In these Off-season Open Threads, I’ll sum up the week that was, provide you with TMI-style information, and throw some random spaghetti at the wall and see if it sticks.
Since the NCAA tourney has wrapped up, we can now go to my random musings and TMI.
***
If you remember the last time I wrote one of these, I was spending some quality time midweek with Lady Ball’s. First off, I highly recommend taking a random day off work for midweek fun times. There’s a little added thrill that you’re doing fun stuff while the rest of the world is slacking away.
But I digress.
I know some of you have mentioned that you married way above your… Wait, what’s the phrase? Hit above your…. No, that’s not it.
Anyway, my signal that I out-threw my coverage ( wait, that can’t be right either), is that we are starting to get busy and she goes, “Where’s the phone? Take a video!”
God Bless that woman.
***
Today, I played in a two-player Scramble Tournament at my local golf club. In the rain. I’ll let you know how I did on a future Balls Magazine post.
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This week I started again on my workout program. This is Round 5 and I’ve hit PRs after each of the previous rounds. Also, Lady Balls complimented me on my body so that’s good motivation to keep going.
And yes, for those of you wondering, she did compliment my ass.
***
I wanted to have a joint Live Blog of the St. Kinda – GWS game that started at 8:30 Pacific Friday night with BFC but he is at an undisclosed location and unavailable. He may do a BOTG about it. If y’all have any questions about what you are seeing when you see AFL on the teevee, throw them up in the comments and I’ll do my best to answer them.
***
One more topic for discussion: This is your last weekend to prepare your taxes in the US. I still haven’t done them. Tomorrow will be a busy day. For those of you that already filed, how did you do? Did you stick it to The Man or did The Man stick it to you?
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Your weekly Psych gif:
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Your weekly hot girl pic:
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Your weekly music video:
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I’m assuming there are other sports on tonight, but honestly I don’t care.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M22nWSzyccE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yuBe93FMiJc
Grin and Bear It!
No exceptions for bear rape abortions!
I love the expression on the dog in this video. He’s in the kitchen, he know’s that something is being prepared which also means there’s possibly a treat in it for him, and then he realizes that it’s just an apple, and that just ain’t working for the dog.
Sweet fuck. So much leaf talk. Not opening with oil v van buta chat room on the leafs 1st.
Not to mention the ice bombers
Hockey season ended last week for me.
Just kidding, I’ll watch the shit out of every playoff game.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1uYWYWPc9HU
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Abrn8aVQ76Q
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hEMm7gxBYSc
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6iKFn8dlxX8
Raise you
https://youtu.be/X7ejoo8vMJQ?si=ywMY1yArqOv_8fII
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zzHmXaUSL6o
Such a surreal memory. I’m in college at the time at Columbia. Somehow me and my frat brothers end up on the lower west side and there’s some random movie theater. And it’s showing Trainspotting, and none of us know anything about it. But of course we’ll are drunk and high, and regrettably none of were on the shrooms or LSD. Nonetheless, the incident imprinted the movie and the soundtrack on me. I will always love both forever.
Soundtrack is so damn good
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WZ8bLUSSYec
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1YhR5UfaAzM
I LIKE IT LET’S GO KRAKEN!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pkcJEvMcnEg
My wife settles me from being a lunatic and she should have better. She does have a pesky brother I have to deal with though.
She didn’t settle and you’re not a lunatic. Enjoy tomorrow and all the days ahead of both of you.
Although the brother is still under investigation.
His bowling etiquette is questionable
Just mark it zero
This year I hit a new tax bracket because of promotion and a bunch more interest income from new investments. I do my own, have for years, and this year I was off the booklet tables. Had to do new math. I filed 2 weeks ago by snail mail with a paper personal check. Old Skool!
I hear that makes Marika hot.
/ edit button. Heh. While we are her Maynard is a knob. But Tool’s, Aenima is incredible. Start to finish.
https://youtu.be/7heXZPl2hik?feature=shared
Yea, calm down time
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ITidiBe-0T0
Found a funny:
SPEECH THERAPIST: okay let’s start with the alphabet
SCOOBY DOO: ray ree ree ree ree ref ree
SPEECH THERAPIST: *into intercom* cancel all my appointments
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z3D0lKTJ2ns
Does Iran attacking mean more benefit shows?
