Taste the Pants-Free Lifestyle-Your Late Games Open Thread

I don’t know about you but it looks like an absolutely beautiful fall day out there. A great day to work in the yard, as a matter of fact. But I won’t be doing that AT ALL. Because of the football, you see. Glorious, glorious games with frothing at the mouth giants trying to disembowel some other guy because he prefers to wear a uniform with a different colour on it. Existential, huh? No? Well, umm, here are the games…

Det vs SD: Melvin Gordon makes his debut against last year’s best rushing defense. Sure there are Suh pieces missing but Melvin [giggles quietly to himself] has some work to do. Welcome to the NFL buddy. These teams rarely play each other so that’s important. The Bolts have 8-8 written all over them.

Ten at TB: I can only assume that this will be the featured game because the NFL is a stupidhead. Titans! Bucs! Oh My! Mariota begins the massive uphill struggle that is getting acclimated to the whys, wherefores and whatchamacallits of the pro game. Evans plans to play but if he’s a no-go don’t blame me for starting him in fantasy. (hamstrings are a such dicey thing with wideouts) Winston gets the start and I miss Giraffe already.

Cin at Oak: This one is for all the chili that you can pour over Ramen noodles. Hey, we’re on a budget! The dangerous (to himself) Dalton has quality help in Green and Hill and he’ll need it because it looks like Khalil Mack is the second coming of [insert name of your favourite defensive player here]. Cincy has never won in Oakland-they’re 0-9.

Bal at Den: This here is the feature game for the 4:25(?) slot. E.S.T. RULES! Apparently the Broncs are dialing it back on O because Peyton can’t feel his fingers or somesuch. I don’t get what the big deal is, I hardly have any feelings at all and I’m fine. Although CJ is a fine back the Ravens are always quite stuffy on D so we’ll see where that goes. Smith, Sr., just get this year over with so that you can get into the booth and be the most interesting talking head since David Byrne.

NO vs Ari: Carson is back! Fans are hoping that last year’s surprising-est team (9 games in) that flew under most folks radar is back and that the window to glory is still open. On paper that seems to be the case. On the other side, Brees has to adjust to the loss of Graham, an aging Colston and the addition of Spiller. Regarding Spiller, and I never get tired of saying this, “He can’t run between the tackles!”. I think Brees will manage just fine with these new variables. If his arm was chewing gum I’d say that there’s still some flavour left. Not sure about that D though…

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entropy

Breesception!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Beastmode Ate My Baby

But is it a #BudLight?

makeitsnowondem

Hi, I’m out-of-control-beard Andrew Luck.

And I’m out-of-control beered make it snow.

makeitsnowondem

McManus? I hardly know us!

No, seriously, I hardly recognize the Broncos team I root for.

Martin

Fuck Tom Brady right in the skull hole I hope someone drills into him.

Dick E. Phuck

“I’ll do it.”
-Aaron Rodgers

Gratliff

RBs need to work on the rhythm for the RVD taunt

Dick E. Phuck
Horatio Cornblower

As I recall he was beating women even then.

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

STARZZZZZZZZ

LeighAnne

I’ve bleached that moment from my memory.

Doktor Zymm

I like the Cardinals, but I would like them a lot more if they weren’t located in Arizona.

entropy

They were the easiest team to see live for a while. Has to count for something.

blaxabbath

They could go to LA overnight. I wouldn’t care.

I’m their biggest fan, btw.

And TD!

Sill Bimmons

BAZINGHAZI NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Sill Bimmons
Horatio Cornblower

Seems like a fair question.

Martin

Still better than his conehead insurance commercials.

Sill Bimmons

The inspiration for the question!

blaxabbath

‘Aints!

Martin

comment image:large

BitchinCamaro

“First Red Zone snap for either team”

BOOM, out of the Red Zone.

Well done Broncos.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
phisherman

Is that an old pic of Drew Barrymoore?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Nope.

entropy

If she has Jameson in that can, I’ve found my wife.

blaxabbath

Who the fuck is announcing ARI/NO?

“Oh hey, this fucking guy has 4 penalties today and actually committed another one on that play — but it didn’t get called so he ‘made the play’ and you gotta applaud that!”

These guys should fucking be keynote speakers at any Wall Street convention.

Moonbatting Average

The Mother of Dragons is hurt 🙁

Moonbatting Average

Back in!

John Difool

It’s official, Peyton Manning has now said ‘Omaha’ more times than the guy in charge office making a Hammond Atlas.

Doktor Zymm

Peyton for Omaha chamber of commerce chairperson!

Senor Weaselo

He isn’t already?

They have NFL Virtual Reality, oh boy i’ve always wondered what a day in the life of Joe Flacco would be like.

Horatio Cornblower

You’re getting 8 hours of sleep, that’s for sure!

entropy

I would like to be Cutler for a day, because I feel my life is burdened with an over abundance of give-a-shit.

blaxabbath

“Time obviously a factor.”

Thank you, any announcer outside golf/baseball/tennis.

Doktor Zymm

How does getting hit in the dick compare with, say, an acute ear infection?

John Difool

I’ll lend you my Dick… for scientific purposes only.

Sill Bimmons

Not comparable.

Ear infections aren’t usually so debilitating, but they also don’t go away as easily.

Mother Puncher

It’s not really the dick that hurts as much as the balls. Same for ear infections.

makeitsnowondem

I for one welcome our new boring-ass Broncos.

King Hippo

Man, if our QB was still alive, this team would be pretty awesome.

litre_cola

T sizzle with an ouchie.

How does that taste?

