The Definitive Burger Comparison: Five Guys v Shake Shack v In-N-Out

I am extremely lucky in that I live within 5 miles of locations for each of the big three “Best” Burger franchises. I speak, of course, of the most overhyped burger places in the United States: Five Guys, Shake Shack, and In-N-Out.

People are forever debating which one is best. They are FERVENT about their preferences and deride the virtues of the others like dumb fanboys.

I will do no such thing.

I have eaten at all three places and I like the burgers at all three. I have a personal favourite burger at all three places. There are certain sides at each place that I like and dislike.

Today, I will share with you the results of, in the words of Hercule Poirot, research most important on the subject of these burgers.

Over the course of a few days (for the sake of my stomach and my waistline) I went to all three and ordered my favourite meals at all three. I am now recounting my thoughts and experiences for you, dear reader, so that you may decide which side you want to take or which place to visit if you were to have a choice.

The Meals

Five Guys: Bacon Cheeseburger (All The Way except no mushrooms), Little Cajun Style Fries, Diet Drink

Shake Shack: Double Smokeshack, Single Vanilla Frozen Custard, Mango Passionade

In-N-Out: Double Double Animal Style, Strawberry Shake

Tale of the Tape

Vital statistics for each meal

Item	Cal.	Protein	Fat	Carbs	Sodium	Price
Five Guys
Bacon Cheeseburger	1227	53 g	73 g	62 g	1897 mg	13.19
Cajun Fries	526	8 g	23 g	72 g	531 mg	4.79
Diet Drink	0	0	0	0	10 mg	3.09
Shake Shack
Double Smokeshack	830	58 g	53 g	28 g	3030 mg	11.39
Frozen Custard	280	7 g	15 g	30 g	180 mg	4.59
Mango Passionade	170	0	0	42 g	?	4.19
In-N-Out
Double Double Animal Style	670	37 g	41 g	39 g	1440 mg	5.25
Strawberry Shake	590	8 g	24 g	114 g	310 mg	2.85

Needless to say, these were the only meals of the day for me on those particular days.

Please note that the Five Guys Bacon Cheeseburger comes standard with two patties. This, of course, is so your friends can call you a pussy for ordering a “Little Bacon Cheeseburger”, which only has 1 patty.

This also means that the comparison is fair as I chose two-patty burgers for all three places.

Let’s get started!

***

Five Guys

Day/Time: Saturday, 11:56 AM

Parking: Super easy. The location is in the middle of a shopping district with large parking lots that allow you 90 minutes without paying.

Order Started At: 11:59 AM

Ordering Process: In person. A lovely young lady named Jennifer (Note : All Jennifers are hot. It is a rule) took my order and did not blink when I requested no mushrooms.

Customizability: You can choose from a variety of toppings for your burger, all at no additional cost but additional calories. The “All The Way” that I got includes mayo, ketchup, mustard, lettuce, tomato, grilled onions, pickles, and grilled mushrooms. I removed the mushrooms because they are an abomination.

They also had one of those drink machines where you select out of 100 different drink options. You can play Frankenstein and mix and match to your heart’s content.

Order Delivered At: 12:05 PM

Customer Service: The above-mentioned Jennifer was very friendly. TWBS would have asked for her number.

Food Experience: The crispiness of the bacon and the meat was nicely counterbalanced by the freshness of the lettuce, pickles, and tomato. The condiments worked as perfect lube to shove this burger down my throat as quickly as possible. On the downside, I needed to shove it down my throat as quickly as possible because the bun lost structural integrity fairly quickly. It started falling apart and pieces of the burger were falling off. I scooped them up to eat them, but still.

The fries were crispy on the outside and soft/fluffy on the inside. The Cajun spice gives them a little kick but it’s not overwhelming. Of course, as it is Five Guys tradition, they give you a shitload of fries.

Another Five Guys tradition is to provide a complimentary barrel of peanuts in the shell with little baskets to use. I grabbed one basket to complement the meal. There is something calm and soothing about cracking open peanut shells with your hands, discarding the shell and the peanut skin, and eating the peanuts. Plus, they were delicious.

The location has one of those Do It Yourself drink machines that give you over 100 flavours of soft drinks. I opted for the Lime Powerade Zero Sugar.

Roadies: I finished the burger but I couldn’t finish the fries and peanuts. I brought half the fries home. I also refilled the basket of peanuts to the brim and refilled my drink with Seagram’s Lime Ginger Ale Zero Sugar and brought those home.

Toilet Time: Cheeks down at 1:29 PM and that’s only because I couldn’t put down the peanuts I brought home. Those things are addictive!

Total Cost Pre-Tax: $21.07

Total Calories: 1753

Calorie Cost: 83.67 calories per dollar

***

Shake Shack

Day/Time: Wednesday, 1:05 PM

Parking: A pain in the ass. The location has a parking lot and it has an overflow parking lot and they were BOTH full. I had to find street parking. Luckily, it was close and free.

