TGIF! Welcome to the offseason. Not coincidentally, it’s Friday the 13th. Stay safe out there.

Word Count Filler Time

Speaking of unlucky, let’s learn about some folks that went through some finger episodes. (Not that type, the sexy section is below)

Pay Phone
Remember pay phones? And that coin return slot? Yes, this gentlemen lost 50 cents in the pay phone and tried to retrieve from that coin return slot with his middle finger. Sadly, it got stuck in there. Passersby tried to help, to no avail. He called 911, but neither paramedics nor the fire department could get him freed. So, they cut the pay phone out and transported him with the phone to the hospital. There, the doctors numbed him, lubed him up, and finally got his finger out.

Gas Tank (1)
Yes, there’s going to be a (2) later. This brilliant lady just finished filling up her gas tank. Then, for reasons still unknown, she put her finger in the fuel tank flap where it got (predictably) stuck. The station attendant tried to help, but no go, so he called the police. The police, of course, couldn’t do anything productive, so they called the fire department. The fire department, surprisingly, couldn’t help either. Eventually a helpful mechanic stopped by and spent an hour removing the gas tank and filler pipe. She was then transported to the hospital where the doctor finally got her freed.

Vending Machine
Couple of 15 year olds tried to steal some candy from a vending machine. Somehow, one of the lads got his thumb stuck in the machine and couldn’t get out. So his friend helpfully called the police for help. An hour later, they actually got his thumb out. Then arrested him for theft.

Crimp Ring
A crimp ring is a plumbing device used to steal pipes. Well, one plumber’s 7 year old son found one in his dad’s supplies made of copper that reminded him of the ring from LOTR. So he and his brother got to play acting out scenes from LOTR using the ring as a prop. All was well and good until he put it on his finger and the ring did it’s job by compressing his finger. Naturally, he couldn’t get it off, but more worryingly his finger began to swell and change colors. His dad rushed him to a local fire department where they were able to cut it off. (The ring, not the finger)

Gas Tank (2)
I warned you. A TV station called the local police about a thief in their parking lot. They arrived and arrested the thief, but couldn’t take him in just yet. The thief was stealing gas from a van using a siphon hose. That hose got stuck, so the thief used his pinky finger to remove it, but his finger got stuck. The fire department was called in and they had to do the same thing as before: remove the gas tank pipe and take him to the hospital. A doctor freed his pinkie then the police took him into custody.

Jaguar
One day employees of a zoo found a severed finger next to the jaguar cage. One of those employees remembered seeing a regular visitor the day before visiting the bathroom with one hand in his pocket and a dark stain on his pants. The zoo contacted the visitor but he insisted he wasn’t missing a finger. The police doubted this and ran the prints on the severed finger. Of course, it was a match. Turns out the visitor had the brilliant idea to try to pet the jaguar. Everyone decided not press charges since losing a finger was bad enough. But the zoo did give him a permanent ban.

So, watch out for your digits folks. You only have ten of them and they don’t grow back.

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Sexy Time

Enjoy the weekend, folks! Alright, now let’s get to the comments!