/it tastes delicious coming from an Iggles fan

Doktor Zymm

Note to self, go with instincts next time. 2 people on the bench out fantasying Gore, who I knew I should have sat.

fleshwound_NPG

Fiddys dick okay

King Hippo

HUZZAH!!

Horatio Cornblower

Suggs is hurt? Just tell him to rub some bleach on it.

Romonobyl

Sensodyne

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

If you draw a line across the rest of the globe between the two tackles C.J. Spiller still can’t run between them so that is a very accurate observation.

I am drunk.

phisherman

Going to be an interesting day in the office tomorrow (I.E hell!)

makeitsnowondem

Simms is even less interested in skydiving than he is in advanced stats, guys.

King Hippo

Fitty hurt his dick, yo.

blaxabbath

That is why he wears 11.

Inches.

Horatio Cornblower

With these “friends who come together” ads I have to figure Michelob is making a play for the orgy crowd.

Moonbatting Average

Beerkakke

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Swingers drink too, bro.

Probably not Michelob, but…

Horatio Cornblower

“Probably not Michelob, but…”

“Yet” Michelob ad exec.

litre_cola

The shirt Sean Payton is wearing looks like it was bought on a chinese website that makes really bad fakes.

makeitsnowondem

I can’t think of anything less fun than drinking Michelob Light, or anyone less fun than runners.

Doktor Zymm

Drinking Bud Light with people who weren’t #upforwhatever?

Mother Puncher

That makes no sense. If you drink Bud Light, you’re always #upforwhatever. How can one not be #upforwhatever while you’re drinking #BudLight with them? #BecauseFootball #Brands.

blaxabbath

You know who loves runners?

Just a handful of other runners.

laserguru

I wanted to share a new culinary experience with the family here. So I grilled some brats today and I mentioned earlier that bro 3 brought the Popeyes to the party. Since we had plenty of biscuits we experimented and made…a Brat Biscuit.
It was delicious. Add a little mustard, I think honey mustard would have rocked the balls here and you have a good brat delivery vessel. Most of the buns we get out here are pure white flour bullshit so the biscuit definitely added some much needed life to the party.
I would fuck with that again.

Doktor Zymm

Biscuits make everything better.

phisherman

Add gravy to guild the lily

laserguru

That’s what I said!
You could even make it a Sunday Gravy.

blaxabbath

Fitz dives over defender to avoid the ball hit.

entropy

Spanos family is on the sidelines in SD berating Rivers, “we can’t move to LA if you WIN you football-floating god fairy! Now get out there and throw me some INTERCEPTIONS!!”

theeWeeBabySeamus

Flacco, chomping at the bit to get the ball back in his hands and get a chance to….

GUYS!!! Somebody wake up Joe!!!!

blaxabbath

Minority Report will be a good show.

That’s just me showing am I not one of those guys who can see the future.

Duchess

This guy Megatron, I like to call him Manti T’eo’s girlfriend, because he has been nonexistent all day.

Doktor Zymm

Bottles poppin, pants off, bra off, 7+ minutes left. All is well.

John Difool

Go on…

Martin

Who else is watching PBS instead?

Or just hanging out poolside?

http://40.media.tumblr.com/32e101ed348c35200a070acf4e9bf860/tumblr_nt7s95o3Me1uq3x5lo1_1280.jpg

Doktor Zymm

There was briefly a wildlife special about rhinos on instead of the game. I speculated the rhino would make a good RB.

Horatio Cornblower

No shit I was watching ‘Lawrence of Arabia’ earlier on the PBS.

fleshwound_NPG

HEY THE CARDINALS STOPPED A SCREEN

blaxabbath

Breeze didn’t let it develop long enough.

Horatio Cornblower

Do you boil them?

Romonobyl

Who paid for them?

Martin

Time to get a new son.

King Hippo

It’s a kid, so I’m assuming it’s a “no pink whatsoever” request.

Mother Puncher

Have you tried it with ketchup?

blaxabbath

Sounds like you got yourself a daughter.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“no pink whatsoever”

He’s not that old yet.

Doktor Zymm

I think that’s actually the least drunk I’ve gotten at the [*Redacted] s bar, though getting home was still an adventure. Just an adventure that involved hot dogs this time.

Doktor Zymm

Also I’ve got a kick ass new [*Redacted] s fortified plastic cup!

entropy

Probably the only thing about the [*Redacted] s that’s fortified this year.

Doktor Zymm

Eh, it wasn’t nearly as bad as I expected. The O-line might be half way competent for half the game or so.

blaxabbath

The reservation by me isn’t allowed to have a bar.

Wish I owned the drive thru liquor store just off-rez though…

blaxabbath

So are they turning Peter Pan into the Star Wars story now?

Beastmode Ate My Baby

They’re looking for their next movie franchise…the Panverse! WOO!

/kills self

Martin

Starring a billionaire white girl as an Indian.

Martin

Totally a Tiger Lily. Jesus Fucking Christ on a stick.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
blaxabbath

Cardinals give up about 50 on the screen.

Again.

entropy

Peyton manning won’t make a 97-yard drive this entire season, combined. I’m thinking a healthy 40-yard arena league drive is his speed right now.

King Hippo

Say what you will about the offenses, but there has been some QUALITY PUNTING in teh Mile High today.

Senor Weaselo

Is it ELITE punting?

Sill Bimmons

NOUS SOMMES TOUS LES CHEVEAUX

theeWeeBabySeamus

Haha…Von Miller looked like my cat when I fake throw the toy.
Flaccocentricities are awesomeness.

blackroseMD1

Keenan Allen is pretty good at this football thing.