Ballsy’s Saturday Night World Cup Group Previews and Open Thread – Group C

Again, a huge THANK YOU to Dok for fixing the Clone function! You can call it laziness. I prefer to call it efficiency. Either way, I can now crank these out and be ahead of the game.

While Hippo may choose to ignore this year’s tournament to be held in the USA, México, and Canadá for purely spiteful reasons (no judgement here, we salute spite!), I maintain that international competitions like the just concluded Olympics and the World Cup are the last opportunities for people to get out of their bubbles and realize there is a beautiful world out there full of people that don’t let politics get in the way of enjoying their lives.

With that said, let’s continue with our group previews, shall we? A heads up: I will not be going in alphabetical order. I will tackle first the groups that have been already defined as there are still some intercontinental qualifications games to be played.

Tonight’s group is Group C!

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Team Comparison

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Group Schedule

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Best picture that I found on the first page of Google Image Search using “Hot [country] babes” as a search term

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Actual Sport Preview

Brasil

Brasil is the current #5 team in the world but that is largely built on reputation. The team is a mess. Former Real Madrid coach Carlo Ancelotti has taken over after a dismal qualifying campaign that saw them finish FIFTH in CONMEBOL. That, my friends, just doesn’t happen. Much like losing to Germany 7-1 shouldn’t happen.

This isn’t your grandfather’s Brasil. They aren’t even your perverted uncle’s Brasil. The hope is that Ancelotti can bring some order and discipline to the squad given his previous experience working with notorious brat Vinicious Jr. Brasil is at its worst when it’s a collective of stars that can’t play together. Same as Real Madrid.

Morocco

Raise your hands whoever thought that Morocco was in the top ten. Now put your hands down, you fucking liars! It is true, though. I’ve seen some of their games and they are actually a really good team. They may take first place in this group.

They are a perfect contrast to Brasil because they do not have any famous names but instead have a bunch of really competent players that play very well together. Maybe consider them the Atlético Madrid to Brasil’s Real. They are my dark horse pick to go far in the tourney.

Haiti

Does anyone remember the old joke from the 80s about Ethiopian food? The punch line being, “Wait, they have food?”. Well, the punch line here is, “Wait, they have a football team?” Not only do they have a football team, that team overcame the incredibly harsh conditions in the country to qualify for the World Cup.

Yes, they have the benefit of additional CONCACAF spots and the fact that the three hosts didn’t need to qualify, but you play the hand you are dealt. That won’t necessarily translate into any points, but at least they will get a chance to play in front of the whole world.

Scotland

I don’t know anyone that has a bad thing to say about Scotland. If you’ve ever been, you know it’s a beautiful country with very cool people. The only bad thing I could say about it is that the weather is shit, but I’m a warm-weather fella. Others would embrace the cold, the rain, and the gray.

Their team is, for better or worse, known more for their fan base than their results. A Scotland match is a non-stop party. If they can get a result, even better. I think there will be a massive party following the Haiti game.

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Predicted Group Finish

• Brasil
• Morocco
• Scotland
• Haiti

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Things to look forward to in the Group Stage

• Morocco possibly upsetting Brasil and sending the entire country into a downward spiral.
• The news reports about Scots drinking a city dry.
• Haiti and Voodoo being mentioned at least once on the Spanish broadcast.

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Final Thoughts

I love Brasil like no other but it is very hard for me to root for any players in this team outside of Raphina. Vini is a little bitch. Rodrygo and Endrick don’t get to play much. Casemiro is old. Ancelotti needs to pull off a miracle to make this squad go deep in the tournament.

Morocco is my team to watch out of this group for sporting purposes. Scotland is my team to watch for fun and rooting purposes.