Remember that old SNL sketch “Fecal Matter with your host John Fecal”? No? Yeah I figured it was just me. It was a solid (heh) talk show format with a specialized host and topic. Well, we ain’t exactly doing Pod Flies Open around here, but what about in written form, maybe say like a mix between John Fecal, Jack Handey, Balls’ 25 questions, Rev’s take on Larry King, and I don’t know, my own fucked up mind? With that backdrop I present to you the twenty-eighth edition of a potentially sporadically recurring irregularly scheduled Random Thoughts with BFC! Now also (occasionally) in open thread form! If you want to make this interactive, drop a note/question/bon mot in the comments ala my old Mouth Flies Open  attempt at an advice column.

• After an unintentional hiatus, Random Thoughts with BFC is BACK, baby! The links, the randomness, the musings that are clearly dated due to me starting a draft days weeks months before getting around to cobbling enough brain droppings together to be worth sending out to the world DFO.  The feature that you forgot about know and love and bolsters my 20%-joking argument that I’ve self-diagosed adult onset ADHD.  It’s the comforts of the offseason that keep us warm until football’s warm embrace returns in the fall.
• HAPPY LEAP DAY!  Or is it Leap Night?  Either way, enjoy this one day a year where February is even weirder, and I’m an idiot for not realizing until this year that presidential election years are also leap years.

• I’m not going to go on a rant about the 2024 Presidential election…yet.  I will, but just know that I hate it more than Jerry Jones hates integrated schools.
• By “it” here I don’t even mean the fact that no one has any enthusiasm about this election, I mean I hate the false equivalency and memory-holing plaguing this country. But again, I said I wouldn’t go on a rant yet so….football?
• A belated congratulations to the Kansas City Chiefs for being slightly less hateable than they were during the regular season. And winning the Owl, I guess.
• Only one person killed in their parade shooting, that’s how you know the state of Texas isn’t back to winning championships.
• Is it time to check in on the other QBs drafted ahead of Mahomes (and the teams that made those decisions)? Ok, twist my arm.  I’m aware that this isn’t an original idea, but I don’t care.
  • Mitch Trubisky. Fuck. That’s it, that’s the list.

• Other (non-QB) players drafted ahead of Mahomes were
  • • Myles Garrett (defensible then and now, Defensive Player of the Year for 2024. Though it didn’t stop the Browns from Brownsing and of course it would have been cheaper to get Watson as a rookie then wait to get a hand on him after his spurt in Houston.
    • The aforementioned Mitchell Trubisky.
    • Solomon Thomas. If the 49ers had drafted a QB here, we never would have gotten a Purdy good Mr. Irrelevant story but sliding doors here also needed the Panthers to take CMC and not know how to keep him. Anyway, Thomas is on the Jets now, so who knows what he did in a past life to be punished. Seems especially cruel for someone with a history of battling mental health challenges to end up on the Jets.
    • Leonard Fournette. Again, defensible despite RBs (non McCaffrey edition) being deemed interchangeable by GMs nowadays. Can’t say it was the key piece for DUUUUVAL given they platooned him and Horny Fourny led the Bucs in rushing in their Owl win against Mahomes and the Chiefs so….everything is connected? Sucks to suck in Jacksonville? Whatever, draw your own lessons.
    • Corey Davis. Two pretty good years out of four in Tennessee, learned quicker than most that if you’re playing for the Jets, probably best to retire sooner than later. Clearly DonT would have preferred Kermit the QB here.
    • Jamal Adams. Um, did the Jets Jet or did they ruin a talent? Either way, the Jets still suck, drafting Mahomes might have prevented the QAron ACL hilarity, and you can ask Seatruther fans if they think this is a game changing player.
    • Mike Williams. No, not the dead one. If I was a GM, I would err on the side of NOT drafting a guy named Mike Williams. A perfectly cromulent pick and player, and Herbert is nothing to sneeze at, but….Mahomes.
    • Christian McCaffrey. Oh the Bears could have stayed pat and drafted him instead of wasting picks to get Trubisky?  You don’t say. Naturally the Panthers still suck but this was a great pick.
    • John Ross. I vaguely remember him existing in Cincy but out of the league is a damning verdict. Oh, Bungles.

