Ballsy’s Saturday Night World Cup Group Previews and Open Thread – Group I

Again, a huge THANK YOU to Dok for fixing the Clone function! You can call it laziness. I prefer to call it efficiency. Either way, I can now crank these out and be ahead of the game.

While Hippo may choose to ignore this year’s tournament to be held in the USA, México, and Canadá for purely spiteful reasons (no judgement here, we salute spite!), I maintain that international competitions like the just concluded Olympics and the World Cup are the last opportunities for people to get out of their bubbles and realize there is a beautiful world out there full of people that don’t let politics get in the way of enjoying their lives.

With that said, let’s continue with our group previews, shall we? Quick update: the intercontinental qualifications games have been played and we now know ALL of the teams that will be participating in the tournament this summer.

Tonight’s group is Group I!

***

Team Comparison

***

Group Schedule

***

Best picture that I found on the first page of Google Image Search using “Hot [country] babes” as a search term

***

Actual Sport Preview

France

The French have somehow become the #1 team in the world over Spain despite Spain not losing a game. This reminds you that it’s always a popularity contest. The team is full of stars but is also eminently beatable as recent friendly results show.

This team will be similar to the Dutch in that it will go far in the tourney but will probably falter at some point. It’s either an exit in the Quarterfinals or the Semifinals for them.

Sénégal

Thanks to teh Hippo, you should know about the crazy African Cup of Nations final, right? For those of you out of the loop, Sénégal and Morocco were playing in the final in Morocco and were tied at 0 with the game winding down. Then, the referee gave Morocco a penalty and all hell broke loose. The Sénégal coach was pissed and ordered his players off the pitch in protest. They eventually returned and the penalty kick was missed by Morocco. They went into extra time and Sénégal scored a goal and ended up winning the trophy.

However, the Moroccans lodged a protest and after some weeks, the African confederation said that Sénégal forfeited the game by leaving the pitch and awarded the championship to Morocco. Here’s the fun bit: Sénégal won’t give either the trophy or the medals back! So, they should be fun to watch at the World Cup. And they’re a decent team.

Iraq

Iraq qualified by beating Bolivia in the intercontinental playoffs in México last March. That still doesn’t tell us much about how good they are.

They will struggle against better opposition in the group and will be lucky to scratch a point off Sénégal, assuming Sénégal isn’t abandoning the pitch.

Norway

Norway have Haaland. Manchester City Haaland who is a beast in the Premier League. They went unbeaten and untied in the European Qualifiers, beating Italy twice.

This is the year that Norway could have its best ever World Cup finish. I’m not saying they’re going to win, but I do expect them to go far. With some lucky breaks, who knows how far they will go? Maybe the final? If Haaland is on fire, the sky is the limit.

***

Predicted Group Finish

• France
• Norway
• Sénégal
• Iraq

***

Things to look forward to in the Group Stage

• Eating French food and that does not count frites. Frites are Belgian.
• Announcers rehashing the African Cup of Nations saga during every Sénégal game.
• Norwegian women being shown on Telemundo.

***

Final Thoughts

It was hilarious to me that 3 of the first 6 picture results for France featured full frontal nudity. 2 of those were full spreadies. This has not happened for any other country in this series. Fun fact: the French girl I picked runs an Instagram where she predicts the outcomes of games by writing them on her titties. Yes, I will be letting you know who she picks during the games.

The French will win the group, but I expect a tie between Norway and France. Second place will come down to the result of the Norway-Sénégal game. The loser may still have a shot at a place in the knockout round.