Smoking Hot Microphone

NFL Announcers

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers - May 5, 2017May 5, 2017

INTERIOR - FOX SPORTS BROADCASTING STUDIOS - LOS ANGELES, CA [A pair of well dressed men sit around a broadcast studio's control room, watching sports highlights on various screens] GEORGE GREENBERG: Look, Joe, we have to keep up with the times. CBS has finally done the smart thing for once by canning Simms

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 78)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - May 5, 2017May 4, 2017

The scene: Ape City, that bustling hive of simian activity in an undetermined future. Voiceover Narration (by Top Detective): This is the city. Ape City. Every day hundreds of primates walk these streets, climb these walls and swing from these balconies. Every kind of ape from every walk of life is

HRTN Spring Break Special 2017 (Part Deux)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - April 28, 2017April 28, 2017

The scene: Fort Lauderdale, Florida. Future Moose is silently packing up the Moosemobile, Cookiethulhu is cleaning the windows and Old School Zero looks over a map. In the back seat of the Moosemobile Señor Weaselo lies in a fetal position, occasionally making whimpering sounds. Otto's Brain comes rolling up. Otto's Brain:

HRTN Spring Break Special 2017

Beastmode Ate My Baby - April 21, 2017April 21, 2017

The scene: Fort Lauderdale, Florida, where the sun is hot, the beers are cold and the bikinis are tiny. The spring break crowd is having a great time, partying it up on the street, when suddenly there's a screeching of tires. The crowd quickly parts, running to safety as the

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 77)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - April 14, 2017April 13, 2017

The scene: The large, if largely unused, dining room in the castle of Death. It's large because, duh, it's in a castle. It's been largely unused since, until very recently the castle has been the domain of a trio of vampires, and a dining room isn't on their list of

Pens-Jacks Quasi-Preview Or Some Such (mostly Ice Stillers)

WCS - April 12, 2017April 11, 2017

The Pittsburgh Ice Stillers commence their Stanley Cup title defense against the "third best" team in the Metro Division, Columbus. The Pens recorded their third-best record in franchise history with 111 points, which not only wasn't enough to win the division (piss off, Crapitals), but, has them playing the equally

The Bachelor: NFL Edition

BrettFavresColonoscopy - April 7, 2017April 7, 2017

CHRIS HARRISON: Good evening, and welcome to a very special episode of The Bachelor. I'm your host, Chris Harrison, and thank you for tuning in to see if some lucky lads and ladies can find love. And our contestants are very lucky indeed, as they will be vying for the love,

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 76)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - April 7, 2017April 7, 2017

The scene: The Castle of Death in Chihuahua, Mexico, where the DFOers have been fighting all sorts of... Look, I'm not gonna explain it all here. This is a big episode, and if you haven't been keeping up, all the chapters are here on DFO. Go ahead & catch up, and

Booth Review

BrettFavresColonoscopy - April 4, 2017April 4, 2017

/intercom buzzes SECRETARY: Mr. Berson? Your 9am is here. DAVID: Ugh, Samantha, I asked you not to interrupt me. :fidgets: How long has he been waiting? 15 minutes? Make him wait 3 more and then send him in. /looks down under his desk And you are going to have to hurry up if you

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 75)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - March 31, 2017March 30, 2017

The scene: The Castle of Death, in Chihuahua, Mexico, where our band of intrepid DFOers, with the help of a pair of valiant luchadores and, to a lesser extent Wolfman Rob, have over the last several episodes been fighting a trio of vampiric beauties, a horde of zombies, and now

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 74)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - March 24, 2017March 24, 2017

The scene: The meeting room of the DFO clubhouse. Unsurprised is tied to a chair while Future Clone Debbie Harry sits at the head of the table in Darkest Timeline Zach Morris's super-special Prez chair. Future Clone Debbie Harry: OK, let's hear it again. Who am I prettier than? Unsurprised: Everybody. Can

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 73)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - March 17, 2017March 16, 2017

The scene: The Moosemobile, which is racing desperately towards the Castle of Death while a mad clown clings to the hood. Future Moose is driving, with Doktor Zymm riding shotgun, Man in Plaid #2's head in her lap. In the backseat are WCS and Pirate Sloth. Oh, and there's a sky-hole