• So there you have it, every team that drafted ahead of the Chiefs picking Mahomes in 2017 is doing amazingly well. Is the West the only region immune from doom? We don’t know shit.
• Here’s a totally sane and normal headline: “A Third of Conservatives Think Taylor Swift Is Part of a Conspiracy to Elect Biden: Poll”
• Love the idea of the GOP continuing to alienate normies by going after the most popular woman on the planet.
• Who wants more stories/anecdotes from BFC’s modes of transport? Anyone? No one? Too bad.

• Have to say, I respect United looking at their onboard movie programming and saying “if we’re gonna have Fast and Furious X, we better have Fast and Furious 9 so people know where things left off.” And they really sealed the deal by including the original Fast and the Furious for people like me that have seen none of them. Because if I haven’t seen any yet, I’m not gonna be clamoring for 2-8.
• Kung Fu Panda 3, though, without the rest of the ouvre? Questionable.
• I just got to the episode of Letterkenny where they show Professor Tricia for the first time, and HOLY SHIT. Why didn’t any of you tell me how hot she was?
• I’m pretty lucky to get to sit in the exit row a lot on flights. A few flights ago, there was an older couple in my row, and shit got a little weird.  The wife was VERY concerned that she had not been adequately briefed on how to discharge her duties as the one who will save their fellow passengers’ lives in the case of an emergency. She studied the safety guide and reacted ALOUD to A LOT. Key pull quotes included “if we land in the water, I don’t think this balloon thing is gonna work” and (to her husband) “do you have anything on you that floats?” That was in addition to a rather thorough inquiry regarding what exactly to do with the door in an emergency landing and how she could possibly expected to handle the pressure of being responsible for the rescue of other passengers. She continued for quite some time to critique the plan offered in the safety guide and lack of detailed orientation/briefing/deputization from the flight attendants.  “I take this stuff very seriously.”  Not seriously enough to be re-seated in a responsibility-free zone, though, I see.

• Not to sound like a prude or nothing, but the smell of weed on the metro is getting overwhelming. On one of my morning commutes the smell was so pungent that I thought about moving cars, at which point I looked over and saw a dude completely passed the fuck out, fully lying down across multiple seats. And then I couldn’t help but wonder if there was a hint of fecal matter alongside the weed stank. At which point I did move cars.
• I had a bittersweet interaction with a customer service rep the other day (it was with Samsung if you must know). It was via a text interface where they actually switch from bot to human, and at the end of it, the woman said thank you for being nice to her.
• Since I gave up Twitter, I’ve spent a lot more time enjoying life doom scrolling Instagram, and it’s a different category of weird shit there.
• If you click that link, you’ll be remembering Angie Harmon.
• Remember when she was married to Jason Sehorn?
• I guess that would require you to remember Jason Sehorn.
• White incels LOVE to talk about how Jason Sehorn is the last white dude to start at CB in the NFL. And how that streak may come to an end this year.
• Side note: my phone tried to autocorrect incels to uncles
• Also this whole post is a fucking side note.
• Not gonna lie, I don’t love that the rando posting up all day inside the break room at the WeWork I go to has the ability to know how many times I’m taking a shit during the day. It’s too many for her to know about but not so many that I need to talk to my doctor about it (again).
• Apropos of nothing, I’m in Florida this week and as always, fuck Florida.

• That’s probably enough for me for now, so here’s a fill in the blank with which to leave you: If I have to talk about ____________ one more time, I’m gonna fucking lose it.

What’s on TV Tonight

Basketball

Lots of teams play, but I think your national broadcasts are:

Warriors at Knicks, 6:30PM DFO Time on TNT
Heat at Nuggets, 9PM DFO Time on TNT

College Basketball up the wazoo, but figure that out for yourself.

Hockey

Not gonna lie, I had no earthly idea that the season had already started. Seems way too early for hockey, no?

Avalanche at Blackhawks at 8pm DFO time on ESPN.

Baseball

If one of you is watching live Spring Training games at home on tv, let us know so we can send the nearest DFOer to your house for an intervention. Odds are that’s Fozz slapping the shit out of you, but that’s the risk you’d have to take.

Soccer

Sorry, I don’t understand what’s real or not here, so ask balls or someone else in the comments.

Aussie Football

IT’S BACK, BABY! Sydney Swans take on the Melbourne Demons in the wee hours tonight, so get that club membership and watch AFL subscription set up posthaste. The AFL is trying to make more inroads outside of Victoria and building on some recent progress by having this opening round in Queensland and New South Wales.  High hopes for everyone involved, including my Giants. I probably won’t be able to catch the replays from these games til the weekend, so no spoilers til balls’s AFL beat, please.  But get in the game, numbnuts!

Now…