Shit, does that mean I’m a war profiteer?
Just let me know which Gatsby character you are and we’ll party
Ewing Klipspringer!
I don’t know if I’m jaded enough to be Nick, or passive enough to be Nick.
Gotta say, proud of the breadth of my jokes in the morning thread. Highlander, a dominant-tonic joke, and a Fire Emblem: Sacred Stones reference!
/That was the “I don’t want to die” bit.
Thanks to a Craigslist trade (good old Casual Encounters, where would I be without you?) I am in possession of 20 quail eggs. What should I use them to make?
Tiny crepes
Aka a silver euro crepe.
Lil Bits!
A flip shot.
Over easy on top of some quail hash.
#BFIB lose to skerry snek. Bummer.
Don’t step on snek! 🐍
I’m gonna take sharkette to a Sox game this summer. They’re gonna suck so tickets should be cheap (ish).
She keeps asking me to take her to another hockey game. As a joke I said I’d take her to one in June if the Rangers were playing. June meaning the Final. I might be down a kidney to afford the tickets, but it’ll be worth it.
I might go the weekend we’re up in Boston for a friend of Senorita’s wedding, first weekend in June.
That is excellent.
We’re all probably unintentional assholes. I had something else for this, but don’t think I need it
We really need something to differentiate us from the intentional assholes. Fuck those guys.
Right??
You are correct. You already have fully functional asshole.
Wait. That’s not what I meant. You need your asshole and it’s intentionally there.
That was the joke, but after typing it out it’s not a joke. Alas.
Alas, alack, an ass
*nawt a haiku
Hey wants to come with me and hijack an empty LAPD cruiser parked in front of a donut shop?
C’mon, it will be easy and fun.
the cop will probably have a good belly laugh, too
Nah, I’m tired of resume building
And then we could chase down all the white Broncos! I’m on my way!
The thing about the eclipse experience was, everyone was beautiful and it was an incredible shared human event.
We’re all just here to be in the moment.
It was like an entry level Dead show.
In four years the eclipse will be over the pyramids.
Why do I feel like Michael Caine in the Man Who Would Be King?
It was amazing. I kind of want to travel to the next one. Maybe not in Egypt but somewhere else
Spain 2
Mrs sharkbait studied abroad in Sevilla in college (incidentally, not studying abroad is one of my biggest regrets) and she’s been dying to go back. I think that would be a great excuse
Take two weeks, totality in the middle. different regions of Spain either side. DO IT
If money and time were no object, I’d 1000% fuck off to Europe for six months and just travel around the continent
You can do two weeks, don’t you have a few grandma’s funerals allowance per year?
I really need some tapas and rojo.
I can only imagine the quality of the tapas and jamon iberico. Fuck it. DFOCon European Tour?
There was a couple on 90 Day Fiancé where the guy was from Sevilla and one of the American woman’s friends tried to accuse him of just being in the relationship because he wanted a green card. It was very funny to both him and us.
Sign me up right now.
I saw Trainspotting when it came out. I was 15 or something and taking a community college class over the summer because I was a nerd (although I disagree with the current taxonomy, at the time I would have been more of a geek) but I made some friends in the class of more typical age, and I got to sit on top of a bunch of typewriters in a tiny car when we all went to see Trainspotting
Salt n’ Peppa’s “Let’s Talk About Sex” is super wholesome nowadays, but I can still draw some generational parallels, oh yeah.
https://youtu.be/ydrtF45-y-g?feature=shared
https://www.youtube.com/watch?reload=9&si=Lsx4R-MQFO1ZZIL_&v=8pNQSW9n6_g&feature=youtu.be
I love this
I fucking love that scene. It makes me laugh every time I see it.
Hugs
I was going to
But distraction came to me
What was I saying?
Doktorb Zymm is baked
Those gummies really did work
Won’t be hungover
Worst Haiku ever.