Order Started At: 1:08 PM

Ordering Process: I used a kiosk. It worked fine until it asked for a table number and none of the tables had numbers. I chose 0. It did not give me a receipt but instead gave me the choice of getting it emailed to me. I guess they’re saving the environment. Overall, it was fine and quick.

Customizability: You could customize the burger to your heart’s content. I think you can customize pretty much anything on the menu.

Order Delivered At: 1:15 PM

Customer Service: After I ordered, one of the employees saw me looking confused and asked if I needed anything. I told him I was fine but I took advantage and asked him about the table number thing. He said the trick was to use “0” and not to worry because they would call out my name. Turns out I had guessed the trick! Very nice guy and friendly. Excellent customer service!

Food Experience: The cheese on the burger was perfectly melted so it resembled more of a sauce than cheese. Adding in the sauce and the juiciness of the meat, it made for a burger that was creamy and melted in my mouth. It was So Fucking Good! As I ate it, the burger held together pretty well and it was not that messy. I did need to wash my hands afterwards, but it wasn’t because everything was running all over my hands.

The Mango Passionade was tart and sweet and was the perfect complement to the burger as it cut a little bit of the fattiness. The Frozen Custard was thicker than regular ice cream yet had a nice and creamy consistency. Thick and creamy, just like I like ’em! I crammed it so quickly down my throat, I got an ice cream headache.

Bonus: I ordered a single yet got two scoops of custard! That was a nice surprise. I thought I was only getting one.

Toilet Time: Cheeks down at 1:56 PM and that’s only because I had to stop by the post office first.

Total Cost Pre-Tax: $20.17

Total Calories: 1280

Calorie Cost: 63.46 calories per dollar

***

In-N-Out

Day/Time: Sunday, 11:32 AM

Parking: Super easy. The location has its own parking lot and, since most people order drive thru, it was easy to find a spot.

Order Started At: 11:34 AM

Ordering Process: In person. Lana took my order and asked if I was paying with a card. Luckily, I said yes so she could take me right away. I guess one register was for cash and another for card? Anyway, it was easy. She asked if I wanted fries and I said no.

Customizability: Animal Style is already a customization of a Double Double. You can customize pretty much everything at In-N-Out.

Order Delivered At: 11:44 AM

Customer Service: The aforementioned Lana was pleasant and the lady that brought me my order was also very pleasant.

Food Experience: The burger started super fresh with the first bite getting a healthy chunk of the lettuce and pickles. As I got deeper into the burger, the melty cheese and meat fused with the special sauce to give it a creamier flavour. This creaminess lasted until the very last bite of pure bliss.

The burger was easy to eat with no messiness and no lost ingredients. Everything stayed together pretty well.

The strawberry shake complemented the burger perfectly. I took the lid off and drank from the side as opposed to trying to suck it through the straw. Only Nancy Reagan could do that.

It took me longer to wait for the meal than it took for me to eat it. It was so good I could have probably eaten another burger. No second shake though.

Toilet Time: Cheeks down at 12:40 PM.

Total Cost Pre-Tax: $8.10

Total Calories: 1260

Calorie Cost: 155.55 calories per dollar

***

Conclusions

I chose the eating times on purpose so I could compare typical lunchtime wait times. All three were relatively close with In-N-Out taking a little bit longer than the others.

Customer Service was great at all three places. They are famous for a reason. I expected nothing less than top notch service.

Health-wise, you’re eating burgers, so the expectations need to be reduced accordingly. However, it did seem like the meals at In-N-Out and Shake Shack were healthier than Five Guys, Shake Shack’s larger Sodium number notwithstanding.

All three allow you the freedom to customize your burger experience as you wish, so that’s a big plus for all of them.

Honestly, you can’t go wrong with any of them. It really depends on what you’re craving.

Sometimes, the sides make the difference.

I don’t care for the fries at Shake Shack and I can take or leave the fries at In-N-Out. If I really want good fries with a burger I know I’ll like, I’ll go to Five Guys.

No one has frozen custard like Shake Shack. Sometimes you want that treat. If I’m craving the frozen custard, I’ll go to Shake Shack.

It should be noted that Shake Shack used to have “concretes”, which were essentially shakes made with frozen custard and your choice of toppings. Each location used to have their own signature concrete. That all went away during COVID and I’m not sure if they will ever return. It’s a shame because that was another good reason to go to Shake Shack.

Finally, we come to In-N-Out. Let’s face it. I grew up on it. It’s my childhood. It’s my adolescence. It’s my adulthood. I am getting older, so I watch what I eat and I don’t eat burgers very often. When I do, it’s a special occasion.

You know my ass is going to head to In-N-Out for that special occasion!!

Plus, statistically, In-N-Out gives you the greatest value for your burger dollar with a whopping 155 calories per dollar. Just comparing the burgers by themselves, the Double Double was HALF the price of the burgers at the other places. Can’t go wrong with that.

I’m interested to hear your thoughts on the matter.