is placed on the ground and kicked, but punts are marked from the original line of scrimmage. WEIRD.
ONLY IN NEW YORK!
Deion Sanders’ only white recruits look like a John Birch Society sleep apnea study
Banner material
Hey! I resemble that remark!
Listening to the commentator whinge that the Arsenal handball was a “letter of the law” thing is absurd. His hand blocked the ball from going towards (and potentially in) the goal! Of course it’s a handball, whether it was intentional or not!
“Sometimes you just can’t help handling balls” — Lauren B., Colorado
Well, Arsenal are being throughly outplayed, so time to watch the second half from the gym and hope that changes things, because superstitions like that are almost as stupid as Arsenal gets every time they have a chance to go top of the table.
I have some bad news for you…
All hail BLEERGH!
Some home cookin’ in the Horseshoe!
Ya fucking think?
I don’t know if Fozz stops by on Saturdays, but someone let him know his family has a free Uber XL all afternoon anywhere in the city.
Brick too, if he’s in NOVA, it just might take longer for me to get to him.
i’m here, watching this ohio state game, 30 pack of beer, Mrs. Fozz is on mute.
Senators playing handicapped because they haven’t signed one of their players to a contract yet. Whether it’s because no one in the organization can read and write, or because all of their money is tied up in Bulk Barn stock futures is unknown.
[lovingly caresses 8-1 lead in shots on goal]
How does this affect the Maple Leafs?
I don’t understand either of the responses to this comment but I know they’re funny.
I’m still reeling from watching Emily in Paris.
The case she has for her iPhone needs to be rectally inserted into someone’s ass. Someone.
Anger reasons or sexy-time reasons? May affect candidates.
Pure anger. I know syphilitic monkeys who could write better dialouge
Are there any Zoomies around other than WCS? This counts as some kind of Thank You FOAR Your Service Derby, I’d think.
Ohio State’s is the real life version of when you progress to the next season in a college football video game and you suddenly realize your 96 OVR graduated and you forgot to recruit his replacement.
Depth is everything in video game management. Rely on one jedi master and the CPU will fuck you sideways.
Can confirm. I simulated one game and the injury list looks like Gotham City’s football team after Bane showed up.
I hope Ohio State gets wasted today.
It’s going to be more like Gym Jordan’s attempts at Speaker, and die a slow, painfully hilarious demise to an equally loathable group.
Go ahead, root for Paedo State/Speaker Greene!
Everybody loses!
yeah, I’m not comfortable with y’all being the good guys (or McHenry/Emmer) but the options are quite dire this timeline
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=liuSbrghzmk&pp=ygUkdGhpcyBpcyBpbmRlZWQgYSBkaXN0dXJiaW5nIHVuaXZlcnNl
/sheds tear of pride
Ohio State fans in my neck of the woods are fucking insufferable. It’s like, “Yeah, you went to a state university. Calm the fuck down. You are a piece of shit like the rest of us.”
Tell them my favorite OSU joke: “ Do you want to know how to get an Ohio State graduate to leave your house? Pay them for the pizza.”
my cousin went there, he mistakenly put me on a text thread during the ohio state michigan game. I was fucking posting all types of pro Michigan texts and the people went fucking off the rails. my cousin called me and yelled at me. of course i ignored him. it was awesome.
Mighty Senators are playing the Morally Degenerate Red Wings at 1pm EST!
You and herodotus need a #ShameBet!!
Wings lose and I’ll eat a poutine. Wings win and I’ll eat a Detroit-style pizza. Deal.
What is a hand ball?
Let’s ask VAR!
Assuming you’re talking about the Arsenal game that seemed a pretty clear handball.
Agreed. I was just joking about having to go through a whole VAR review to confirm it.
Ok. I made it to Maryland and I’m sitting in the shitter at Martin’s supermarket. Then I’m gonna buy Vivarin or something, because all coffee does anymore is turn me into a urine fountain. Then I’m aiming directly at BWI airport to Uber. No fucking around today: we’re SUCKING WIND till payday. Cmon Baltimore, bail me out. But I just wanted to wish a day as goddamn beautiful as it is here on all youse. May all your parlays hit in the fourth quarter!🤓 Cheers!
You need to go #FullRay with the piss jugs! And these have worked for me:
https://www.campbells.com/v8/products/v8-energy/black-cherry/
Way of the road, Hips.
Turn on the game and the drive stalls. Maybe I’m the problem?
oh man, dunno how I neglected to preview the Gumbygirl/Mr. Pickle Derby!
/Blazers up 14-7 tho
Alrighty, it’s almost time for us to go lose to Chelski, so … uhhh… I’m off to cry and curse at the tv. Have a good one
Hey, I already have a good one. Now I’m looking FOAR A LONGER one! – George C., Heaven’s Royalty District
JV Redshirt/State Penn is going to be 3-0 final. In overtime.
