Ballsy’s Saturday Night World Cup Group Previews and Open Thread – Group A

Again, a huge THANK YOU to Dok for fixing the Clone function! You can call it laziness. I prefer to call it efficiency. Either way, I can now crank these out and be ahead of the game.

While Hippo may choose to ignore this year’s tournament to be held in the USA, México, and Canadá for purely spiteful reasons (no judgement here, we salute spite!), I maintain that international competitions like the just concluded Olympics and the World Cup are the last opportunities for people to get out of their bubbles and realize there is a beautiful world out there full of people that don’t let politics get in the way of enjoying their lives.

With that said, let’s continue with our group previews, shall we? Quick update: the intercontinental qualifications games have been played and we now know ALL of the teams that will be participating in the tournament this summer.

Tonight’s group is Group A!

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Team Comparison

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Group Schedule

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Best picture that I found on the first page of Google Image Search using “Hot [country] babes” as a search term

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Actual Sport Preview

México

México is an enigma wrapped in a conundrum wrapped in a WTF. They can look good at times and compete against any one and they can look like they could not beat the high school kids at your local park.

The goal for all World Cups for México is to win one of the knockout games. With this bloated field, the goal should be to win two. It could happen. Or they could just as easily fail to get out of the group stage.

South Africa

You can thank the South African World Cup for the Vuvuzelas that sound like a beehive in most games. That South African World Cup was also the coming out party for the South African national team. They have been good ever since.

They easily qualified out of their group in the African Qualifiers and have played pretty well in warm up games. They are as capable as any team in this group of advancing.

South Korea

South Korea has traditionally been one of the strongest teams in the Asian confederation. This year is no exception. They are loaded with talent that plays in the top European leagues.

Objectively, they are probably the best team in the group. They fight hard until the very end and have the talent to score goals. That’s a winning combination that should see them win the group.

Czechia

I think the split of Czechoslovakia really hurt the fortunes of the soccer team. Together, the two countries were able to play against anyone and put in solid performances in tournaments.

Apart, neither Slovakia nor Czechia have been able to put together a full roster of talent. The Czechs are not bad, but they’re not great either. I don’t see them doing much in this World Cup.

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Predicted Group Finish

• South Korea
• México
• South Africa
• Czechia

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Things to look forward to in the Group Stage

• Mexican TV announcers going from pure ecstacy to absolute despair based on the team’s performance.
• South Korea and South Africa determining who the best South team in the tourney is.
• The Mexican fans going ape shit when the team starts to suck, yelling “¡Puto!” when the keeper kicks off, and getting the team a punishment.

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Final Thoughts

This is the most B- group of all time. No team is really any good and should not expect to get very far. Conversely, nobody is really that bad. That spells a very even group stage that will be fiercely contested.

Mistakes will rule the day in this group. The teams that make them will lose their matches and get left out. Teams that avoid mistakes will continue on.