Your “Will the Riverboat Roll On in 2016?” Carolina Panthers Preview

theeWeeBabySeamus - September 7, 2016September 7, 2016

Disclaimer of sorts: If you have even the remotest idea in your tiny brains that [DFO] upper management, in their infinite wisdom, has intentionally scheduled me to go last in a "save the best for last" type scenario, you will be sorely disappointed and should most certainly not continue reading.

The Atlanta Falcons – If “Why?” Was A Football Team

Beerguyrob - September 6, 2016September 6, 2016

Introduction: In the realm of football-related ventures, deciding to assess the value of the Atlanta Falcons prior to the 2016 didn't seem like a difficult task to take on. Sure, I have Seahawks season tickets, but DangeRuss & Co. are the domain of Beastmode Ate My Baby. I've been a

The Aints are not marching because that would require a ground game – Saints 2016 Preview

Preseason Football Sucks

Duchess - September 5, 2016September 5, 2016

Pop Quiz Hot Shot Name one player on the New Orleans Saints not named Drew Brees? Yeah, I cannot do that either, and I am looking at the roster right now. On second thought this might have more to do with the fact that I cannot read. What do you need to know

To Bear Down or Not To Bear Down

Team Previews

BrettFavresColonoscopy - September 1, 2016August 30, 2016

That is the question. At the risk of stating the obvious, football is awesome. The hitting, the strategy, the fresh grass underfoot as your team of choice takes the field in that late summer warmth--they all fill you with excitement, anticipation, and joy. Yet there is a key ingredient required to

Euro 2016 Preview–Romania

Senor Weaselo - June 10, 2016June 10, 2016

Oh shit, I better get started on the Euro posts I said I might do. Let's see when the first match is… this afternoon? And Romania's playing in the opener? Well I better get this done now! For the geographically lacking folks/everyone who gets confused by all the eastern European countries, Romania

Euro 2016 Preview – England

The Maestro - June 2, 2016June 2, 2016

If there's one thing that English football fans know, it's disappointment. The 2014 World Cup was one of the worst outings ever for the national team; a single point in a scoreless draw to Costa Rica and losses to Italy and Uruguay. It was bad. Very, very bad. Frank Lampard and Steven

BOLTMAN’S 2015 CHARGERS GUARANTEE

Old School Zero - September 3, 2015August 22, 2015

(Pictured above: a child's conception of Boltman) [Ed. Note--for best results, open the links in a new tab as you read and close them after about 10 - 20 seconds; this will provide the full experience of having songs emanate from various foam parts of Boltman's costume] FINALLY, BOLTMAN can see the END

Buzzsaw Gonna Buzz: A 2015 Arizona Cardinals Team Preview

Team Previews

blaxabbath - August 26, 2015August 26, 2015

Last year: 11–5, second place in NFC West (Lost in Wild Card to 7-8-1 Carolina Panthers) Departures: Todd Bowles, Bay Area Troll Darnell Dockett, Larry Foote, Lyle Sendlein (March, 2015), Antonio Cromartie Acquisitions: Lady Coach Jen Welter, Jermaine Gresham, Mike Iupati, Lyle Sendlein (August, 2015), Sean Weatherspoon Restricted Free Agents not tendered an offer Picked Up By New England: Ryan

Fans in the Woods: 2015 Chicago Bears Preview

A perfect encapsulation of how this franchise fucks itself

Team Previews

BrettFavresColonoscopy - August 10, 2015August 9, 2015

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2015 DFO Chicago Bears Preview A Conversation Between Cuntler and BrettFavresColonoscopy, moderated by Jeff Joniak Jeff Joniak: Hey there, sports fans, welcome to the first ever Chicago Bears preview on Door Flies Open! I’m Jeff Joniak, voice of the Chicago Bears while you’re tailgating or at home and need to listen to

The Buffalo Bills, or Dear God Why

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris - August 7, 2015

So, we dropped the ball on the Buffalo Bills, but they still deserve (I suppose) to have their fat roasted a bit. They have Sexy Rexy, Shady "No Dudes Allowed" McCoy, the hilarious Doug Marrone situation, the potential for MATT CASSEL to throw footballs, and Sammy Watkins' sadness over the