We won’t even get a safety dance or scoragmi.
https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_fullsize/plain/did:plc:criiz7t67jzchq7m6plznv7f/bafkreifoijvq5fpwv4vc7uzlocd2tpkhnnecy5stl3ojeqyjm5nsrgjsy4@jpeg
Paedos/Tree Nuts is already quite boring.
So is Chelsea and Arse-anal.
at least they have some interesting weather, my sound is on that (tablet, upper right of Hippo HQ).
Upper left is muted teevee box (JV NFL rotation).
Ded center is laptop (DFO/scoreboard/Footy Manager – Shempions quarters against teh DAS RAYCESS of Lazio)
And Chelsea just got interesting.
Napoli won. Deserves another Marika.
#HappilyNapoli
Am I seeing things, (I mean, I saw a Bengals sweatshirt at a Man City game, so the answer is clearly ‘yes’), or did Luton Town actually come back from 2-nil to get a draw?
Four Luton Towns?
One full Favre!
I just saw a Bengals sweatshirt at the Man City game. NFL expansion is working !!!
/Roger Goodell cackles
“No, it isn’t.” – Deanna Favre, who remains unsatisfied after slipping some of Jimmy Johnson’s boner pills into Brett’s coffee
Is lil Bronco under the bed or in the deep recesses of the closet due to gramps Hippo getting shouty yet?
He was busy knocking everything off the night stand (including Most Sacred Pill Bottle), but he departed when I “enjoyed” my 15 minutes of empty-stomach cramping time on the porcelain altar. He likes the back of the downstairs couch as a nap spot.
Considerate of him to give you some private time. Flower, Most High Empress of the Condo, likes to nudge the door open and stare at me whilst I’m trying to pinch a loaf. Makes me feel judged.
I have 100% re-learned to close the door behind me. Kruger can open any unlocked door, but he respects Daddy’s shame time.
Sorry to hear you’re still having gut issues tho’.
Kruger: “Forget it, kid: it’s Everton”
Brighton Hove & Albion getting a little frisky at Man City.
Buy the ticket, take the ride, as they say.
Thomas Frank is at least 20% MOAR drunk, dissheveled, and/or mental today. Beesus by two now.
And Frank Thomas has 20% more confidence as a man after taking those boner pills.
Love this account.
https://twitter.com/ArtButSports/status/1715746337751196040
Neighbor’s cows were in the yard again this morning. I had gone back to bed after letting the asshole cat out at 6:09 am, (fucker knew I went to bed at 2 and still woke me up), but when my wife got up, there they were.
She called the town and the Animal Control was over at the neighbor’s in ten minutes. After all the years of having him shrug his shoulders and say he’d get to it when he could I don’t think anyone’s having more fun with this new law than Animal Control. Wouldn’t surprise me if they were sneaking on to his property and letting them out at night just so they could show up first thing in the morning to tell him to get his cows back in the next hour or they’ll fine him.
Time to bust out the bleach and penis stencils…
Bleach? Nah. What you need is some biolumiscent powder – as it’s perfectly safe for the animals, while also giving you full technicolor glow in the dark penises on Horatio’s bovine nemises 😉
BeefReefer is referring to a story a month or so back from somewhere out west, (Wyoming, maybe?), where one neighbor did that to a bunch of another guys cows that kept breaking onto his land.
Apparently it’s a felony out there. Guy and his kid were facing real jail time.
Yeah, I’ve definitely missed that bit. Thanks for the clarification!
https://www.gillettenewsrecord.com/news/wyoming/article_d03179d6-c744-529e-a74b-2a39791e342d.html
Another Saturday morning, another day waking up to pouring rain. The northeast has really been something this summer. 24″ of rain over three months. To give you an idea of how much rain that is, that’s 6 full Favres.
“On a good blood flow day smdh.” – D Favre
I spent 5 days in NJ this month.
It was SO NICE to come home to like 100 degrees. I just stood in the yard getting blasted with a warm blanket that warms to the core.
I don’t know how people have the energy to get anything done in those conditions. I’d probably just hangout and do heroine if I had to sit through more than a weeks worth of cloudy days per year.
Bobby Charlton has died. This is a big deal to Rebecca Lowe and company. I have no idea who Bobby Charlton is. Or was.
One of the greatest British footballers of all time, ex-Man United, survivor of the Munich Air crash, part of the ’66 World Cup winning team. All in all, enough of a legend that I can’t say a bad thing about him (despite him, again, being a ManUre legend)
I was looking him up afterwards. Man had a hell of a career. That’s life right there.
