![[DOOR FLIES OPEN]](https://doorfliesopen.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/DFO-MC-Patch.png)
NIGHT – SAN DIEGO, CALIFORNIA – NONDESCRIPT OFFICE BUILDING INTERIOR
[The camera pans across an empty and dimly lit office brimming with cubicals as free-use holiday music plays softly in the background. The camera stops on the only illuminated desk, where an extremely pale but handsome young man in a Santa hat sits fast asleep, clutching a half empty bottle of low-mid grade budget brand bourbon with a note taped to it. The camera zooms in enough such that the text on the note becomes visible.]
COURTESY OF DOOR FLIES OPEN CORPORACIÓN. ALL GIFTS TAXED AT RECIPIENT’S EXPENSE. – DTZM
[The camera holds steady on the sleeping man for a moment, before he stirs, causing the bottle to fall and loudly clank on the floor. The man leaps to his feet, suddenly wide awake.]
LOW COMMANDER OF THE SUPER SOLDIERS: Hello! And Merry X-Mas to you there! My name is Low Commander, and as you can see, I was the only one who, uh, volunteered to work tonight, courtesy of my… [Grits teeth] wonderful boss. I’m sure this had absolutely nothing to do with me briefly going to work for Sony on the new Venom movie, before quitting in disgust over the new Venom movie and then being rehired here, at severely reduced pay, of course.
[Under breath] Sim-BYE-YOte?! Are you fucking kidding…?
Anywhooo, I have a treat for your folks tonight. The brain trust here at DFO has gone to great lengths to bring you the finest #content that a $12 budget can supply! In that, I was, uh, tasked to roam the depths of San Diego County Credit Union Stadium in search of everyone’s favorite yellow foam-headed Elder God in the hopes that he would perform some of his favorite Xmas classics and pray that he didn’t grind my bones into dust for use in the field’s chalk lines. It’s a good thing Spare Tire Teddy was with me, and was really willing to grind out those $12, because without further ado, I bring you, BOLTMAN GROUP Presents: A DFO X-Mas.
♫ “RED X-MAS” set to the music of “White X-mas” ♫
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4WO-J5xLqXc
Just like the ones in San Diego
To hear the sleighing of my foes
With every X-Mas card I write
May your days be numbered ahead
And may all your X-Mases be red
Just like the ones in San Diego
Where the fish tacos glisten and Charged Ones listen
To hear the removal of the heretics toes
Upon the skin of the damned I write
May it take a millennium to count the dead
And may all your X-Mases be red
Here we come a-drankin’
Time for a beer run!
Here we coma a-stumblin’
You promised this would be fun.
May bourble come to you
And to you some malty brews
And GAMBLOR bless you and send you
Money for beer
And GAMBLOR send you another beer!
*We are not #upforwhatever
That care not what for!
But we are bitter neighbo(u)rs
Whom continue KSK’s lore!
Schadenfreude through and through
And to you a drunk X-mas too
And GAMBLOR bless you and send you
Money for beer
And GAMBLOR send you another beer!
Here comes your parlay! (x4)
(Back to * x1)
Oh ask the Iguana of this Mart
For all his stock…
(WE’RE GONNA DRANK YOUR BEER)
We’ll loot the back of the store and away we’ll all sing
No misdemeanors upon you
And to you a drunk X-mas too
And GAMBLOR bless you and send you
Money for beer
And GAMBLOR send you another beer!
(‘nother beer)
GAMBLOR send you another beer!
NEXT ROUND’S ON THE OVER, FOLKS!
♫ “BOLTMAN IS COMIN’ TO TOWN” set to the music of “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” ♫
I’m pounding this stout, we’re all gonna die
BOLTMAN is comin’ to town
He’s gonna come and take your spleen
BOLTMAN is comin’ to town
He’ll come for you when you’re awake
He knows if you give the Spanoi cash
And he’ll turn you into a steak
I’m pounding this stout, before we all fry
BOLTMAN is comin’ to town
Riffy riff riffs while removing your thumbs
BOLTMAN is comin’ to town
He’ll come for you when you’re awake
He knows if you give the Spanoi cash
And how many bones he’ll break
I’m pounding this stout, we’re all gonna die
BOLTMAN is comin’ to town (x3)
♫ “Drinking Beer” set to the music of “Jingle Bells” with assistance from San Diego City Beat ♫
Drinking beer, drinking beer,
Drinking all damn day.
Oh, what fun it is to slosh
Until puke starts to spray.
Drinking beer, drinking beer,
Drinking all damn day
Oh, what fun it is to slosh
On San Diego Bay—hey!
Dashing through the crowd
At the latest craft beer fest
Drunkards getting plowed,
Isn’t this the best?
From Second Chance to Stone,
All my faves are here
What fun it is to sip and drank San Diego beer!
Drinking beer, drinking beer,
Drinking all damn day
Oh, what fun it is to slosh
On San Diego Bay—hey!
Drinking beer, drinking beer,
Drinking all damn day.
Oh, what fun it is to slosh
Until puke starts to spray.
Dashing through the crowd
At the latest craft beer fest
Drunkards getting plowed,
Isn’t this the best?
From Culver to Pure,
All my faves are here
What fun it is to sip and drank San Diego beer!
Drinking beer, drinking beer,
Drinking all damn day.
Oh, what fun it is to slosh
Until puke starts to spray.
Drinking beer, drinking beer,
Drinking all damn day
Oh, what fun it is to slosh
On San Diego Bay—hey!
[Rockin’ solos]
(2x)
Drinking beer, drinking beer,
Drinking all damn day
Oh, what fun it is to slosh
On San Diego Bay—hey!
Drinking beer, drinking beer,
Drinking all damn day.
Oh, what fun it is to slosh
Until puke starts to spray.
♫ “ELECTRIC DRUMMER GOD” set to the music of “Little Drummer Boy” ♫
L’ ymg’ lllln’gha nilgh’ri
L’ ymg’ lllln’gha nilgh’ri
L’ ymg’ lllln’gha nilgh’ri
L’ ymg’ lllln’gha nilgh’ri,
Ymg’ lllln’gha nilgh’ri,
Ymg’ lllln’gha nilgh’ri
L’ ymg’ lllln’gha nilgh’ri
L’ ymg’ lllln’gha nilgh’ri
L’ ymg’ lllln’gha nilgh’ri
L’ ymg’ lllln’gha nilgh’ri
L’ ymg’ lllln’gha nilgh’ri,
Ymg’ lllln’gha nilgh’ri
L’ ymg’ lllln’gha nilgh’ri,
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