Better than anything I could write
I mean, my “contributions” here are enough evidence that I’m in the same sinking boat.
Only accept
Haiku responses, bitch
Can you manage it?
I cannot
respond to this in
um that format
Close enough I guess
‘Fuck’ is just one syllable
Use it as filler
Fuckity fuck
fucking fuck fuck fuck
Used it as filler
Masterpiece! You truly evoked the essence of something about fuck!
60 unbeaten in the Prem, folks. SIXTY!
Just nine more to go!
(/doesn’t bother with response)
— Houston
I will save that screenshot for scotchy obvs
Nice
https://twitter.com/awfulannouncing/status/1779312056640196820
yes, give a live mic to a college student whos feelin it right now
What could go wrong?
Oh, right, that.
That is excellent
Holy shit, Iran really has a suicide wish, huh? May we live in interesting times indeed.
All the actual people in Iran are regretting the whole “let’s put some extremist old dudes in charge” thing which is kinda putting a crimp in the government’s style, so yeah, they’re just trying to take people down with them now. Alhough it’ll somehow be 020 years before anything happens.
FYI folks, Dok has provided us with a riddle.
020 in binary is 2
020 in decimal is 20
020 in hex is 32
020 in octal is 24
020 in hexadecimal is 16
Place your bets now!
[is not sure what he is betting on]
[puts down 100k anyways]
– Shohei Ohtani
$20 on YES
Settle down Leto II Hippo. You already know the answer.
I love this so much I’m only gonna SLIGHTLY point out how much of a scam the first bet is
Iran (also known as Persia) has been a crazy place for the last 1000 years. Even the Muslim Ottoman Empire couldn’t make sense of them. They were (part of) the downfall of the British Empire. Today is nothing new.
I enjoyed being there as a visitor, and all my Persian expat friends and ex-coworkers are excellent, so amazing place and people, even if there is some weird shit like the dyed chicks. I have no idea how I would deal with them as a politician, but as a person they kickass
My best friend in college was born in Iran but grew up in Minnesota. We made a student film with me (Irish/Spanish Catholic) as director, and a crew of a Jew, a Lutheran, and a Protestant from Ohio who was never quite sure which religion he was from.
P.S. We all attended a Methodist university, and the film was about an Episcopal church.
I guess I left that part out.
Would actually love to watch that
So when do I admit to you all that I’m at Augusta?
I guess it’s now.
Ist zis what I have heard referred to as a, *checks notes* an “humble brag?”
Ja.
/power dives drone into Wal-Mart parking lot.
Godfuckingdammit.
I told you to wait til next year!
Frankly, I was expecting this announcement yesterday.
I landed yesterday.
Please roast Bryson if you find yourself anywhere near that weirdo.
For example, you can yell out to him “Bryson! You couldn’t 3D print a green jacket to wear!”
Also, congrats on making the cut!
Yeah how does that work now that they are working with bonesaws?
Let’s just say that repeat champions are going to be more rare.
Can you get me some clubs?
– Elisha, still a bit fuzzy on the rules of Go Fish
Taj put in for next year’s lottery.
I hope to try the same next year.
Try the pimento cheese.
HAH! Let us all to the Charleston! Bee’s Knees! (it’s ironic because bees do not actually posses knees! shhhh!)
I’m typing what I think, but if you were sitting here in person I would just be silent with a funny look on me face
Stoned Zymm v. Drunk JJ Fozz: WHO YA GOT!?!?
Popcorn, and a seat pretty far from the action.
Preferably behind some reinforced windows.
Why v.?
I just had a memory of a time I was at Asylum in DC and I ended up drinking some of that sweet Irish whiskey liqueur crap that I can’t remember the name of and also can’t find on the internet because there are like a million shitty modern whiskey based liquerus um, yeah, with some bike messengers. remember when that was a thing?
Anyway, despite the c….ohhh, did I ever tell y’all about the time I dated a guy who wait nevermind that’s a super embarrassing story but it happened mostly in Baltimore and surrounds
Baltimore is the common element here
Woah, you dated fozz?