Same goes for his brother that left us in 2020(ish?), though he was a Leeds lifer, before going into coaching
First I’ve read of the Munich crash. Those decisions leading up to the take-off were certainly something.
“Snow? Heavy slush? Ahh, what’s the worst that could happen? Fucking floor it!”
There’s an episode of Mayday (or Air Crash Investigations) you can watch about it as well.
Off to do more white people autumnal shit and then get COVID and flu boosted, let me know if RFK Jr. wants to fight about it.
I did that Tuesday, enjoy it fellow betacuck smgdh
Flu shot yesterday and COVID boost on Monday. Hell, may even get my second shingles shot since I’m there already
“You mind sharin’ them shingles? It’s fixin’ to rain on Monday.” – Jim Tomsula
Hoo boy. Just had my second shingles shot the other week.
Take the next day off. Seriously.
Already did. Just in case.
A preemptive strike. Well played, sir.
I felt pretty good when I woke up, did a little work, felt like I needed a short nap. Woke up 2-3 hours later feeling pretty bad and felt progressively worse until around 10-11.
I was fine the next day.
Added bonus I somehow lost 3 lbs. No idea why, as there were no, shall we say, “incidents,” that would have contributed to such a loss.
It is possible that my bathroom scale isn’t exactly atomic-clock accurate.
BFC’s appearance today (artist’s conception):
Blood Oil Boys are back on track, 2-0.
Just switched to it. Yep back on track although the trash birds are going to get tired with how many fixtures they have due to Zooropa competition.
Zoorpoa, baby! It’s gon’ be alright!!
[does not have the right shoes to get him through the night]
[does not have any shoes at all, actually]
– Jim Tomsula
And as always, I remind the class – blood FOAR oil is a damned good trade
My boat never did this, but it looks pretty cool.
HOWEVER, we did patrol way up north where our injection temperatures were way low (back aft our engines ran better) but the inside of the boat frosted over.
We were issued kick-ass sweaters on those patrols and I wish I still had one.
Top O’ the mornin. 15 hour work day yesterday and my body hurts. A little wake and bake plus some coffee should fix it.
And yet you’re already having a better day than Hippo
HA! Mighty Whitey does nae play today. Canadian Premier league semifinal today here because we shit the bed last week. That will be how my day will go!
/Litrepug bit me yesterday, he is out of the trust tree and we are friends off.
Hey bk109! Where did you do basic training? Any answer will do.
That’s the answer I thought! Good job!
‘Litrepug bit me yesterday’
Really? Aw. Were there extenuating circumstances?
Word. Having some espresso & gelato kush to straighten them edges right out.
Getting old sucks. My body feels hungover after the double shift yet I didnae have a drink yesterday.
Getting old does suck. But it beats the alternative (thus far, at least)
TRUE DAT, but when FITBAW season ends, the balance may shift.
If you like beaches, and ruins of nucular facilities, this is Rincón PR
Make it Canada’s 11th province!
… Nuclear facility in Puerto Rico? Research reactor or nuclear weapons storage site?
Officially, nuclear energy. It was functional from ’64 to ’70.
Unofficially it’s where PERPA hid all the money they were supposed to be spending on infrastructure.
For future burns, it’s “PREPA” 😅
Kewl! Looks like the setting for a 60ies Bond movie
Or like an utopian future Earth. “This is how the average family home in North Dakota looks like (after the vague apocalyptic incident that got humanity to work for its future that’s only mentioned in passing ofc)”
lol, as I was about to post
And Salah twisted the dagger that bit more in the Toffee faithfuls’ collective urethra 😀
well, goodie for Scaninavia’s favoUrite antisemitic cunt, getting a second soccer point.
Hippo, just because you watch British sports, that doesn’t mean you’ve got C-word privileges 😛
What a right chuff straight bruv, innit?
ah very well does, ESPECIALLY on Saturdays!
Irwindale, California
Lose or draw here, Everton are playing their fucking guts out for Dyche here down a man. Great to see.
True, but if they lose on a VAR-awarded penalty, despite being down a man for most of the game, Hippo’s going to be double-extra angry 😀
why I didn’t watch, under any circumstances. Thank fuck I had a 12-hour post-stomach bug sleep to take the matter out of my hands.
But I am sooo sure the German Elton John will volunteer to re-play the match if there was anything slightly controversial about matters
I miss the early ’90’s-we were all so innocent and naive, sitting there with our cereal on Saturday morning, watching farm animals that had been infected with toxic sludge transform into opposing paramilitary factions.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cGAOQmw65vA&ab_channel=Generaci%C3%B3nMillennials
IYKYK
That was my boot camp, Great Lakes, Illinois. I was as young as you could be. You ain’t a man until you take a shit in front of a crowd. After boot camp I always had private rest rooms, even on the the sub.
