[DOOR FLIES OPEN]

"THIS GUY, RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY, I CALL HIM PETE HEGSETH BECUASE HE LIKES TO DECLARE HIS BOMBERS HAVE DESTROYED SOMETHING WHEN THEY REALLY HAVEN’T" – LemonJello

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The King’s Saturday Night Message To The DFO Peoples And Open Thread 2026-6

ballsofsteelandfury

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Yes, this bit is BACK! As your newly-crowned King of the DFO Fantasy Football leagues, champion of the Freezer Vodka League, newly-appointed COMMISSIONER of the Freezer Vodka League, and Benevolent Monarch of the DFO Peoples, WE pledge to you, OUR loyal subjects, to share our knowledge and update you on the goings-on in the Realm every Saturday Night in the off-season (except during the Mundial!). Tonight, WE present to you a list of things that Amuse US that start with the letter F (We shall go in alphabetical order going forward) and that OUR subjects should develop an interest in:

  • Farts
  • Flying
  • Fries
  • Fans (the windy kind)
  • Fahrenheit (the temperature scale)
  • Fútbol
  • Football
  • Finance
  • Fool (the book by Christopher Moore)
  • Fetishes
  • Fucking

And now for something completely different…

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WE so proclaim:

World Sport Update

The Mundial was won by the right team, thank the Lord! WE are still coming off an enormous high. No bandannas were worn around the wing wang. WE let the Royal Scepter fly!

Elsewhere, the Liga MX season has begun. Tonight, we get the Campeón De Campeónes match which features the last two winners of the Liga MX championships. Remember that Liga MX holds an Apertura championship in the summer/fall and a Clausura championship in the winter/spring. It’s Toluca v Cruz Azul tonight at 5:30 Pacific.

***

Fantasy Football League Updates

It’s that time of year again. Yahoo has restarted the fantasy football leagues. As you may remember, we have relegation and promotion in our two DFO leagues: Freezer Vodka and Lowratio.

The four players relegated from Freezer Vodka were:

  • Dok Zymm
  • Gumbygirl
  • Rev
  • Game Time Décision

The four players promoted from Lowratio League were:

  • Don T
  • Rod Rust
  • RTD
  • Litre

The relegated teams have been deleted from Freezer Vodka. Lemonjello will be sending out invites to those four players to join the Lowratio League. Invites will also be sent to the 4 promoted teams to join the Freezer Vodka League.

Anyone that does not wish to play this year should let Lemonjello and I know so that we can offer spots to anyone wanting to play. Do not feel any obligation to play if you’re not into it. We don’t want ghost teams in the leagues.

The Freezer Vodka League is scheduled to draft after the last preseason game. The final date and time will be sent to all players through Yahoo. Reach out if you have any questions or if you are interested in joining this year!

***

In this space, WE shall share OUR Thing Of The Week. Today’s Thing:

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FB_IMG_1768480830982

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OUR weekly funny:

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OUR weekly hot girl pic:

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FJ0n-XPXwAEq8de

***

OUR weekly music video:

***

One last thing:

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61 Comments
Gumbygirl

Finally back home in my own bed after 8 or 9 days at the SILs on their uncomfortable sleeper sofa. They have perfectly comfortable beds upstairs, but our cats are sworn enemies, so the staircase is the DMZ. They had to take this trip, Scottish SILs father died awhile back, and 90 year old mom is unable to cope with the estate settling. They had a miserable time, they both looked so exhausted and downtrodden when they got home. The old lady is a total pain in the ass under good circumstances. They should have smothered her with a pillow.

Last edited 14 hours ago by Gumbygirl
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Doktor Zymm

The guy sitting next to me who smells like a heavy smoker, both clothes and breath, just took both his shoes AND socks off. Great.

1
Brick Meathook

It’s your home tell him leave.

2
2Pack

There needs to be a rule about the shoes. Socks goes without saying unless you are a friggin retard.

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WCS

Gonna be even better when he starts ripping farts!

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2Pack

My favorite F is flaunting… Like this lady here’s doing…

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ballsofsteelandfury

That’s wonderful!

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

We used to have the exact same fireplace design!

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Doktor Zymm

Standing on one leg while bending down to put your shoes on is way more difficult while wearing backpack off one shoulder. This is very logical in hindsight

2
TheRevanchist

Parkour is complicated

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Gumbygirl

.

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2Pack

Yeah, weight + gravity meets head…

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jjfozz

Past two weekends in my compound have been like gettysburg, but less blood. fuckin ghell. me and the mrs. fozz had a talk today os we coudl ay down our sabers. fuck! i want to kill all of the fuckshits in my old company, i can’t but wanting to makes it a little easeir.

and oh boy, the job search has been alike a ride on a merry go bound with lollypops and lemondae jammed up you r asshole.

boy, i’d never thought i’d be where i am at 57, it’s so great. i want to kill the world, but i don’t wanna go to prison cause i’m so goddamn good looking.

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jjfozz

also i/ve been going commadno style for four days. myballs are very happy

2
Doktor Zymm

Getting referrals from people you know is even more the way to do it nowadays, there’s so much AI on both sides of the hiring process that firsthand knowledge from someone you’ve worked with before is pure gold. Forget about this most recent job and talk to people from earlier jobs, even if you aren’t in touch most people will still respond to a Linkdin message from someone they know.