I don’t think so, pretty sure he was never arrested for vagrancy
Both. At the same time.
with the first pick of the 2024 nfl draft, the chicago bears select
“THE DUMB NO GOOD SON OF A BITCH IRAN CANT FIRE THE JABRONI MISSILES AT THE JEW PEOPLE, THE TOP GENERAL I GIVE HIM CAMEL CLUTCH MAKE HIM HUMBLE. HE FIRE MISSILE LIKE THE JABRONI HULK HOGAN FIRE HIS TINY STEROID DICK INTO LARGE WOMAN VAGINA.
ONLY THE IRON SHEIK KNOW HOW TO SHOOT AT THE JEW. MEAN GENE I LOVE YOU MY JEWISH BROTHER.”
I regret I can only +1 this but once.
But this is why our system is pure.
#upforwhatever
I saw a related headlines when I saw ‘Isreal says’ and ‘Irani’ I stopped reading
looney tunes predicted gary bettman
I thought someone told me Brody transitioned to male, but Wikipedia says no, she just had fucked up divorce stuff? Whatever is going on, Distillers good band, and hope all involved are happy, although probably not just because that wouldn’t be true to the genre
https://youtu.be/-DrTDuKDgtU?feature=shared
Should I have a third gummy? (I should mention that I’m a lightweight in this sense having had basically no marijuana derivatives of any sort for the past 15 years or so and only dipped in slightly a few months ago, tl;dr too much paranoia and bad headaches)
a) Of course, there’s only one left and it’s rude to leave one
b) Three? One is usually plenty
c) DO IT
d) lol like ur nawt gonna
We all know the Doktor prefers the D, even if she won’t share the pictures.
Woher weißt du das?
*side eye*
you are either going to be too high to notice ww3, or you are going to have a VERY interesting night
Just realized I have no idea how to XOR in any modern programming language and actually probably not most old timey ones either, or actually anywhere it’s nawt XOR. Although despite the comma your sentence is pretty clearly nawt exclusive or, but I think only the first thing is true mostly because ww3 is going to start very quietly. It probably won’t be called ww3 though because that would imply that it happens soon enough and there is enough cultural memory afterwards that it is both associated with the first 2 world wars (which were SUPER close together, less than 40 years front to back).
Don’t remember where I started and DAMNED if I read the start of this comment. But do you think maybe that’s why democracy has worked so well in the US compared to other places? We had the initial game theory of the Constitution (cmon, it’s 3 way priosners dilemna but you keep knowing what the others do. Like no one will figure that out?) and excitment and shit so yay, then 1812 grrr British, then nothing happened for a while and it turns out slavery was bad y’all so CIVIL WAR and mediocre theater (although the Ford Theatre is actually pretty nice, seen a couple plays there) then they had a while to chillax globally before WW1 and flu, which wasn’t huge for the US but the League of Nations was a fucking joke and y’all are smart enough to know all this shit. Then the Gilded Age was pretty amazing, although how obnoxious is it that historians have called it the Gilded Age? So many implications there.
But I digress. A lot. Alot! I hope she’s doing okay (Allie Brosh, populaizer of the Alot). The point was (I think?) that it’s been 50ish years since the US was involved in a war where there was a draft and the general populace was fully involved in what was going on. That’s the longest relatively peaceful era the US has ever has, and the last time we had anything close to that there was a Civil War.
There’s more nuance to that if I actually said something coherent. I think I’ve been typing this comment for an hour or so, so I should just post it
XOR:
C#: !=
Python: bool(a) != bool(b)
And hello WW3!
Shit, really? But isn’t != doesn’t equal? The python expression I’ve seen before in other guise, but it’s not a true XOR, it’s just a logical expression that works the same way (accepts TF and FT but not TT or FF)
Oh, yeah, I totally dropped that thread. Basically WW1 and WW2 were just a couple decades off so easy to connect them (and the 2nd being consequence of the first kinda helped) We’ve had lots of stuff happen since then, and collapse on the USSR and such, any connection is way more tenuous. So we may have a world war, and it’ll probably start really subtly etc, but who knows if it’ll be deemed ww3 or associated iwth the earlier wars at all
Sorry, the ^ (carat) symbol is the proper XOR operator for c# and python. Not sure what I was thinking there.