WCS was Air Force he won’t get the joke.
*Chair Force
Yes, but tell us Army and Navy guys about Air Force basic training bowel movements.
Don’t ask, don’t tell.
Men.
Manly men.
Doing manly things.
Among other manly men.
Yep. Benning school for boys was mine. Old WW II barracks and all.
My basic training barracks had stalls; luxury! All of our training areas just had giant outhouses, though. Lucky for me they put something in C-rats that binds you up and you don’t have to shit for two or three days at a time.
… social networkin’ on the can before WiFi became a thing was something special 😀
bk109 is here! I love this guy!
Where did you go for your initial basic training, sir?
It’s in Russia someplace. C’mon, share when you first had to take a shit in your military career.
Not Russia – at least I’ve heard those lucky fuckers had actual toilets and flushing water. We had troughs with rough hewn wood benches with holes. On the plus side – the sight of those and the quality of the food meant that taking a dump became a once in a week thing.. and was best done in the wood that separated the small arms ranges from the main facilites. As for first shit in uniform was on intake day, because someone snapped (had his weekend pass revoked) and decided to kill a couple of his drill instructors with a fragmentation grenade in admin, which resulted in some of us taking glass and shrapnel damage ~2 hours after we crossed the gates.
Stop the nonsense.
Where did you go to basic training?
By the way – if anyone here decides to follow that fucking cunt’s example, I’ve got two bits of advice. Firstly – ensure that the instructions you want to take out are actually in the room you’re about to throw a grenade in. Secondly – for room clearing you use blast/concussive grenades and not a defensive one, otherwise the only dumb cunt yer killing is yourself 😀
That’s all well and good. Taken under advisement.
Where did you go for basic training?
Country or base?
Can you just answer a simple question? Where did you go to basic training?
Hurry up and google it.
22160, followed by serving in 28330
Fuck off, little boy.
Higgins and Main St, Winnipeg, Mb. That neighboUrhood explains a lot about me!
Napoli starts here in a few minutes. It’s been a bit of a struggle for them here so far. Last years late season mojo has faded. So I’ll just stare at our favorite commentator…
Here’s a snippet I’m writing for another venue. It’s about mounted police horses, which I’ve seen a lot of. First in my hometown of Washington DC, later in Los Angeles (where this item originated). I like hearing your opinions. I could tell a much larger tale about about DC mounted cops. (also “piece of kit” is directly from DFO)
What’s the venue? Police State Aficionado?
It’s in Horse Anus Lovers Monthly, Issue XII, published by the Carlisle Group
Of course, Don T, you could have just said something nice about the writing.
I stand by my +1. It meant something 🥺
You’re a good man, Don T.
Also put a “like” on my post. I judge DFOers by how they like my posts. I ain’t the fucking straight man around here.
They are imposing for sure. My FIL did mounted Carabinieri patrols in Rome as part of his service. He blamed that gig for his back problems later in life.
He was riding wrong. A U.S. Army McClellan cavalry saddle is designed for the comfort of the horse not the rider, and the rider really has to stand on the stirrups. Most other saddles (Western, English) are the same way. Ask Zymm about this.
Zymm… need a readout here…
Goddamn it, Balls-MY GIRONA was sitting right there in front of you.
Got to swing a date night with the wife to the Dbacks game. Feeling hungover– she will be too a little. I love how baseball has speed up the game. That’s such an easy stadium to leave too, we were at Mexican food by 9:15p. No sweat getting home to the 1030p cutoff for the sitter girl.
Felt a little like a fairweather fan in my non- team gear. But then I realized this franchise is threatening stadium bs and has been generally irrelevant for 15 of the last 20 years and this is a fluke and win a World Series or I’m ready to go peak at the Suns.
Lot of fun though. It’s a shame how few meanigful pro sports games are hosted here (and non home games). I grew up here and i see fucking snow more often than i see AZ in the postseason (also we broke another record yesterday — Tues/Thurs/Friday had record highs; 104 yesterday, roof was closed at the stadium).
So I’m not the Fairweather Fan, I’m a potentially huge customer (maybe I’ll get a blaxabbath authentico jersey) but, come on, you gotta win a World Series.
D-Backs? They won the greatest World Series ever in 2001. My sister lived in Phoenix and it was an easy flight from L.A., so I visited all the time in the late 90s and early 2000’s. Saw a bunch of games at Chase Field (because my sister worked for Chase).
You don’t let the fucking Yankees win another World Series just because their city got what they had coming to ’em a month earlier.
But THE TERRORISTS WON. And by that I mean Curt Schilling.
/Fun fact, Mo made peace with the fact that it saved Enrique Wilson’s life because otherwise he would have been on the Belle Harbor flight that crashed in the Rockaways.