2
Horatio Cornblower

Gotta go pick my son and his gf up from a friend’d wedding.

At least I know he’s smart enough not to drive back loaded. And smart enough to date a girl who parties.

3
WCS

Send Lowratio to pick them up in his Power Wheels.

4
WCS

If one were to look up “example of useless 9-1-1” call, what I just took would be cited.

2
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Look, I just needed someone to talk to

7
ballsofsteelandfury

I mean, GWS’ season is really in the shitter…

2
Mr. Ayo

I thought your fantasy football advice was helpful

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WCS

As I noted, be sure you take Peyton Manning early. Also, don’t sleep on Antonio Brown this season.

3
Doktor Zymm

You should see if there’s a wikipedia page you can contribute to!

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Brutal Sydney Derby this morning

1
TheRevanchist

I didn’t catch the first half of this All Star game, but this second half is sucking taint.

1
Fronkenshteen

Count me in if there are any open spots in La Liga Lowratio. You may all kick the crap out of me (I’m poor on draft day, then Charlie Hustle on the waiver wire for the duration), but I will be the opposite of a ghost team.

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Mr. Ayo

This is a winning formula. I won the major league version (VODKA) by autodrafting and crushing the waiver wire.

2
rockingdog

Found a funny:

I’ve built a socioeconomic system that depends on everyone to do useful work and act ethically except the people at the top, who get unimaginable rewards for being antisocial frauds and criminals. And I think it will stand the test of time

7
Gumbygirl

.

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BC Dick

I like that one. It ignores that’s there’s still a bunch of shit people, con artists, and general misanthropes who are “left”. I forget my point but even the good ones are awful, I guess. We’re all fucked.

1
herodotus450

Would hate to be the Assistant to the Traveling Secretary on one of those teams that got relegated… Gonna be a tight budget to keep him around for much longer…

0
yeah right

Horatio, if you’re out there here’s a mock draft idea.

A novel that had the hardest/ best/ most impactful ending.

I’m not going to start the draft but you get the idea.

1
scotchnaut

The ending of Christy Canyon’s autobiography always tugs at my heartstrings.

“Dear reader, I fucked him.”

11
SonOfSpam

That left me hanging

-D. Carradine

2
BC Dick

The novelization of the series the Sopranos.

1
Horatio Cornblower

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Doktor Zymm

I’ve started riding twice on Saturdays, to reduce my driving time to the barn. It’s not super hot while I’m there, today was low 80’s with a breeze, but 3-4 hours of pretty much non-stop activity in the sun still results in me drinking about 2L of water and Gatorade over that time without even the hint of a need to pee. I’d forgotten how good Gatorade magically gets when you’re really thirsty, today I had yellow flavor and it hit the spot!

4
Gumbygirl

Blue or red for me, the yellow makes me gag. Another thing on the long list of things that make me want to hurl! It’s not as bad as weed edibles, or talking about boogers, but it’s definitely on the nauseating list.

1
Doktor Zymm

I don’t really like any of them when I’m not super dehydrated! I got a variety pack of red, orange, and yellow. The other variety pack had the purple in it which is my least favorite colorflavor, though it’s possible I’ve never tried it when thirsty enough.

1
Mr. Ayo

I like red most, yellow second, and the rest are whatever. Except purple. Go away grape, you’re only allowed in actual grapes.

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Doktor Zymm

I think grape is a very strong candidate for artificial flavor that tastes the least like the actual fruit it’s supposed to mimic. Banana is very much in the competition as well.

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Gumbygirl

Yeah. I’ve had some bad fake cherry too.

2
yeah right

Red worked for me back before I realized you’re just drinking sugar water.

Water is my friend now.

And beer.

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Doktor Zymm

Water isn’t enough if you’re losing enough fluid, the weeks before when I had just water were really rough, to the point where I had to sit down for a bit between rides and I was craving salt. Generally if you’re thirsty enough that Gatorade tastes good, you’re thirsty enough that you really need it!

2
Doktor Zymm

Looks like it’s recommended when you have 60+ minutes of intense activity

1
Mr. Ayo

I thought the same, until I went into the ER for something and was told I drank too much water and needed to mix in something else and the doctor told me gatorade/powerade would fix it.

2
2Pack

On certain days of heavy work during desert deployments I would be drinking constantly and still piss rarely but when I finally did, it’s yellow. If it turned brown, it’s IV time.

2
Doktor Zymm

You’re commish now? So you have relegation to look forward to, that’s the curse/tradition!

3
ballsofsteelandfury

Most likely, yes!!

1
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

We are 2 for 2

2
Brick Meathook

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yeah right

That sure looks like El Segundo.

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Brick Meathook

You are correct sir.

1
Gumbygirl

Rod Rust is Bogdanski, I think? I got unceremoniously dumped from the Freezer Vodka League by email. RUDE!

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Doktor Zymm

Ditto! I assume the invite to Lowratio league will be much more civil.

4
Mr. Ayo

I’d guess it’s pretty low level, so you may be surprised. Keep your eyes down!

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Don’t get your hopes up

1
ballsofsteelandfury

This is what happens when you put a Mexican in charge…

Les Canadiens would have been extremely polite.

Last edited 21 hours ago by ballsofsteelandfury
4
Gumbygirl

They are lovely people. We don’t deserve them

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Bogdanski

Thank you, I feel so seen! You’re my favorite, tell everyone

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Gumbygirl

.

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