Anyway, WW3 doesn’t need to be connected to the first two. As the joke goes, why did they call it WW1? Nonetheless, the geopolitical environment has radically changed. The USA dominated situation has changed because the authoritarian powers are now aligning. This is due is very much large part because of the invasion of Ukraine and the boycotts from the democratic countries. As a result, these authoritarian countries have to bond together. Make no mistake, Russia, China, Iran, and North Korea are a formidable force. Three of them already have nukes.
We have nukes, UK, and Israel has nukes. India and Pakistan have them as well though they won’t be for us. Enjoy the sunny days while they last!
My first response, and I feel like this is maybe not the typical response, is to go into the ‘why did they call it ww1’ bit. But just saying, going from the opposite direction where it’s the future and ww1/2 are both still called that and refer to the same things, but now there’s also a ww3, it would have to be a universe where memory still has 1 and 2, and something happened that was connected enough that they called in ww3 after instead of like, globowar EIN
Oh shit, that also reminds me if there will be anybody to remember there was a third version.
Mad Max, mainly.
Yeah, otherwise it doesn’t make sense unless it came down to memory as something like GLOBOWAR DRWI and they didn’t realize that it meant THREE they just thought is was apocolyptic gibberish, and then there would be a movie set in the future where it’s horny teenagers who stumble on the fact that people in the past had language and it was actually the THIRD WAR and will there be FOURTH WAR before the horny teens discover they both like each other? FOURTH WAR THIS LUGHNASA ON NETFLIX
LOVE GUMMY DOK!
If you need some good prescription opiates just let me (or Hippo) know.
I keep having brief memory clicks of moments when I was like, 17-24 and used to feel like this more frequently.
Holy shit some of this music and crowd banter on the live bits. “Whoo likes Ronnie Regan? FUCK YOU” LOL
four hours later…
Time is a flat circle. Let me show you the proof real quick
-High as fuck Zymm
Give me a week and I’ll send you the stained glass version
i guess this is the last time i make a banner-worthy quote invoking the archduke, my bad
THE archduke? Like Franz is the only one! Pfft
so we have replaced the ice donks with the real donks on the eve of the playoffs
It’s always the Man sticking it to you. And nawt in a fun way.
If we’re doing TMI, many of you may be aware both that I am very gradually making my Chicago place more complete and that I have an inadvisable long term liason in Chicago.
A couple months back I got full-length mirror that was actually quite a bit larger than I expected and set it up along the back wall of the dining room, which is currently painted but unfurnished and therefore kind of a staging area.
I originally slept on an air mattress when I started moving back in, and although I haven’t needed it for sleep in ages I reinflated it in the dining room for sexy purposes (in addition to some sturdy foam purpose-built furniture) and it just so happened to line up nicely with the mirror.
Which was fun but not all that consequential until I hear a giggle when we’re in the middle of something, he grabs his phone and shows me a picture, and it actually was pretty funny, especially the second one where he looked super pleased with himself.
It’s really too bad he’s such an ass.
I count all of that as a positive!
I love your optimism, one day I will buy you and Lady Balls waffles. I would say ‘if you like waffles’ but everyone likes waffles
If it’s Los Angeles you have to buy them chicken and waffles. That’s how it works down here in SoCal.
But definitely not blue waffles.
It is actually possible to get waffles sans poulet in LA.
That rhymes! We have a hit song. I’ll send my people to talk to your people.
My people already stole idea. Save your car fare.
No worries brah, I’ll sue you or your estate in 35 years or something
No, you’ll be attempting civil litigation against Walt Disney Pictures & Television Inc. in an intellectual property dispute. Good luck with that.
I got fired twice by them.
Better than me, I just had 7 hours of interviews and didn’t even get hired ONCE
I keep trying to tell you: get meaner in your interviews.
You should have said “Mickey Mouse? Fuck Mickey Mouse!” And they would have handed you a garbage bag full of cash (and I don’t mean a tall white kitchen bag, I mean a big green lawn & leaf bag).
I mean, these are Zoom interviews and I feel like I don’t quite have the presence to pull that off, but it’s also possible that I’m only skeptical because I’m nawt channeling enough MIDDLE AGED SOUTH AFRICAN WHITE DUDE WHO THINKS THE LETTER X IS COOOOL energy.
Naw, forget that crap approach, there’s a million idiots interviewing every day with that same attitude.
Tell them to fuck off, and you’ll get hired.
Oh and by the way, you’ll know it when it’s right.
Oh Dok, you’ve got to try the omelette house here in Pedro.
This place is legendary.
Ice Stillers bout to start against the ICERIOTS with playoff spots on the line.
Been on my calendar for a few days.
EAT SHIT SIDNEY!
Erik Karlsson’s 1000th game, too.
Taxes were a break even affair. Owed about a hundred bucks to federal and got back about 250 from state.
My old tax guy used to say you want to break even on taxes that way you hold on to your cash throughout the year.
I love when one government agency pays for the other.
I love when they pay me.
THESE GUYS ISRAEL I CALL THEM SCRAPPY DOO BECAUSE THEY EXPLOIT THE FACT THAT WE’LL ALWAYS HAVE THEIR BACKS TO PICK SOME REALLY STUPID FIGHTS.
This is your last weekend to prepare your taxes in the US. I still haven’t done them.
Same. I’m paid by the county gubmint anyway.
Luckily, the worst of the rain was a slight drizzle around the 16th hole and then it let up.
Fun Balls Magazine coming!
Fun fact about taxes. So I didn’t even file for 10 years. Maybe more, but at least 10. Finally the IRS sent a letter to my employer to hold my withholdings to zero for the next 3 years and I figured the gig was up. So I hired a guy, he filed my previous 4 years of returns, and the IRS paid ME over 1k. They never asked about the previous years either.
Now we’re all square and I file every year. Although this year I owed $318, but I also got my 2019 refund of $309 so we’re all square.
Very nice!
Dude, you gor screwed hard. Nawt the only person I know to have done so, but always file because unless you are breakeven exactly you get screwed both ways. If you owe they charge interest and penalties. If you get refunded they keep the interest and they just got to canoodle your money for however long you let them play with it
I stopped filing because I didn’t want to report an untaxed 50k stock sale that I used to buy my GT3. That they forgot makes up for all the other 9 years.
Fair enough, but there was probably a way to do that where you’re not grateful for what was probably still getting screwed. But yeah, glad to hear you gave as well as got.
I got an accountant last year. He’s done my taxes since. Best decision I’ve made since the vasectomy.
I enjoyed this too much.
Ah, Anatoly from the Tallahassee Smorins of course!
‘Sleve McDichael’ just slays me for some reason.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sfPUO5nD1RE
I went to middle school with Dwigt Rortugal
I’m on my flight to Indianaplis We board and are told catering didn’t show up so no food. And we gotta go.
Then we don’t go.
Now we’re 15mins on the runway sitting….
Did they at least get the alcohol on board?
Maybe that’s why the pilot is refusing to take off?
You know the eclipse was last week, right?
Why on earth would anyone go to Indianapolis?
I got paid $1000 to drive a truck full of a friend’s stuff there when she moved. Originally I was going to hang around for a few days and explore the city but I was so tired and disinterested that within 24 hours I changed my flight and came back early.
So you didn’t get laid.
As I mentioned, if you are going to an event Indianapolis is a great host. Not sure there’s a reason to go otherwise.
Good town and good folks.
will say this about living here…it is cheaper than most
Dude, the fates were with me and it was life changing.
I’m being hosted.
Taxi driver is cool.
Wait, you’re on a flight full of Indiana residents, there’s no other food on the flight, *and* it’s going to take longer than it was originally supposed to? Yeah, there’s no way those gravy monsters don’t resort to cannibalism within minutes.
We’ll miss you blax. At the very least I hope you give someone indigestion.
If you get a chance go to the Slippery Noodle Inn. Fun place and killer wings.